Marked By Masks and Secrets (Everlasting Possession #1)

63

EVIE

E verything had been a lie.

My relationship with Kylo had been built on a foundation of death and secrets. My imperative to protect Idris and Mena was the only thing keeping me from exploding in a fit of heartbreak and rage, from conjuring floods and hail and cyclones of destruction.

I lay in bed next to Kylo, wide awake. I examined every moment we’d shared between now and when he murdered my boyfriend.

The way he’d homed in on my core wounds, fashioning himself as the antidote to all of my deepest suffering. Was that even him? Or was that the part he knew he needed to play in order to win my trust?

The cards had warned me, at the very beginning. The Devil: abuse, control, bondage, being seduced by sensual pleasure and luxury. The Seven of Swords: the card of deception and betrayal, an image of a man sneaking away with swords in his hands, looking back over his shoulder to ensure he was getting away with it.

I’d seen my future, and I’d carried on, anyway.

I was isolated, surrounded by his clan. What if all the visions of Princeton and Hekate had been trying to tell me something else? What if the betrayal ran deeper, and Kylo had been planning on replacing Princeton from the start? Maybe Princeton had stepped out of line too many times, and they wanted a witch they could more easily control.

What if Hekate was trying to protect me from Kylo and the turned, not push me toward them?

I clenched my fists, the weight of Kylo’s arm around me suddenly stifling.

Oh gods. Was he truly capable of something so sinister? Were Harmony and Blade?

I felt indescribably stupid. I’d allowed Kylo to force his blood down my throat, to mark me, to claim me, to feed from me, to fuck me.

I was so starved and desperate for love and acceptance, a fact he knew about me from the start. I’d let him infiltrate my body, my mind, and my life. I’d let go of all my fear and hatred, adopted entirely new beliefs and opinions and life goals.

All because a vampire brushed my hair and told me he would love me the way my parents refused to.

An angry, heartbroken sob built in my chest, and I kept it quiet. Hot tears pooled. I didn’t make a sound.

I was going insane, spinning in circles, unable to tell my paranoia from truth.

The only thing I knew for certain was that Kylo had killed my boyfriend and kept it from me.

Even if Kylo did love me, in his own sick and twisted way. Even if my most wounded, paranoid thoughts were wrong, the truth about what Kylo did to Jacob was more than enough reason to get the fuck away from him.

I needed to get to Idris and Mena.

I needed to run.

“You are not okay,” Kylo said softly.

I jumped out of my skin at the noise. I realized I’d been staring at the wardrobe for several minutes, completely lost in my plotting and scheming.

Kylo bent to kiss my temple. “Please tell me what I can do to help, angel. It breaks my heart to see you like this.”

I turned to face him with a shaky breath. When I studied his tormented features, I couldn’t see anything less than genuine concern.

And the wounded part of me was screaming at me to lean into Kylo’s love. To pretend that I’d never learned the truth. To trust that he really did have my best interests at heart, and what happened with Jacob was out of character.

But then I remembered when I’d begged him not to harm anyone in my name, and he’d merely joked it off, never actually agreeing to my request. It was the perfect opportunity to come clean about Jacob, to ensure our love wasn’t poisoned by such a monumental breach of trust.

He hadn’t said a word.

“I don’t feel like myself,” I admitted.

I was so emotionally triggered and heartbroken that I could hardly feel my own bodily sensations. Just the weight of a heavy lump in my throat, the urge to sob ever present. Adrenaline coursed in my blood. All I could hear was the sound of my nervous system screaming, RUN!

Kylo’s brows furrowed. Worry swam in his blue eyes. “Talk to me, baby. I can scent how scared you are.” He brushed my hair behind my ears, the act momentarily soothing me, flutters crawling down my spine.

Gods, I’d wanted him to be different. I didn’t want this to be too good to be true.

Don’t you fucking cry, the familiar voice hissed—my mother’s voice.

“I’m heartbroken,” I said, hiding beneath the truth. “About Princeton. About all of it. I’m scared for the future.”

Kylo nodded. “I’m so sorry, Evie. You’ve been unbelievably strong through all of this. Take all the time you need to mourn. Your old life, your old sense of self.” Kylo looked away for a moment. “I’m sorry for bringing so much violence into your world. I wish I could shield you from it all.”

He looked guilty, but clearly not guilty enough to come clean.

Even still, my sensitive, hopeful heart reached for his words, yearning to hold them close—to use them to patch up the devastating dagger wound in my back.

“Will you go with me to the library?”

Kylo didn’t hesitate, didn’t tell me he was too busy or unavailable. “Of course.”

My plan was fucking insane.

Or it was genius.

Only time would tell.

Perhaps because I’d lost my mind the moment I’d touched that accursed dagger, and it had been running farther and farther away with each passing hour.

