Chapter Twenty-One
“I’M SORRY, HADDIE.” Kaven’s words felt hollow as I climbed behind him, gripping tightly as we roared down the road. His apology wasn’t enough. It was never enough. This constant hurt, the endless accusations—it all cut deep, festering inside me like an open wound.
The ride seemed endless, each mile dragging us further from the clubhouse and deeper into uncertainty. His bike turned onto an old dirt road that was riddled with potholes. Every jolt sent a wave of nausea through me. When a small cabin finally came into view, my stomach clenched tighter. This was the place where he brought Aislynn, not someone special like me, but someone he loved.
He killed the motor, and I jumped off, stretching to shake off the fatigue. We should have stopped, but Patch insisted we come directly here, avoiding any chance of being seen.
“You okay?” Kaven asked, his concern clear in his eyes. “You look a little pale.”
I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself with the fresh mountain air. “The curves and bumps made me a little nauseous.”
“I have some ginger tea inside. It’ll help,” he said, reaching for my hand. I moved it behind my back and started toward the small porch, not ready for his touch.
With a heavy sigh, he followed, pulling a key from his pocket. “It isn’t much, but you should be comfortable enough.”
The door swung open, and I marched in, scanning the small space like a soldier on alert. The cabin was unexpectedly warm and inviting. Despite its size, it was cozy, a hidden gem in the secluded forest. It should have been a sanctuary, but it felt like a trap.
I hated it.
I loved it.
I hated that I loved it.
Cheer up, Hadleigh, I scolded myself. Think of all the plants you’ll see and the exploring you’ll do out here. Kaven moved to the small kitchen area. “I’ll make you some tea and while you relax, I’ll unload the supplies,” he said, setting a kettle on the stove.
“I can do it,” I offered, following him.
“Sit down, Haddie,” he ordered, pulling down a box from the cabinet. “Let me do this for you.”
Lacking the energy to argue, I asked, “Where’s the bathroom?”
“Through that door. It’s small, but it does the job,” he said, relieved that I wasn’t going to fight him over a cup of tea.
The bathroom was tiny, no bigger than a closet, but I was grateful for it. Being so far out, such amenities weren’t always guaranteed. When I emerged, Kaven was just finishing my tea. “How do you know about what tea can do?”
He placed the mug on the table, and I sat down, taking a sip. “I was taught tea can cure most ailments.”
“Your mom taught you, I gather. The first thing she did yesterday was give me a cup,” I said with a smile, recalling the memory.
“You got it,” he chuckled, touching a strand of my hair and tugging. “I’ll unload the supplies, and if you’re up to it, we can explore.”
“Yeah, you know I won’t pass that up,” I laughed despite myself. The chance to roam the woods? I wasn’t saying no to that. The smells, the sounds, the peace it brought were something I desperately needed.
“That was my hope,” he murmured as he headed outside.
I stood, picking up the cup of tea and moving to the small window, gazing at the beauty it revealed. This place was amazing. Already, I felt calmer. In this more relaxed state, I hoped Kaven and I could finally talk without fighting. We were still having a baby together and needed to come to some sort of arrangement.
The sound of the door opening broke my reverie. Kaven walked in, carrying a box of supplies. His movements were careful, almost reverent, as if he feared breaking the fragile peace between us.
“All set,” he said, setting the last box down. “Ready to explore?”
I nodded, placing the cup on the windowsill. “Lead the way.”
We stepped out into the crisp air, the forest alive with the sounds of nature. Birds chirped, leaves rustled, and somewhere in the distance, a stream murmured softly. Kaven took my hand, and this time, I didn’t pull away because, like him, I didn’t want to break the tranquility of the moment.
“I want to show you something, and I know you’ll love it.”
We walked in silence, the tension between us easing with each step. Eventually, we reached a clearing where a beautiful waterfall cascaded, bathed in dappled sunlight. It was breathtakingly beautiful, a hidden paradise.
“I’m ready to go back,” I said, starting to turn on my heel, only to have him stop me with a hand on my arm.
“Haddie, I thought you’d love it,” he said, looking at me with confusion. “I don’t understand you!”
“I do love it!” I cried, tears streaming down my face, hot and bitter.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m not the first woman you’ve brought here to this magical place!” I shouted, watching his eyes widen at my outburst. “It hurts that you have memories of this place with the woman you truly love, the one you brought here to share this place before me. A woman you brought here not because you had to like you did me, but because you wanted to, and it hurts me so much to know that!”
