Chapter 26
26
About five minutes after we get back from our date, the bell rings and I cheerfully head back down the hallway from the kitchen to open it and find Zoe standing nervously on the doorstep. The reporters that had been waiting for us on our return from Bounce have slunk away, having come to the conclusion that now we were home, it was doubtful we’d be going back out. She must have waited until they were gone to come over. Still in her work clothes of a white silk blouse, high-waisted black trousers and heels, she has her head bowed slightly and she’s looking up at me with big doe eyes.
‘Hi,’ she squeaks, attempting a smile.
I stare at her, shocked at her presence.
‘I just wanted to say that I had no idea Jonah was going to do that article,’ she blurts out hurriedly, glancing at my hand that’s still resting on the door, as though she’s worried I’m about to slam it in her face and she has to get her words out all at once before I do. ‘I swear, Flora, I didn’t know. I think his lies are horrible and disgusting. I’ve sent him a message telling him that. I… I’m so sorry. About everything.’
‘Oh. Okay,’ I mumble, not sure what else to say.
She exhales heavily, her face crumpling. ‘I’m so disappointed in myself, because I really thought… I built up this idea of him in my head. What I did was so wrong and I feel so, so bad, Flora. I thought I was in love with him. I’m such an idiot.’
Dropping my hand and leaning my shoulder against the door, I drop my eyes to the floor and press my lips together.
‘I’ve been too embarrassed and ashamed to come speak to you properly,’ she continues, sniffing. ‘I should have done this sooner, but I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. And then at the pub the other day, I wanted to break the ice because… well, we live next door and I see you all the time. I wanted to play it cool and not ruin your evening, and then you left and I knew it was because of me.’ She bites her lip as I force myself to look up at her. ‘Flora, you don’t have to forgive me or like me, but I wanted you to know that I really am sorry. You’ve always been so nice to me, and I’m the bad guy here. I was an absolute idiot who got caught up in the forbidden romance and I fell for a guy who didn’t exist. Me and him are over. If you want—’ she juts out her chin defiantly ‘—I will speak to the reporters and tell them the truth about what happened.’
I let her words sink in and let out a sigh.
‘I don’t want you to do that, Zoe. Thank you for the offer, but let’s just leave it.’
She nods. After a moment of tense silence, she turns to leave.
‘Thank you for the apology,’ I say, stopping her in her tracks. She spins round to look at me hopefully. ‘And… you’re not the bad guy. Jonah was the one who broke his promises.’
‘Still.’ She shrugs dismally. ‘I did a bad thing.’
‘It doesn’t make you a bad person.’
‘I really am sorry.’
‘I know.’
She offers me a small smile. I give her one in return.
‘I’ll leave you to your evening,’ she says, hesitating as she turns to go. ‘I’ll be cheering Kieran on tomorrow.’
‘I’ll tell him.’
As she leaves, I shut the door and lean back against the wall to take a moment to process the conversation. Kieran appears in the hallway, having been lurking by the living room door. He raises his eyebrows at me.
‘You okay?’ he checks.
I nod, finding myself smiling. ‘Yeah. I am.’
The doorbell goes again, making me jump.
‘What more do you think she wants to say?’ I frown, straightening.
But when I swing open the door, it’s not Zoe waiting for me on the other side. It’s a tall older man in a suit. He’s got greying dark hair, a defined jaw and intense blue eyes. Even if I didn’t recognise him from pictures, I’d know who he was from a mile away.
‘Hello, Flora,’ Brian says in a broad Dublin accent, as I hear Kieran inhale sharply behind me. ‘Is my son in?’
*
Kieran and his dad seem to be having a staring match. It’s only been a few seconds of silence, but it feels like this horrible uncomfortable tension has dragged on forever. Finally, Brian emits a pointed noise from his throat that breaks the silence.
‘Aren’t you going to invite me in?’ he says.
He’s looking at Kieran, but it’s me who replies. ‘Uh, of course. Sorry, come in.’
I’m not sure if that was the right answer, but I’m ready to explain to Kieran that whatever comes next, whether it’s a blazing row or a surprise reconciliation, it’s best if it happens inside the house rather than out on the street for anyone else to witness.