I genuinely couldn’t discern what was good or right or true. I only knew I had to get away. From Kylo, from his clan, from Cindy and Roger and the born who still hunted me.

It was time to start over. Again .

“What is that?” Kylo asked, sitting next to me in a private study room in the library.

He was reading one of my favorite fantasy romance novels. No doubt to learn how to better manipulate me.

The old Evie would’ve found the notion rather sexy.

Whatever the hell I’d become in the past two days had different feelings.

I followed his line of sight to a thin, pointy bone I’d pulled out of my bag. “It’s a needle,” I said. “It’s about to be a poisoned needle.”

Kylo lifted a brow, that once-adorable dimple forming as he smirked. “ Oh ?”

“I need more vampire-disarming weapons.”

Kylo rumbled with deep laughter. “I love you so much it’s disgusting.” He kissed my temple before returning his gaze to the book.

I smiled. My left eyelid was starting to twitch slightly from sleep deprivation. My knee bounced up and down. I continued my work with the supplies I’d packed in my pink leather bag. I followed Hekate’s instructions meticulously, dipping the bone in an herbal mixture I’d ground up in a bowl.

“May I please have some of your saliva?” I asked.

“Of course, angel,” Kylo murmured, slowly raising his gaze from the book to me. “Always.” His lips curved. “Where do you want it?”

“In the bowl, please.”

“Good manners, angel,” he purred.

He grabbed my face and crushed his lips to mine. He consumed me, like he’d been consuming me, piece by piece, since the day he’d first decided I was his . His tongue teased mine, and he inhaled deeply.

Behind my eyelids, I saw stars. I saw the great expanse of the cosmos above us as Kylo told me he loved me for the first time. The night I crumpled in his arms and revealed I didn’t want to love him, that my heart wouldn’t survive another betrayal. He’d begged me to fall, anyway. To trust that he would protect and care for me forever. He’d made me believe he would never use, harm, and manipulate me the way my parents had.

I’d given him everything. All of me. My brokenness, my wounds, my hope, and my devotion.

I fought the urge to cry as his deceitful lips stole my breath this one last time. I forced myself to feel only numb determination until this was all over, and I could safely shatter under the full weight of my unfathomable grief.

He pulled back, gently lifting the bowl to spit in my herbal mixture. “Anything else?”

“No.” I hoped that the sensation of my lips trembling was more mental than visible. “I have everything I need. Thank you.”

Kylo stared at me and then the needle again.

I held my breath.

He smiled and returned his focus to the book, and I exhaled. With his free hand, he brushed his fingers across my cheek before moving lower to absentmindedly stroke my upper thigh as he read.

My knee had stopped bouncing at some point. An eerie, dissociative calm enveloped me.

“Finished,” I breathed.

“Blood onyx base?” Kylo asked.

He set the book down on the table. I thought he’d lost interest in my magick, when he hadn’t paid much attention to me. But I realized that he’d merely not wanted to be a distraction.

His full focus was now on me.

“No,” I said. “It’s an alternative. More long-lasting and incapacitating.”

Kylo’s eyes sparked. “Really? Can the ingredients be locally sourced?”

I nodded. “More or less. At least nothing needs to be sourced from Valentin—it can all be found on mainland Ravenia.”

“So it has the potential to be mass produced?”

“Yep,” I said. “Though some of the process requires consecrating ingredients and tools in the name of Hekate, which cannot be performed by just anyone.”

“But it can be performed by you?” Kylo asked.

I smiled, and spite lit up my nerves. He’d found another use for me.

“Who is Hekate?” he asked.

“A chthonic goddess of the crossroads, sorcery, death, and darkness, protector of witches and the downtrodden.”

Alternatively, protector of women who’d run out of fucks to give.

Kylo looked thoughtful. “She presented herself to you?”

I nodded.

“Interesting,” he said softly, but didn’t say anything further.

I read over the pages of handwritten notes again, leaning forward as I scanned and double-checked my work. My over-thinking brain might’ve had its weaknesses, but being thorough was only ever a strength when it came to spell craft.

Except…

“Oh, hells,” I whispered, my stomach dropping.

“What is it?”

“I may have mixed up an ingredient. She used an archaic name for one of the herbs and I think I used the wrong variety.”

Kylo rubbed my shoulder. “I’m sorry, angel. Do you know what it would change?”

I shook my head. It was an amplifier herb. It was most likely to affect the poison’s strength. What I’d used hadn’t been too far off from the intended ingredient, so I had to believe it would be okay.

Hekate, please be with me now, I prayed as my heart stumbled.

“Come here, sweet girl,” Kylo said.

I picked up the needle, examining its stained red tip before placing it on the edge of the table. I took a deep breath as I crawled into Kylo’s lap.

The first thing I saw when I gazed into his eyes was Jacob, pushed up against a tomb, uttering the words, if you want Evie, you can have her. I’m no longer interested in her anyway.

