Chapter Forty-One
Now
Avery
The world is complete with colors of bright blue and deep green. The sun holds many different hues of yellow, and the open and fresh sky welcomes me as I drive down the coast from the airport to the small town that’s done nothing but make the biggest impact of my life.
As the sun sets over the horizon, I pull my rental to the side of the street. I hope he’s home. I had Lina call the mayor’s office this morning using a disguised voice to make sure he didn’t have any events this evening. He doesn’t. Which means he’s probably out on the water behind his house.
With a steady calmness washing over me, I step onto the ground. I close my eyes and let my nostrils absorb the warm, familiar ocean breeze. I’m done fighting against this town.
When I was sent to live with Helen, I was a lonely young girl lacking a sense of belonging and authentic love.
It might be difficult for someone who didn’t grow up how I did to understand a story like mine or why I decided to marry a guy I barely knew at only eighteen years old.
But I wasn’t living for anyone else. I was finally living for myself.
A loud silence fills the narrow streets as I walk up to his doorstep. Knocking on the door a few times, I’m surprised I still haven’t been hit with nervous energy. My limbs are all relaxed. They move smoothly.
As most eighteen-year-olds, Jasper and I were impulsive and stupidly in love.
The hurt that I experienced that summer was unlike anything I’d ever want someone to feel.
Or maybe if they had, they would have made different choices.
Maybe someone else would have accepted Jasper for his flaws or knew how to handle them.
But I didn’t grow up with healthy role models, people who cared or took the time to educate me on the world.
I was born into a life where I was at no fault of my own.
I deserve a life of love and trust. I don’t know what the future holds, but what I do know is that it has Jasper in it.
There is no world without him. I don’t exist in any universe without the boy who taught me what unconditional love is, a boy who only wanted the best for me, a boy who stole my heart and refused to give it back.
A boy who became a man which I desperately want to call my own forever.
After a few minutes without an answer, I decided to walk around the back. As I walk past the back patio, I glimpse the space next to the back door, where his surfboard is usually propped against the wall. He is on the water. I know him so well.
My eyes make a full rotation around and quickly spot Jasper with his surfboard tucked under his arm, walking through the sand toward his house. His wet hair drips in front of his face while his head is angled toward the sand at his feet.
My pulse quickens, causing my heart to skip a beat. It only takes him a few steps until he sees me. I gulp. Will he be happy to see me or turn me away?
He approaches with a puzzled yet hardened expression.
“I already signed the papers.” He walks past me, avoiding eye contact.
“Jasper?” I say, turning on my heels to face him.
Water drips down Jasper’s defined shoulders as he pauses. “There’s nothing else left,” he mumbles, then takes the steps two at a time on the back patio.
“Jasper.” His name rolls off my tongue like I’m begging for a basic need. I follow, right on his heels. “Would you please talk to me?”
He stops, then turns to face me with his jaw clenched, a million emotions painted on his face.
He still loves me. “I have nothing to say to you. It’s over.
It’s done. I gave you what you wanted. We’re all good.
You can move on with your fucking life. And your fiancé, which I saw you so happy with yesterday. ”
He saw me yesterday? How? Suddenly, what I had to say could wait. I need an explanation of what he’s referring to.
“What are you talking about?” My eyebrows pinch together with confusion. “What do you mean you saw me yesterday?”
Jasper forcefully tilts his board against the wall. “I flew to Phoenix, Avery. I went to your house to say that I’m sorry for never coming after you.”
“You came to my house yesterday?” I repeat in disbelief. “I had no idea.”
“Yeah, you should probably get your camera fixed if you didn’t even know,” he snaps.
“When did you see me?”
“I ran into a woman in your building who knew you. She said she saw you and your fiancé at the pizza place down the street,” he exclaims in frustration.
“You saw me with Dave?”
His eyes lower. “I don’t need to know his name.”
“Jasper,” I say softly. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”
“You two looked pretty cozy.” His eyes flick to mine before he opens the backdoor. “You shattered my heart once again. I gave you what you wanted. Now leave me alone.”
