Midnight Butterflies

Chapter 16

SIXTEEN

Dove

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” I say, pacing around the living room.

Reid watches on with an amused expression.

“Hey,” I shout playfully.

“I’m paying attention,” he says with amusement.

“Take this seriously.”

“Go ahead, little bird. Recap away.”

Reid stretches back on my sofa, and the way his muscles flex as he puts them across the back makes my mouth water. His muscular forearms aren’t helping me stay on track.

He clears his throat, and my eyes snap up to his.

Dammit. Caught in the act.

“Hey, that’s not fair!”

He laughs freely, and it’s amazing to think about just how far we’ve come in so little time. What we’re in the middle of almost feels like an afterthought when it can’t be.

“Jonas and you go way back. He knows what you did and is trying to help you.”

“That’s right.”

“My mother, Jill, is part of your plan to acclimate and watch the town for any news.”

“Right.”

“And now, what? What’s the answer to what’s happening now?”

“Jonas is working on a few next steps. He’s good at this.”

I stop pacing around the room.

“How?”

Reid’s lighter demeanor disappears, and he focuses on me.

“I don’t want to lie, little bird.”

“Then don’t.”

He sighs and adjusts his position.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Make it that simple.”

“Jonas helps make people disappear. This one was complicated. When we get to California, this will all be behind us.”

When we get to California . He’s saying we both will leave Lamb Creek together. As much as I like the sound of that, I am nervous.

“What about my work?” I ask.

“Haven’t you been deciding where to go next? I know you’ve been feeling like you’re at a crossroads after the conclusion of this next exhibit.”

“That’s true.”

I hadn’t thought about what my next step would be since Reid came back into my life. After all of this, if I want to be with Reid, it would mean I have to give up living out here for good—the place where I’ve found solace, peace, and happiness. I always knew my future would change course; I just didn’t realize it would happen this soon.

Reid stands and starts rubbing the outside of my arms that are crossed over my chest.

“Baby, we can make it all work. I just can’t stay here,” he whispers.

I nod knowingly.

“I don’t want to stay in Lamb Creek anymore. It’s just sad to think about. With or without you, though, this day would be coming for me.”

“Let’s get me out of this mess, and then we can talk about the future, yeah?”

“Okay, yeah,” I stammer.

“I want you. And you want me. Nothing can keep us from each other. I promise we can talk about it all after I’m through this.”

“I wasn’t part of the plan,” I admit.

“No, you weren’t, but you are the best goddamn thing that ever happened to it.”

I smile weakly, and he pauses but keeps his hands on my arms.

“Someone like you can’t be planned regardless of the situation I’ve found myself in.”

“Reid, I need…” I start.

A loud ringing interrupts us—Reid’s cell phone. He looks as if he’s debating answering.

“Get it, please,” I say.

Honestly, saved by the call. I need to organize my thoughts.

“Are you sure?”

The ringing stops, and I feel like we are meant to keep going.

“Yeah, we can,” I start again.

The ringing of his phone starts up again.

“You really must be a psycho killer,” I try to tease.

“Why’s that?” he asks with a furrow between his eyebrows.

“Who doesn’t have their cell phone on vibrate all the time?”

It does the job, and we both feel lighter. Reid flips it over, and it’s like any sense of teasing has evaporated.

“Who is it?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer. Finally, the ringing ends but starts back up again.

“I have to take this,” he says with concern.

“Okay, you can go in my room if you need privacy.”

“Thank you,” he says as he looks up at me.

There is a crinkle around his eyes and a faint smile in place.

“Go, it must be important.”

“Right.”

He answers the call, saying hello, as he disappears into my bedroom and shuts the door. I want to give him privacy, but whoever this is, they are no one I’m aware of.

More secrets to unravel. Another midnight for us to figure out the answers that we are both too scared to talk about or admit.

My cell phone starts to vibrate on the coffee table. I pick it up and see it’s a text from Jill. She wants me to come over to her house for dinner. It’s an unusual request when lately it’s just been one demand after another for her upcoming nuptials to Reid.

I debate whether or not to go.

Maybe she’s onto the fact that Reid and I are… seeing one another. I never intended to hurt her with all of this. The least I can do is head over to her house for dinner tonight and tell her the truth if she confronts me with it. Reid hasn’t told me how their engagement will end, so I don’t want to be too drastic.

Why can’t any of this mess be easy?

