26. Lydia
We’re celebrating with dumplings on the table, but there’s a weird aura around us.
The students were all so elated when I came back to my seat with my award in my hand, but after some more sitting and listening to announcements for what’s to come this weekend, they haven’t really been saying much.
Even Landon isn’t matching me level-for-level with how excited I should be.
Is it something with the tournament? I mean, the first school that they are going up against tomorrow is well-ranked, but we’ve beaten them in a tournament before, so I don’t believe that it should be intimidating them.
“Guys.” I reach over and grab another Xiao Long Bao. “Is it just me, or is there something fishy going on? And don’t say it’s the shrimp.”
No one meets my gaze, and to my dismay, wordlessly reach for the fresh dumplings in steamers covering every little part of our round table.
“Guys!” I try and get them out of their slump. “I just won Director of the Year, and you’re acting like we freaking lost the championship. We haven’t even played yet. What’s going on?”
“We’re really happy for you, Lydia,” Drew says. “We just...”
“We got you something,” Dev interrupts. “And we bought it really early because even if you won or lost, we wanted to just tell you that we appreciate you so much, Lydia. But...well, let me just pull it out to show you.”
Dev gives me a manila envelope with my name written in big capital letters on the front. I undo the clasp and open the contents inside. I pull out a piece of paper that reads “Your Suite Confirmation” for the Stingrays-Knights game happening tomorrow.
“We didn’t know what was going to happen at the time. We bought it before, you know, the breakup. We just wanted to do something that showed our appreciation for you Lydia. If you don’t want to go...”
“Guys.” I set down the paper. This must’ve cost thousands of dollars. I don’t want to know how much of their hard-earned money was spent on this suite. And despite the current state of my relationship, the fact that they poured out any amount of money for something that they thought I deserved warms my heart.
“This is very thoughtful of you. Thank you so much.”
Noah sits up in his seat. “You’re not mad?”
“No!” I exclaim. “Of course not. You guys bought it before everything happened. You couldn’t have known that things might change. The fact that you thought about me at all is...it’s really touching. I’m blessed with an amazing group of students that care this much about me.”
I set the paper down on the cushion next to me. “I’ll let you guys in on something. When I was flying down, I was rehearsing with Landon what I was going to say tonight. Because I was going to tell you guys that after this school year, I would be putting in my resignation.”
They let out a collective gasp and I hurry to stop them from assuming the worst.
“I’m not going to,” I reassure them. “I decided during that speech that I can’t give it up. And it’s mostly because of you guys. You impressed me so much this past year, being a team completely new to the collegiate esports world and winning against teams who have been doing this since the beginning. And then I won Director of the Year and that solidified it. There’s a lot to look forward to, and this is only just the beginning.”
Next to me, I hear a huge sniffle and I turn my head to see Landon trying to unsuccessfully hold back tears, that are now falling down his cheeks.
“Landon, are you okay?”
“Fine,” he sniffs. “That was really touching, that’s all. I’m not crying over it or anything.”
“Sap,” Blake jokes.
“Stop.” Landon rolls his eyes. “I’m just proud of Lydia.”
“Did you know?” Dev asks. He and Landon have been close friends since their first year. If anyone’s close to being considered as Landon’s best friend besides his girlfriend, of course, it’s Dev.
“Yeah,” Landon nods. “It was during the home tournament.” He turns to me. “I never told you this, but I felt really guilty after you told me that you were thinking of giving up because I just kept egging you on about how badly Griffin treated you and how you needed to do whatever you could to escape the memories you built with him. I should have tried harder to convince you to stay. I was just really mad at him. When I got home, I wondered if I should have told you to give it another shot instead.”
“It’s okay.” I pat his arm. “You’re allowed to be upset. I mean, you kind of had it out for Griffin since the game where we bumped into him.”
“He’s a good guy,” Landon notes. It makes my ears perk up a little bit. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Landon give compliments to Griffin. He’s been warning me about him from the beginning. “Despite the breaking your heart part. Heard he’s going to therapy, which is good.”
“It is.” All the good things they say he’s doing online make me happy, even if I’m not a part of it. It makes me realize how important it really is to prioritize your mental health and find that balance. Maybe when everything winds down, when I have some time to not think about school and what’s coming next, I’ll take a solo trip somewhere to relax. There’s plenty of getaway places in California. Quaint beach towns, wineries. Hell, a solo trip to Disneyland sounds like a dream. And I can get onto rides faster thanks to the single-rider line.
