Master Debater

8. Willa

Nate’s mouth molded to mine in a heated instant, sending the world spinning off its axis. He delved deeper, parting my lips with his demanding tongue. Instantly, I acquiesced, melting against him. Stroking and tasting.

Sharing heartbeats and breaths.

He drifted his hand up my side, fitting his thumb under the curve of my breast. With a twist of his wrist, he palmed me over my shirt and bra. “I’ve wanted my hands on these since the moment I got a good look at you.” He squeezed, and a dart of pleasure zinged through my core.

“Now, where is…?” He swiped his thumb over the lacy cups, and I squirmed against him when he found my puckered nipple, craving more. Needing more.

And Nate gave it to me, pinching and tweaking as I used my grip on his neck to tug him ever closer. I hooked one leg around his waist and my back hit the keys of the piano, a mess of notes coming out as our make-out session cranked up another level.

A whimper escaped as I dragged myself over his impressive erection, the friction leaving me wet and dizzy with desire. As he continued kissing me into oblivion, rolling his tongue over mine as though he meant to explore and conquer every inch, the bundle of nerves that’d been rather unruly as of late throbbed to life.

Everything inside of me insisted I get more of Nate on more of me, and I pawed at his chest, working free the buttons on his shirt as his hand drifted higher on my thigh. Adrift on a sea of bliss, I rode the bobbing waves until Nate’s fingertips breached the elastic that kept my underwear against my inner thigh.

This night—this moment—had gotten away from me. All I wanted to do was throw caution to the wind, hope it was a blustery evening, and let this man use the same fingers he’d used to play the piano to play my body with the same intense perfection.

A harrowing thought slammed into me, of reaching my sexual peak with this man, only to lose the ability to travel there ever again.

Or worse, what if I still couldn’t get there. If it took a while, Nate might get frustrated. Then I’d end up naked and completely exposed, and while it shouldn’t be anything he took personally, when had “it’s not you, it’s me” ever made anyone feel better.

I had a devastating theory, one that involved me being sexually blocked until I worked out my issues with Eric and the divorce. It didn’t mean I wasn’t going to attempt to overcome it solo, but it wasn’t fair to rope someone else into the mess without at least warning them that there was one.

Ugh, stupid reality. Why’d it have to rear its ugly, cock-blocking head?

“Nate, wait.” Summoning all my willpower, I braced a hand on his chest and forced a couple of inches between our mouths. My body screamed at me like a pissed off banshee as the evening jolted to a halt.

Immediately, Nate paused the delicious kneading of my breast, and his other hand lifted a couple inches off my thigh. I winced, bracing myself for the anger. Instead, he remained statue still, the only visible movement the lust-filled haze that’d filled his eyes slowly fading away.

“I-I had a great time tonight,” I stuttered, “but I got a bit carried away.”

The tiniest bob of his head indicated he’d heard me.

It was so hard to think clearly with his arousal still pressed tightly against me, drawing my attention to how well we seemed to fit together. Now I was equally frozen, afraid to move and afraid not to. “As much as I want to forget about everything else that’s going on in my life and be able to seize the moment, I’m afraid I can’t. You see, technically…” Just say it, Willa. You owe him the truth. “I’m married.”

Nate jerked back so sharply that the bench rocked. For some reason, I thought I could catch him.

Only my momentum overturned the bench entirely, sending the both of us crashing to the floor. I landed with my hands braced on either side of Nate’s shoulders, my chest mashed against his.

Blindly, I searched for the best way to get off—er, get off him.

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” I went to climb off, right as he sat up, and then I ended up straddling his lap. I wasn’t sure if he was hard from earlier, or from me falling on him, but it wasn’t something I should be fixating on, especially after the bomb I’d just dropped.

Nate gripped my hips and lifted me off his lap, his strong hands holding me a few inches from where I longed to be. But I’d done this to myself, and there was no undoing the confession now.

Unable to see any way to fully stand without his help or further injury, I planted my hands on his shoulders and used the leverage to stand. Then I extended him a hand.

A hand he ignored when he pushed to his feet. Despite the situation being one hundred percent my fault, I failed to stifle the twinge in my chest.

“Let me start over,” I rushed. “I didn’t mean… I’m not married. Not really. Only technically. I just thought you should know before… except that probably means we shouldn’t. And I’m not looking for…” Naturally, my words had chosen now to fail me.

Nate continued to stare as though I was a complete stranger, which, okay, fair. While it felt like we’d crossed into at least acquaintance territory—or whatever it was called when two people knew what each other’s tongues tasted like—we only knew the bare minimum.

Before he demanded I leave, I bulldozed on, my mouth taking off at full speed. “Eric and I are in the process of getting a divorce. Because he cheated on me with his fucking receptionist during the month and a half that I was out of town, and why did he have to be so fucking cliché about it? You know?”

Nate blinked, and I took that to mean he didn’t know. Yeah, that checked out. Who’d cheat on him?

“Sorry. That came out bitterer than I meant it to.” I screwed up my forehead, my mind snagging on the most inconsequential details. “Bitterer? Is that a word? It sounds weird.”

Focus, Willa.

I aimed a sheepish grin at him. “Kind of like someone kissing you and then telling you they’re married, am I right?”

