18. Vance
CHAPTER 18
Vance
I bolt upright, gasping for air. My heart pounds against my ribs like it's trying to escape. Sweat trickles down my temples, my t-shirt clinging to my back. The darkness presses in, disorienting.
Where am I? The bedroom slowly comes into focus. Home. Safe. I'm home.
My muscles remain coiled tight, ready to spring into action at the slightest threat. Phantom echoes of gunfire and shouting fade from my mind.
A soft touch on my arm. I flinch before I can stop myself.
“Vance?” Blair's sleepy voice cuts through the quiet. “Are you okay?”
I turn to look at her, drinking in the sight of her tousled chestnut hair and concerned eyes.
“I'm fine,” I manage to croak out. My throat feels raw, as if I've been screaming. Maybe I have been.
Blair pushes herself up, the sheets rustling as she moves closer. Her hand remains on my arm, a warm, steady presence. “Another nightmare?”
I nod. Blair's fingers trace soothing patterns on my skin. The tender gesture loosens something in my chest.
“ D o you want to talk about it?”
I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “Not right now. I just... I need a minute.”
“Of course.”
She shifts, wrapping her arms around me from behind. Her chin rests on my shoulder, her breath warm against my neck. I lean back into her embrace, letting her strength seep into me. My heartbeat slowly returns to normal. The tension in my muscles begins to unwind. “Thank you,” I whisper, covering her hands with my own.
Blair places a soft kiss on my shoulder. “Always.”
I turn in her arms, cupping her face in my hands. Her eyes shine with love and understanding. How did I get so lucky? “I love you.” I rest my forehead against hers.
Blair's lips curve into a gentle smile. “I love you too.”
I close the distance between us, capturing her lips in a kiss that says everything I can't put into words. Her fingers thread through my hair as she responds with equal fervor.
In this moment, wrapped in Blair's arms, the nightmares fade away. Here, I am home.
I pull back from the kiss, my breath ragged. The remnants of the nightmare still cling to the edges of my mind, dark and insistent. Blair's eyes search mine, patient and understanding.
“It's the memories,” I finally admit. “From over there. They won't let me go.”
How can I explain the chaos, the fear, the guilt?
“I see their faces,” I manage. “The ones we couldn't save. And sometimes... sometimes I'm back there, in the middle of it all.”
Blair shifts closer, her arm wrapping around my waist. Her warmth seeps into me, grounding me in the present. I lean into her, allowing myself to be held. The tightness in my chest begins to ease.
“I know it's not easy,” Blair continues, her fingers tracing patterns on my skin. “But you're not alone in this. I'm here. Always.”
Her words wash over me, a lifeline in the darkness. I turn to face her fully. “What did I do to deserve you?”
Blair's lips curve into a soft smile. “You're you,” she says simply. “That's more than enough.”
I lean further into her embrace, my muscles slowly uncoil. Her fingers trace soothing circles on my back, and I breathe in her familiar scent - lavender and home.
“There was this kid,” I start. “Couldn't have been more than eighteen. We were clearing a village and…” I swallow hard, the memory vivid and raw. “A bomb went off. I keep seeing his face,” I confess. “Hearing his voice. Sometimes I wonder if I could've done more, moved faster…”
“Vance,” Blair whispers. “It’s not your fault. You carry so much, but you don't have to carry it alone. I'm here, always.”
“I don't know what I'd do without you.”
“You'll never have to find out.”
I lean in, pressing my forehead against hers, feeling anchored by her presence. The nightmare's grip on me loosens, replaced by a profound sense of gratitude.
These nightmares are starting to take over my nights and she didn’t deserve to lose sleep over my karma. Some of the things I had to do over there… she would look at me differently if she knew. Just like any other soldier, I only tell what I can and leave out all the other gruesome details. People ask, but they don’t actually want to know.
I cradle her in my arms and lay back down. “Now go back to sleep. You need rest.” I kiss her on the top of her head and her breathing steadies.