Chapter Thirty-Seven
Hazel and Rain
If I have to judge by the longest two days I’ve ever had, then punishing Rain has been nothing less than punishing myself.
The silence between us is deafening, and it’s not just the lack of words that’s hurting me—it’s the absence of his presence. Which is my fault because I’m the one running away. I miss him. I miss his gray and cold eyes. I miss the way he always knows how to ruffle me up. I miss the way we fight. I miss … everything.
I confessed to Su-mi about my inability to continue with the plan, and she reminded me that it’s been two days. I was shocked. What does she mean it hasn’t been three years since I last crawled to him and gave him every piece of my attention even when he ignores it?
I sigh, feeling a pang in my chest. I know Su-mi is doing this for me, and maybe she’s right. Maybe this is when Rain will finally realize that my presence is not as bad as he thinks of it to be. If there’s something about Rain, it’s how much he cares about his ego. He is no doubt bruised by the lack of attention, but why he isn’t making any move is what’s bothering me. Am I really getting ahead of myself? What if he doesn’t care?
The silence is starting to stretch into its third day, and Angela and the staff will resume work soon. It’ll be crowded again and we’ll have no chance to ever talk. Looking back at accepting that deal with Su-mi, I think I shot myself in the leg.
I return my focus to the book in my lap—my schedule filled notebook from HLF. Apparently, there’s no class anytime soon. The only ones available are practicals for graduating students, followed by a month of break. I’ve also been added to a broadcasting group filled with newly recruited students and we’ve been sent a few links to previous classes to watch and write out questions for the next session.
As I go through the links, I hear the front door shut, and my heart skips a beat.
Rain is home.
I wait for the sound of his footsteps and the creak of his bedroom door as he shuts himself away from me, while I do the same. But the silence stretches on and I start to feel a flutter of fear in my chest.
Where is he?
I strain my ears harder to pick up any approaching sound, but I only hear rustling from the living room. A shiver runs down my spine as I wonder if it isn’t him, but a burglar or a creep who followed me. Earlier when I returned from work, I thought I heard the sound of camera clicks, but there had been no suspicious person in sight so I cleared it off my mind.
With shaky hands, I set the book aside and grab my bedside lamp, as I tiptoe out of the bedroom and down the stairs, my heart pounding in my chest. The closer I get, the more I hear it—the clinking of dishes.
I pause. What burglar goes into the kitchen on the first entry. Are silverware worthier in the market now?
I step into the kitchen, and the scene unfolds differently than I expected.
Rain stands there, sleeves rolled up, suit jacket abandoned, as he juggles two ice cream bowls and one popcorn tub. He opens his mouth to trap another tub of popcorn in his teeth, but I clear my throat to announce my presence. His eyes meet mine, and the warmth in them catches me off guard.
After careful observation, I’ve reached a realization: Rain in a suit and Rain in a shirt are two distinct forms of handsome.
“Hey,” he says, his voice gentle. I stay quiet, unsure how to respond to him since I’m not supposed to talk to him. “I was about to set it up before coming to you.”
“Set what up?”
“Our home theatre. I’m not sleepy yet, and I think you aren’t too. We should talk. Like last time.”
“You want to spend time with me?” he nods without a pause and my mouth slacks. If it’s my plan with Su-mi that’s working, then I owe her a big kiss, and I better get her the expensive designer handbag that’s been on her wish list since last year. “I can spare thirty minutes,” I respond, as I drop the lamp with me to help him with the popcorn.
Rain skims me thoroughly and when I follow his reading, I shift on my feet resisting the urge to cool my burning face with my palms. I’m in a white chiffon two piece nightwear that’s nothing less than a lingerie, which is a shitty move considering I was initially coming to catch a creep. I should be grateful I met a familiar company instead.
Rain leads us into the theatre, flipping a switch to dimly illuminate the room. We settle in, setting the snacks down before taking seats side by side. As I try to calm my racing excitement, I’m struck by how natural it feels—as if nights like this have always been our routine.
“Did you leave your suit jacket in the car? I can’t see it anywhere,” I ask him.
He shrugs, focused on arranging the snacks into the inflatable cuddle seats’ built-in compartments. “Renzo took it from me.”
I let out a laugh. “He did? That’s funny. I guess all siblings do that regardless of their ages.”
He smirks.”You steal from your older sister too?”
I’m about to ask how he knows my sister, but then I remember his ‘research’. I refrain from teasing him about it.
“Firstly, it’s not stealing . Secondly, yes, I do take things from her. Don’t even get me started. I’m sure she’s thrilled to have a break from me.”
