Chapter 18
Tsok
The ground dropped out from under him. Plunging him into dark, cold depths that swallowed him as surely as a sinkhole claimed its unsuspecting victims. It must have. Why else would his stomach have sunk so quickly as a chill rushed over his body, the entire world narrowing down onto the look of heartbreak on his mate’s face?
He had done his best for her.
You are neglectful, bordering on emotionally abusive .
He had been a good, respectful mate.
You are a terrible mate to me, Char Tsok .
But how could he be?! He’d never done anything to her!
Neglectful.
He’d never done… anything…
Terrible mate.
“I…” Words failed him, breath stolen from his chest, as he struggled with the pain he had painted across his mate’s face.
Pain he put there,
Because he was a terrible , neglectful mate.
“Misty… I do not… I…” How could he not think of anything to say? He was the honorable char of all Kree, a consummate politician, educated and powerful, but at this moment, he had nothing he could say?!
She let out a long sigh, still braiding but now the movements were slow, listless. The soft tugging pressure on his skin, strangely, grounded him back in the present. Reminding him that he hadn’t actually fallen into a black hole.
The two of them were silent for a time, lost in their own thoughts, as she continued working. He struggled to think of something to say. He wanted to apologize again, but how could he when he didn't really understand what was going on.
Aside from the fact that he hurt her.
With his terrible neglect.
He wanted to be sick. He held back only through sheer force of will.
“Why have you said nothing?” He finally managed to croak. At least the question didn't sound accusatory, but he was unable to disguise his own hurt from seeping through.
After a long moment, she mumbled, “I was waiting for you.”
Waiting for him. To do something.
Oh. Like the flowers.
Except, it wasn’t about flowers. It never had been. What a female wanted was proof of his devotion and intention through action. That was the real meaning to the flowers. Which he very well knew. He had read it with his own eyes.
But he was only just seeing, understanding, it now.
She would not ask for him to prove himself, she wanted him to want to prove himself.
“I did not know you were waiting on me,” he finally said. “I was waiting on you.”
“Huh? Waiting on me to what?” She frowned, pausing in her braiding again.
“Waiting for you… to invite me in.”
“What?” She gave him a look like she thought he was the dumbest creature in the world. “I traveled all the way across the known universe to meet you, and you didn't take that as permission to get closer to me?”
He hesitated before saying, “No. I didn't assume that meant you would welcome my attentions. Especially since, as I understand it, there were some extenuating circumstances in your decision to come here. Being matched doesn’t mean we weren’t still perfect strangers. I thought you’d prefer space to get comfortable, and then, once you were, you’d give me permission to get close. I needed to be sure.”
“You- ugh!” She gave up, hunching over, focusing back on her braids. Fingers moving quickly again. “I can’t even begin to… Why in the world… How much bigger can a damn hint be !?”
She mumbled under her breath a lot. Like her thoughts were too big, too passionate, to keep a lid on them completely. He rather liked that about her. It was charming, in a strange way. He wanted to hear more of her unfiltered musings.
Aside from her grumbling, they fell silent again as she put a great deal of focus on her work. He didn't even care about the braids. More focused on her. The tightness of her tiny little brow fur tufts, the way the heat of her feelings brightened her face, the tension in her forehead and the clench of her jaw and the slope of her neck.
“Was I that wrong?” He finally asked.
“Yes,” she snapped immediately, not even hesitating for a moment. “You were definitely that wrong. How do you think I feel? I just came to an entirely new planet, under extenuating circumstances , if that’s what we’re going to call them. I land, and the guy who is supposed to be my mate essentially goes, ‘hi, bye’ and just leaves me there. The only damn messages I’ve received from you this entire time were the ones telling me that I’m coming with you to a party. And that’s another thing!”
She had been so reluctant to speak before. Absolutely refusing to tell him what was wrong. And now, in direct contrast to that, she was going off completely. Ranting like a pressure relief valve in her throat had been released and everything she had been holding back was rushing out.
And that worried him.
Because she wasn’t supposed to tell him these things. She wasn’t supposed to ask for his attention. If she had to ask for his effort, then it became meaningless if he gave it because it was no longer his choice.
If she had given up on him and that was why she was going off on this tirade, did that mean he had lost his chance to fix this mistake he hadn’t even realized he’d been making?
But he also couldn’t stop her. Not now that she was finally talking to him. Even if it was to berate and condemn him. He had to hear what he had done. He had to hear her talk.
“Do you think I’m a damn doll or something?” She pulled a bit too hard on his fur, but he didn't protest the treatment. “You tell me – don’t even ask me, just tell me – that we’re going to a party. Which is rich, since you were waiting on my permission to approach me, but apparently that doesn’t count when it comes to business, right? Business is super important, I guess. Do you think that’s what mating is like, huh? Just me waiting on you to summon me like a little toy so you can dress me up and parade me around then stuff me back in a box at the end of the day?”
“I don’t know what mating is like.”
