Memories in Sea Glass: Driftwood Key Beach Reads #2

10. Jess

Afew hours later, Jess stood on the front porch, her girls by her side, waving goodbye to everyone as they piled into their cars.

It had truly been a magical evening.

Back in Aynwick, parties usually meant a compulsory fashion show, endless glasses of wine, cruel gossip, passive aggressive complaints, and a generous helping of boredom—at least for Jess. Tonight had been the opposite of that. It wasn’t quite the same as a family party in Mary McKinnon’s overgrown backyard, but it was awfully close.

It had been heavenly to see all her favorite people smiling and chatting with the ocean as their backdrop. They had eaten until they were stuffed, enjoyed endless glasses of sweet tea, told stories, laughed, and watched the sunset together.

Anthem and Justine had been kind of in their own world all night, but they were young. Jess was happy to see they were getting closer.

As Becca helped Mary to the car, Jess thought about their conversation from earlier in the night.

“Isn’t it lovely to spend a day with family?” Mary had asked, an arm around Jess’s shoulders as they gazed at the ocean, which had melted into pink and gold in the setting sun.

“Yes,” Jess agreed. “Thank you so much for coming.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, my love,” Mary told her, squeezing her tightly. “We’re all so grateful to you and your girls for bringing us together more often. I know my kids get busy. But I do love a party.”

“Well, you’ve got four more birthdays to celebrate every year now,” Jess laughed. “Five, depending on how long Justine sticks around, maybe even six.”

“You’re turning out a lot like me, Jess,” Mary told her fondly. “And I’ll bet you’re learning the same thing I did. The more you open your heart, the happier you feel.”

“Becca said you didn’t bring in more foster children after me,” Jess heard herself say suddenly.

“Oh dear,” Mary said.

“I didn’t mean to bring up a sore subject,” Jess told her right away. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“I was a little heartbroken after you left,” Mary admitted. “Though I could tell right away that your uncle was going to love you to pieces and give you a beautiful home.”

“Is that what you told him?” Jess asked impulsively. “Before we left?”

“Something like that,” Mary said with a smile.

Jess nodded, knowing Mary’s words had been just for Uncle Brian.

“Anyway,” Mary said. “I knew after that I would do whatever I could to keep our Clint with us. He didn’t have a wonderful family member to take him home like you did. He needed us, and he needed to know that he was wanted—that he really belonged. The adoption process meant we had to stop fostering for a while. But Louis and I felt it was worth it.”

“I didn’t know you adopted Clint,” Jess said softly.

“Well, we tried our best,” Mary said. “Unfortunately, there were some hurdles. And he aged out before we were able to clear them. I think he knows he’s ours though, don’t you?”

“He was so lucky to have you,” Jess said softly. “And so was I. We both still are.”

Mary had held her close, and when Jess took her eyes from the sea to look at her foster mother, she saw tears glimmering in Mary’s eyes.

“Happy tears,” Mary had said. “They’re very happy tears, sweet Jess.”

Now, Mary was climbing into Becca’s car again, looking tired but content, and carrying a big bag filled with leftovers in her arms.

Jess had been so pleased that she’d remembered to buy some containers at the grocery store earlier in the week, so she could send everyone home with leftovers. Her real goal had been to be sure Mary wouldn’t have to cook for a few days, though she suspected the kids all took turns going over there to cook with her anyway.

Maybe I should find out if there’s a rotation, and if they’d like extra hands.

The idea of being allowed to take part like a daughter warmed her heart unexpectedly and she found herself swallowing back tears.

She turned and saw Liberty walking Chase to his car.

The love that was in their eyes was so real, it was almost hard to watch them. Yet they made no move to kiss, or even really touch each other, and both seemed to consider it inevitable that he would drive off and spend another night at the bed breakfast. A few seconds later, Liberty jogged up the porch steps and disappeared into the house before Jess could ask her how it had gone.

Being the parent of adult and almost-adult children was such a tightrope walk. What no one had ever told Jess was that she would love them so fiercely, with even more desperation than when they were tiny, and that her worries for them would only grow the more they ventured into the real world and out of her protection.

