Chapter 24
24
T hat couldn’t have gone worse. Not even if he had tried to plan the whole thing himself.
Neil hadn’t been able to sleep a wink last night. He had lain in his large, lonely bed, knowing damn well that if he had tried to get anywhere near Ceana, she would have bitten his head off. He couldn’t even say that he blamed her, not really. He had made his bed, and now he had to lie in it.
But that left him with a lot of pent-up aggression that needed to be worked out before he made any decisions. Regarding his wife… or his best friend.
The soldiers and guards trained on rotation, depending on when their shifts began, but even they were rarely up this early in the morning. There was a biting chill in the air, and Neil wasn’t dressed for the weather in the slightest.
Good. If he was uncomfortable physically, then he would be able to train just that much harder.
It shouldn’t have surprised him that Ersie was already there when he arrived. She was so busy running through a training regime with her sword that she didn’t even hear him walking up to her until he was almost wholly upon her.
“Impressive form,” he remarked, stretching slightly to warm up for the morning.
“Thank ye, M’Laird,” she answered.
Hell, it might even be a better form than his own if he was being perfectly honest.
“Do ye want to be here by yerself?” Ersie asked, slowing her movements to ensure that she wasn’t intruding on his privacy.
“Nay, I wouldnae mind sparrin’ with ye, if ye’re up for it?” he asked.
Ersie took a moment to size him up and then nodded.
Despite her tall frame, outwardly it looked as if they were unevenly matched. He was far larger than her, but he knew from her reputation alone that she was going to give him a run for his coin. At least, he certainly hoped that she would. He needed something to get his blood pumping, something to make him forget the mess that he had found himself in.
Jeanie had pestered him and Ceana throughout dinner, demanding to know what had happened at the gates and why everybody had seemed so upset with him, but he had not given her an answer. He hadn’t been able to focus on their chess game either. She had eventually retired to her rooms and hadn’t come out the whole night.
He had even gone so far as to ask the maids what she was doing, and they said that for the first time in her life, she had gone to bed early and wouldn’t speak with anyone about her feelings. Guilt gnawed at him because his daughter knew that something was wrong.
But this wasn’t a conversation he had thought he would ever have with his daughter.
“Of course, M’Laird. I would be honored,” Ersie said, walking alongside him to the sparring ring. It was more of a patch of earth that had been used for this purpose so often that the grass had been long worn away. Training weapons were hanging on racks to the side, but Neil knew that neither of them would require such a thing. “Do ye want to talk about what’s troublin’ ye?”
“I appreciate the offer, but nay,” Neil said firmly, even though it was a lie.
He moved into position, the pair of them circling one another, looking for the best angle to attack.
Ersie moved first. She didn’t hesitate to swing against nobility in the way he had seen so many others do in his life. Everybody was so afraid to offend or harm their Laird that sparring was almost always an annoyance to him. It was hard to grow a skill when you were seldom challenged. The only one he could properly fight against was Arthur. Only now, he wasn’t sure if that was an option anymore.
Ersie moved again, keeping him on his toes. She was fast, certainly more than fast enough to ensure that he had no room in his mind for anything other than the fight at hand. It was just what he needed. They were more evenly matched than he had expected.
They kept at it until his arms were burning and there was a dull ache in his muscles. The sun had finished climbing into the sky and was casting a warm glow over the entire training yard. Slowly, other soldiers started to filter in, standing in a circle around them to watch them practice.
If the truth came out about Jeanie, what would happen then? She would be ruined, her reputation irreparably tarnished. Her title could be revoked, or worse…
Something sparked within him, building higher until his movements were reckless and no longer controlled, but he regained the upper hand. Ersie gritted her teeth and tried to keep up with him as best as she could, but he disarmed her, and their match was drawn.
He held out a hand to help her up from the ground.
“I let ye win because ye’re a laird, ye ken?”
Neil grinned at her jest and nodded, breathing heavily. “And I thank ye for it. I’ve lost enough face in front of me men as it is.”
An understanding passed between them at that moment.
Ersie fell into step with him, the two of them speaking in low voices so nobody else could hear them.
“Something about yer fightin’ style changed back there. Are ye sure ye dinnae want to talk about it?” Ersie offered a final time.
Neil knew that if he rejected her offer this time, she would drop it and that would be that.
He sighed. He supposed that it would be impossible to talk to his friend about this when he was perhaps the cause of his problems in the first place.
“Does this have something to do with the commotion yesterday?” Ersie probed gently.
Neil nodded once. They found somewhere private to sit and share a waterskin while catching their breath. “I dinnae ken what to make of it. Why would the men… Why would he cause trouble?”
To his mind, if Arthur was going to suddenly turn his back on him, he wouldn’t have waited for eight years before making his move.
“Is there perhaps a grain of truth in what they said?” Ersie asked without judgment.
Neil could see why Ceana was so fond of her. She was certainly easy enough to talk to. But he just couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He hung his head.
On her deathbed, the very last thing that Jessica had told him was that Jeanie wasn’t his. She had confessed to betraying him and forced him to live with the secret.
But it hadn’t ever mattered to him, not in that way. Jeanie was his.
The rift that grew between them had nothing to do with blood, but simply because they had so very little in common. He had never been good with children, but he kept trying over and over again, hoping that it would click for the pair of them at some point. But if the truth went out, her real father could demand to not only see her but also play a part in her life. Neil was a laird—he could stop anyone from taking her. But the rest…
“All this time?” Ersie continued, still without any hint of reproach. “Do ye ken who he is?”
Neil nodded. “Now, I do.”
The answer had been right in front of him the whole time—he just hadn’t wanted to see it.
He had been so willfully blind.
He rubbed his hands up and down his face before continuing. “I always suspected him—he’s a ladies’ man, and we were all friends. I just hoped… Well, it doesnae matter what I hoped. And Ceana… I hurt her too.”
Ersie nodded, passing him the waterskin. “Aye, ye need to talk to yer wife. She’s good for ye and yer daughter.”
She had a point. He couldn’t even deny that. They might even be together right at this very moment. He had never seen Jeanie so happy as when she was looking up to Ceana. She certainly had never wanted to spend time with him before Ceana had come along. That meant something to him.
Never mind the way he felt about his wife… the way it felt to have her in his arms.
Many conversations were needed, there was no denying that.
“I’ll tell Ceana everything.”
No matter how hard it was going to be.
“That would be wise. She’s a good woman, and she deserves to ken what’s happenin’ under her roof. She’s strong, and ye shouldnae betray her trust,” Ersie chastised him.
He nodded once. “But before that… I need to face the man who did all of this. It cannae wait any longer.”