50
EVIE
A llie begrudgingly led me to Princeton’s home in the turned clan’s neighborhood above ground. She’d clearly asked Kylo first, scribbling in a magickally linked notebook that allowed her to communicate with Kylo instantly. Kylo had given me a linked journal, too, but we’d hardly used them to communicate. Maybe it was old-fashioned, but I didn’t really care to employ such technology except in emergencies. It felt like cheating, or perhaps too disruptive to my focus on the world around me and my own inner experience.
On our walk, I was cognizant of just how many eyes were on me. Curious, confused, distrusting, intrigued, bloodthirsty. Allie occasionally threw looks of warning toward the male turned.
Allie led me up Princeton’s porch before taking her leave.
“I don’t want to get towered!” I exclaimed the moment Princeton opened the door with a wide, delinquent grin.
I stepped inside.
Princeton closed the door and lifted a brow. “Is this a sexual innuendo?”
I rolled my eyes. “Tarot.”
He clapped his hands together. “Ah. My favorite card in the deck.”
I huffed. “That’s psychotic,” I snapped. “It’s objectively the worst one.”
Princeton’s features oozed with a sudden condescension. “There is no objectively bad card. They’re all merely descriptions of life. The good. The bad. And The Tower.”
My glare hardened.
Princeton laughed at his own stupid joke as he led me into a living room. His place was moodier and darker than Kylo’s, with several plants I recognized as carnivorous lounging about. In the living area, reddish vines crawled up the dark walls. Candles and various books were scattered across surfaces.
The energy of the space poked and prodded me, recognizing me as a fellow witch. It was clear I was being scanned for threats.
Instead of the furniture, Princeton gestured to the carpet, where we sat facing each other before a dormant fireplace. His curly brown hair was half up in a bun, and he wore a billowy white blouse with black pants.
“You can’t run from a good ole fashioned towering, Evie dear,” he said with that irritating, sly smile locked in place.
“Okay, you’re right,” I mumbled. “It does sound sexual.”
Princeton’s eyes danced with amusement before they sharpened, examining me more closely.
I squirmed under his gaze, but whatever he saw, he refused to react or vocalize.
“I want you to teach me how to stop throwing magickal tantrums,” I said. “So I can prevent whatever is coming.”
Princeton’s features transitioned into something more serious, flexing his air of authority. “I can help you with the first part. But you are willfully refusing to absorb the meaning of the card and what Spirit is communicating with you.”
Indignation sparked in my blood, but I fought to cool it down. I knew I had a complex relationship with other witches. I didn’t want to treat Princeton the way I first treated Kylo. It hadn’t been fair.
Magick required humility.
Princeton’s eyes softened. “You know as well as I do that The Tower is the path to liberation. It might not be avoidable, but you can still make the best of it. I will not pretend that it’s easy. But acceptance is the only path that bears the least amount of suffering.” He paused. “Besides, I think you entered the era of The Tower a couple of months ago. Your entire sense of reality has been crumbling and shifting ever since you met Kylo, has it not?”
I frowned. He was right. It had already been painful. Yet no part of me wanted to pull the wool back over my own eyes. I liked my newfound strength, the erosion of my childish denial. I was glad to know the true reality of Etherdale and the realm, so I could best prepare for what was to come.
I reluctantly nodded. “I suppose so.”
And if Kylo hadn’t ripped off that blindfold, I wouldn’t have been able to fall in love.
Maybe the worst was already over. Maybe I just needed to have faith, wait for the new moon, and focus on what was in my control. After all, Jacob could write to Cindy any day now.
“See how that feels?” Princeton asked. “To move from a state of running, hiding, and closing yourself off into a position of wide-open arms, accepting all that comes?”
I thought of Kylo. How I was when we first met versus now. All that had loosened and unfurled. The relief of it all—of being seen and known and loved.
“That’s the core of what’s wrong with your magick. Everything you resist has only gained more power. And because you’ve spun this narrative that this side of yourself is poison, it has become a poison. A monster that only knows how to attack and bite when it’s cornered and threatened.”
My heart picked up speed as I realized the room had become hazy, as if Princeton had led us both into a semi-trance without me noticing.
“The sides of ourselves we hate the most are only ever trying to protect us.”
I glanced around, watching shadows dance around in the haze. “I don’t trust other witches,” I whispered.
“I know,” Princeton said. “I didn’t either, for a very long time.” Princeton snapped his fingers, pulling my attention back to his eyes. “Do you trust Kylo?”
“Yes.”
“Then use that for now.”
Okay. I could do that.
“I want you to think about the part of you that wields your undesired power. What does it look like? Can you find it in the room with us?”
I glanced around, trying not to appear as embarrassingly terrified as I felt inside. My heart hammered. My chest tightened.
Pitifully, I wished Kylo was here.
Princeton’s candles were clearly spelled for trance work, as I found myself relaxing deeper beyond my conscious control.
At a sudden movement in my periphery, my gaze leaped to the corner of the room. I almost shut my eyes, terrified to see some grotesque demon with blood-red lips and soulless gray eyes.
Instead, I saw myself, at thirteen years old. The same version of myself I’d seen in my vision with Hekate. I wore all black, a dress with a high neckline that brushed my knees.
The gray eyes that met mine weren’t soulless.
They were terrified.
A sudden wave of emotion slammed into my chest, raw and unexpected, as if it had been begging to be felt for a very long time.
“Do you see the part?” Princeton asked.
“Yes.” My lip wobbled, and it was humiliating. To be so weak before this powerful, dangerous witch.
