Chapter 5
FIVE
Dove
I could feel his presence throughout the night. My senses had been heightened since leaving brunch with Reid and Jill.
Even using their names together in a sentence makes my stomach churn.
He was angry that I wasn’t giving in and accepting he’s now marrying Jill. I’m not his little bird to mess with. If he’s going to be playing some game, then I won’t be joining in.
Reid shouldn’t want me to complicate his life any further. Whatever mystery surrounds him is his to own without me getting involved. I thought that reality would be enough to stop him after brunch, but it wasn’t.
It didn’t stop him from finding where I live.
As soon as I took off, I knew he would look at it as another challenge. Since he knows my name now, it would be easy for him to track down where I live. It would be all too easy for a man like Reid Samuels. Not only because I have a feeling he’s resourceful, but he has direct access to my mother.
I know he’s out there.
Earlier, I felt the sensation of someone’s eyes on me. Ordinarily, I would have assumed it was nothing, but I know Reid well enough after our limited interactions.
That’s why I couldn’t help but tease him slowly all night. Truthfully, I was trying to torture him because he’s marrying Jill and won’t give me any answers. I never walk around in just my underwear, but if Reid was out there watching me, I was going to give him a show.
Getting under the warmth of my comforter, I settle into bed. As I fluff my pillow underneath my head, I feel squeamish. I had expected him to bust in through my front door at some point, but he hadn’t. Now, as I prepare for bed, I’m waiting for his arrival.
Pulling the blanket up around my neck, I shut my eyes in hopes of getting any amount of sleep. It’s going to be difficult as my mind races with thoughts of whether he’ll actually break into my house.
What will he do to me if he does?
My body shivers at the idea of him being in my bed.
I wince.
This is all wrong. I need to stop thinking this way about Reid.
He may be interested in me, but the line in the sand has been drawn; he’s marrying my mother. Reid Samuels is not mine to have. Instead, he can keep playing whatever twisted games he’s doing with her as his pawn.
That’s my final decision. If he does come in here tonight, I’m going to tell him to forget I exist. To leave me alone and get out. He made his decision already; he can’t have us both.
It’s sickening to think about. Even if I wanted Reid, he’s slept with my mother . We may not be close, but it’s all wrong. He needs to back off and move on from our connection.
I sit up in bed and take a sip of the water on my nightstand to try and calm my nerves.
This isn’t like me.
I need to get ahold of myself if I have any chance of actually telling Reid to get out of here.
What is wrong with me?
I very well could be making all of this up in my head. Reid could be out at dinner with Jill, for all I know. Just because it felt like he was watching me through the window doesn’t mean he actually was.
I scrub a hand over my face and then run it through my hair. As I remain seated, I rest my elbow on one of my raised knees and pause. Reid is driving me crazy, and it’s only been hours since I last saw him.
The sound of my back door creaking pulls me out of this spiral, and my head shoots over in its direction.
Slowly, I lower the glass down to the nightstand to try and not make a sound. That’s when I remember the knife I have in my drawer.
I pull it out and put it underneath my pillow.
Slinking back down, I bring the comforter up high around my neck and pretend to be asleep as I lie waiting.
I’m not going crazy.
It’s either a true stranger or my newfound stalker entering. Either way, I can’t run, but I can defend myself.
The floorboards creak with every carefully calculated step he takes. They inch closer to my bedroom, and I know that at any moment, he’ll be in here. I should have more cautious instincts, but I can just feel that it’s Reid and not someone else.
Goosebumps prick everywhere the closer the footsteps sound. It’s almost as if my body is answering the question for me; we know it’s Reid and not some masked murderer.
The light shuffle of a bag dropping outside my door makes me clench my fist even tighter around the comforter. I can’t let him know I’m awake.
There’s a small sound coming through my bedroom as he gently opens the door. I’ve never been more grateful that I haven’t fixed any of the authentic undertones of this home. There’s a faint light coming through from the natural night sky.
As he approaches my bedside, I can feel his domineering presence.
This is Reid; I just know it.
My breathing hitches, and I try to not let my rapid heartbeat show on my face. If he’s coming in unannounced in the middle of the night, then I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that I’ve been waiting for his arrival. The man can announce his presence if he so desires.
A stifled groan comes from where he stands.
If I were really asleep, there’s no way that I would awaken from this. I’m used to the sounds that go bump in the night already from living on the mountain.
The sound of a slight shifting in his weight makes me feel as though he’s weighing a decision. Is it to wake me?
Suddenly, the bed starts to dip near my curled-in knees.
My heart flutters at the idea he’s staying awhile. Reid plans to watch me sleep.
The feeling of his hand on my knee makes me still completely.