But while they wanted to know she had their back, at this stage, they mostly wanted to know that she believed in them, and knew they were capable of putting out their own fires.

I won’t press her for answers,Jess told herself. I won’t beg her to talk to me. When she’s ready, she will.

In a matter of minutes, only Clint’s truck and Jess’s own car were left parked out front. As if she had called to him, Clint joined her on the porch.

“This was really nice, Jess,” he said, his voice as gruff as usual.

“Thank you so much for helping me,” she said, turning to him. “With everything, always. You’re an amazing person, Clint.”

His eyes met hers and her breath caught in her throat for a moment.

“You want to have a cup of coffee?” he asked.

But it wasn’t really what he wanted to know. Jess could sense it. If she invited him in for that coffee, the conversation would grow more serious.

“Oh, I won’t be able to sleep a wink if I have coffee now,” she said brightly. “I’ll be sure to have some brewing when you stop by tomorrow, though.”

Clint took a step back and nodded silently.

Instantly, Jess felt awful. Would he think she was using him for his contractor skills? She didn’t mean to act like she was interested and then always back out at the last second.

Was that how he had felt when his birth family couldn’t care for him? And when the McKinnons had been unable to complete his adoption, due to nothing more than the passage of time?

Jess cared about him genuinely.

It was just that her own life had been so complicated, and her heart was so tender now. It felt like a piece of delicate bone china that had broken and been glued back together—the least knock could shatter her all over again, maybe permanently.

“See you tomorrow, Jess,” Clint said in his low growl, jogging down the steps to his truck.

Jess stayed on the porch and waved to him as he pulled out. Once he was out of sight, she let out a big breath and headed inside. She was exhausted emotionally and physically, but so glad she didn’t really have any cleaning up to do.

Everyone had helped her carry the dishes up to the second-floor bathtub. Then they had all washed and dried everything and brought it down to put it away, too. It had felt like a continuation of the party since they were doing it together, laughing and chatting.

She was heading back to her bedroom when she realized Liberty was sitting in the armchair in the living room, by the front window.

“Liberty,” Jess gasped.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Liberty said, moving to get up.

“Don’t go,” Jess said right away, realizing her daughter definitely wanted to talk if she had stayed up by herself to catch her on her way in. “I was just feeling like I was too keyed up for bed, and wishing for a little company.”

She settled herself on the loveseat before Liberty could argue, and felt a wave of relief when Liberty sat back in her chair. Biting her lip, Jess settled in for the hardest part of the conversation—waiting for Liberty to begin.

Her own motherly instincts made her want to start firing off questions. And she certainly had a million of them. But Liberty was hurting, and she might only find the courage to speak if she could lead the conversation in a way she felt comfortable with.

So Jess waited, soaking in the silence of the living room. Only a small table lamp lit a circle in the rapidly darkening space. The scent of the apple pie someone had thrown in the oven near the end of the party was still filling the air with its fragrance, though it had long since been eaten.

“I can’t have children,” Liberty said softly.

The words hung in the air between them as Jess tried to take them in.

“Oh, Liberty,” Jess said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

Jess fought back her tears. She could cry them later. Right now, it was important that Liberty knew nothing had changed between them—she hadn’t disappointed her mother.

Liberty sat perfectly still. Jess could sense she didn’t want to be touched or fawned over, so she held herself back on the loveseat, clutching the arm to stop from moving to embrace her grieving daughter.

“I found out on my own,” Liberty went on after a moment, seeming to have gathered her strength. “I took blood tests at the hospital without telling anyone. The numbers are basically off the charts. It’s not going to happen.”

“That must have been a terrible thing to find out on your own,” Jess said, trying to picture Liberty at work, learning this horrible news as she tended to other people’s babies. Then it hit her that Justine was here, expecting a baby she hadn’t even planned for. The pain that must be causing Liberty was unimaginable.

Jess felt like her heart was being wrenched from her chest.

“It is terrible,” Liberty said, her voice soft and tremulous, as if she were still as hurt as if she were just learning the news.

