Chapter Thirty-Six
Now
Avery
Islam my back into the door, mirroring my confusion over a week ago when I accepted Dave’s proposal. I never thought I’d be coming back from Coconut Grove feeling more unsure than I was when I left. I went to move on from Jasper, and I stupidly let him get into my head. He got into my soul.
My eyes scan the entirety of my dark penthouse. It looks like no one lives here. Everything is clean. The place lacks color, personality. There are no earthy tones like the crystal blue water of the ocean or the buttermilk sand dotted with small green plants and seaweed.
This is the life I’ve created. This life fits me more than one with him.
I shake it off, swipe a tear from my cheek, and peel myself off the wood.
“Finally, you’re home. We were getting worried.” I hear a recognizable woman’s voice in the background. Startled, I jump back, tripping on my suitcase.
“Relax, babe, it’s just me,” Lina says, emerging from my guest bedroom.
“You scared the shit out of me.” Clutching my pounding heart, I’m relieved it’s just my best friend. “What are you doing here?”
She shuffles down the stairs in an oversized T-shirt and pin-striped shorts. “Didn’t you get the building notification on your phone?”
I shake my head. “No.”
Lina walks past me and into my kitchen. She removes a handle of bourbon and two glasses from the cupboard. “Or on your door cam?”
“No.”
She cocks a brow and pours a shot of whiskey in each glass. “Didn’t your security system alert you that your alarm was turned off?”
I roll my eyes, sighing. “Maybe. I haven’t been in a good mental space since I left Coconut Grove this afternoon.”
“I figured,” she quips, handing me a drink. “That’s why I’m here.”
I stare at the amber liquid, knowing I’m about to feel much better temporarily. “Cheers to my fucked-up life.”
Lina purses her lips together, humoring me. “Life is what you make it. This is your story.”
We both take small sips, then walk to my couch. “Jasper signed the papers.”
Her eyes widen. “He did?”
“Yeah.” I nod, my chest tightening.
“The girls and I tried to give you space, but it was almost impossible,” she complains.
I chuckle. “I bet it was, but I appreciated it.”
“So, spill. What happened? How are you feeling now?”
I pause, unable to answer. “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
“How did you feel being back there again?” she asks.
I sigh. “A million emotions. It’s strange how it was just a small sliver of time in the grand scheme of my entire life, but it had a bigger impact than any other time before and after.”
“I understand.” She smiles weakly. “So, was the sex not enough to make you question everything, though?” she asks, grabbing the glass with her whole hand, like a warm coffee mug. “It literally took you two less than forty-eight hours to jump back in bed together.”
“The sex was …” My eyes find the window and the scattered city lights below. “Indescribable.”
Lina rapidly blinks and throws her hand into the air. “What?”
I look away.
“How is that not enough to show you you’re with the wrong guy?”
“It’s complicated.” I wave her off.
She huffs, tucking her legs underneath her. “I get it. You know how stubborn I can be.”
“Yeah, let’s not talk about how much you fought back against your sick love for your dad’s best friend,” I retort, rubbing the condensation from the side of the glass.
“We can call him Carter, now.” She winks.
“Oh, is that his name?”
“Ha. Ha,” she mocks playfully.
A beat passes between us as we look down at the busy city streets below.
“I have to marry Dave,” I whisper.
She shrugs. “Well, you have some time.”
I click my tongue. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Look, you don’t have to decide now.”
“I have decided.”
Lina’s hand goes up. “Okay.”
“You don’t believe me?” I snap, straightening my back. “He’s going to offer me security. And since he doesn’t have my heart, he’ll never be able to break it.”
“I believe you, but I also know you,” she counters, glancing at the tattoo on my wrist.
I feel her eyes bore into my skin. Self-consciously, I flip my wrist over and tuck it under my thigh. “Whatever. Why did you come over again?”
“To be with you.” She smiles, wriggling into the cushions on my couch.
My high heels click on the tile floor as I slip through the crowded restaurant.
I’m meeting everyone at The Poppy tonight for dinner.
Piper and Jack are in town from California, Lina is bringing Carter, and I’m sure Bailey’s boyfriend Mason will be there since he owns the place.
A little more than a year ago, it was just the four of us girls.
Now, my friends have all coupled up. I would bring Dave, but I rarely bring him to casual things like this.
He’s never shown much interest in getting to know my friends—and sadly, I prefer it that way.
“Avery!” Bailey’s brother Harry waves at me from behind the bar.
“Hey!” I wave back, plastering a smile on my face to hide the turmoil boiling inside me.
“Everyone’s outside!” he shouts, pointing to the patio, reminding me that the group is at the table he and Mason typically reserve for us.