It’s a soft touch, much softer than I imagined it would be if he were to do something like this. I don’t get the impression that he knows I’m actually awake; there’s no way he would be doing this if he did.
I can’t help but love the feeling of his touch on me, even if it’s through a thick blanket. I know I shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as I am. Mere moments ago, I felt strong in my conviction to tell him to leave, but now, I can’t tell him I’m awake.
The connection between us is just as intoxicating as I remember. It’s hard to be angry with him, knowing the way he makes me come alive.
I wanted to deny this attraction, but when I saw him at brunch, I knew it was just as real as it was that first night. Even now, I know I shouldn’t want this, but I can’t help it.
Wait . No.
Just because I haven’t ever felt this way before doesn’t make it right. Not only is he taken by another woman, but that woman happens to be my somewhat estranged mother. It’s not right at all. I need to keep repeating this to myself so maybe it’ll actually stick.
A feeling of unease bubbles in my stomach.
I really should throw the blanket off and tell him to get out. I need to scream at him for marrying my mother and acting like it’s a non-issue. I have the knife under my pillow, I need to threaten him with it.
The truth is, I just can’t do any of those things. I like it too much to push him away. At least he thinks I’m asleep and not mentally torturing myself over him being here.
I’ll revel in this feeling for tonight. One night is what I’ll give myself, and then I’ll say something if he does this again.
I’m not sure what his motives are by slinking in as if he’s some kind of burglar.
As I stew in my frustration, Reid never lets go of my knee. The way his thumb starts to naturally strum across it tells me he’s just as addicted as I am. A secret we’ll keep hidden in the dark.
Time goes on for what feels like a lifetime with him just caressing my knees and legs. I have no idea if it’s been minutes or hours, but I soak in his touch. As I do, I can feel my eyelids get heavy as I fight to stay awake.
I can’t allow myself to give in to the exhaustion that is now knocking at my door. If I do, there is no telling what Reid will do when I finally relax and drift off to sleep. I need to fight sleep every step of the way.
Reid’s hand stills for just a moment.
Did I just say all of that out loud? Dear God, I certainly hope not.
Moments go by, and I know my need for sleep is coming. I’ve been wound up all day, and my body is going against me by relaxing in his presence.
The caressing of his thumb against my knee starts up again, and I know I can’t fight it any longer. Sleep takes me under.
The next morning, I jolt upright as soon as I awaken. Clutching my chest, I look around the room to see if there is any sign that the intruder is still here.
As I do, I notice there is no trace that he was ever even here. If I didn’t know for sure that he was sitting on the edge of my bed only hours ago, then I would have no idea that someone had been.
Taking a deep breath, I can feel my heart beating wildly. I need to get a grip on what happened. I’ve never met someone like Reid before, and I’m not certain what his motives are for coming in last night.
Reaching over to grab my water, I pause as I stare at my nightstand. There is a sign that he was here.
A single Polaroid of me sleeping lies on the top.
He must have found the camera in my darkroom after I had fallen asleep.
Picking it off the nightstand, I study it closely. It’s me with the blanket pulled down low, and my tank top has risen up, showing a sliver of my stomach. My facial expression looks strangely calm. I’m usually a restless sleeper, but in this photo, you wouldn’t know that.
I shake my head in disbelief. I’m not going to unpack that I felt calm for the first time in ages when someone broke into my house.
Reid is taunting me.
I toss it on my bed and quickly get out to change into athletic gear.
As I go through the motions of getting changed, I can’t help but stay fixated on the mess that has transpired over the past twenty-four hours. The only man who has stirred up any real emotions in me is now marrying my mother. That’s not something I can just let go of, regardless of whatever hidden truth he’s keeping as to why.
Heading to my darkroom, I pull out my favorite camera and start putting together what I’ll need in my camera bag to go for a hike.
As I start to head out the door, I notice another telltale sign that someone was in my house; the back door is unlocked. I may not be scared living alone out here, but I certainly always lock my doors.
Hiking around the mountain, my nerves finally feel settled after last night. It helps that the sound of crunching leaves and twigs beneath my boots and birds flying through the sky are like white noise for me these days. That, along with the brisk air, makes me feel like I’m relaxed.
These next few weeks are going to be pivotal ones for my series. It’s the time of the year when the mountains are eerie, and the green of my surroundings is unmatched. Soon, they’ll all begin to change to different vibrant shades of yellows, oranges, and reds.
Autumn is my favorite season for this reason alone. I love the transition of seasons, and I know my clients will too. The way I’m imagining laying out these pieces will make it all flow seamlessly.