I straighten my shoulders back and take a deep breath. I can do this; I owe it to Jill to see what she needs and maybe even find out what her feelings are for Reid.

I doubt she’ll like it if I start dating Reid after her, but maybe that’s something I can work on for the future.

“Everything okay?” Reid asks.

I look over to see he’s leaning against the doorframe, watching me intensely. I’m fidgeting with my cell phone in between my hands.

“It’s Jill.”

Reid waits.

“She wants me to come over for dinner. Do you know why?”

Reid stalks over to me and pulls me into his chest. I wrap my arms around him and feel better already.

“No, I don’t.”

I squeeze my arms tightly.

“I’m going to go.”

“I think that’s a good idea too.”

“You do?”

I pop my head up and break away slightly.

“I do. Jill is another complication I’ve been working on. You know this. I think it’ll be good for you to see her without me.”

I move closer and rest my head on his chest. He kisses on top of my head, one of my favorite ways he’s been showing me affection.

“It’ll be okay,” he whispers into my hair.

“I know it will be.”

Pulling up to Jill’s house, I’m feeling nothing but pins and needles throughout every inch of my body. I shouldn’t be as nervous as I am. If I wasn’t sleeping with her fiancé behind her back, this would be like any other meal we had prior to Reid coming into the picture.

As complicated of a relationship as Jill and I have had, the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I know that I’m a terrible daughter for sleeping with her fiancé. It’s wrong on so many levels, regardless of our dynamic.

Reid may have technically been mine first, but I never thought I would be in this position.

I hang my head back against the car headrest and close my eyes. More excuses are pouring out of me because of how truly guilty I feel for this mess. I should have just waited for them to break up and Jill to move on to fiancé number seven before getting involved with Reid.

I’ve always just wanted a quiet life. It was never a priority of mine to get married, but I figured eventually I would settle down. I knew if I were going to fall in love with anyone, it would have to be someone who bewitched me like Reid has.

I just never thought I would be trying to settle down with the same person my mother is.

I know that Reid hasn’t touched Jill in ages, but I hate that he’s had to even for show. It makes my stomach churn at the idea of them being intimate in any way. I’ve never felt this intense form of jealousy in all my life.

Jill spots me through her window and waves me inside. I can tell she’s already annoyed that I’m sitting in the car instead of coming in. Normally, this would snap me out of any guilt I was feeling, but this situation is far too big for her attitude to dissolve my feelings.

I take a deep breath and hop out of my car, ready for whatever is so urgent that I had to come over today.

Smoothing out my white dress, I straighten my shoulders at the door. I wore the dress to appease her but kept my white sneakers on for me.

I raise my hand to knock when she opens it before I can.

“Come in,” she says, gesturing for me to enter.

“Thanks. It sounded like you really needed to see me,” I answer as I walk into the living room.

Everything feels so much more formal than I’m used to when it comes to Jill. I can handle the annoyed version, the one that picks on my appearance, even the raw version of Jill that lets me see the softer side randomly. But this formal version makes me realize something is definitely going on.

As I walk into the foyer, I notice that there are boxes piled up everywhere. There’s basically nothing left except furniture that needs to be professionally broken down. It looks like she’s either moving or redoing everything.

I still as I take it all in.

She can’t be moving; Reid would have mentioned it to me. If that’s the case, then why does her house look like this? I know she can’t afford to splurge on all new furniture and décor.

“Take a seat,” she says.

I hesitantly do as I continue to soak in my surroundings. Jill takes a seat across from me.

“What’s going on?” I ask, confused.

She folds her legs together at the ankles and keeps her hands in her lap. There’s something different about the way Jill is holding herself today.

“I’m moving.”

I half-heartedly laugh.

“I can see that.”

She gives me a tight smile.

“Where to?”

“Dossberry.”

My heart sinks deep into a pit of despair.

“Dossberry?”

Where Reid lives.

This doesn’t make any sense. Reid knew that I was coming to see her today. If she were moving in with him at his Dossberry home, he would have said something. I wonder if this is something she’s doing without his knowledge to speed up the wedding.

“Yes.”

I know it must look like I’m upset that she’ll be further away, but all I can feel is confusion.

“Are you finally moving in with Reid?”

Jill sighs loudly and falls back into the accent chair she’s in. As our eyes meet, I see the usual version of her that I usually get, not this prim and proper one.

“No. No, I’m not.”

