Mine

Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE

JT

Twenty-two years later

“H ow was your date last night?” Reggie asks while we have a few minutes downtime at Black Salt, the restaurant where we’re both waiters. We got hired around the same time about two years ago and hit it off right away, eventually becoming roommates and best friends. Reggie is working here while he goes to college, but for me, I simply like the atmosphere. I like being surrounded by food and seeing people on dates, celebrating birthdays, or a group of women on a girls’ night out. Being satisfied here is something my dad can’t understand, and it’s the topic of way too many conversations in the Dirks family.

He and I are different. He always knew what he wanted—to go to college to be a dentist, to marry my mom and have a family—and he accomplished all that despite having me when they were eighteen. My dad is like a fucking superhero. As soon as he conquers one challenge, he’s on to the next, but I don’t have the same goals. I don’t need to go through life being perfect at everything and using one accomplishment as a building block for the next.

“Not great. I would have vented last night, but you were in bed. He…wasn’t what I want.”

Raleigh isn’t one of the queerest places on the planet, that’s for sure. I’m attracted to older men, dominant men—I like to be told what to do when it comes to sex, or maybe even outside the bedroom when it’s with someone I’m sleeping with. Anyone else bosses me around and we’re gonna have a problem, but if it’s someone I’m fucking? Hell, there’s not much I won’t do. But it’s not easy to find what I’m looking for. It’s never quite right…something’s always off, though I can’t put my finger on it.

“They never are.”

I chuckle because I can’t say Reggie’s wrong. Some guys are too soft. They feel more like they’re playing at this. They’ll say our wants and needs match up, but they don’t. Others are cruel, and there’s a huge difference between being harsh or demanding and being cruel.

I don’t want cruelty. Apparently, I want a fucking unicorn. Who knew finding an older Dominant would be so difficult? “My sex life is about the only place I have high expectations. Maybe I can tell Dad that even though I’m pretty easygoing in what I want for most of my life, I’m really picky and only want the best when it comes to the men who boss me around and fuck me hard.”

Reggie laughs. That’s absolutely something I won’t be sharing with my dad. Not that most people talk to their parents about their sex lives at all, but he wouldn’t understand. Being gay isn’t a problem for my family. My dad’s best friend since before I was born is bisexual. My parents are open and affirming that people have the right to be who they are and be attracted to whoever they like too.

But he’d never understand my desire to be used, to be dominated—would never understand that I want to crawl around on the floor and be told I’m a good boy. My mom and dad would think something is wrong with me because something like that would never cross their minds—especially Dad’s.

At the same time, he just doesn’t get that I’m not as perfect as he is. That I’m not going to college, and that I don’t know what in the fuck I want to do with my life. I don’t have it plotted out, and I’m okay with that. Still, even though I’m a functioning adult and pay my own bills, Dad sees me as a failure. He would never use those words—that’s not how my dad rolls—but I know it’s true.

“Sorry, babe. Wish I could help.”

Reggie and I have gotten each other off from time to time when we’re in the mood, but we don’t fully scratch each other’s itches. I might not be a twink like him, but I’m definitely a bottom. I’ve topped three times in my life, and all of them felt wrong and weird. It’s much easier for me to come with something up my ass than my dick in someone else’s. Reggie is the same.

“It is what it is. We better get back to work.”

I go check on my orders, right as there’s one ready for me to bring to a table. I grab the food and head to the couple, setting the steak down in front of the woman. “Here you go. Our brussels sprouts are the best. They’re my favorite. I love the honey glaze.” She’d ordered a side of them with all the fixings.

“I love them so much!” she replies as I give the man with her his food. They chat with me for a second, like a lot of the customers seem to do. I’m good with people, which is something I’m proud of. There are always assholes, of course, but overall, I enjoy working with the public.

The night flies by, and before I know it, I’m leaving North Hills to head to my apartment in downtown Raleigh. North Hills restaurants are where it’s at, but there’s no way I can afford to live there. Honestly, I couldn’t afford this place either if I didn’t share with Reggie. It’s not the best apartment, but it’s not the worst either. I feel safe, and the area is filled with people my age, so it works.

At home, I head upstairs, strip out of my clothes, and shower before taking my laptop to my bed and logging in to one of my favorite kink sites. There’s tons of information about the lifestyle, and they also have boards and areas where you can meet people. I’ve talked to at least twenty guys here, and while none of them are ever what I want and I’ve only met up with a few of them, I’ve at least gotten an orgasm or two out of it. Plus, I’ve learned a lot about myself just browsing the site and seeing that I’m not alone in the things I’ve always craved.

Much like hookup apps, you can see who’s online. I get about five messages right off the bat, mostly of dick pics with things like You want to get on your knees for me, boy and Why don’t you come over and let me cage your little dick and fuck your hole.

No, thank you.

It’s not like I don’t want to do all the things he said or as if I’m looking for a relationship—I’m too young for that shit, and while my parents are the definition of a happy, healthy marriage and have been together since high school, I’m not ready to settle down. I want to enjoy being single, explore, and have fun. But that doesn’t mean I want to be submissive to someone who jumps into my DMs and tells me he wants to cage my dick and fuck me. I always talk to a guy for a while before I’m willing to meet up with him or even share photos. It means a lot of Doms aren’t interested, but I figure that means those aren’t the kind of Doms I want.

As I browse, a name catches my attention.

FulfillingDominance

I don’t know what it is about the moniker that makes curiosity tingle at my nape, but it does, so I click, curious to learn more.