“So you’re going to go to the game with us tomorrow?” Dev chimes in. I’m feeling weary about it, but after a quick glance at everyone’s faces, eager to have me celebrate with them even if it’s at a game where my ex will be on the ice, I muster up enough courage to nod and say yes.
There is no shortage of people flocking to the arena to watch this momentous game. And what surprises me the most is that it’s not just fans decked out in Vegas jerseys. It’s almost an even split between Vegas and San Jose fans. And then there’s me, wearing a black puffy jacket and jeans because I still can’t believe that I’m here tonight.
The team is all decked in their San Jose gear, and even Landon is sporting his jersey with Griffin’s name stitched on the back.
“You know I had this before you two were a thing,” he says. “And I don’t really have any other gear.”
“Fine by me,” I shrug. “You’re not the one that he broke up with. For all I know, you two can be best friends.”
Landon answers a little too quickly after my statement, his voice sounding a little more exaggerated. “You know I wouldn’t hurt you like that.”
“Yeah, don’t worry,” I swipe my arm. “I trust you.”
We’re ushered to the suite, and it brings back memories of that game in San Jose where Landon and I got to sit in the Penthouse lounge. It’s very similar here, with plush reclining chairs overlooking the rink and chafing dishes with hot food lining the bar counter. The only difference is this is all for us. We’re the only group in here, and when our dedicated concierge comes in to ask what drinks we want, the boy’s eyes sparkle, and they’re the giddiest I’ve ever seen them as they ask for a beer. They should be happy that they don’t have to pay regular arena prices for drinks. Twenty dollars for a seltzer feels wrong on so many levels.
I sit down and watch as the players skate on the ice and stretch during their warmups. I spot Griffin in an instant. He’s sprawled on the ice, grabbing a hold of his leg to stretch out his muscles, and there’s a small crowd of people pressed up against the glass, watching his body move on the ice. Fangirls ogling after him, the same way it was before we started dating. The way it’ll continue to be. Everyone staring at Griffin in awe and wondering to themselves whatever happened with that Esports Director ex of his.
I’m too far up in the arena for him to catch my stare. He’s probably got a lot on his mind. This game, the desire to win, the hope that they’ll make it to playoffs. I think about whether I would go if they do make it. The honest answer is probably not because it would cost an entire paycheck for a ticket to see them. But maybe I’ll watch from my television and clap in my seat every time Griffin scores a goal. I’ll wish I could be there when they win and that I could see him after the game. I’ll wish that he’d hoist me up and grab onto me tightly, laughing in my ear that he actually did it.
“You okay?” Landon asks, taking the seat next to me.
“I’m trying to tell myself that I will be,” I answer. “I’m telling myself to give it time. Trusting the process and all that jazz.”
“Well, you’re looking at him and not crying. That’s a good start.”
“Yeah,” I chuckle. “What’s next? Us having a conversation?”
“I mean...if that’s what you want. I’m sure I can figure out a way.”
I shrug, reaching to take a sip of my drink. “No, that’s alright. I’m taking it one step at a time.”
The game begins and it’s a race back and forth on who is going to score first. Defenses on both sides are putting in the work to protect the goal, and after a scoreless first period, everyone is glued to their seat to see who will take rein first. When the puck drops for the start of the second period, I watch intently as Micah takes control of the puck and tries to skate to the opponent’s side to get a good opening to take a shot.
When the other team blocks him from trying to make any sort of move, his head quickly turns to see if there’s someone open. Thankfully, Griffin is there, so he gets ready to pass it to him. Griffin skates a little closer so he’s better able to take control, but immediately after Micah passes it to him, two Vegas players stampede Micah and Griffin. Micah’s body is thrust hard into the glass, and he falls, taking Griffin down in the mix with him. The arena goes bone-chillingly silent. And when neither Micah nor Griffin get up, a scream gets caught in my throat, and my hands rush up to cover my mouth.
“Lydia!” Landon rushes over to wrap his arms around me when I realize I’m shaking. Both of them are still lying there on the ice.
“He’s not moving,” I sob. “Why isn’t he moving?”
