14. Jess
Afew hours later, Jess settled into the sofa in her favorite pair of pajamas and a light sweater, a warm cup of peppermint tea in her hands.
It had been an exciting night. Glory was right. Dinner at the resort restaurant was quite an event.
She thought back to the pretty view over all the guests, but her mind kept showing her Dan Jansen’s face. He was a handsome man, and a single parent, who had certainly built an impressive business for himself.
The first time they met, she had been certain that his flirtatious behavior was simply from habit. Men at the club back in Aynwick often behaved the same way.
But tonight, Dan had gotten so personal with her—sharing with her that he hadn’t really dated since losing Tristan’s mom, and later telling her how much he enjoyed spending the evening with her and that he hoped they could see each other again soon.
She had smiled politely and let the moment pass, hoping she had misunderstood. But sitting here now, in the peace of her own home, she could look back and see that she probably had read his signals properly.
Guilt stabbed her stomach, even though she hadn’t responded to him.
I’m not married anymore,she reminded herself.
But the truth was that Silas had left her so battered and bruised, it was hard to accept that he had really left her in the first place, let alone that he was never coming back. And what he had done certainly didn’t leave her anxious to date anyone else.
There was a time when she might have simply thought it was too soon. She knew that she should feel sad about his passing, and she certainly did. But after feeling sad for so long already, what she mostly felt now was…free. The truth was that Jess had grown too dependent on Silas, and she didn’t really want to find herself in that situation ever again. There just wasn’t a place in her life for a man.
After all, she adored Clint, and she had turned him down.
The thought of Clint twisted her heart with more guilt over Dan’s comments at dinner.
But she didn’t belong to him either. She was her own woman now.
Being independent is best,she thought to herself firmly.
If she relied on a man again, she would just leave herself open to being vulnerable. Right now, she and the girls were safe, more or less content, and their needs were met. She wouldn’t allow anyone to jeopardize that.
Footsteps on the stairs caused her to glance up to see Glory wandering down in her pajamas, frowning, with her eyes glued to her cell phone. Something about her seemed off. It took Jess a second to realize that it was strange to see Glory with her face in her phone again.
Jess had returned it to her weeks ago, and been pleased to see that Glory mostly left it plugged in on her desk, her addiction broken, and her eyes lifted up to the world around her.
But now that it was in her hand again, she looked unhappy.
“He’s right,” Glory said gloomily, flopping onto the couch next to Jess and handing her the phone. “She’s gone viral. Two of her videos are buzzing.”
“On purpose?” Jess asked, bracing herself for the sensory onslaught of BeeBop.
She was hardly a little old lady, but she just couldn’t get into the app and its short videos. Something about the bursts of loud music and flashing images always left her feeling kind of dizzy. Not to mention that since things had gone sideways for Glory with her friends in Aynwick, Jess didn’t exactly hold social media in the highest opinion.
“Yes,” Glory said, as if Jess had asked a silly question. “Of course on purpose. She’s trying to be famous, and her BeeBops are buzzing, so I guess it’s working, at least for now.”
Something about that didn’t sound quite right to Jess. Anthem loved music, but fame didn’t seem to be anywhere on her radar. She was a bit of an introvert, and though she seemed to enjoy performing, she’d really only ever talked about composing or teaching when Jess asked what she wanted to do with her degree.
Glory slid her finger on the screen and then leaned back to let Jess watch. Sure enough, there was Anthem, her coppery hair glimmering in the lights of the local café, hands moving gracefully on her guitar as she sang.
Jess smiled when Anthem encouraged the audience to join her, and laughed out loud when the little old man stood to belt out the high parts of the song.
“Oh, she’s good,” she said, watching as the camera focused on the girl with the pretty braids.
When it was done, she watched another video where Anthem decided to receive her reward in pie form. When she said she wanted to share it with the whole café, the room broke out in spontaneous applause.
Anthem’s humble gesture made Jess smile. This was just like her funny, creative girl. She’d always had such a big heart.
“Why didn’t she tell us about this?” she wondered out loud, watching the charming video loop again.
“She’s full of secrets, isn’t she?” Glory asked bitterly.
The door squeaked open and they both turned to see Anthem slip inside, with Justine trailing behind her.
“Hey,” Anthem said nervously, her eyes moving to Glory.
Glory grabbed her phone and flounced up the stairs again without sparing them a word or a glance.
“Hey, sweetie,” Jess said. “Can we chat for a sec?”
“I’ll just get ready for bed,” Justine said, looking a bit like a deer in the headlights before heading for the stairs.
“Everything is fine, girls,” Jess said, hoping it reassured Justine.
Anthem took the chair opposite Jess, still looking nervous.
“Really,” Jess told her, leaning forward. “You’re an adult now. If you want to perform at a café or drive around in a Flamingo-Pizza-mobile you’re free to do so. You don’t have to sneak around. Unless sneaking around makes it more fun?”
“You noticed the golf cart,” Anthem said.
“They probably noticed it at Google Maps headquarters,” Jess laughed. “It’s so pink. Is it safe to drive? Where did it even come from?”