Kaven’s face fell, his confusion clear. “Haddie, I—”
“No, you don’t get to explain,” I interrupted, my voice breaking. “This place, this beautiful place, is tainted for me because I can’t stop thinking about her. About how she stood here with you, probably in your arms, probably thinking she was the luckiest woman in the world. And I hate that I’m jealous of her. I hate I feel like I’m competing with another woman in a competition I didn’t know I entered.”
He reached his hand out, but I stepped back. “I can’t compete with your memories, Kaven. I can’t keep pretending that this doesn’t hurt. It’s killing me inside and I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be someone’s second choice!”
His eyes were filled with regret, his voice barely a whisper. “Haddie, I never wanted to hurt you. I brought you here because this place is special to me, and I wanted to share it with you—”
“But you can’t erase the memories of her,” I interrupted, my voice cracking. “And I can’t pretend they don’t exist and I’m nothing but a rebound and now an obligation because I got pregnant.”
We stood there in the clearing, the sound of the waterfall a cruel reminder of the beauty and pain I was feeling. The paradise Kaven had wanted to show me now felt like a prison, trapping me in the shadows of his past.
I HAD NO idea all the misunderstandings were so deep and affecting her this much. “Haddie, we need to clear all this up right here and right now!” I demanded, desperation lacing my voice as she started to walk away. “Don’t walk away and, for once, listen. I don’t love Aislynn, and I don’t have special memories of her floating around in my head. And I certainly don’t see you or our baby as a fucking obligation!”
“Don’t play me for a fool, Kaven!” she shouted, her eyes blazing with a mix of pain and fury. “I saw you together, hugging, after you told her you wouldn’t change anything that happened!”
She saw me and Aislynn in the hallway. That explained so much. “It’s obvious you didn’t hear the entire conversation and instead of running, you should have talked to me. That’s the first time Aislynn and I had spoken since I’ve been back. She was just getting closure, nothing more.”
“About how much you loved her?”
I looked to the sky in frustration, feeling the weight of my own mistakes. “It’s hard to explain, Haddie! I was drawn to Aislynn, and my mind rationalized it as romantic even though inside I knew it wasn’t quite right. But what else could it be if not love? I grappled with it for months, leaving for South Carolina to try to sort it out. And then I met you. Suddenly, it was clear what I felt for her wasn’t love but wanting to save her, atone for not saving Kezia, just like my brother warned me.”
“What are you talking about? Why would you need to save her, and who is Kezia?” she asked, confusion and concern etched across her face.
“Kezia is my sister. She was killed when she was fifteen, and Valley and I were the ones that found her. She was beaten, raped, and left to die in a warehouse near our house. In a lot of ways, I blamed myself. That night Kezia was abducted, she was supposed to be with us, but we blew her off to go to a party at the clubhouse. We thought we were big shit that Valley’s dad was letting us crash it for Valley’s seventeenth birthday,” I explained, my voice breaking.
The pain of speaking about it out loud after so many years was raw, but somehow, with Haddie, it felt less suffocating.
“I’m so sorry, Kaven. It must have been unbearable. But what does that have to do with Aislynn?”
“I can’t get into everything. It’s her story to tell, but we rescued her from a really bad scene, and every time I saw her, saw the sadness in her eyes, I felt this need to make it go away, to help her heal. When she and Leather fell out, I figured...” I let my words trail off with a heavy sigh. “Haddie, there is no one that comes close to the love I feel for you.”
“You love me?” she snapped in disbelief. “What about all those women at the clubhouse? You were with them, I could tell. That’s not love.”
“I haven’t been with anyone since we met. You thought that, and I let you. I’ll admit I wasn’t a saint before you, but you can’t hold me guilty for that,” I said, my gaze locking onto hers, pleading. “If it makes you feel better, no other woman has made me only think of her, want only her, and feel this need to be with her all the time. Why would you even think I didn’t love you?”
She threw herself into my arms, so relieved I thought she might collapse. “Because, you idiot, you’ve never said it to me.”
“I’ve said it in my head so many times I guess I thought you knew,” I said, my voice softening. The realization that I hadn’t told her even once was crazy as hell, since I could have sworn I said it to her every time we had sex.