“Renzo has to be the worst in that field. One day, he ‘liked’ my wristwatch in the middle of a fundraising event and he took it off. He works directly with most of the brands, but he does it anyway.”
“It’s fun when you’re not the older sibling,” I chuckle. “Can I ask you something?” Rain nods. “When did your parents bring Renzo home as your brother?” He pauses in his movement, his ice cream spoon hovering mere distance from his mouth.
I bite my tongue. I’ve certainly trespassed. I’ve ruined our progress again, haven’t I?
I try to apologize, but Rain drops his ice cream bowl and speaks first, “Technically, I brought him home as their son, and after three weeks, they finished the paperworks and announced him as my brother.”
“What!?” I ask puzzled, confusion heavily coating my voice. “Where did you meet him?” I question again as I couldn’t imagine young Rain walking into an orphanage and bringing out an even younger Renzo home to his parents.
“I met Renzo at a park in front of my school because I always waited there for my driver. Each day, I would meet him there. Either just sitting on the bench or sleeping on it. We soon became friends and I found out he lived there.”
My eyes widen at the information. “Lives there? As in the park?”
“Yes. Lives there as in the park, as in on the bench.”
My heart breaks as I imagine young Renzo every night on a bench at a park, not having anyone to fend for him. I know he’s no longer in that situation, but it doesn’t stop the tears welling in my eyes.
“He used to live in an orphanage, but he and five of his friends ran away because the owner was an abuser who hit and starved them most of the time. He lost them over time and was alone. I was a child too. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I didn’t want to leave him at the park anymore. So I took him home with me one day.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. I refused to leave if he wasn’t coming with me, and the driver would never leave me at the park, so he had to comply.” He chuckles and continues, “I remember the look on my Mom’s face. She was so scared that I kidnapped a boy. When my Dad returned from his business trip the next day, they took him to the cops, who began investigations based on Renzo’s claims. The orphanage was closed less than a week later as they found multiple evidence, and all the kids were shared into different orphanages. I wasn’t going to let Renzo go, so—” he drawls out.
“So you made your parents adopt him so he can stay with you instead,” I finish the sentence for him and he nods.
I think I’ve fallen in love with Rain Dacosta all over again.
“I hope you know you gave him a new life and a new family. If the orphanage was good to him, you would have never met him.”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I think he has pressure on him. He goes extra miles to impress Dad, and I understood him because Dad wasn’t so welcoming to him in the first few months, so I felt he was stressed by it. But it’s been over twenty years, and it looks like he’s still struggling to believe he’s now accepted by him.” Rain’s jaw tightens and for a moment, I see a storm of torments in his eyes, telling me that he’s really bothered by Renzo’s insecurity.
“Hey,” I hold his hand in mine and his eyes envelop the action. “You did an amazing thing. You were only twelve, yet you knew that the boy who lived at the park needed a friend and a family, and you gave him both. But I want you to know that it might not be easy for Renzo too. It must have happened so fast for him, and no matter how many years has passed, he must still be struggling to believe it. Trauma does that to people. But I’ve seen him with your family. I’ve seen him with your Mom and Dad and Reina. And I’m telling you, those are his parents and sister.”
He remains silent, his eyes still fixated on our hands. I give the back of his palm a rub and add, “And you’re his brother.”
Our eyes hold and I throw him a small smile, my fingers still instinctively rubbing on his palm.
“This conversation is thrilling,” he notes sarcastically. “But the ice cream has melted.”
I scoff, standing up after him. We make our way into the kitchen to change the melted ice cream.
“You know you won’t die, right?” I mock when he bends to take a look at the flavors we have left. Angela is the reason for so much ice-cream. She’s old enough to stop the intake of too much sugar, but unfortunately, no one can tell her what to do.
“What?”
“If you say thank you, it won’t kill you.”
Rain shrugs, his back still turned on me. “You never can tell for sure. I don’t want to make you a widow.”
My heart whirs in my chest as I laugh. “Did Rain Dacosta just make another one of his dry jokes?”
“Did I?” He returns to his height and I roll my eyes at the deep frown on his face.
“Yes. Except you’re still saying it with a straight face. Let’s teach you how to smile, shall we?” I walk in front of him, shut the fridge door, and stupidly trap myself between him and the fridge.
With both my index fingers, I push his lips in an attempt to keep a smile on his face, but each time I take my fingers off, he drops his smile. “Oh come on.”
I may have been playing a dangerous game because of the conversation and progress we’ve had tonight, but I lift his lips a couple more times, until he grabs my hand. My heart thrums hard at the sudden movement.
The air in the kitchen becomes electrifying, thick with unresolved suspense. Rain’s eyes locks with mine, the ice in his eyes pricking my skin. I shift on my weight, but I only end up more trapped to the fridge.