I stand aside and Brian steps in, politely wiping his shoes on the mat as I close the door behind him, my heart in my throat. I’ve never seen Kieran look tenser. The muscle in his jaw is twitching and his whole body has stiffened, as he stands frozen to the spot.
‘What are you doing here?’ he asks, his frown deepening.
Brian doesn’t take another step forward, putting his hands in his pockets. ‘I wanted to see how you are.’
Kieran snorts. ‘Try again.’
‘I’m telling the truth, Kieran,’ Brian says tiredly. ‘I wanted to check in and make sure you were okay. I felt like we needed to talk.’
‘Did you?’ Kieran says flatly.
I can physically see his guards coming up, that hard outer shell that I’ve been cracking through the last few weeks is piecing itself back together in front of my eyes. His mouth becomes a straight hard line, his eyes cold and untrusting. His defences are back, prepared for attack. With Brian blocking my path, I feel too far away from Kieran and the need to protect and comfort him is kicking in.
‘Why don’t we go into the living room?’ I suggest, nodding encouragingly at Kieran.
He doesn’t budge for a moment, but eventually heeds my advice and steps back into the room, allowing Brian and I to approach and follow him in. He remains standing, lingering by the fireplace.
‘Would you like a drink?’ I offer Brian, gesturing for him to have a seat.
He takes the one by the window. ‘No, thank you.’
‘He probably won’t be staying long,’ Kieran mutters.
Brian sighs. I don’t really know what to do but I feel awkward standing, fidgeting with the hem of my cropped shirt, so I perch on the edge of the sofa. It suddenly occurs to me that I actually shouldn’t be in the room, so I get back on my feet.
‘I’ll leave you guys to chat. Are you sure you don’t want a drink?’ I squeak, the croak in my voice betraying how uncomfortable I feel right now.
‘You can stay if you want, Flora,’ Kieran says, a brief but distinct flash of vulnerability crossing his expression. It’s gone as quickly as it came, and he’s back to fixing his dad with a hard stare. ‘Anything he has to say, he can say in front of you.’
I slowly sink back onto the sofa.
‘So,’ Brian begins, fixing a smile, ‘how have you been, Kieran? The semi-finals tomorrow, that’s really—’
‘Why are you here, Dad?’ Kieran interrupts abruptly.
‘I told you, I wanted to check in.’
‘You could have messaged or called.’
‘I knew you wouldn’t reply or pick up.’
‘So you… decided to fly over and knock on my door.’
‘Something like that.’ Brian shifts. ‘Neil called me.’
Crossing his arms, Kieran smiles in disbelief, his eyes dropping to the floor.
‘I was as surprised as anyone. We haven’t spoken in a long time,’ Brian continues, his brow furrowed as he watches his son carefully. ‘He thought it would be a good idea if I came over to… talk. He felt, and I agree, that it’s important to try to heal any rifts as the tournament gets serious for you. He doesn’t want any distractions.’
I swear his eyes flicker over to me as he says that.
‘Did he? I thought Neil knew me fairly well,’ Kieran says. ‘Turns out he doesn’t know me at all.’
‘Kieran, I want you to know that there’s been a misunderstanding about the book,’ Brian says, leaning forwards to rest his elbows on his knees and clasp his hands together in front of him. He looks remarkably relaxed given the circumstances. I can barely move, I’m so tense.
Kieran raises his eyebrows. ‘You’re not writing one?’
‘I have written one, yes,’ he says, before adding quickly, ‘but it’s not what you think it is. It’s not a memoir.’
‘I heard it was.’
‘What, from the press?’ Brian gives him a pointed look. ‘You trust everything they say, do you? I hope you know better than that.’
Kieran doesn’t say anything, pressing his lips together.
‘It’s a tennis guide, Kieran,’ Brian says gently, appealing to him with a sincere look in his eye. ‘There’s a smattering of personal experience with you and Aidan in there, but it’s a celebration of you both! Your talent and work ethic. People who read it will be inspired by our story. They’ll realise that tennis is more than just a game. It can be a lifeline. You’ve always said that, haven’t you? I wanted to write it to help inspire others. You can read the manuscript before it publishes, all right? There’s nothing in there for you to worry about.’
Kieran watches as his dad rakes his fingers through his hair.