The range of emotions I’m feeling is overwhelming. What in the actual fuck is happening? That should be my new motto these days.

“What’s going on? Tell me.”

Jill grips the armrests and starts to tap her ruby-red nails along them.

“Jill.”

No reaction as she concentrates on one of the armrests.

“Mom.”

Jill’s eyes snap up to mine, and I see a sense of resolve in them.

“We’ve never been a typical mother-daughter duo, have we?”

I shake my head no but stay silent.

“I never claimed to be perfect at this, in fact, I know I’m not. Being a mother was never something I thought would happen to me. If it wasn’t for dumb youth.”

I continue to let her speak.

“I tried. I really did.”

“I know,” I lie.

She didn’t. She always thought I was a burden.

“Living out here in the sticks just was never for me. I thought Reid was finally my ticket out, but something just isn’t right with that man.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not the one he wants.”

I still, waiting for the next shoe to drop.

“Don’t be silly.”

Jill eyes me carefully.

“Maybe he’s just taking it slow?”

She scoffs.

“A man like that doesn’t take things slow. Let that be a lesson for you.”

How right she is. Nothing about being with Reid has been slow-moving.

Jill gets up and starts to look through one of the open moving boxes.

“It was never right between him and me. I’ve always known that, but I needed to get out of this godforsaken town once and for all.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“He was a means to an end, and somehow, I suspect I was the same for him. No one usually wants the poor woman from Lamb Creek.”

“Don’t call yourself that.”

Jill peers up and pauses her search for whatever it is in the box.

“Know who you are, Dove. It’s the only way you’ll make it through this life. Romanticize your day-to-day all you want, but if you don’t know who you are at your core, then how the hell do you expect to make it through life unscathed?”

I sit stunned at the first helpful advice Jill has offered me in years. She goes back to resuming her search.

“Here it is,” she says happily.

Jill walks in my direction and sits down beside me on the sofa. Whatever it is clearly reminded her to meet with me today.

She slides over a book. It’s outdated, and the brown leather is very worn.

“I want you to have this.”

“What is it?” I whisper.

“It’s my journal. I didn’t use it much, just from time to time over the years. Since I found out I was pregnant with you.”

I grip the edges tightly.

“I hope you can see who I was while I was trying to parent.”

“Thank you.”

Jill takes my hand in hers.

“I’ll never be the mother you want.”

“You’re the only one I have.”

She lets go of my hand.

“You deserve more than what we have. I’ll never feel like a mother, no matter how much I try. It’s time for you to accept that.”

Tears start to prick in my eyes, but I try to hold them in as she continues.

“Life is worth living. I’ve always wanted more. It’s okay that I do. And it’s okay if you have a different picture for yours. I know you’re going to go far in life.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m marrying Montgomery Lake.”

My eyes meet hers, and I see the same resolve from earlier there.

“What about Reid?”

“I’m telling him soon. I wanted to let you know first.”

“Why?”

“I may not be motherly, but you are my child. I don’t care about Reid. He’ll be fine with it anyway.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Like I said, I was a means to an end.”

I nod thoughtfully as I take it all in.

“When do you move?” I ask.

“In two days. I’m moving in with Montgomery, and then we plan to elope.”

Elope. As in, I won’t be invited.

“I’ll come over and visit when you’re settled.”

Jill’s eyes start to water, and it feels like this is a goodbye in a way.

“Sure, sweetheart.”

It’s the first time she’s used this term of endearment like she means it.

“I will.”

She takes one of my hands in hers again and squeezes it. We stay that way for a while.

“It’s time for you to go home,” she says.

“We aren’t eating dinner?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

“Let me know when you’re settled, and I will come visit.”

Jill gives me a soft smile, and then it turns harder. The walls she’s putting up tell me this is the last time she is going to break my heart.

“I’ll be busier than usual as his new wife, but I’ll be in touch.”

“Thank you for this journal.”

“Take care of yourself. Don’t end up like me, relying on a man to have a happy ending.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“And Dove?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t let flawed men take you for granted.”

I think this was just her version of telling me she knows something is going on between Reid and me, but I can’t be sure. She doesn’t expect a response.

Jill and I sit side by side for what feels like an eternity, but I know it is only mere minutes. The silence isn’t deafening for once. Jill just confessed her truths, and I accepted them. She’s a complex woman who’s been doing her best to get by.