I can’t help the smile that pulls at the corner of my lips. “I didn’t sign the papers.”
Jasper’s body stiffens. “What?”
“I didn’t sign the divorce papers.” I rush up the steps to him.
His face is weary but curious. The dusk glow highlights every curve, including his defined jawline. “What do you mean?”
“I got a call from my lawyer a few days ago. He told me I sent them in without my own signature.”
“And?”
“We’re still married,” I whisper, bringing my fingertips to his bare chest. His skin pebbles under my light touch.
Jasper sucks in a breath. “So, that means you can have one last fuck session with me and don’t have to feel guilty about it?”
The steady rise and fall of my chest do nothing to help curb the intoxication I feel from standing this close to him. “It means I don’t want to get divorced.”
Still putting the pieces together, Jasper is silent for a moment.
“What about your fiancé?” he asks cautiously. The back of his knuckles finds my cheek. He caresses me tenderly.
I lean into his touch, craving it more than water. “When you saw me at the restaurant yesterday, I was breaking up with him.”
Relief that’s palpable washes over Jasper as he sucks in a heavy breath of air. “You were leaving him?”
I nod, smiling sweetly. “Yes.”
“And what does that mean for me?” Jasper’s other hand meets my face.
“It means no one else exists,” I say.
“No one else has ever existed.” He rubs his nose against mine.
“You were my first and only love, Arizona. When I met you, I was young and knew nothing about how to be a partner, but what I did know was that I never wanted to live without you. My love for you is both steady and chaotic, just like the Pacific.” He slowly glides his fingers into my hair.
Threading them through, he fists a handful.
With a gentle tug, my head tilts upward. “Say you’re mine.”
“I’m yours.” With my eyelids filling with moisture and my heart in a death grip, I release those two words like I’m taking an oath.
His eyes leave mine for a quick glimpse down to my lips and back up. “That’s better.”
“You were my first love, Jasper.” My voice cracks. “Your touch, your laughter, and your commitment are the only things I know are real in this world. I’m sorry I didn’t understand how to support you either, but I plan to spend the rest of my life learning how because I only want to live for us.”
Jasper’s mouth comes crashing into mine. A kiss more desperate and promising than any other before it. His tongue finds mine, weaving into my mouth and mapping like it’s his own. I swing my arm around the back of his head, pulling him deeper into our embrace. I never want to let him go ever again.
“I love you, Avery,” he mumbles.
Tears stream down my face, but we stay connected, and somehow, I make out the words, “I love you too.”
A small chuckle rumbles through his chest before he releases my hair then slips both palms to my cheeks. Our gazes remain locked.
“This is it,” he tells me. “No going back. No running away.”
I shake my head through a smile filled with tears. “Never. I’m never leaving you.”
His expression showing signs of either shock or disbelief. I haven’t figured it out yet. “And you’re moving back to Coconut Grove?”
I thought about this constantly the last twenty-four hours. And the real question that I should be asking myself, which should have been addressed many years ago. Are Jasper and I going to be a moment or a lifetime?
“Yes,” I say with a confidence that bleeds from my soul. “I don’t want us to be a small moment in time. I don’t want our memories by the shore to be only that—memories.” I lick my salty lips. “I want us to be a lifetime.”
For only the second time I’ve seen tears fall from his eyes, Jasper blinks, forcing a single drop to escape from under his eye. “A fucking lifetime.”
I fall into him, letting his body engulf mine in an all-encompassing, future-building, panty-dropping kind of way. He holds me tightly.
His lips graze across my collarbone. “Arizona?” he whispers into my skin.
The light dusting of his breath leaves goose bumps in their path.
“Yes,” I breathe out, my knees weaken.
“You need to change your last name,” he gently demands, slipping his hand underneath my dress and gliding up my leg.
I giggle. “I know.”
“Oh, and Arizona?” he whispers, caressing the thin cotton barrier between us.
I swallow hard, bucking into him. “Yes?”
“Take off your clothes,” he growls, diving a crooked finger into the wet heat between my legs.
“It would be my pleasure, Mr. Collins.” I smile.
I’ll never be alone again.