“What?!” She whipped her head around. Midtirade, the question didn't sound so much like her being surprised or misunderstanding. It was a short, chopped question, like she didn't even realize what he said at all.
“You asked me,” he reminded her gently. “You asked if I thought that’s what mating was like. I’m telling you that I don’t know what mating is like.”
“Clearly,” she grumbled, focusing back on her braids. “Understatement of the year. I’ve never met someone so clueless at love and romance that they have a sure thing literally in their hands, waiting for them, and they fumble the bag by just ignoring it.”
“I never ignored you.” His voice was so soft in contrast to hers, but it got her attention just the same.
“Seriously? That’s what you’re going with?”
“I never ignored you,” he repeated, more firmly this time. “I just gave you space.”
“Again, you think that’s what mating is like?”
“I don’t know what mating is like!”
“Come on! You don’t have to be Casanova to know that mating involves more than this ! How exactly did you think we’d be able to get closer if we never even so much as looked at each other?!”
“Who is Casanova?” He growled. “A client of yours?”
“No! He’s some guy from Earth!”
“A previous lover, then?”
“No, you jealous ass! He’s like this historical guy or something. I don’t know!”
He stared at her, stunned. Clearly prepared for him to snap back at her and continue this inane argument, she gave him an expectant look.
But he was more focused on her accusation. Jealous. She had identified his emotion just that quickly. Like she knew them. Like she expected them. But…
“How do you know I am jealous?” He asked, voice softening again.
“Seriously? You’re quizzing me about some long dead guy from a different damn planet after stealing the appointment of one of my male friends. You’re so jealous, you’re turning green.”
That last part made no sense, but he didn't focus on that. He was more interested in how she had pieced him and his actions and their causes together so easily.
‘“Why am I jealous?”
“Huh? What kind of question is that?”
“A genuine one. What am I jealous of? Why? I don’t understand.”
She blinked at him. Staring hard, her fingers going still once again. She cocked her head, like she was hearing something he didn't. Then lifted it straight and leaned back, like she was trying to take in as much of his as possible.
“Are you… Are you a virgin?”
“Is it a problem either way?”
“It would explain things a little.”
“Then, no.” He cocked his own head. “I’ve had lovers in my life.”
“Okay. So, like, how did you act in those relationships?”
He frowned. “I don’t know how it is among humans, but it is not considered polite to discuss amorous exploits with people.”
“Yeah, I’m not exactly thrilled to hear about it either,” she grumbled, annoyed, tugging on the strands of the fur she still had clutched in her fingers. “But that’s not the point right now. Answer the question. How did you treat them in those relationships?”
He let out a short breath, deeply uncomfortable for some reason. He didn't really want to divulge these details to Misty – and it wasn’t even a matter of protecting the privacy of his previous bedmates. He didn't want Misty to have to hear these things. To feel what he just did when he thought that the Casanova she named was one of her former lovers. At the same time, she was finally talking to him, and he didn't want to discourage that by refusing to answer either.
“Those females were all either colleagues or females of close or equal standing to myself. We expressed our interest in exchanging pleasures, set up times to do so when it was convenient for us, and then passed an enjoyable time together. But once I was matched to you, I sent them all messages explaining that I was matched to be mated and that I was ending our liaisons permanently. They all expressed their understanding, and a few even congratulated me.” He wasn’t sure why he felt inclined to confirm that those relationships were over, but he did. Like he needed her to know that he did not have feelings for any of them. As much as he needed to know that she didn’t have feelings for Casanova – or Flik .
She was giving him an odd look again. “Er, Tsok. I’m not talking about your fuck buddies. I’m talking about a relationship. How did you act in your last relationship?”
He frowned, trying to figure out what she meant before saying, “You will have to be more precise. I have many relationships with many-”
“Ugh!” She dropped her head back, rolling her eyes. “Your romantic relationships, of course!”
“I have never seen a female in a romantic situation.”
“Never?”
“No. I must admit, I’m not entirely certain of what that means.”
“You know what, I’m not surprised,” she sighed. “You're a love virgin, if not a sex virgin then.”
He frowned at her, unsure what to say. Still rather confused. “I suppose…”
“Well, you have movies and books and stuff, right? You could at least understand romantic relationships shown there, couldn’t you?”
“Romance is not a genre my species produces or enjoys.”
“You- Wait, huh? Like, at all?”
“We discourage mating, and that is easiest done if all romantic relationships are discouraged.”
She blinked at him. “Well… you saw your parents or someone…”
Her voice trailed off even before he could say, “Kits are raised in kit centers, including myself. I did not meet those who sired me until later in life. They certainly didn't have a romantic relationship in order to produce me.”
“T-Then friends…”
“Most of those in leadership positions are unmated, as is proper. Boktare is one of the rare exceptions, and you see how he advocates against mating and romance.”
“You… really don’t have a single idea of what romance is, do you?”
He hesitated for just a moment before admitting, “I do not. As I said, I don’t know what mating is like.”