It’s been over a week since I returned home from Coconut Grove.
During that time, I’ve worked constantly and stayed as active as possible.
This is the first day I haven’t traveled since the night I returned.
Oddly, Dave contacted me every day when I was in Coconut Grove, but I’ve barely spoken to him since I returned.
Even while traveling for work, he’d been distant.
I step onto the patio, crane my neck to the left, and spot my friends. Bailey sees me approach the table first. She smiles and gives me a quick hug.
“I’m so happy to see your face,” she says, squishing her cheek against mine.
“Scoot over.” Piper’s pregnant belly pokes me from behind. “Let me into this.”
I swing my arm around to hug her from the back.
“Now I’m jealous.” Lina sets down her martini, gets up from her chair, and wraps her arms around us from the side.
“Okay, you four,” Mason says, bringing over a plate of appetizers. “You act like you never see each other.”
We all laugh at his comment, then release. While we all take our seats, I quickly greet Jack, Piper’s husband, Carter, Lina’s boyfriend, and Mason, standing next to the table with his arm around Bailey’s shoulders.
“So, where’s the dentist?” Mason asks, gazing at the eighth chair, which is next to me and empty.
I’m engaged to him. He should be here with me.
Suddenly, emotion from the last couple of weeks weighs heavy on my chest. How do I tell them I don’t mind?
How do I tell myself that if it were Jasper, we’d never want to spend that much time apart? I don’t.
I rub my lips together, my heart still clenched inside my chest. “It’s not our night tonight.”
A blanket of awkward silence covers the table. The girls know about Dave and me having nights off from each other, but I don’t think the guys are aware.
“What does that mean?” Jack asks, softly picking up on its sensitivity.
A server places an old-fashioned on the table in front of me. I glance at Mason, knowing I haven’t ordered yet. He shoots me a friendly wink.
I smile appreciatively before taking a sip—the chilled drink leaving a warm trail down my throat. “We have an understanding that certain nights of the week, we don’t see each other.” The guys give puzzled looks while empathetic expressions are on the girls’ faces.
“But what if the only time you’re home from flying is on one of those nights?” Carter asks, his voice low. “Do you still not see each other?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“And you don’t mind?” Jack seeks clarification.
“No.”
Everyone is silent for a beat, processing what I said and probably being grateful they aren’t in a relationship like that.
Lina slips her hand over my knee, giving it a soothing squeeze. “So, Piper Moon, how are you feeling?” she asks, changing the subject.
Piper beams. “I feel really good.”
“Avery, how was Coconut Grove?” Mason asks. Can these guys not take a hint?
I sigh, giving in to my friends. It’s hard enough for me to open up to the girls, let alone their significant others. But Mason, Carter, and Jack are part of our circle now.
I rest my hand on top of Lina’s, which is still comfortably placed on top of my knee. Glancing over at the empty chair to my other side, I find myself wishing Jasper was here with us.
“It was fine,” I say, frustrated with myself for not being good at stuff like this.
I should open up to them. Each one of my friends has been in vulnerable positions like this, and each time, the rest of us rally around to show support.
Is this what they’re doing for me? Do I not need to carry everything by myself anymore?
“Just fine?” Mason asks sympathetically.
Carter’s forehead furrows. “I’m sure it was hard for you.” These girls gave them all the details. I know it.
I straighten my posture and clear my throat.
“Well, it sucked. I got married when I was eighteen, had my heart broken into a thousand pieces, and never got a divorce.” I take in a breath.
“I went out there to ask for the divorce, but when I got there, all the feelings came back, and my estranged and I ended up in bed together less than forty-eight hours after I arrived. He finally gave me one, but now I feel shittier and more confused than I did before I went.”
Bailey lovingly looks over in my direction. “I’m proud of you, babe. It’s a lot to deal with.”
I clamp my eyes shut, being put on the spot, but not in the way one might think. I feel comforted by them, and in this moment, although brief, I don’t feel alone.
“That’s a lot,” Jack comments. “Give yourself some time. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
Carter leans forward, looking past Lina to give me a soft smile. “Thank you for sharing that with us.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Can we order food now?”
The table erupts in a rumble of laughter.
“Yes!” Mason exclaims.
As we all order our food, I spend the night conversing with my friends, who have now become my family.
I feel complete, but a piece of me is still missing.
Trying not to get bothered by the annoyingly cute banter between Bailey and Mason, or how it’s impossible for Lina and Carter to keep their hands off each other, or how my Piper Moon and Jack seem to exist in a world of their own.
I will never have this with Dave. But I also will never be hurt again like I was. Sometimes, to keep out the bad, you must keep out the good too. A painful sacrifice I’m willing to make.