Mammon (Devilry #2)

25. Beelzebub

TWENTY-FIVE

BEELZEBUB

I jump out of bed the second I hear the knock on my door. Racing toward it, I stumble over myself in my haste.

With a wide smile of relief on my lips, my heart racing, I yank the door open. “Gore! I— Oh, it’s you .”

Mammon wrinkles his brow at me, something flashing in his eyes for a second before he stands taller. Clearing his throat, he shuffles on his feet. “Can we talk?”

I groan. “I’m not in the mood— Oh, okay. Just invite yourself in.”

Mammon’s frame seems to take up the entire room. He looks around with slight interest masked by distaste at the collection of sex toys on the wall and raises his eyebrow at the swing dangling in the corner. Still, he doesn’t let his curiosity stop him as he settles himself on the edge of my bed and points at the spot beside him. “Sit, Beelzebub.”

“I’m not a dog,” I grunt, even though I’m itching to listen to his command when his voice gets all deep and growly like that.

He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, you’re a brat. Come here. We need to talk about Belphegor.”

My shoulders tense at that and every single ounce of heartbreak comes crashing back. It’s been days since I’ve seen Gore. He hasn’t said a word to me and won’t even let me into his room. That son of a bitch, Asi, has been delivering all his meals. And he’s sneaky as fuck, so I never know when there’s going to be an opening.

I don’t think pain can define what it’s truly been like without him. It’s like every single part of me has been slashed with razors. I’m bleeding out, but not even tasting death because Gore’s the other half of me that’s keeping me alive in this torture.

I miss him so fucking much. I miss the way he smiles at the dumbest things. I miss how he used to make me spoon him awake. I miss that he doesn’t put water on the damn toothpaste before brushing his teeth. Oh my god and his teeth … How can I even miss something like that?

Mammon reaches out a hand to me when my eyes well with tears, but I yank myself away. I refuse to cry in front of him and let him see how much everything just fucking hurts. “You mean you want to talk about what you did to him.”

“What I did to him?” he growls, fisting the comforter beneath him, surely as a way to not deck me in the face. “You’re the one who caused this.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t. I was just trying to help.”

All his life, Gore’s let me lead him. I was just looking out for him because—while I love Gore more than I love myself—he’s not exactly the kind of person who can make decisions for himself. How the fuck was I supposed to know this was going to be any different?

“And you see where your help led.” Mammon pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering a curse, before letting out a deep breath. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight. I came here to say…”

When he trails off, I raise an eyebrow, stubbornly keeping my chin held high in the air. “What?”

Shutting his eyes, the veins in his arms bulge as he tries to gather his words. When I can see the dark irises staring back at me, I hold my breath. While I’ve always loved staring into Mammon’s baby blues, there’s always something guarded about them. It’s like he covers what he’s truly feeling with a thick layer of doubt, making you question what his intentions are, but right now his eyes are the clearest they’ve ever been.

He reaches for me again and this time, I don’t back away. I let him guide me onto his lap until I’m curled up against his chest. I resist the urge to purr and make myself a home here out of sheer pride, but I can admit to taking a nice deep whiff.

“I know I’m a difficult man to love.” Tightening his hold on my hips, he keeps his chin pressed against the top of my head so I can’t see him. “I… I let my power and my need for control take over the rational side of me. But these few days without you have made me realize something.”

I clutch his shirt out of instinct, anchoring myself to him as if he’ll disappear. My heart swells with hope and longing, but my brain tells it to fuck off. “What did you realize?”

He kisses the top of my head. “These days I’ve spent without you two have been cruel.”

Again, the promise of something new blossoms within me, but I bite it back. I haven’t come all this way for nothing. I haven’t pushed myself and my Gore to the limit, just to cave because of one sentence. So, I do what I do best.

I tear myself away from him and plant my hands on my hips, staring at him in challenge. “That’s only because you feel like you’ve lost.”

“No.” When I continue to glare, he throws his hands in the air and huffs. “Yes? Fuck, fine! Put it whatever way you want, but I know now that I need the two of you.”

“I find it hard to believe you,” I say, even though I’m trembling with the need to jump back into his arms and let him rock my worries away like I know he’d be so good at. But I don’t trust him. “What’s stopping you from turning around and changing your mind again?”

He bites his closed fist, digging his teeth deep into his skin as his nostrils flare. It’s not like he’s pissed at me, but at himself. Like he’s having a battle I can’t see, something warring within him, making his perfect exterior crack. “This is hard for me to admit, but I’m losing control.”

“Over us,” I deadpan.

“Over…everything!” he yells, shooting to his feet as he threads his hands into his hair. He begins to pace and mumbles so quickly I can barely make out what he’s saying. “I’m throwing away all my responsibilities because of the two of you. Because I can’t fucking stand not being with you. Because you’re all I can think about.”

All the pretty words I’ve wanted to hear. All the promises I told Gore were coming our way. All the dreams are finally at fruition, but it’s still not enough.

