Chapter 20
HARLOW
Who does he think he is?
The more she considered Xander’s surprise visit, the more she fumed.
Sitting on the kitchen floor, back against the white shaker cabinets, leg in a V across the large square tile, she commiserated with her friends. Or what remained of her friends.
A Blue Plate takeout box once containing a cheeseburger, fries, and coleslaw, along with a smattering of squeezed ketchup packets. A slice of warm cherry pie from the bakery. A package of Oreos from Biggs.
Yes, siree, she swung for the fences this afternoon.
What she wanted right now was a large box of Hayes Cookies, but no one sold them in Sea Blue Beach, which she considered criminal.
She ripped the wrapper from a Reese’s peanut butter cup and crumbled it on top of a pint of vanilla ice cream.
“I still love you.”
Ha. Like a cat loves a mouse. Is that how he saw her? A mouse? Someone—no, some thing—to be toyed with according to his whims.
She rammed the crumbled candy pieces into the ice cream with a large spoon, catching the excess spillage with her tongue. When she had the proper mixture, she scooped a large bite.
You’re a fool, Harlow. Admit it, you ignored the signs and broke your own heart.
So many things were becoming clear. Like when she learned he’d had lunch with Davina a month after their engagement. Which she’d never have known except Annis, the head of Icon, saw them together. “Rather cozy scene for a divorced couple. Didn’t she cheat on him?”
She let it go that evening as they sat on their penthouse deck, cuddled under a mound of blankets, fragrant logs crackling in the fireplace, a winter sunset painting the Manhattan sky. Until he announced he wanted Davina at their wedding.
“After all, we were married for fifteen years.”
“Xander, did you have lunch with her? Annis saw you. Said you looked rather cozy.”
He could’ve won an Oscar for his reaction. Surprise, shock, contriteness, and repentance.
“Yeah, babe, I did. I meant to tell you. Does it matter? I didn’t think ... Wow, so sorry. Men are dolts.”
Harlow shoveled a large dollop of ice cream, chocolate, and peanut butter into her mouth. It was cold and sweet, filling all the cracks Xander exposed.
The day after she asked about his lunch with Davina, he came home with a diamond necklace from Tiffany’s.
“Forgive me, darling?”
“Of course I forgive you. But you don’t have to buy me expensive jewelry.”
She chose to believe Xander’s lunch with Davina didn’t mean anything. Didn’t want to rock the boat because she had an eye on her prize. A family of her own.
Sucker! Harlow breathed in all the lingering scents of her comfort and took another large bite of ice cream, which brought on the brain freeze. If only her brain could freeze out reality.
“I’m still very much in love with you.”
No, Xander Cole, you’re in love with yourself.
She washed down the ice cream with a swig of cold, watery Diet Coke. Now she needed something salty. Where was the bag of Lay’s? Ripping it open, she dipped a large, perfectly fried potato chip into the ice cream. Gnarly to the max. Someone should invent salty, fried potato spoons for eating ice cream.
When the concoction of chips, ice cream, and peanut butter and chocolate was gone, Harlow Hayes crawled off the floor, rinsed her hands and face, then returned to her spot, the stupor of her consumption settling in.
Oh grody, she was supposed to be at work. What time was it—five thirty? No wonder the kitchen shadows were so long.
Sorry, Matt.
She should call him. The afternoon skate was over, but as of right now, she’d not make the evening shift either. Never mind that she abandoned the mission of passing out flyers. So if she called him, what would she say?
“Hey, um, I’m eating my emotions right now. Can’t come to work.”
The zig-zag-zing of shame split her in two. She’d been doing so well. Now her dress was stained with ketchup and mustard, ice cream and chocolate. Why did she let herself get out of control?
“Harlow Hayes, this is not how your mama raised you.” Exactly. Which might be part of the problem. Nope, Dr. Tagg would tell her this was Harlow Hayes’ mess.
Draining the last of her soda, she stood and surveyed the mound of food wrappers and decided to clean up tomorrow. As she entered the living room, the shadow of the T from the Starlight sign once again made a shadow on her floor.
Harlow curled up on the window seat and observed the entirety of the Starlight sign. What had been on Prince Blue’s mind when he built such an extravagant rink?
“You were building your ship, weren’t you?” He understood real heartache. “Only this time on land. A safe harbor for all. A place to sail through life.”
The Starlight had become that for her in the last four weeks. She came down to claim the only possession she had, but instead Sea Blue Beach and the Starlight claimed her.
Though at the moment, she felt lost and confused, definitely a “woman overboard” moment. She was tired, so very tired. And sick. Why, why, why did she let Xander do this to her? Moving a three-thousand-calorie haul through her system required a fiery furnace, and the first drops of digestion sweat beaded up on her forehead, down her neck, and under her arms.
Harlow collapsed backward on the bench seat and stared at Xander’s gaudy crystal chandelier swinging from a rustic beam. An eighty-thousand-dollar monstrosity.
“The house has to look like the Xander Cole and the Harlow Hayes.”
He’d said that a lot, didn’t he? The Xander Cole and the Harlow Hayes. Maybe that’s why she thought of herself in third person.
When she told him she planned to change her name to Cole after they married, he’d said, “No! You’re Harlow Hayes,” as if somehow changing her name, making them a family, would cause her to lose her identity.
Do I still love him?