“He might need a minute to let the pain pass,” Landon tells me. “But he’s going to be okay.”
“Can we go down and see him?” I ask. I feel so helpless that I’m so far away, watching him in pain and unable to do anything to give him the comfort he probably really wishes for right now.
“Lids, we can’t go onto the ice.”
Why the fuck not?I want to protest.
Just before I yell another expletive, Griffin gets up and is ushered by someone, who I assume is part of the athletic training team, to the locker room. But before they skate off, he rushes to kneel by Micah’s side, who still hasn’t moved. I don’t know what Griffin is telling him, but his body language tells me that he’s scared for his best friend right now. And I am, too. It’s been at least five minutes, and Micah hasn’t made any effort to get up.
I rush out of the suite and run down to the lower level in hopes that I can get a closer view of the ice. It takes a lot of begging because I don’t have a seat assignment down there, but the person keeping guard somehow recognizes me when I lie and say Griffin’s my boyfriend and tells me I can pass. I make it to the tunnel, where people are lining up already, and there are medical personnel lifting Micah onto a stretcher. Griffin kneels with the rest of the players on the ice, and when they wheel Micah off, he gets some help from the trainer to skate off, presumably to get checked.
As he takes off his skates and passes through,I yell out his name. People turn their heads to see who’s yelling for him and I hear their whispers as they put two and two together.
“That’s Lydia Goh.”
“Are he and his ex back together?”
“What’s she doing here?”
My senses start to feel overwhelmed again. While I thought I could handle strangers talking about me behind my back, the reality is that I don’t know if I can get over the anxiety I feel when I think about how people view me.
“Lydia,” Griffin breathes as he meets my stare. “What...what are you doing here?”
“I...I’m in the area. It’s a long story. Are you okay?”
“Um, yeah, yeah, I’m okay.” He nods. “Can you stay?” He turns to the person standing guard near the tunnel. “Can you escort her to the locker room? She’s my girlfriend.”
The guard gives him a perplexed look but ultimately nods. “Sure. Yes. We can do that.”
“Is that okay, Lydia?” Griffin asks me. His eyes are downturned, like sad puppy dog eyes. I forgot how long it’s been since we’ve seen one another. Griffin has a little bit of stubble across his face and his hair’s grown a little longer too. He looks rugged, and it’s igniting a flame in me.
“Yeah,” I nod. “It’s okay. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
The guard escorts me down through the tunnel and through to the back, where the locker rooms are. It feels weird to be back here, especially when there are still people playing hockey and even more so when everyone on the Stingrays is not on their A-game after watching Micah collapse like that. I can only hope that he won’t have to go through any extreme surgery, but seeing that he was on the ice for a long time, there’s a likely chance that he won’t be playing for the rest of the season.
The guard takes me into a room with a sign on the side that reads “Visitor Locker Room.”
“I’m just going to check it’s okay for you to head inside. This is kind of a unique situation.”
“Sure thing,” I nod. I wonder if any player has asked this before. Everyone else is on the bench, watching the game, but when the period’s up, there might be players making their way back here.
He comes back out from the locker room and nods for me to come in. I walk in and immediately spot Griffin with his jersey off, wearing nothing else but his shorts and socks.
“I’m just going to be outside. I’ll knock when it’s time for you to head back into the arena.”
“Thank you,” Griffin tells him. The door clicks shut, and I walk over to take the seat next to him.
“How are you feeling?” I ask.
“I don’t feel hurt or anything. But...I’m worried about Micah.”
“Yeah.” I look down at his clenched fists on his shorts. “I saw you kneeling over him. Did he say anything when you got closer to him?”
“He was just telling me there was a sharp pain. That he might’ve torn something. He’s out for the rest of the season, for sure. But...after he gets surgery done, I don’t know if he’ll play again.”
Griffin, Micah, and Ross are all older hockey players. They’re in their thirties now, and soon, whether they like it or not, they’ll have to think about retirement. It sounds like if Micah isn’t going to make a full recovery like everyone hopes, then this might be the final hockey game he’ll ever play.
“What are you doing here?” he asks. “I...didn’t know when I’d see you again.”
Were you making plans to?