I know Mammon. I’ve watched him all my life. First, as someone to guide and look up to, and then as someone to lust and chase after. I know he doesn’t like admitting he’s wrong; he likes to think he’s above having feelings, and he’s even more stubborn than I am. So, all these platitudes that might be nothing but empty words…they mean something now more than ever, especially if it’s causing him to self-destruct.

I find the question I’ve been dying to ask. The one that will tell me if these are just ridiculous lies meant to placate me. It’ll show me the truth that he can’t hide.

“Do you resent us for it?”

Is he bitter about the fact that we’re all he can think about? Will he hold a grudge against us for the rest of our lives? Does it cause him pain to love us?

He stops pacing and his jaw clenches as he comes to stand in front of me. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, his eyes dart between mine like he’s trying to figure out the right answer. Finally, he takes my hands and brings them to his chest. “Yes, Beelzebub. I do resent the two of you for this. Do you think I want to feel this way? Do you think that being weak is fun for me? Do you want to know how much I wish I didn’t love you two? Is that the answer you wanted to hear?”

And while the red flags are flying all over the place, I smile.

Yes .

Because he wouldn’t be Mammon if he wasn’t covered in them.

I don’t give him a chance to ask me for a response before I throw myself at him. I tackle him onto the bed, smothering his face with kisses as I grind down against his hard body, finally letting my instincts and my heart take the lead. He meets my friction-filled thrust for thrust. As he claims my mouth in a searing kiss, my heart’s ready to burst out of my chest. His hands dance down my back to claim my ass angrily and I moan.

“I’m never going to be a good man, Beelzebub,” he says between biting kisses and frenzied rolls of his hips. “I’ll never be what you two deserve.”

I nod feverishly. “I know that.”

He pushes me off only slightly so he can sit up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, he presses his forehead against mine. “Stop for a second and understand what I’m saying. I’m not willing to change. Will you accept me anyway?”

Will he still be the overbearing, motherfucking absolute nightmare of an asshole Gore and I fell in love with? Will he still rule with an iron fist and no mercy? Will he sometimes put his wants above ours?

I lick my lips, staring deeply into his eyes so he knows I mean it. “As long as you’re only good to us.”

He can be cruel, mischievous, and cold. He can lie and manipulate reality. He can burn the fucking world down, for all I care. He can be all of that. The only thing that Gore and I ever wanted was to be a part of it.

“Don’t cast us aside anymore and don’t push us away. We just want to be there for you,” I say, finally giving in and begging for what I want. “Please, Mammon.”

“That’s what I want too,” he says, brushing a piece of my hair behind my ear. “My kitten and my princess. I just want the two of you. I’m…” he trails off and gulps audibly. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long to see what truly matters.”

I quirk an eyebrow and snort. “Do you really believe that we’re all that matters to you?”

“You’re so smart,” he praises, kissing the tip of my nose. “Honestly? I think I’m starting to.” He moves his hands up to my cheeks and cradles my face delicately, so intimately, and it makes me melt. “I love you, Beelzebub. I love that you’re such a fucking brat and are always challenging me. I love that you don’t take no for an answer. I love the way you love Gore.”

I know the answer, but I still ask anyway. “Do you love him too?”

To this, all he does is smile warmly, a smile that’s reserved only for the one missing. “He’s my princess.”

“He needs to hear it,” I say adamantly. “All the time, because you know how he is.”

He chuckles through a nod. “I know. Trust me. I plan on spoiling the two of you to death.”

“As long as we behave.”

“Exactly.” Patting my ass, he nips at my bottom lip. “Should we tell him now?”

Fuck, I want to but— “No…I think maybe he just needs a little bit more time. I did, technically , try to brainwash him.”

He laughs at my wince and fully slaps my ass this time. “You’re such a fucking shit.”

“Hey,” I say urgently, bringing his face back to mine when he tries to pull away. “I love you too, you know?”

I love him because he’s so strong. Not just physically, but mentally. He’s always thinking of the next step. He’s unwavering in his loyalty. He’s softer than he lets on. He wants to think he won’t change for us?

Well, I’d bet my dick that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

He raises a cautious eyebrow at me. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“Have you been drinking?” I ask, evading the question as I sniff his breath. “What is that shit? Whiskey?”

He smacks my hand away from where it was pinching his cheeks and scoffs. “I don’t know why that’s so surprising.”

“Because you have the tolerance of a squirrel,” I quip, recalling the time a few years back when he blacked out after just three shots and had to have Levi and Asi drag him back to bed. I push at his chest until he’s lying flat on his back and snuggle up against him. “Here, let’s take a nap.”

He doesn’t argue with me for once or snap at me for calling the shots. He simply rolls us until I’m nestled against his strong chest and twines our fingers together just under my chin. I let my eyes fall shut with relief as I feel his protection caress every part of me.

Maybe, finally, I can know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.