Chapter Thirty-five
Hazel
“So let me get this straight.” Su-mi picks up the note that tagged along the flowers delivered to me. “Rain is still pretending he didn’t help you, and you’re still pretending you didn’t know. So he sent these flowers to you because he wants to remain anonymous even though he now knows you know?” I nod at her confusing, but perfectly understood question. “What is the name of this kink?”
Painful blush spreads across my cheeks as I stare at the lilies. It’s the same flowers he bought me on the day of our cake tasting. As if it doesn’t already give it away that it’s from him, he adds a note that says; ‘ From your secret admirer . ’
Is this Rain Dacosta indulging me? Or does he see this as a platonic gesture? I hope he doesn’t. Because the butterflies in my belly say otherwise.
I’m confused at this point. Should I stubbornly hold on to him? Or should I just let him take the lead? He’s too slow about it though, and he nearly had me convinced that he doesn’t care about me.
Up until last night at least.
I replay our conversations over and over. Whether we’d both like to admit it or not, we had another moment last night. I know he’d rather jump in a lagoon than talk about it. That’s also how I know that these flowers are his way of saying ‘thank you for the dinner.’
Why? Because action over words.
“I’m confused.” I fold one hand under my chin, taking the message card from Su-mi with the other. “Should I do it?” I hit the tip of the card on the table. “Should I not do it?” I hit it again.
“Do what? Screw his brains out?”
Surprisingly, I’m not fazed by that comment. Maybe it’s because I expect her to say something like that, or maybe I’m too deep in my head to actually listen to what she’s saying. “That. And pursuing him.” I pause and glance up at Su-mi who still has an expressionless face on. “Is it scary that I want to bite onto him and never let him go?”
“No, it’s kinky.”
“I don’t want to be indecisive anymore, Su-mi. I want to do this. I want to love him so much, it’s driving me crazy.”
Alarm rises in Su-mi’s eyes. Her fear— and mine —has finally come to pass. I’ve admitted to wanting to love Rain.
“Love?” I nod with a pout. “We’ve talked about this, babe. It’s dangerous to love him. It’s dangerous to feel anything for that man.”
That man. But that man is my husband. My grumpy husband who makes the funniest jokes with the driest face. That man is a powerful billionaire who lets his housekeeper control him because he has a soft spot for her. It’s that man who made a fuss about me changing things in the house, but still hasn’t made an attempt to remove them yet. He never fails to wear his house slippers when he returns from work, and he uses his bedside lamp.
“But I want to.”
“And if he rejects you?”
“Then I know I tried. I don’t want to reject never trying.”
“Ooh,” Su-mi singsongs. “Our Hazel is all matured now, hm? Weren’t you lamenting just three months ago?” She imitated crying. “‘ It’s just sex, I should have given it to him. Oh my Kemar.’ Now you know it’s best to wait until you’re ready.”
I nod. I am ready. I’m hungry for it in fact.
I’ve felt more for Rain in three months, than for Kemar in three years—be it anger, happiness, sadness, and now love.
Not only do I want to love him, but I also want him to love me. I want him to stop fighting whatever it is and take a chance with me. We only have three months until the contract ends, and I want to spend every second to make him realize that I’m a safe person to love.
“Wait, hold on. The fire in your eyes is scary. I get it, you want to love him and all, but it’s Rain Dacosta you’re talking about here. He’s not going to love you just because you tell him to. You know that better than I do.”
I slump my shoulders. She’s right. Rain hasn’t proved that he feels any sort of emotion toward me, and I may be taking things too far again. “Then what do I do?”
“We plan. But before anything, I want you to know that if that muscle of stone hurts you, I’m gonna kill him. You know my initial dream career is to become a murderer of men. He better not be my debut.”
“Su-mi, don’t hate him,” I whine. It’s already bad enough that Rain thinks of her as a menace. Three months ago, she was jumping to meet him. Now she wants his head on a plate. You can’t make it up.
“I’m just saying. Anyway, back to planning. I think I need a pen and a notepad to make you understand.”
One minute later, we’re back to our former sitting positions, with a pen and notepad. Su-mi doodles in a lot of circles, stick figures and labels, before explaining.
“So this is where you both were—random people. Then he kissed you, and you moved here—friendship circle, still leaving him in the random people’s circle. Now your moment with Henri Leclair and last night’s dinner has moved you here, which is the lovers circle, but it moved him here, which is the friendship circle. Do you know what that means?”
I move closer to stare deeply at the notepad, but all I see are perfect circles I can’t draw, and weird stick figures. After a long minute, I give up. “No, I don’t.”
Su-mi blinks slowly, her eyes red-rimmed, like a tired tutor who has taught the same thing for over two hours. “It means you’re moving faster than he is. You need to move back to this circle, be friends with him, then move to the lovers circle with him. Don’t chase him, let him catch up to you.”
My face perks up and I peer into the unorganized piece of paper, the plan starting to come together. I throw a wide smile at my bestie. “I love your brain.”
“Okay, zombie. Don’t eat them though,” she replies with a grin as she deposits the pen and notepad into the pocket of her apron.
“But how do I become friends with someone who doesn’t want anything to do with me?” I ask after a few minutes of silence. Becoming friends with Rain won’t be an easy task, considering that his best hobby is to ignore me and my existence.
“You think he doesn’t want anything to do with you?” I nod. “Damn, he’s doing a good job hiding it.”
“Hiding what?”
“Girl, he looks at you like he wants to eat you raw. Did you see him at the club the other night? Man was full on about to fight that dude. He wants something with you, he’s just restraining himself. That’s what you need to snap—the stupid restraint he keeps. And I know how to.”
Never in my wildest dream would I have thought I’d be sitting with my best friend, or anyone frankly speaking, taking lessons on how to seduce a man, but I find myself leaning closer to Su-mi to hear what she has to say.
“Don’t pay him any attention.”
“Ehn?” I exclaim. “Su-mi, that’s me adding to my problem. Rain will be happy he finally has someone interested in his game. If I ignore him the way he does, then I lose my chance.”
“Calm down. It’s called reverse psychology. You know that phrase English people say, the one that says a sense does something to the heart. Sometimes, pulling away is the best way to pull someone in. Give him space and you might never know, he might feel it with his presence. This might just be what he needs to take the initiative.”
I bite hard on my bottom lip as I think about it. This will either become the best advice I’ve ever followed, or the worst. No in between. While Su-mi will never give me wrong advice, she also doesn’t know Rain better than I do. If I do this, it can turn out to be the best gift of his life.
“Say you swear it’ll work?”
“Oh hell no, I’m not swearing. What if I accidentally ruin your life?” I widen my eyes at their words and she chuckles. “I’m kidding. Just trying it, Miss overthinker. If it doesn’t work, we’ll come up with something else.”
“Fine. Only for a few days. If there’s no progress, I’ll go back to lusting after him.”
If I can hear myself perfectly, I just agreed to give Rain a taste of his own medicine.