Memories in Sea Glass: Driftwood Key Beach Reads #2

6. Liberty

Liberty had spent the day trying hard to concentrate on her tele-health patients.

But between video meetings, she paced the floors of her room, wondering how she was supposed to tell Chase what was going on.

Why didn’t I just call him that day?

But there was no point asking herself that question. She was going to make things right today. However he reacted, at least it would be over with.

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine how she would calmly advise a patient in this situation. But she would never have allowed a patient to get into this predicament in the first place. Liberty would have calmly reminded them that they should be honest with their partner and work through their feelings together.

What kind of person just ran away like that?

But Liberty had a pretty good idea of the answer to that question.

This is exactly what Dad did to Mom. How could I be the kind of person who does something so cruel?

Liberty always followed the rules. She was diligent, patient, thoughtful, and she never took shortcuts. But the numbers on that report had put her in a dark place, a place she had never gone before—not even when Dad left Mom.

Her own sadness had been as wide and as deep as the ocean outside her window. And she had drowned in it, alone, for weeks, unable to surface. She was beginning to realize that the idea of facing Chase’s heartbreak wasn’t just something she had run from for her own sake, it had been for his, too.

Of course, that was the same reasoning her dad had given them. He’d only been looking out for them. And she knew how hollow it sounded to be on the receiving end of that. But she wasn’t her dad. And it was different with Chase.

Right now, he was out there somewhere, planning to meet with her, convinced he could bring her home again and they could have the family they had always dreamed of. Right now, he still had hope.

And she was about to shatter it.

But she wasn’t going to run again. If she could survive this news, had survived it for a month already, then Chase could survive it too.

And it would help him to move on. She owed him all that and more.

She waited and waited, but as fate would have it, her last patient was a no-show. She had thought that moving to tele-health would reduce the number of patients who missed their train or couldn’t find parking. But plenty of them simply forgot.

When she had paced the floor for fifteen minutes, she turned off her laptop and decided to take the extra time to shower and put on a light summer dress.

I might as well look nice,she told herself as she smoothed on a little lip gloss. Maybe it will make it easier to have the confidence to tell him.

“You look lovely,” her mom said lightly when Liberty came downstairs a few minutes later.

Liberty could tell her mother was all but sitting on her hands in her effort not to ask for details. But Liberty was grateful that she was being allowed the time she needed before confessing everything. It was going to be hard enough to talk to Chase.

“He’ll be here in a few minutes,” Liberty said. “I think I’ll wait on the porch.”

“I hope it goes well,” her mom said, giving her a gentle smile.

Liberty headed out the front door, knowing that any more sympathy from her mom would have her in tears.

The day had been warm, but it was cooling now and there was a breeze. Liberty sat in one of the pink wicker chairs, admiring the flowers that climbed up the columns of the porch.

Clint had painted the ceiling a sky blue that he said was supposed to keep bugs away. Mom said the tradition was actually meant to keep ghosts away, and the two of them had a playful argument about it. Liberty wondered if maybe her mom was finding love again. It was clear that Clint was taken with her.

Though she would have sworn she would find it strange to see her mom with anyone but Dad, seeing her with Clint didn’t feel weird at all. They honestly seemed like they had been together forever, even though they weren’t together at all, at least as far as Liberty knew. It was always possible that she wasn’t the only one keeping secrets.

Before she had time to think about it too much, Chase’s familiar car pulled up and Liberty forgot about everything else. She was on her feet and heading down the porch steps before she even made the conscious decision to get up.

“Hey,” he said, getting out of the car.

He looked so good in a blue polo shirt and cargo shorts. His hair was getting a little long, like it always did in the summer, and he was clearly getting some sun since he came down to Driftwood Key.

Stop ogling him,she scolded herself. That’s only going to make things harder.

“Hi, Chase,” she said. “Do you want a glass of tea or anything?”

“Let’s talk first,” he said, looking as eager to hear what she had to say as she was to get it over with.

“Come on,” she told him, gesturing to the path on the side of the house. “We’ll walk.”

It wasn’t until they stepped out into the back and the beach came into view that she realized the last time they had been here together, it had been to make their vows.

“Wow,” Chase sighed. “It’s just as beautiful as before.”

She smiled in spite of herself, unable to stop the memories from coming, unbidden. He’d been so handsome that day too…

The breeze changed, and she got a whiff of something fishy and wrinkled up her nose.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” he told her. “I got a job on a fishing boat. I took like three showers before I came over here, but it’s kind of impossible to get rid of the smell.”

“You got a job on a fishing boat?” Liberty asked, astonished. “You get car sick on the way to the train station.”

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “And I don’t love cutting up the bait. But it’s nice to have a job that tires me out physically instead of mentally, you know?”

She looked up at him and nodded, realizing that he had probably gotten so tan from being out on the boat all day.

Willing herself not to look at his arms again, arms that she was certain were now even stronger because of his work, she tried to remember exactly what she had planned to say next.

“I want to apologize,” she said firmly. “I should have talked to you a month ago. I shouldn’t have run. It was immature and wrong. I’m sorry that I made you wonder what was going on. That wasn’t fair.”

“You’ve had a tough year,” he said, his expression neutral. “Grief sometimes makes us do things that are out of character.”

“Well, plenty of people’s parents separate,” she said. “I know it’s no excuse.”

“I really didn’t know he had passed, Liberty,” Chase said softly.

The truth was that Liberty had been so busy focused on Chase and her own problems, that she hadn’t really had time to mourn much. In a way, it was like her dad had been gone for a while now, since she’d always assumed he wasn’t coming back. The only thing that had really changed was the reason.

“It’s fine,” she told him. “Anyway, I wanted you to know that I don’t feel good about the way I handled things.”