Today, I plan to go up one of the more common trails that leads to a wooden walkway bridge. I’m hoping this misty fog lasts by the time I get up there. Originally, I had planned to leave earlier, but my plans went out the window given my Reid situation.
Walking the mile to the bridge is easy for me these days. I probably walk half a dozen miles regularly living out here, even without an exhibition that I need photographs for.
I pull at my small camera bag slung on my arm and focus on the ground to avoid any rocks. I may know this mountain better than most, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stumble a time or two. That’s a lesson I learned the night I met Reid.
I’m especially cautious since my mind keeps wandering to thoughts of what he may be up to.
“Morning, Dove.”
Perking up, I see it’s some of my only neighbors, Abigail and Tom. They’re a friendly couple in their sixties who are also very active. We tend to run into each other more around the mountain than anywhere near our actual homes.
For having neighbors, I really hit the jackpot with these two.
“Morning, Abigail!” I shout across the trail.
I give a small wave as I pause.
“Hi, Tom,” I add.
“Morning,” he gruffly responds.
“How is it up there?”
“Beautiful. Still some excellent morning light,” Abigail answers with a nod, noticing that I have my camera bag on me today.
“Perfect. I’m in a rush, but I’ll swing by sometime soon to catch up.”
“Anytime. Good luck out there,” she says as she continues the walk back down. Tom trails behind her, and I take that as my cue to keep going up the trail I’m on.
One of the things I love most about them as neighbors is they don’t make small talk but still have an interest in who I am as a person. It’s the unwritten way of the mountain.
Continuing my walk, I remain lost in my thoughts about Reid, Jill, and the whole mess that I’ve suddenly found myself in. Whatever Reid’s angle is, I’m not interested.
I can’t be.
It would be the definition of foolishness to fall harder for my mother’s fiancé.
I adjust the camera bag once more around my arm. It’s feeling heavier than usual, given its size.
I’m not myself today because of all of this nonsense running through my mind. Reid has successfully gotten under my skin, and I don’t like it.
A loud crack behind me makes my heart beat wildly, and goosebumps prick up along my skin. I stand still and wait for someone or something to appear.
The memory of meeting Reid strikes me hard. I should have ignored all of those snapping branches that summer night. If I had, I have no doubt that Reid would have kept walking by and ignored me altogether. He made it clear that I wasn’t part of his plan that evening.
Focus, Dove.
Another snapping of fallen branches sounds loudly through the air. This could be one of the animals I’m trying to shoot today. I have my list to shoot, but regardless, I’ll take any opportunity to get any of the wildlife up here.
Slowly, I pull out my camera from the bag and take small steps around to face the opposite direction. Scanning the trees, that’s when I spot the most beautiful creature out here—an elk grazing in the grass. The light seeping through the trees is breathtaking.
I set down my bag gently so I don’t disturb the elk. After I do, I hunch over and put the camera up to my eye. With the elk in my sight line, I adjust the focus until I get it just right.
Snapping away, I move around to get different angles. Moments like this are why I fell in love with photography. It’s like I’m freezing time over and over again. This light and broad elk are exactly what I needed to reset.
Another loud crack sounds. The elk darts off immediately because of it. I stand and look around for the culprit, but I can’t see any other wildlife.
Instantly, my mind wanders to Reid, but there’s no way he would be this loud after stalking around my home last night. If he were to follow me, I have the suspicion that it would be just like that again.
I put my camera away and pull the bag up around my shoulder so that I can continue on my hike. Spotting this elk was pure luck. I hope this kind of luck continues as I keep making my way to my destination.
Finally arriving at the bridge, I’ve missed my window of opportunity to get the shots I was hoping to get this morning. Usually, early in the morning, the birds are gliding through the air, and the light is illuminating the sky. The dawn of a new day is what I wanted to capture.
I did get the elk shots in the ideal light, so I’ll just come back out another morning to capture the birds I wanted.
It’s still a beautiful day with the sun shining, so I may as well make the most of this situation. I look around and spot a family of foxes in the nearby distance. I take a few photos of them, almost hidden in the forest. Throughout the years, I’ve become aware of where animals like to hide and play.
Days like today are exactly why I love my job.
Debating where to go next, it hits me. I can head back in the direction of my home and then to that fateful spot where I met Reid over the summer. My secret spot on the mountain that I’m sure he won’t be able to find again. It’s not the easiest place to get to if you don’t know what you’re doing.
I haven’t been back there in ages, probably not since that night. Part of me has been avoiding it in case I were to see Reid there again. I can’t avoid it forever. It’s actually perfect, really. If I go there tonight, then I’ll most likely be able to capture the spotted owl.
I’ll go home and rest now so that I can be sharp tonight. If I just keep my focus on my work, then maybe I’ll stop thinking about Reid Samuels.