“I’m here for the Collegiate Esports finals. My kids surprised me with suite-access tickets, but they bought it when we were still together as a way to say thank you and as a reward if I won Director of the Year, which I did. Even though we aren”t together, I thought I’d come anyway to watch you play. I can’t say I was expecting to see you get injured, though.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. It happens. I’m okay, though. I just got the wind knocked out of me for a moment. Needed to get my breathing right again. The athletic trainer just wanted to keep me here for concussion protocol before I can get cleared to go back on the ice. Wait,” he eyes my worried face. ”Did you just say you won Director of the Year?”
”Yeah,” I give him a faint smile. ”I did.”
He beams when he sees the bit of happiness creep over my face as my thoughts shift slightly to the good that happened before the bad. ”That”s amazing, Lydia. I…I knew you would all along. Congratulations. I”m so proud of you.”
”Thank you,” I nod. ”I”m really proud of myself too.”
Griffin”s expression goes solemn again. ”It sounds like I might have burst that little bubble of joy you had coming here.”
“Not really. Maybe a little bit. I was just scared,” I whispered, clasping my hands together. “I’ve never seen you get injured before. And when you wouldn’t get up, it got me all nervous. If what happened to Micah, getting lifted off the ice, happened to you...I can’t imagine what I’d do. Go hysterical. More hysterical than I already was, which Landon will tell you was...a lot.”
He puts one of his hands over mine. God, his hands are so warm and soft. I missed how safe I felt when he’d hold onto me like this. I invite him in when I pull my hands apart and take one of them to interlace my fingers with his. We look up at one another immediately after, and I see Griffin’s face turn soft. All of a sudden, the last few months flood through our minds in a perfect slide show. The memories that we shared, each one a stage in our journey of falling in love.
“Lydia, I...” Griffin’s gaze turns down to our hands. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper, leaning closer to rest my face on his arm.
“No, it isn’t. You were right. I gave up on us. I just wanted to protect you from strangers who want to spindle lies about us just for their own gain. I took what I thought was the easy way out by letting you go. But I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too. And I’m sorry too, for that post. For allowing my job to dictate how I was supposed to feel about the situation, for being upset with you when you were obviously going through a lot. I want to tell you how proud I am of you for taking that leap and going to therapy. When I heard you were doing that, I was really proud of you, even if it meant we needed to be apart.”
“Thank you.” He kisses the top of my head. “She’s great. Cindy, my therapist. I talk to her about you sometimes.”
“Oh yeah?” I laugh. “What do you tell her?”
“That there are few people in this world who have changed my life for good, and you’re one of them. That I needed to keep working on me because my end game was getting you back. Although, I pictured that a little differently. I was going to try to do it after I got back to San Jose. After this game. Landon gave me a list of all your favorite things to surprise you with. Shrimp rice rolls, passion fruit boba tea, and, of course, a game of Hero Seek.”
“Landon?” I pull back for a moment. “When did you talk to him?”
“Not that long ago. I had to get permission from him to ask you out again. I don’t want to get on his bad side a second time.”
I shake my head. Wow, I can’t believe there was already a plan in the works for Griffin to try to win me back. I’m a little disappointed, though. I wish he had surprised me with all my favorite things instead of scaring the bejeezus out of me when I watched him fall on the ice.
“I see.”
“So,” Griffin looks into my eyes. “If you’ll have me back, Lids, I want to spend forever loving you. I want to be there for you and all of your accomplishments. And this time, I’m not going to give you up for anything.”
I feel tears stream down my face and nod. “Okay,” I tell him.
That’s all the affirmation he needs because Griffin takes both his hands and places them on either side of my face, pulling me to kiss him. He firmly presses his lips to mine, like he’s longed for them for so long, and as I wrap my arms around his neck, he opens his mouth to play with my tongue, and I flick mine against his.
“I love you, Lydia Goh.” He says when we break for air.
“I love you too, Griffin Markey.”
“Where are you staying tonight?” He asks. “Can I stay with you? Or you can stay with me. I don’t care. I just need to make love to you, stat.”
I chuckle. “I’m at the Blossom. But shouldn’t you wait until the game ends?”
He groans. “Yeah, I guess I should. But we’re staying there too, so that works out perfectly. I just need to make up for every minute I’ve been apart from you.”
I clutch onto his bare chest and then slide my fingers down, tracing them along his abdomen. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”