“Thank you for that,” he said. “I’m just glad you’re ready to talk now.”

Well, that was that. He’d made the apology part easy for her, though it was hard not to notice that he hadn’t exactly said he accepted her apology.

Now there was nothing to do but tell him.

“I know we both want a big family,” she told him. “It’s something we discussed as soon as we started dating seriously.”

He nodded, his eyes looking hopeful.

“And we both know we haven’t had any luck in that department,” she said.

“We have plenty of time,” he told her. “These things aren’t in our hands. They happen when they’re meant to.”

“I know we can’t afford fertility treatments,” she said. “But I thought I should do some blood tests. Just to see what we’re dealing with.”

Chase nodded.

I can’t tell him. I can’t…

“The tests came back, and I can’t have children,” she told him quickly.

There was a tiny pause, and she ventured a glance up at him.

“Like we’d need to do in vitro?” he asked.

“Even that wouldn’t help,” she said, stopping in the sand and facing him. “My FSH levels are so high that I might as well be in menopause. I will never have a biological child.”

Her words hung in the air between them. She cast her eyes down to the sand, feeling as vulnerable as if she were naked.

“Oh, Liberty,” Chase breathed at last.

Tears burned in her eyes.

Then his arms were around her, pulling her close and holding her tight, his big hand stroking between her shoulder blades as if he were unconsciously comforting the child they would never have.

She didn’t care that he smelled a little fishy, his arms felt like home. Suddenly, she was weeping openly, feeling relieved because someone shared her pain.

“I will always love you,” Chase murmured into her hair. “I promised to love you forever. Why did you run from me?”

But Liberty could only sob and cling to him.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head, and she could feel when he began to weep too, his body shuddering around hers.

They held each other for a long time, in silence except for the hush of the ocean and the calls of the seagulls above.

When her tears finally gave out, Liberty pulled back slightly. Chase gazed down at her with more concern for her than he seemed to have for himself.

“So you understand now why it’s over,” she said softly. “You’ll find someone else.”

But her voice broke on the last word.

“What?” he demanded, his handsome face suddenly tight with fury.

“I said, you’ll find someone who can give you the big family you’ve always dreamed of,” she said. “There are other fish in the sea and all that.”

“There’s only one you,” he said firmly.

“I can’t have babies,” she said simply.

“Then we’ll adopt a baby,” he told her.

“Adopting a baby is expensive,” she said.

“Listen, Libs,” he said gently, cupping her face in his hand. “You know I love teaching, but I can get a better-paying job. Or maybe I’ll just take on a second job. I could work at one of the big box stores evenings and weekends, or maybe even coach the football team like they keep asking.”

“It took me weeks to be ready to think about adoption,” she said. “You’re not thinking straight.”

“I’m not you,” he said, shrugging. “I know how much it must hurt. But I don’t really care, as long as we do it together.”

“Would you have married me if you’d known about this?” Liberty asked a little too loudly.

“Of course,” he said simply.

“No, you wouldn’t have,” she said. “We would never have dated.”

“But we did date,” Chase said with a smile. “And I fell for you hook, line, and sinker.”

“You’ll find someone else,” she said. “You’re young and handsome and a hard worker. You’ll find a nice girl who can make your dreams come true.”

His hand dropped from her face.

“Seriously, Liberty?” he said. “You make me chase you all the way down here and you tell me that I’ll just find someone else.”

“Chase, I can’t have children,” she said again, feeling her heart break.

The fury on his face melted away and she was certain it was because he saw her pain.

“I’ll tell you what,” he said gently. “You think I wouldn’t have married you if I’d known. I know now.”

“It’s too late,” she said.

“Is it?” he asked. “I want to love you. You want a divorce. Why don’t we compromise?”

“Compromise?” she echoed, completely confused.

“Yeah,” he said. “Why don’t we date?”

“Date?”

“You said if I’d known, then we wouldn’t have dated or gotten married,” he said reasonably. “Let’s pretend that we didn’t do any of those things.”

She blinked at him, trying to figure out what in the world he was talking about.

“Let’s start over,” he said gently. “Hi, I’m Chase and I think you have an amazing smile. Can I take you out for dinner?”

She stared up at him, knowing she should say no, and force him to confront reality with her.

But this was the man she loved.

Her poor heart shivered as she looked up into his beautiful brown eyes.

Can’t I just pretend with him for a little while more?

“Yes,” she heard herself say breathlessly.

“Great,” he said, grinning at her like he had just won the lottery. “Can’t be tomorrow night because I have a thing with my boss.”

“I’ve got a family thing tomorrow night anyway,” she said.

“Night after tomorrow then,” Chase told her. “I’ll pick you up at seven. Anyplace special you want to go?”

“Surprise me,” she said, smiling as she recalled the exact words she had said the first time he asked her out.

He nodded. His eyes were moist, and she could feel the warmth of the love between them like it was a palpable thing.

“I’m going to go,” he said, “before I do something stupid like grab you and kiss you when we haven’t even been on our first date yet.”

She laughed and then stopped when she realized he meant it.

“Wow,” she said as he headed back toward the house and she followed. “We’re really doing this.”

“Of course we are,” he said. “I just met the girl I’m going to marry. I’m not taking any chances.”

Too soon, they were back at his car.

“I think you have some spies,” he said, gesturing to the front windows.

She turned just in time to see her mom and Anthem hightailing it away from the window.

“See you Thursday night,” he said when she turned back.

His voice was full of promise.

She watched as he got into the car and pulled away.

My heart is going to break all over again,she tried to warn herself. When he gets a little time to think about this, he’ll realize it won’t work.

But her heart wasn’t listening. It continued to play out a happy drumbeat, and she looked after him long after the taillights of his car had disappeared into the night.