“You and your sisters are my whole life,” Jess heard herself say. “I’ve always wanted that for you, so much. I’m sorry the path won’t be so simple.”

Liberty nodded, biting her lip.

Jess instantly thought of the money she might soon have. How much did adoptions cost? Or was there some sort of procedure that would make Liberty’s numbers not matter?

Jess realized she knew absolutely nothing about infertility.

She opened her mouth to remind Liberty that they might have resources coming in, that maybe there was something they could do so that she could have a family. Then she closed her mouth again, pressing her lips together.

Silas used to try to fix the girls’ problems when they came to him with their sadnesses. And he usually thought he could fix things with money. But the girls often didn’t want a solution. They wanted sympathy and a listening ear.

I’ll do some homework later,Jess told herself. I can always offer to help if there’s some way to do that. For now, I’ll just listen.

“And Chase…” Liberty began, then trailed off.

“How does he feel about it?” Jess asked gently, trying not to allow any judgement into her voice.

This was clearly the thing that had come between them. She couldn’t imagine a world where sweet Chase would run her daughter off for something that wasn’t her fault.

“He’s the reason I came down here,” Liberty said, sounding ashamed. “I… I was afraid to tell him.”

That was so unlike her organized, confident, ethical daughter that Jess was momentarily struck speechless.

Liberty gazed down at her hands.

“I’m not proud, Mom,” she murmured.

“But… he knows now?” Jess ventured.

“Yes,” Liberty said. “He says he’s okay with it, that he loves me no matter what. But I know how much he wants children. Long-term, he won’t be okay with it.”

“How do you know that for sure?” Jess asked.

“I guess I don’t,” Liberty said.

“So where does that leave you two?” Jess asked.

“We’re… dating,” Liberty said with a half-smile.

“Dating?” Jess echoed.

“I said he wouldn’t have married me if he’d known,” Liberty said. “He swore he would have. When I told him he was wrong, he said he would prove it—that we would start all over again, and then I’d see.”

“Wow,” Jess said, impressed. “That sounds really romantic. He loves you so much, Liberty.”

Liberty smiled sadly.

“When you find someone who cares about you the way Chase does,” Jess said carefully, “someone who’s there for you no matter what, someone you love… Well, you shouldn’t rush to push them away. You should give them a chance.”

“Is that what you would do?” Liberty asked pointedly.

Her eyes flitted to the front porch, as if to remind Jess of her earlier conversation with Clint.

Jess gulped.

This was the other thing no one told you about mothering grown children. They saw you and they knew you, with all your faults—just like you knew them.

“It’s complicated,” Jess sighed.

“Dad broke your heart, twice,” Liberty said, making it simple. “Once by leaving and once by lying. And it was awful.”

Jess nodded.

“But you know most people have their hearts broken a time or two,” Liberty said wisely. “It’s not Dad’s fault you married the first man you dated.”

Jess couldn’t help smiling at that.

“And it’s not Clint’s fault either,” Liberty added.

“Wow, Libs,” Jess said, uncertain whether she was impressed or horrified.

“I think that’s as much advice as you need from me in one night,” Liberty laughed, hopping up from her chair. “And thanks for listening, Mom. Believe it or not, I feel a little better now that I’ve talked to you about it. It was kind of killing me not to tell you. But I knew I needed to talk to Chase first.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, even a little,” Jess told her. “And thank you for trusting me with it. I’m here anytime you want someone to talk to, or even just someone to commiserate with. I don’t need to say a word if you just want to vent.”

“I know, Mom,” Liberty said, bending to kiss her mother on the top of her head. “Sleep tight.”

“Liberty,” Jess said, unable not to ask. “About Justine?—”

“It’s fine,” Liberty said firmly. “She’s a good kid. Her pregnancy has nothing to do with my infertility. You’re doing the right thing letting her stay. She needs us.”

Jess bit her lip and nodded, afraid she would weep with pride at her daughter’s strength if she tried to say a single word.

“See you in the morning,” Liberty said.

Jess watched her firstborn head upstairs to bed.

And though she meant to do the same, she sat in the light of the little lamp for a long time, wishing there was something she could do to ease her daughter’s suffering.