I know I won’t see her much after this or maybe even at all. In a way, it’s like she’s setting me free from the obligations I face when it comes to our relationship.

A weight has been lifted off both of our shoulders.

I will keep my promise, but I also have a newfound sense of purpose. I’m not letting my true love go to jail. I’m going to tell him the most important truth I have and demand he lets his guard down completely.

I need that in order to move forward—to know that going through this mess is just a needed step to get to the other side.

“Goodbye, Mom.”

I get up and head out to my car.

Jill doesn’t say anything back or follow me outside, and I know that everything still unspoken between us doesn’t need to be said.

She’s getting her version of a happy ending, and it’s time I get mine.

As I walk through my back door, the nightfall has already taken over. The temperatures have dropped drastically, and ordinarily, I would be excited for what’s to come weather-wise.

Now I need to know the final truths from Reid and how we are moving forward. What’s happening with this police activity, and how I can help resolve it. I am a local, so there has to be something I can do.

The shower is on, and I know Reid must be in it. I’ll give him his space as I process how to tell him everything I’ve just learned.

I take off my heavy jacket and hang it up in my coat closet. Back in my bedroom, I start to discard my clothes and search for a pair of pajamas. As I do, I see a flash appear on my bed.

It’s Reid’s cell phone. The amount of information it holds is really starting to pique my interest.

I pick it up to see Jonas’s name flash on the screen. I can see the text.

Jonas:

She’s getting antsy. I think you have to talk to her about it all. She’s sick of talking to me about you.

Another text pops up.

Jonas:

I’ll put her off until tomorrow, and you can step away from Dove.

She ?

Who exactly is she ?

The shower water stops, and I keep Reid’s phone in my hand. He comes back into my bedroom with beads of water dripping down his chest and a fluffy towel wrapped around his waist.

He’s too tempting for my own good.

Reid looks startled by my presence, which is a first. Normally, he’s the one who surprises me.

“Dove? Back so soon?”

“Yeah,” I start, unsure of how to unload all the news I’ve learned and the questions I want to ask.

Reid notices me holding onto his cell phone with a death grip.

“Everything okay?” he asks as he gestures to it.

“Jonas.”

“What about Jonas?”

He steps forward and takes his phone to see what I’ve found. As he reads the texts, I see the confused expression. Suddenly, it disappears as realization dawns on him.

“Who is she ?” I croak.

“It’s not what you think.”

I scoff and throw my arms in the air.

Here I am, about to confess my love for him, and he can’t even tell me who this she is and what she’s getting antsy over.

It can never be easy with him.

“Dove.”

“Don’t, Reid. I only want the truth. The whole truth.”

I pull out a box I’ve kept in my nightstand and toss it on the bed. All of the Polaroids he took that I’ve saved.

“These make up our story. I can’t keep holding onto the promise of a new day when you won’t just tell me what’s going on,” I scream.

Tears start to well, and I know I’m going to lose it for real this time.

“You want me? You want me for good? I’m it for you?” I ask.

Reid stands still as I pace around the room.

“What is happening ?” I scream.

“Calm down,” he says.

“That’s fucking rich. Calm down.”

There is a newfound conviction in my eyes as I meet his.

“I’m in love with my stalker. I love a false god, and I’m dying inside because of it.”

Reid doesn’t say anything.

“So tell me, how am I supposed to calm down when the man I’ve fallen in love with is all wrong for me?”

Reid slowly closes the distance between us. He grips my waist with one hand and puts the other on my lower back, pulling me to him.

The desire swirling in his expression starts to make my heart rate quicken for entirely different reasons.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say it.”

“What?” I reply.

“I love you, Dove Barlowe.”

He bends down and starts to nip at my ear. The way his breath dances on it makes goosebumps prick everywhere.

My whole body is igniting, and I’m about to erupt just from his confession.

“You love me?” I croak.

“With everything inside of me.”

He nips at my ear once again. I can feel his breath teasing me as I wait for him to continue.

“Now tell me,” he whispers into my ear as he pulls my body flush against his. With my dainty dress on and his towel between us, I can feel his cock hardening.

“Tell you what?” I ask, trying to stifle a moan.

“Tell me what I need to hear, little bird.”

I swallow thickly as my head hangs back, and I know my pulse is pounding through my neck.

Reid must notice, too, because he places a soft kiss on it.

“I love you, Reid, with every fiber of my being.”