“What about all the horrible things you’ve said to me?” she asked, pulling back to look at me, hurt in her eyes.
“I was a stupid ass and you make me fucking crazy, Haddie,” I said, pulling her close again. “I get so damn territorial with you and it makes me say and do dumb shit.”
“It was really hurtful that you didn’t understand how hard things were for me,” she whispered against my skin. “Promise me you won’t treat me that way again.”
“I promise, and something else, when I brought Aislynn to the waterfall, it was to cheer her up and give her some space from Leather. But you, I brought you here thinking it would create the same magic as South Carolina, and I’d get to see you naked under that waterfall looking like the tempting wood fairy I see in my dreams every night.”
The intensity of the moment hung in the air, our emotions raw and exposed. I held her tight, hoping she could feel my love through the beat of my heart. She pushed away with a naughty smile on her face. “Let’s make the magic happen,” she smirked as she removed her clothes slowly in front of me and waded into the water, disappearing with a kick of her feet.
As the sunlight shimmered on the waterfall, I watched as Haddie emerged from the water, every inch of her body glistening with water droplets. My heart pounded in my chest as I took in her naked body, the sight of her making my cock throb painfully in my jeans with the knowledge of what was to come.
I began to undress, unable to take my eyes off her. When I was finally naked, I dove in and swam towards her, my bare feet treading softly on the wet rocks as I stopped in front of her.
Haddie looked at me, her breath catching in her throat as she saw my need for her burning in my eyes. She stepped closer to me, our bodies only inches apart. “Kaven,” she whispered, her voice husky with emotion.
Without another word, I pulled her into my arms, my hands cupping her face as I crashed my lips against hers. Our kiss was hungry and demanding, a reflection of the raw attraction that always blazed between us.
My hands roamed over her body, exploring every inch of her skin as our tongues danced wildly together. I nibbled on her ears, causing her to moan softly against my skin. I pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes as I trailed my fingers down her neck and over her collarbone, following the line of her cleavage.
Haddie’s breath quickened as she felt my touch, her nipples hardening against my chest. She ran her hands over my back, savoring the feel of my warm skin beneath her fingertips. She traced a line down my spine and over my ass, her fingers leaving a hot trail.
“Do you love me, Haddie?” I asked, my voice rough with the need to be with her.
She nodded her head, her eyes never leaving mine. “More than anything,” she whispered.
Without further hesitation, I scooped her up into my arms, carrying her to the nearest flat surface, and I laid her down on the rock, positioning myself between her legs and I ran my hands up her thighs, pushing her legs apart gently.
Haddie gasped as she felt the heat between her legs where my fingers were now expertly teasing her. She arched her back, pressing herself against my touch. “Kaven,” she moaned, her hips moving in rhythm with my fingers.
I looked up at her, our eyes locked together as I slowly lowered my head to take one of her nipples into my mouth. She cried out, her back arching even further as I sucked gently on her sensitive nipple.
All the while, my other hand continued to work its magic between her legs, teasing her pussy with a gentle flick of my thumb. I could see her starting to lose control, her breath coming in rapid gasps. She moved her hips in a circular motion against my hand, desperate for release.
I could feel her wetness against my fingers, her body trembling with anticipation. She was so fucking responsive and perfect for me. I moved my free hand down to her heat, opening her up with two fingers, teasing her before I couldn’t take it anymore, and thrust my cock inside her. It was so damn hard it was ready to explode, and it was pure torture trying not to cum too fast. She cried out in pleasure, her body arching off of the rock as she met my hard thrusts.
Our movements became more urgent as we neared the end, all too quickly. With one last deep push, I felt myself exploding, unable to hold back any longer, my groans of pleasure mingling with her moans.
Haddie wrapped her arms around me, holding on tight as she felt the heat of our shared experience coursing through her veins. We stayed locked together like that, our hearts pounding in rhythm as we caught our breath.
Finally, we pulled apart, our bodies slick with sweat and dotted with goosebumps. I rested my forehead against hers, our breathing slowing down as we basked in the afterglow of our intense lovemaking.
“I love you, Haddie,” I whispered, my voice hoarse from exertion.
She looked into my eyes, seeing nothing but love reflected back at her. “I love you too, Kaven,” she replied, her voice equally husky.