CHAPTER 23
“It’s settled then. We raid all three locations at once,” Vin confirms as he leans back on the couch.
“We might find more kids.” I sigh.
“Good. At least something good will come out of it, since there’s no guarantee Frankie or Bartiste will be there,” Madds says in an exasperated tone.
There’s already been a raid today. Madds and Carter stormed Frankie’s location they found after tracking him down, but the bastard slipped through our fingers. Not surprising since he knew we would be on his tail. But Carter already tracked down three more locations connected to him. There’s a chance neither him nor his boss will be there, but whatever we find will be useful.
We’ve gathered at my place. Ronan even brought Annika and Aaro because there was no way he would let them out of his sight. I can’t blame him. I feel the same for Evie and Maya, which is why we’re all here, even if one isn’t my wife and the other not my child. The protectiveness is there though. Mamaw June is entertaining them on the terrace until we finish our conversation.
The plan is clear. We’re splitting into three groups and leaving in about an hour or so. Carter has agreed to stay here and keep an eye on cameras, trackers, and whatever else he does. That level of technology baffles me and I’m grateful to have his brain in our ranks. Vin, Madds, and I are taking three teams, and raiding those places. This is not the same as it was all those years before when we went to save Annika and Hanna. We have enough power now that we will demolish them on sight.
We don’t need my cousin, Sloan Buchanan, to come from Venator again, like he did last time. However, the moment Ronan mentioned to him that Bartiste is back, the man decided to come and bring an army, regardless. He’ll be here in a few days.
There’s no escape for Bartiste now. And this time, if he crawls back into whatever hole he went in last time, we will find him. I will find him, and he’ll eat a whole clip of my gun.
“Are we ready for dinner?” Mamaw June peaks in from the terrace.
We all exchange looks and nod to each other.
“Yeah, we’re ready,” Vin confirms, and she opens the door fully to let the breeze in and the two kids.
It’s been rather interesting seeing Aaro and Maya bond. She’s bubbly and bouncy, and Aaro is quiet, broody, yet eager to please. They get along so well. It makes me sad that Ronan and Annika will have to go back to their home once all of this is done and dusted.
Annika has been tense since coming here. Quiet too. She’s always been shy, but she hasn’t stepped foot in here since they left all those years ago, and her last memories of this penthouse were of tears. So many tears for her lost best friend.
It makes an even bigger bastard out of me, but I’m sort of glad she gets to experience this suffering here, in front of me, because I stayed behind and drowned in it for years. Here, where we brought her and Hanna after we bonded on Bovely Island during that terrible storm. We spent our last happy moments in my penthouse, which I used to share with my brother before he left.
I may have lost my first love, but it was a fresh adventure. Annika lost her best friend, her kindred spirit, and she had to watch her be ripped apart by Bartiste’s men, then held her as she took her last breath. She’s suffered enough.
She looks out past the floor to ceiling windows, her gaze lost somewhere in the horizon, quiet and pensive. I don’t miss Evelyn’s curious gaze as she studies all of us but pauses just a little longer on my nephew’s mom. Everyone rises to go sit at the dinner table, but Annika follows her gaze instead, and walks in the other direction—the terrace. Ronan frowns, a hint of worry shadowing his eyes. He’s had his share of sad memories in this penthouse. He never said anything to me, how could we when I was so broken, but I could see it in the way he looked at her through her grief… like he was terrified he would lose her. That she wouldn’t come back from the shock she suffered. He takes a step to follow her out on the terrace, but I quickly take two and when he spots me, understanding crosses his features. He nods once, and a hint of a smile dusts over my lips, then I follow his wife outside, closing the door behind me.
It takes two more breaths for me to get the courage to join her where she stands by the railing, her arms wrapped around herself like she’s afraid her soul will spill out if she doesn’t. She doesn’t seem surprised to see me when I finally join her. Setting her gaze on the sunset, she tightens the grip around herself, looking like she wants to talk, but hesitates. Do I make her that uncomfortable?
I take a deep inhale and let out a heavy sigh.
“I’m sorry for how I acted when you left.” The words sound awkward, forced, but I hope she can find the genuine feeling underneath all of that.
“I’m sorry we left.”
My head whips to her and I suppress the need to press my hand to the spot where my neck just cracked. She’s what?
“I’m sorry we left you when you needed your brother the most,” she continues, ignoring my shock.
“I understand why you did it. You needed to protect yourself, your unborn baby, your family.”
Then she shakes her head, and I’m even more confused.
“That wasn’t the only reason.” She turns to me, her eyes glossy, but she fights back the tears. “I had to remove myself from you.”
I frown, reigning in what could be a bad reaction.
“Shit, that didn’t sound the same as in my head,” she says with a sigh and an apologetic look. “I couldn’t bear what my presence, my beating heart, was doing to you. I was a constant reminder to you of the cruel unfairness of this world, that two of us were kidnapped that day and only I was lucky enough to return. You deserved to move on, and if I stayed, the pain, the guilt, the anger, would have kept you there… grieving. At least that’s what my instinct was telling me. Because every time I looked in a mirror, I saw in my eyes the same guilt, the same anger to this unfairness that looked back at me from yours.”
She holds my gaze for a moment longer, then turns back to the burnished sky. So, I do too, leaning my forearms on the railing.
To say I’m surprised is a massive understatement. It was easy to think that they left for themselves, for their baby. It was easy to think that I mattered less. I never allowed myself to think that maybe… just maybe, they did it for me too. I never cared enough to talk to them after that anyway. But many times I wondered if things would have been different if they stayed. I needed comfort, I needed someone to understand my suffering, I needed my brother.
Sighing, I allow myself to accept the acknowledgement waiting in the recesses of my mind—I needed my brother, but I couldn’t bear the happiness in his eyes as he looked at his breathing girlfriend. Not then.
Now, I’m holding onto resentment, but beneath that ugly emotion, I find that I’m not bothered by it anymore. Especially not when I catch a glimpse of Aaro, and it dawns on me that the healthy, curious little boy deserved a healthy mother too. Annika was too broken back then.
“You’re right,” I agree. “I’m not sure how it would have been if I had you here.”
“Hard.” She answers too quickly, her shoulders falling with the weight of these tough feelings. “I spent many nights on this terrace cursing that I was breathing this pleasantly salty air. Too many times I got close to giving up on myself, and I want to think now that I was so stupid back then for having such thoughts. I want to be embarrassed of myself. But I’m not. There was too much validity in my mindset, in my feelings—and my guilt. Whatever you were thinking about me then, my thoughts were even worse, and that’s why I had to leave.”
I didn’t know her state of mind was so precarious, that she would have gone as far as giving up on life. Fuck, I was never that close. I was grieving, I was sad, but most of all I was angry at my incompetence. I was disappointed in my inability to save Hanna before she was killed. The guilt was eating me from the inside out, but I was never close enough to give up. I’m an even bigger asshole for not noticing how hard Annika was suffering. Though, I’m not sure she would have confessed that to me back then.
I wouldn’t have asked anyway, too wrapped up in my own self-loathing. Still am. I am a failure, and it’s why I should stay as far away from Evelyn as possible.
What if I fail like that all over again?
What if I lose her too?