As we stand there, the only sound becomes the gentle tick of the clock on the wall, the puff of my breaths, and the pound of my heart rate.
Rain’s jaw clenches, every bodily movement showing how hard he’s trying to get back into control, while my teeth rake over my bottom lip, hoping for the opposite.
I’m ready to do this with him. I know I am.
His hands flex into fists, and his muscles tighten. I swallow hard, and my heart thuds into my ears. I feel alive, every nerve tingling with anticipation of what I hope is to come.
“ Principessa , I’m losing it.”
“So lose it.”
He locks his piercing gaze with mine and I feel like he can see right through me. The tension between us is like a living thing waiting by the corner for drama to unfold.
With a curse, Rain takes a step closer and slams his lips to mine.
Rain
Control slips from me—as usual.
It slips so fast, I shouldn’t even dare to call myself a man of control after this.
I can’t take it anymore. Her breath, her scent, her . It’s too much for me to handle. Her proximity suffocates me as my lips crash down onto hers in such a primal, rough, and unapologetic way.
This kiss isn’t like the one we shared in my room the other day. This is raw desire, an epitome of hunger. And with how good she is at summarizing me, I’m sure she knows how starved I am.
“ Devi uscire dalla mia testa ,” I grind out as I drop firm kisses on her neck and jawline.
Her heavy breaths are like soft music—the kind of serene sound you listen to when you want your worries to disappear. I want more.
Somehow, we move away from the fridge, and as I lift Hazel on the counter to continue our adventure, her hand hits the melted ice cream, spilling it all over the floor.
The desire quenches and we tear away from each other at the sudden noise.
With swollen lips and uneven breathing, Hazel snaps her eyes to the spilled liquid, then at me. Her mouth opens to talk, but I stumble backward, raise my hand above my head and rush out before her.
“I’m sorry. I know it shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake.” Yes, we were talking and had been in the moment, but that isn’t a green light for consent.
Hazel recoils like I slapped her. Her dilated eyes wake up and fill with confusion that anger replaces soon after.
“It’s hopeless with you,” she fumes and walks off, taking the stairs two at a time. I rush after her, determined to clear whatever the bad air is.
Has she remembered we aren’t talking and wants to continue?
Oh hell no!
I catch up with her on the last staircase, and grip her wrist. “What happened back there? If this is about the kiss, I said I’m sorry.”
Hazel yanks her hand from mine and pushes my chest with a sniff. Tears ?
“You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to kiss the living daylight out of me and then claim to be sorry. It shouldn’t work like that.”
“What?” I breathe out, starting to catch on.
“You only kiss me when you’re in the mood to, then when you’re out of it, you say sorry and expect everything to go back to the way it was. I know it may be shocking to discover this, but I have feelings too.” She chuckles dryly, wiping the tears off her face. “You must think I’m such a pushover, don’t you?”
My muscles tense and I clench my fist. “I don’t think that about you.”
“Then what about me makes you so sorry whenever you come in contact with me. What about me is the mistake you keep screaming?”
“It’s not about you!” I snap. “It’s about me. I’ve always been a man of control, and it shames me each time I lose it because of you. It shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t struggle to stay away from you. It was supposed to happen naturally. It was why I chose you, a total stranger, to be my wife. I can’t keep doing this when I know we’ll both get hurt again. I’m not supposed to enjoy wanting you so much, and you’re not supposed to either.”
“But I do,” her voice shakes as she speaks. “You don’t get to control my feelings, you don’t! Even if I’m not supposed to, even if you don’t want me to, I still do. Stop invalidating my feelings the way you do with yours. I like spending time with you.”
“I didn’t know that,” I say with a gentle voice.
Hazel squares her shoulder and walks up to me, fisting my shirt in her hand. “Well, now you do.”
“Now I do.”
For a couple of heartbeats, none of us moves. Almost as if we’re waiting for the other to make the first move, knowing this will change our relationship.
Then like an alarm clock that sets off, we crash against each other at the same time, nearly biting our faces off. I pick her up and she hooks her legs around my waist for stability.
“Your room or mine,” I ask between kisses.
“Yours.”
I transport us to my room, kick the door open and shut, and set her down on the bed, immediately covering her body with mine.
I don’t care about anything else at the moment, I just want her.
“You’re so beautiful,” I kiss her eyes. “ So so beautiful,” I drop another one on her lips.
I let out a soft chuckle at how loud her breath is. “I know it’s your first time. I’ll be good.”
“I trust you,” she insists, the slight shake in her voice giving her fear away.
“You do, don’t you?” she nods firmly. “Then spread your legs for me, will you?”