“Hey, did you know the Towel Shack guy has a crush on Anna McKinnon?” Anthem asked with a twinkle in her eye.
“Oh, wow,” Jess said, then stopped herself. “No, no, we’re going to talk about you right now. I saw the BeeBops. You’re amazing.”
“You did?” Anthem asked.
“I can’t believe you didn’t show them to me yourself,” Jess said. “I mean, I get you don’t want your mom embarrassing you by screaming for you in person, but I can’t do any damage just watching the videos, can I?”
“I’m sorry,” Anthem said, sliding off her chair and joining Jess on the sofa. “And for the record, I wouldn’t mind having you there cheering. It’s just that Glory’s so mad at me. I guess I didn’t want to make waves.”
She leaned her head on Jess’s shoulder.
Jess rested her cheek on Anthem’s head for a moment, inhaling the familiar scent of her vanilla shampoo and trying to think of how to say what needed to be said.
“I know Glory’s upset,” she said at last, taking Anthem’s hand. “But I think what she’s really upset about is losing her dad. It’s just easier to put it all on you, rather than to accept that she misses him and she won’t see him again. The last thing she needs is to lose her sister, too.”
Anthem nodded slowly.
“I know it’s hard for you,” Jess said. “Maybe more than for all the rest of us.”
They had talked about it before, many times. Anthem felt guilty, thinking she should have somehow known, even though Jess had told her repeatedly she couldn’t have.
“I don’t ever want you girls to feel you can’t mourn,” Jess went on. “I’ve been mourning in my way, too.”
It was a strange kind of mourning, so laced with her own hurt that he hadn’t let her be there for him.
“Do you forgive him?” Anthem asked so softly Jess almost didn’t hear her.
Oh, my sweet girl—so insightful, it’s like you’re reading my mind.
“Yes,” Jess told her firmly.
“I mean, I know you told him he had your forgiveness,” Anthem said. “But do you really forgive him?”
“I struggle with that part of it every day,” Jess admitted. “I hope that doesn’t upset you, honey.”
She paused a moment, trying to put it all into words.
“I forgave him for his sake,” she said after a moment. “I did it so he could go in peace, which I wanted, with all my heart. But forgiving him for my own sake, so I can find peace too? Well… that part’s harder. After all, what he did didn’t only impact me, it hurt you girls too. And that’s a big line to cross for me.”
“I’m mad at him too,” Anthem whispered. “He put me in this situation where Glory might never talk to me again.”
“It makes sense for you to be mad,” Jess told her encouragingly.
Anthem was typically very slow to anger. It was good that she could realize and acknowledge her feelings right now.
“And Glory will come around,” Jess went on. “She’s a good person and she loves you. Those two things will be more important than any conversation you had with your dad. It just might take a little time. This is a tough period we’re going through, with a lot of transitions for all of us.”
Anthem squeezed her hand. There was a squeak on the stairs and Jess glanced up to see Justine tiptoeing down the steps.
“Come on down,” Jess said. “Everything is fine.”
Anthem pulled away slightly and waved Justine to take the chair she had just vacated.
“We actually did want to talk to you about something, Mom,” Anthem said. “Right Justine?”
Justine nodded mutely, her hand curled around her belly.
“What is it, sweetheart?” Jess asked.
“I, um,” Justine said nervously. “I like it here, Aunt Jess. It’s nice to be with your family. I know you said I could stay a while…”
Jess waited, but Justine was gazing down at her hand.
“That’s right,” Jess said. “You know you’re welcome here. How long do you want to stay?”
Justine shrugged and looked up at Jess. There was a question in her eyes, almost like she was pleading.
She feels safe here, a little voice in the back of Jess’s head said. She wants to stay forever.
Something about it reminded her of herself as a teen, sitting in Mary McKinnon’s kitchen and wishing she could freeze time.
“Well, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want,” Jess told her with a warm smile. “You’re part of the family, sweet girl.”
Justine smiled radiantly and hopped up, impulsively wrapping her arms around Jess’s neck.
Any fears Jess might have had about whether she really wanted a fourth young person to worry about were gone. She returned the squeeze and patted her arm when she pulled back.
“But we’ll have to get you set up with a local OB,” Jess told her. “You’re probably due for a check-up. And when the time comes, we don’t want to be delivering this baby ourselves on the kitchen floor.”
That earned her a giggle from both girls.
“We’ll go search for OBs online,” Anthem said. “Right, Justine?”
“Yes,” Justine agreed. “And we already signed me up for a childbirth class here at the firehouse in Driftwood Key. Anthem’s going to be my birthing partner.”
Anthem nodded, smiling proudly.
“That’s wonderful, girls,” Jess said. “If it’s okay with you, we’ll check with Liam McKinnon in the morning. He’s a local doctor. I’ll bet he knows all the best OBs nearby.”
“Sounds great,” Justine said happily.
“And you’ll have to let me know if there’s anything I can help with,” Jess added.
“Thanks, Aunt Jess,” Justine said, getting up. “But I’m going to be a mom soon, so I’m trying to figure as much out on my own as I can.”