Again with the blank stare and one slow blink. Maybe I should’ve stuck with my earlier decision and headed home after I’d finished off my wine. But the idea of missing out on hearing him play the piano, and the moment when I’d lost myself to singing, ached too badly to regret. Even if the night was quickly going down in flames.

I went to fiddle with my ring, the way I used to when I was nervous, only to remember it no longer adorned my finger, and ugh. Why was muscle memory so strong? And why was I so not? I cleared my throat and gestured toward the stairs. “I’ll just go. Sorry again.”

Halfway down, I heard heavy footfalls behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to verify it was Nate, as though it might be someone else, and stumbled on the next step. I gripped the banister, remaining upright through sheer strength of will. After the beating my pride had just taken, I couldn’t handle a second fall.

Or would it be third, on account of the first night we met?

“Hold up,” Nate said as my feet hit the bottom step. I continued across the living room, slowing my steps but not sure I could handle seeing his face so expressionless again. Not after it’d held such passion mere minutes ago. Passion for me too, which was why I’d gone and kissed him.

Stupid guilt had to rise up and ruin it all. If only I could allow my ovaries to overrule my heart, like so many guys did with their dicks. Take Eric, for instance.

Nate reached around me, opening the door for me, and I turned to say goodbye. But then he jerked his chin across the cement step, toward my front door. “I’ll walk you all the way.”

“Are you sure? It’s quite a long walk.”

At his soft laugh, a dangerous sliver of hope wiggled its way under my skin. Maybe I hadn’t entirely ruined things between us. I took solace in the cool air, and how it helped take the edge off the embarrassing heat that’d been coursing through me on an accelerating loop.

After unlocking my door, I mustered up my courage to face him, so I could smooth over the mess I’d made the best I could. “Thank you for tonight; I need it.” Okay, that was rather nebulous. “The song part, I mean. Plus, the wine. And the kissing too, actually. I know it might not seem like it, since I screwed it all up before we got to the sex part, but I did need it.”

My gaze dropped to the toes of our shoes, so close yet so far. “I just felt like you should know so that you wouldn’t think I was hiding stuff from you. Even though I’m not sure if you’d care since you…” I shook my head, reminding myself succinct was better. “I’m also worried that since it’s so fresh and raw, it’s too soon to go kissing someone else”—realizing I was doing the opposite of what I’d advised myself to do, I slapped a hand over my face—“and, holy shit, why am I still talking?”

I spun around, the humiliating heat now an inferno the night air couldn’t touch. “Anyway, goodbye forever.”

Long fingers manacled my wrist, stopping me from disappearing inside to rehash how bad I was at life.

“Not forever, okay?” Nate’s words trailed after me, and everything inside of me unraveled and puddled at my feet. At his light tug, I slowly pivoted on my heel. “Not that it’d be possible with our living situation, but…”

He should be running in the other direction until he was nothing but a dark blip of an outline. Instead, he stepped closer and cupped my cheek, the comforting gesture a balm to my frayed nerves. “You’re obviously going through some stuff, and I’m sorry I didn’t take the news better?—”

“Well, I did blurt it out in, like, the worst possible way. If anything, it just proves how much of a mess I am. The last thing you’d want to do is get entangled with someone like me.”

“Oh, if I had my way, we’d be very entangled in my sheets right now. To be clear.”

My attempt to swallow went nowhere.

Dark espresso eyes came to rest on mine. “Honestly, the main reason I didn’t move or say anything for so long up there is that it’s the first time in my life I’ve ever thought that I didn’t give a fuck if you were already taken.”

My stomach soared up, up, up, crowding my heart into my throat.

“Considering he cheated on you,” Nate continued, “you sure as hell don’t owe him anything. You know that, right?”

I opened my mouth to insist I did, but his words rattled loose something I hadn’t even realized until now. “My brain gets that, which is why I made out with you in the first place—well, that, and I really wanted to.”

One side of his mouth lifted in a cocky smile. Gah, it made it that much harder not to continue acquainting myself with every inch of those sexy, pouty lips.

Nate was right. Eric had cheated and, worse, excused his behavior while shifting the blame on me. He’d screwed over my self-esteem and head as thoroughly as he’d screwed the twenty-two-year-old blonde who’d fallen for the same charms I had when he and I first met.

The betrayal stung like a bitch, no doubt about it. In a way, I also felt guilty because even though I’d been growing unhappier with him, from the way he constantly poked at my weight, dumped extra tasks on me, and then shut me out emotionally, a small part of me had been glad it’d finally given me a valid reason to leave him. I’d needed a good excuse to be selfish and follow my dreams.

“You okay?” Nate asked, and the drag of his thumb had me leaning into the warmth of his body.

“I will be. It’s the first time I’ve said that aloud and truly believed it.” The vitality I used to have for life, along with the belief I could overcome any barriers that were thrown in my path, coursed through me.

“Glad to hear it.” Nate gave me a super sweet kiss on the forehead that only served to make me want more, wished me a goodnight, and started toward his door. But right before both of us stepped inside our respective places for the night, he added, “Oh, and Willa? Just so you know, as a lawyer, I feel very strongly when it comes to the burden of proof. So, whenever you’re ready, I’ll be happy to show you that my stamina is most definitely not a problem.”