The stars are out, illuminating the night sky, almost as if luck is on my side again. Hopefully, I’ll be able to finally get pictures of the spotted owl tonight. As I sit and wait on the same fallen tree, I can’t help but process how strange my life really is. I’m alone in the woods late at night, searching for an enigmatic creature to make an appearance.
My camera rests in my lap as I wait for any sign of the owls. It’s colder tonight than I was expecting. Typically, a sweater and these leggings would have sufficed, but now I wish I had brought a jacket.
I’ll stick it out for a couple of hours. I need to get these images to feel like today was successful. Between the elk and the owls, if I manage to capture both, then I’ll feel better in my own skin again.
The moonlight shines down, and I tilt my head up to bask in its glow. Maybe I’m nocturnal like the spotted owl. Being in the moonlight gives me a buzz of energy every time, no matter how tired I might be. It’s as if it really brings me back to life.
Closing my eyes momentarily, I take a few steadying breaths as I soak it in. My life may be atypical, but I love it all the same.
Suddenly, I hear a series of hisses and coos nearby. I jolt upright and look around for a sign of my spotted owl.
Getting up, I pace around and scan the trees for any sign of life with my camera in my hands, ready to go. It has to be the spotted owl.
Ever since I mapped out this series, a spotted owl has been key to my exhibition. I’ve wanted to capture it late at night this time of year for ages. This series was the perfect opportunity to make it a priority.
As I search for the owl, I still. There may be owls sounding off nearby for me to witness, but there’s also a silhouette of someone too. If I wasn’t on high alert, given recent developments, I probably wouldn’t have noticed him standing out there. He’s cloaked in darkness and hidden from the glow of the moonlight. He’s learned his lesson this time around.
I should scream, shout, or even run away, but I can’t move. My feet feel as though they are standing in concrete buckets. In my gut, I know that it’s Reid.
It’s off-putting that my body already knows when he’s around me. It’s as if it reacts without me telling it to. Being in Reid’s orbit feels like a dangerous place to be. I’m his fixation and prey, a deadly combination.
What should worry me the most is that he knew I would be out here and found this spot after all this time. That means he went back to it that first night and tracked his way from it back to his car. He wanted to find me again.
Flutters course through the pit of my stomach.
I pull my camera up and put Reid’s silhouette in its focus. To him, I must be snapping a photo of the owls or some other creature, but I need to get evidence. I can blow these photos up in my darkroom and confirm that it is really him out here.
After a few moments, I finally take the photos of the spotted owl. It looks breathtaking, but all I can think about is the fact that Reid is out here watching me take them.
When I bring my camera back down, I look up to where Reid previously was hiding to see that he’s gone. I remain still in case he’s lingering nearby.
I may not understand his intentions, but what I do know is to expect the unexpected when it comes to him.
I hang my head back and realize that I can try and deny it all I want, but I love that he found me and this spot once again.
I wince at that omission.
I’m in way over my head already, and it’s only been two days.
A yawn escapes from my lips.
All of this tension is getting the best of me. I’ve been wound up for over twenty-four hours. I may thrive in the night, but I’m only human. It’s time I make the trek back and attempt to get some sleep.
If Reid isn’t still watching me, then chances are he’ll be heading there already. Hopefully, he doesn’t try to come inside again. I’m not sure if I can handle the back-and-forth debate in my mind again.
After putting my camera back in the bag, I start the walk home and pray that I at least get a good night’s sleep.
As I walk through the back door, I automatically flick on the nearby light and plop my camera bag down on the table. Going through it, I pull out my camera and head to my darkroom.
During the short distance, I take out the film since I plan to develop it before going to bed. It would probably be in my best interest to wait until the morning, but I just need to confirm that he was out there tonight.
With my roll of film in hand, I turn on the red light and shut the door. I get to work right away by putting the negatives through the developer.
After I finish washing my first photograph, I hang it on the string going across my workspace. Then I repeat the process three more times to finish the ones I think I took of Reid.
I step back and wait for them to develop. As my chest rises and falls, I know I’ll have my answer soon enough. These next several minutes feel like they’re taking a lifetime—as if hours are passing by while I just stand and wait.
I need to get ahold of myself. One moment, I feel so in control, and the next, I’m developing photos of my potential stalker. It’s a lot to unpack on top of everything else I’ve been dealing with in life.
Taking a few steps toward the photographs, they start coming into focus.
I gasp as they become clear.
The truth is right here.
Needing to feel something tangible, I gently touch one of the photos. It’s really him. I’m not going crazy.
I sit on my stool as my mind reels with the possibilities.
I don’t know why this is his plan, but Reid Samuels is stalking me.