The sweat beads thickened. No. Impossible. How could she after everything—No. Just ... don’t think about it.
“HH! You here?”
Harlow bolted upright. Matt. Door, be locked, please be locked.
“Are you okay?” Harlow shrank against the window and grabbed a few pillows for camouflage. “Harlow?”
The doorknob jiggled.
“Harlow, I’m worried. Look, I know Xander was here. Simon told me.”
“It’s open, Matt.”
Matt walked past her into the kitchen, bringing the scent of the ocean and the rink, of fading soap, of a man’s life. She smelled of sticky sweetness and perspiring underarms no longer guarded by her Secret.
“Harlow?”
“I’m here.” Stains and all. “Sorry I missed work.”
Matt propped against the kitchen archway. “I see you dined with variety this afternoon.”
“I put the Reese’s in the ice cream. Ate it with chips.”
He looked impressed. “Nice touch. So, Xander?”
Her eyes brimmed over. “Xander said he loves me. Wants me to go home with him. Marry him.” She sat up and gathered her dignity but kept her distance to separate her fragrance from his. “He claims Davina confused him, made him think their relationship deserved another chance but now he realizes he’s”—she intoned his refined upper-crust accent—“deeply, passionately in love with me.”
“What brought him to this revelation?”
“That he was thinking of me all the time, expected me to be there when he came home at night. My theory is Davina admitted she doesn’t want a family.”
The weight of his confession mingled with her extravagant lunch. Xander knew how to appeal to her with talk of a family. Fresh perspiration beaded over the old. Nevertheless, he sounded so sincere.
“Hey, what’s churning behind your gorgeous eyes?”
She twisted her hands together, then wiped a dew of perspiration from her lip. Was the A/C working? “Just wondering if ... maybe ... he deserves a second chance.”
“What? No, Harlow, he’s a putz. Like you said, Davina’s done something to make him realize she’s a schmutz and when she turns up all repentant and batting her eyes, he’ll go right back to her.”
“I don’t know, Matt. Putz aside, Xander is one of the most genuine people you’ll ever meet. He wants a family. I want a family.”
“There has to be more to a relationship than that, Harlow. I mean, what really happened between you two? What didn’t you tell me at the diner the other day?”
She tossed off the pillows and focused on the shadow of the Starlight’s T. “I didn’t see it coming. The breakup. One day I lived in a Manhattan penthouse with my fiancé, the next day the security guard wouldn’t let me past the lobby desk. I had no idea what was happening. I called the penthouse, Xander’s work, no one would talk to me. The security guard who said hello to me every day and exchanged pleasantries, who I bought Christmas and birthday gifts for, walked me outside and said, ‘I have orders not to let you in, Miss Hayes.’”
“He just kicked you out?”
“I took a cab to Icon and tried Xander’s office all afternoon. He was in perpetual meetings.”
“I suspected he was a snake, but he’s really a monster.”
“I checked into the Waldorf until we sorted it out, but a week later he still wasn’t talking to me and then my financial advisor was arrested. All my money was gone, except for what I had in savings. Icon called me for work, but I couldn’t, Matt. I just couldn’t smile for the camera. The man I’d trusted with every fiber of my being, with my heart, even with my money, was no longer speaking to me.” She dabbed a tear from the corner of her eye. “Pretty pitiful, huh?”
“Xander, yes. You, pretty darn courageous.”
“I shouldn’t have told you.” She peered at him. “No one else knows. Please don’t tell anyone what he did to me. I’d die of humiliation. People think our split was mutual.”
He scooted closer and brushed a lock of hair from her eyes. “You can always count on me.” He patted his chest. “Your story is right here. Locked in the vault. No one will know. I’ve made a few costly mistakes running my big mouth, H. But I think I’ve learned my lesson.”
“What kind of mistakes?” She rested against the windowpane. “It might be nice to hear about someone else’s troubles.”
“Cindy Canon, for one. Told her I’d outshine her if she didn’t watch it.”
“Well, that’s true. What else?”
“Said some things about Roger Woods.”
“That’s it? Doesn’t seem that horrible. What else?”
“Plenty.”
“Like what, Matt? Come on, tell me.”
“There was this one incident. When I was a teenager.”
“Anything to do with that cashier’s brother? The former best friend?”
“I think I see a red light up ahead.”
“Cheater.” She smiled softly. “One day you’ll tell me, right? I trusted you with my story. You can trust me. Also, and this will sound nuts, but I really love my job at the rink. I missed out on the high school, minimum-wage job thing. And the rink, wow. How can the town let it be destroyed?”
“I’m glad you’re on my side.”
She patted her chest. “Always.”
“So Xander? What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. He bowled me over today. I mean, the nerve of him showing up and declaring he never stopped loving me.”
“Look at it this way, H. You discovered his weak character before the vows and the children.”
“I guess that’s one consolation prize.”
“Listen, you know what Granny would say to a girl with a broken heart?” Harlow glanced at him, waiting. “There’s no better place to heal than the Starlight.”
“Next thing you know, she’ll have me in an ugly pair of brownies, dragging me around the rink.”
“That’s when the real healing begins,” he said. “Look me in the eye and tell me you still love him. That you can trust him.”
She breathed in and looked him square in the eye. “I don’t know, Matt. I don’t know.”
“I’m not busting your chops, Harlow,” he said. “But make sure you’re not giving what’s left of your broken heart to the man who swung the hammer.”