“Evie, do not hold back on your emotions. I assure you I’ve seen it all. If you want to control your magick, this is the work you must do. Brute force without inner fortitude is wasted.”
I didn’t look at him. I kept my gaze on her. The demon in the corner who was now sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest. Alone, sobbing, calling for parents who would never offer the comfort she was achingly desperate for.
“Do you still feel hatred for this part of you?” Princeton asked.
“No.”
“What do you feel?”
“Heartbroken,” I said. Bitterness coated my tongue, panic and fear and paranoia.
I didn’t want to do this anymore. I’d asked Princeton for help with my magick, not this woo-woo emotional healing bullshit.
Unknown born vampires and witches, Jacob’s parents and friends—they were all after me and my magick, and I had to protect myself. I had to protect my family.
“But I still need to get rid of her,” I said. “I can’t change the past. I feel sad for her, but she has to go. I don’t need her anymore.”
I expected the girl to glare at me, to finally show her true nature—her anger, her darkness, her rotted veins—but she didn’t move from the corner. She rocked back and forth, grieving.
That was when I heard the whispers, the shadows of the room darkening and multiplying.
The lump in my throat grew heavier.
“I need to banish her,” I said, eyes finally returning to Princeton’s.
He was calm, impassive, studying me without any judgment. “Evie, my friend, that is precisely the problem.”
I shook my head, the whispers growing louder the more I ignored them and tuned them out.
“How old is this part of yourself?”
I thought about refusing to answer. Of getting the hell out of here and never returning.
“Thirteen,” I forced out.
“You’ve been trying to banish her for a decade, then,” Princeton said. “And it has clearly not yielded desirable results.”
I could sense the girl’s eyes on me, and it made me feel weird and hot and guilty. Like I was the one who was hurting her, and she was listening to my every word.
“You must love her,” he said.
I searched Princeton’s face for evidence that he was fucking with me. Because there was no way on Helia’s green earth that this violent agent of blood and chaos was telling me that the way to control my magick was to love myself.
Princeton didn’t waver. “You can start by acknowledging her existence. Talking to her. Asking her what she thinks and what she wants. She’s not a demon. She is you. What is happening inside of you that causes your power to leak is simple: You get emotionally triggered in the same way you were hurt when you were thirteen. This part becomes activated, recognizing you need protection. She takes over. Because you’ve been repressing her, you do not recognize her presence, and you feel out of control. She reacts for you as a form of protection, and then she recedes back inside you, banished by your shame and fear.”
“That sounds like nonsense,” I muttered, growing more and more irritated by the minute.
“Do you have a more illuminating explanation? I’m all ears,” Princeton drawled. “If you have all the answers, then perhaps you don’t need me and can take care of things well enough on your own.”
I began to make out distinctive phrases, unable to block out the voices of the shadows.
Just a child, one of them whispered.
A harsh chill spread down my spine.
“This is not why I came to you,” I hissed. “You just want to know more about my power. You want me emotionally weak so I’ll tell you everything, so you will know if you can use me or if I’m a threat to your little vampire army.”
Princeton’s eyes narrowed. “If I wanted to pry information out of you, I assure you I have a multitude of quick and easy options at my disposal. I would not trouble myself with theatrics or hidden motives.”
I blocked the girl out of my perception decisively, refusing to participate in this useless exercise anymore.
Princeton sighed. “You must make peace with her. You must integrate back into wholeness. That is how you remain at the reins, without any hidden parts taking over in your place.” He radiated a gentle, purple energy, one associated with wisdom and truth. “It’s okay if you aren’t ready. But I cannot help you if you don’t want to be helped. You won’t tell me about your magick. You won’t open up about your past. You won’t even be honest and empathetic with yourself. I am not saying these things to hurt you. This is just the truth. I cannot train you when we’re both operating blind.”
The room came back into focus. The shadows and mist receded.
I saw Princeton for who he was—genuine but no-nonsense, likely ancient, and a master at his craft.
He was Kylo’s mentor, and that meant something.
My chest was tight with shame. “I’m sorry,” I blurted.
Princeton shook his head. “No reason for that. This is about you, not me. I already know you’re fucking powerful, Evie.” He lifted a shoulder. “Use it, don’t use it. Get clear about what you want, and then stand strong in your decision. You’re not alone. You have help now. Lots of it. No one needs your perfection. You just need to take a step and mean it .”
“I know,” I said. “You’re right. I know that even if you do want me to work with the clan, you’re still also trying to help me.”
Princeton’s lips curved.
“Next time I come to you, I’ll be ready to act. I won’t fight you. I just—need time to think and process.”
“Seeing our hidden parts is frightening,” he said. “Just about anybody would react the way you did. Don’t beat yourself up. You were taken by surprise. But now you see! Another strike of lightning to the tower. Hooray!”
The mischievous, eccentric Princeton was back in full force as he helped me to my feet. I shook my head at his antics, even if a smile snuck onto my face.
“Let’s drink some tea and wait for Kylo to barge through my door,” Princeton said. “You really shouldn’t feel defeated. The first time I did parts work with Kylo, we ended up in a bloody fist fight.” He paused, throwing me a rakish grin as he led me into the kitchen. “It was so hot.”
I glared at Princeton, the lights overhead flickering and then shutting off completely with my sudden flare of possessiveness.
“You two really are made for each other.”
The lights flicked back on.
“Agreed,” a different voice said.
A scream lodged in my throat as hands wrapped around me from behind, lips at my ear.
Princeton raised a brow at Kylo’s sudden appearance. “That was quick.”