It was my brain’s way of looking for a way out of this. The part of me that would do anything for love was desperate to break through the fog of my determination and get me to stand down.

But then I saw Jacob’s throat sliced open. I saw Kylo listening to me mention Jacob, over and over, never once telling me the truth.

I saw Kylo stalking me, binding me to him, forcing his way into my world, eclipsing everything until he was the only thing I could see.

I reached behind me. I pulled the needle into my palms and stared down at it as I straddled Kylo—the monster I’d hoped was the other half of my bruised and battered soul.

Kylo merely kept his focus on my eyes. “It’s okay, angel. You’ll get it right next time. You’re brilliant. We aren’t defined by our mistakes. We’re defined by our ability to take ownership for our shortcomings and to do better in the future.”

“What a fascinating thing for you to say right now,” I said, letting the bitterness coat my tongue.

Kylo was utterly puzzled, his features scrunching.

I allowed my buried emotions to barge through the splitting cracks. Just enough to propel me forward.

Just enough to lift my arm and plunge the needle into Kylo’s abdomen.

He gasped, staring down at my trembling hand in shock. His arms went slack, falling off my waist and to his sides.

I pulled the needle out, my chin wobbling as I let it fall to the floor. Kylo’s eyes slowly moved to mine as he fell deeper into paralysis.

The complete and utter hurt in his blue depths ripped my heart to pieces.

“No,” I hissed. “You don’t get to make me feel bad for this. You told me I was safe with you. You told me I could trust you. ”

Kylo’s lip twitched, but he was unable to speak.

“I know what you did to Jacob. What you’ve kept from me, all this time. And now I can’t trust anything about you. Anything about us. ”

There was so much I’d wanted to say—so much I’d been rehearsing, plotting, devising as I showered or walked or cooked or pretended to sleep.

But seeing my own crushing heartbreak reflected in Kylo’s glassy eyes had me just as frozen as he was.

His eyelids began to droop. I knew I didn’t have much time now.

I thought of Jacob’s blood-soaked corpse. My hand fisted in Kylo’s forest green shirt. He was fighting the pull of the poison, forcing his eyes back open every time they drifted shut.

“I still love you,” I rasped. “Because I’m fucking stupid . But I’m leaving now. I know blood bonds can be reversed. I don’t care how risky the procedure is. I will carve you out of me by any means necessary, and you will never be able to find me again.”

A tremor rolled through Kylo before his eyes shut.

And they stayed shut.

From my lips, a surprised sob broke through.

“No,” I said, reaching for Kylo’s face that had gone slack.

What had I done? What was I doing? I loved him.

I needed him.

No you don’t, Evie. Keep fucking moving.

The strong part of me, that thirteen-year-old girl who knew that no one could save us, no one could protect us or care for us except ourselves, took the reins.

I packed up my bag. I snuck out the window, into the yard at the side of the building. A few students spotted me, but they shrugged and minded their own business.

I didn’t recognize any turned. When Kylo was with me, he didn’t usually have too many bodyguards around. The city was full of turned, but no one except Allie and a couple others who’d watched me before might find it strange to see me without Kylo.

It was a big city. The chance of running into those specific vampires right now was low. And if someone stopped me, I’d lie. I wasn’t a prisoner. The worst they could do was write to Kylo and trail me, but they wouldn’t hear back from him any time soon.

That was unless, of course, my most paranoid thoughts were correct, and I actually was a known prisoner who’d been duped and marked by the entire clan.

In which case I was fucked no matter what.

I kept my chin lifted, fueled by spite and my most basic imperatives: Protect my family. And run.

Idris was first on the list. His apartment building was only a three-minute walk away. Other than a few fleeting glances, no one paid me any attention. Just like before Kylo barged his way into my life.

I prepared my speech as I climbed the steps to his front door, hoping my brother would believe me and cooperate. I wasn’t even sure what I’d do if he didn’t.

“Evie?”

I spun. Idris’s shifter roommate stood at the bottom of the steps. His eyes widened, forcing me to reconsider my current level of unhinged.

I cleared my throat and toned it down a notch. “Hey, Marco.”

“I’m glad you’re here, I was actually about to track you or Mena down. I haven’t seen Idris since last night, and this letter was left nailed to his door—addressed to you. I know he struggles with some stuff. I was trying not to freak out about the weirdness of it all.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it. My heart physically hurt with how hard it started pumping.

At the bottom of the steps, Marco handed me the letter.

My name was in large letters on the front of the envelope, but it wasn’t my brother’s handwriting. Not even close.

I tore into the envelope, my eyes devouring the note as Marco nervously shifted on his feet.

“Is he all right?” Marco asked.

Below a hand-drawn map leading to an X on the forested outskirts of Etherdale, there were three sentences written.

Follow the map. Come alone. Any misstep, and the boy dies.