‘I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about it,’ Brian adds in a softer tone. ‘That was wrong of me. I was trying to find the courage to contact you. It was cowardly of me. That, I’ll hold my hands up to. I’m not here to cause trouble, Kieran, if you want me to leave, I’ll leave. You need to be on your best form and I would never, ever want to do anything that jeopardised your chance at winning Wimbledon.’ He sighs heavily, rising to his feet. ‘The truth is, I’m happy Neil called. It’s given me the nudge I needed to come over here and tell you to your face how proud I am of you.’
Kieran’s jaw tenses as Brian cautiously approaches him.
‘I’m so proud of you, son,’ Brian emphasises, his voice hitching as he stops in front of him. His face angled away slightly, Kieran is blinking furiously, his eyes glistening. ‘You should have seen me down the pub watching you in the quarter-finals. The way I was roaring and boasting, there’s not a man in Dublin who doesn’t know you’re my son.’
Bowing his head, Kieran can’t help but smile. Brian sees it and is encouraged, reaching out to place his hand on his arm.
‘The whole country is behind you,’ he tells Kieran, his hand tightening around his son’s arm. ‘No matter what happens now, you’ve done us proud. But I know you can go all the way – you know that too, don’t you?’
Kieran swallows, giving a sharp nod.
‘I know we’ve had our differences, but I’d like to stick around and help if I can,’ Brian says. ‘When we worked together, I was able to bring out the best in you. I haven’t been there for you for a long time; I want to make that up to you. And I’ve been studying your form this tournament and there are a few things I think you can do to really knock this out the park. Just a couple of pointers for you. Neil is in charge, I respect that. Let me stand on the sidelines and see if I can help. If it doesn’t work, you can send me packing.’
Kieran frowns, looking unconvinced.
‘I’ve changed, Kieran,’ Brian tells him firmly. ‘I’ve worked through my issues and I’ve changed. My methods back then—’ he shakes his head in disapproval ‘—they were all wrong. I want to make it up to you, son, if you’ll let me.’
Brian looks at him hopefully. Taking a deep breath, Kieran finally allows himself to speak. ‘You only have a couple of pointers?’
Brian breaks into a grin, chuckling. ‘Maybe a few more than a couple.’ He glances over at me and hesitates. ‘Flora, I wonder if I could take you up on that offer of a drink. A cup of tea would be lovely. Milk and a sugar, if you have it.’
‘Sure,’ I say, getting to my feet. ‘Kieran, do you want anything?’
He shakes his head. I leave the room with a feeling of uncertainty swirling in my belly. Brian seems sincere and I’m happy for Kieran if he’s able to find a way to forgive his dad and work with him again, if that’s what he really wants. But I also know the power someone like Brian can wield over his son, who will forever be searching for his approval. He’s played his part perfectly, and I’m scared it’s too perfect.
I can’t hear their conversation while the kettle is boiling, but when it’s come to a stop and I’m waiting for his tea to brew, I catch part of it. I creep closer to the door, listening to their voices float down the hall.
‘—and you don’t want to throw away your dream on something that might not last,’ Brian is saying in a low hushed tone, but it’s clear enough for me to hear every word.
‘You don’t know that, Dad. You haven’t been here.’
‘I know that you’re this close to achieving what you’ve spent your whole life working towards and any kind of distraction, the tiniest of emotional pulls, can derail your path. This living arrangement – it’s odd. And I get it, I get it. I know how you feel about this road, and Neil has explained to me what happened. You’ve made the best of it – I can see that. But nothing is more important than this tournament, nothing. Kieran, do you really think you’ll have another chance like this one? Be honest with yourself. This is it. I can feel it in my bones. I think you can feel it too.’
There’s a beat of silence. I can’t tell how Kieran responds.
‘This is your shot, my boy. This is your chance, and together we are going to make sure that you take it. You owe it to yourself and your country. You owe it to Aidan. It’s time to get serious. Don’t let anything or anyone come between you and your dream.’
More silence, and then I hear Brian say warmly, ‘Good lad.’
Which means that Kieran must have agreed.
It’s good advice, after all. He shouldn’t let someone come between him and his dream. If it was anyone else, I’d be heartily nodding along, rather than leaning against the doorframe like I am with a debilitating crushing feeling consuming my heart. Because it doesn’t take a genius to know that the someone Brian was talking about… the someone getting in between Kieran and his dream, is me.