I’ll fuck you with my words just as passionately as I’ll fuck you with my body. I’ll connect all the wires inside you that weren’t grounded before. I’ll engage all your senses, giving you a fulfilling experience that goes beyond sex, beyond Dominance and submission.

I tremble, which I realize is a dramatic response to someone’s words on a screen, but I can’t help reacting to what he says. There are no face shots on his profile, which is the same as mine. He doesn’t have dick photos either, but there are some of his chest, his hand with a crop, photos of other toys, and things like that. It’s not flashy. I don’t really do flashy. That’s one of the first things that will turn me off.

I continue reading.

I’ve recently moved to the area. While I’m not in a place where I’m looking for a relationship, I would like a consistent play partner, someone whose kinks match with mine, and someone I can also share thoughtful conversation with. I won’t waste time with someone who just wants to fuck and go. I insist on aftercare and conversation. If that’s not what you’re looking for, then I’m not the Dom for you. I’m demanding and intense, but never mean. I won’t stop until your body and your mind are in sync, as I fulfill our mutual needs.

My chest fills with heat, my heart beating faster. I don’t know this man. He could be lying. He could be exaggerating. Maybe nothing about him will line up with what I need, but his words do something to me that no one’s have before. They fill me with both excitement and, hell, I guess a calmness, two things that shouldn’t fit together.

I don’t have it in me not to message, not to see what he has to say. I try not to get my hopes up because I’ve been fooled before, but I want this, want everything FulfillingDominance offers.

CravingMore: Hello, Sir. Is it okay if I call you that? I saw your page, and I really like what you have to say. I’m hoping we can talk a little more to see if we get along and if our kinks match up. I hope to hear back from you. Thank you for your time.

I hit Send, then wait. It says he’s online, but that doesn’t mean he’ll respond right away. He could be talking to someone else, or maybe he’ll look at my profile and decide he isn’t interested. Most likely that will happen, considering my shit luck when it comes to Doms.

I do some more searching online before I get a notification that I have an instant chat message. My heart bangs against my chest in a way it has no business doing as I click over and see that he replied.

FulfillingDominance: Yes. You can call me Sir while we talk, and if we meet up, I demand it, but I appreciate your asking. I had a look through your profile, and I like what I see. If you’re just looking for a quick fuck, then I’m not the Dom for you. I want a steady play partner. Someone I have chemistry with and can learn new ways to torment and pleasure. Someone who learns what I expect, whom I can depend on to be the kind of sub I require, and who can depend on me to take care of their needs.

It’s like an earthquake starts shaking at the very foundation of me, starts making my insides rattle and break open, but in a way that’s soothing rather than disruptive. It’s ridiculous to believe this can be anything, to trust this will work—I’ve only exchanged one message with him, after all—but for the first time since I started looking for a Dom, I’m hopeful.

I click in the instant chat box, hands shaking slightly.

CravingMore: Yes, Sir. I want that. It’s exactly what I want but haven’t been able to find.

FulfillingDominance: How does it make you feel?

I stare at the screen for a moment, unsure how to answer. No Dom has ever asked me how something they said makes me feel. It’s…unnerving yet welcome.

A thrill of panic shoots through me when another message comes through, making me fear I took too long and he’s not going to be interested, but I breathe out a sigh of relief when I read the message.

FulfillingDominance: Take your time, boy.

I sit up in bed a little more, holding the laptop on my thighs, thinking about what he said. I know what I feel, but I’m struggling to put it into words. It’s a little like he’s already seeing me naked, looking at parts of me no one has bothered trying to see before.

CravingMore: Well, there’s the obvious, Sir, and it made my dick hard. I backspace because that’s not the truth and I want to be completely truthful with him. It made me start to get hard, my cock plumped up some. I’m not fully erect, but I could get there pretty easily. I feel wobbly…not on the outside, but on the inside. In my thoughts. But that’s a good thing. I’m hopeful too, hopeful that this will be what I’m looking for, that this will work out, that I’ll be who you need too, and that in giving you those things, it will give me what I need as well. I pause, close my eyes, and try to relax while focusing on the words FulfillingDominance had said to me. And I feel seen…which I didn’t realize until right now. Does that make sense?

Nerves attack all my senses as I hit Send and wait.

FulfillingDominance: Good boy. Thank you for being so honest. What you said does make sense. We all want to be seen, to find people who know those secret parts of us and who share those parts of us as well. You made me proud. I like very much what you had to say. I want you to focus on that when you go to bed tonight. Focus on the fact that you were a good boy and made me happy. Are you free tomorrow evening to meet online and speak again? How about at eight o’clock?

Satisfaction makes my skin prickle, makes my pulse dance erratically. I made him proud , and that’s already the best feeling. It’s comforting, soothing a near constant ache inside me.

I have to go to a barbecue at my parents’ house tomorrow, so speaking to Sir will probably be exactly what I need. Why is it so hard to be around loving parents who would do anything for me? I don’t know why I struggle with it as much as I do because I know how lucky I truly am. Still, it’s hard and always leaves me feeling raw.

CravingMore: Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. I appreciate what you said, and I’ll meet you online tomorrow night at eight.

FulfillingDominance: And?

And what? I run through what he said again before the answer comes to me.

CravingMore: And I’ll focus on what you said. I’ll think about the fact that I made you proud.

FulfillingDominance: Good boy. Sleep well.

CravingMore: You too.

I go to bed with a smile on my face and sleep better than I have in years.