The girls disappeared up the stairs talking excitedly, leaving Jess alone once more with her cup of tea, feeling proud of them both. Justine was going to be just fine, especially if she stuck around and let them help a little. And it was strange not to know what Anthem’s plans were around her newfound online notoriety. But maybe she didn’t have any yet.
Could viral BeeBops actually lead to a real job?
But Jess was way out of her element with that question. At worst, it might make local kids more excited about taking music lessons from someone with some internet presence. And at least Anthem was enjoying herself and bonding with her cousin.
Glory was enjoying work, and she was also getting closer with Dan’s son, who seemed like a nice boy. And Liberty had disappeared upstairs immediately tonight to talk to Chase on the phone. She had taken to doing that every night for hours, just like she had with her friends as a teenager.
At first Jess had thought the dating thing was romantic, but also maybe a little bit silly. They were already married, for heaven’s sake. But she could see now how good it was for both of them. Chase was making Liberty feel treasured and wanted, in spite of the struggle they had ahead of them. And she suspected the space was giving Chase much-needed time to forgive Liberty for running instead of telling him what was going on.
She had no doubt the two of them would be living together again soon, and that they would be all the stronger for the time they had taken to get to know each other all over again.
From what Liberty had shared, it sounded like the date they’d gone on the other night to the movie at the marina had been a lot of fun. Liberty deserved that. She had always been so serious, but Chase invariably knew how to put a smile on her face. The two of them brought out the best in each other.
Jess took a sip of her tea and suddenly heard Clint’s words in her head again.
I guess it’s no secret how I feel about you. I’m not pushing for anything. Just thought you should know where I stand…
She shook her head to clear the thought, wondering where it had even come from. She had been thinking to herself two minutes ago that she never wanted to date again.
There was just something about Clint. She had known him so long, and he wasn’t playing games. The man put his cards on the table and that was that.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she slid it out, surprised. It was a little late for Marta or Nikki to be messaging, and the girls were all home.
Clint
How was dinner?
Jess smiled. How funny that he had thought of her just when she was thinking of him.
She tried not to let herself remember that she thought about him all the time these days.
It was fancy.
Ha!
Desserts there are the worst. Anna says they ship their key lime pie in from South Carolina.
I stopped by earlier to look at something in the kitchen, and I left a real dessert in the fridge for you.
Jess smiled to herself.
He had figured out that she hadn’t really liked the place, even though she had only said it was fancy.
He knows me well enough to know that I don’t like fancy.
She slid off the couch and headed into the kitchen, opening the fridge. A thick slice of Mary’s famous strawberry shortcake on one of her familiar plates, carefully covered in plastic wrap, was waiting on the middle shelf.
Jess smiled and pulled it out, setting it on the counter and picking up her phone again.
Wow. Thank you!
Enjoy.
See you tomorrow.
She slipped the phone back into her pocket, and grabbed a fork from the kitchen drawer.
Jess wasn’t a big fan of late-night snacks, but the long day and the fact that this was a gift from a friend made it feel different—a decadent occasion, not a bad habit.
She removed the plastic wrap, releasing a heavenly scent, then went out to the back porch and sat at the little table.
It was dark enough that the moon and stars glowed like jewels, once in the sky, and again on the surface of the ocean. Tiny waves surged and crashed importantly on the shore. As she watched, a heron stepped carefully along the shoreline, its pale plumage practically glowing in the moonlight.
She took a bite of the delicious treat, and hummed with satisfaction. The strawberries, grown with such effort in Mary’s garden, burst with a bright flavor that was the perfect counterpoint to the buttery cake and rich cream.
The sweetness melting in her mouth instantly transported her back to being a kid at Mary’s table. In her mind’s eye, she could see Connor and Kyle each trying to get the biggest piece and giggling when their father scolded them fondly and told them that obviously the largest piece would be his.
Becca would be rolling her eyes at the boys, while Anna squeaked proudly to Jess about how she had helped Mom with the cake.
And all the while, Clint quietly wiped down counters, checked that the oven was off, and washed the pans until Mary told him firmly it was time for dessert.
Even back then Clint had been so serious, so dedicated to taking care of everyone and making sure not to leave any task undone. Something about it made her chest ache, though she didn’t know why.
It’s just been a long day,she told herself. I need a good book to relax with.
She had finished up all the paperbacks she’d brought down with her. It was long past time to visit the library and get a card. Then she could settle in and enjoy other people’s troubles and adventures instead of overthinking her own.
As she ate, she made a mental note to ask Joanie at the flower shop if she’d ever thought of selling some of her secret fertilizer to home gardeners like Mary. Those delicious strawberries deserved any advantage they could get. Jess also had a few ideas about deliveries to bring up next time they talked. Working at the shop had really gotten her excited about being part of a business, and it seemed like she was having ideas to improve it all the time lately.
Too soon, the shortcake was all gone.
Jess stood and drank in the view of the ocean one more time before heading inside, excited to face a new day tomorrow, with whatever challenges and opportunities it brought.