Mine to Hold

Chapter 15

Rumor took Emmerson’s hand as he helped her from the front seat of his personal SUV.

“You okay?”

“Hurts like a motherfucker. But I’m fine.”

He chuckled. “Come on. Let’s get you in bed and I’ll make you some eggs.” He guided her toward the main house.

“I live in the pool house.” She arched a brow.

“Not while you’re recovering, you don’t.” He opened the front door. “There is no way you could get in and out of that Murphy bed. Besides, I still have another eight days off work. I’m going to be your nurse for that time.”

“I don’t want you hovering. I can…” She groaned. “…take care of myself.”

“Not yet, you can’t.”

She paused in the center of the family room and glanced around. Her body shook involuntarily as her mind relived the horrors of what happened.

Emmerson wrapped his loving arms around her, gently tugging her to his chest. “If staying here is too much, I can ask my mom if we can stay with her and Steve. We’d have an entire wing to ourselves.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’ve put your family out enough.” During the five days she’d been awake in the hospital, each and every one of his family members had come to visit. They all brought flowers and homemade food for her to enjoy.

Along with fun conversation.

The best news had been Trinity and Emmett had become parents. They adopted a little baby girl.

They named her Leslie Rumor Kirby because she had been born almost exactly at the time of the shooting. Poor Emmett had missed the birth, but Trinity had been there.

Rumor still didn’t understand why they used her name, but she didn’t dare question.

“Babe, you’re not putting anyone out. I care about you and so does my family. We’re all here for you.”

She’d been listening to Emmerson say those words for days. She knew he cared. There wasn’t even a doubt in her mind about that.

But how long would it last?

How long could she continue to live in his pool house, loving him as much as she did, knowing she’d never have all of him? He gave her as much as he could.

But he’d never utter those words.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she whispered, knowing she shouldn’t hint at anything.

“Lucky for you that you don’t have to find out.” He pressed his hand on the small of her back. “I took the liberty of gathering most of your things and putting them in my bedroom. I can stay in there with you, but if it hurts for me to be in bed with you, I can sleep down the hall.”

“I don’t think I can handle being alone,” she admitted.

Not one single night did Emmerson leave her alone. He’d sneak out in the morning, go home, shower and shave, only to return and stay all day. Janet, nurse, would make up the recliner with sheets and a blanket, and he’d sleep there, even though Rumor told him he didn’t have to.

He cared.

It felt like love, but what did she know? She thought her parents had loved her, but they abandoned her the first chance they got.

He pulled back the covers and fluffed the pillows, helping her ease in, while he sat on the edge, holding her hands. He sported a contemplative look, which made his forehead crinkle. He always did that when he had something serious he wanted to talk about but didn’t know how to start.

“What’s wrong?” She decided to help him along. Whatever they were going to be to each other, she wanted it to be good. However it ended, she wanted to cherish the moments.

“You know how Rhett and Miles were doing some deeper digging into your background and where you lived when we were dealing with the whole Tom and Tony thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, they found your parents.” He lifted his gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’ve only been sitting on it for three days. But I wanted you to be physically stronger. Please don’t be mad. I hate it when you’re angry with me.”

She stared at him with her heart thumping wildly in her chest. “My parents,” she whispered. “Where are they? What happened to them? Have they been looking for me?”

“God, this breaks my heart,” he said softly. “I don’t have a lot of details and we have no idea why they left you and didn’t come back. But when you were about sixteen, your father was arrested.”

“For what?”

Emmerson closed his eyes for a long moment before blinking them open. “Your mother had died of an overdose and he did nothing to prevent it. He went to prison for manslaughter and took his own life shortly after. Babe, I’m so sorry. I wish I had better news.”

“At least I know.” Tears poured out of her eyes. She couldn’t stop them if she tried. They weren’t tears of sorrow. Or of great regret. They were just tears of sadness for the years of wondering. “My folks often left me for periods of time while they went on benders. They could have come back and found me gone and just kept going because I’m not sure they ever wanted me anyway. I’ve been used to that my entire life. To most of my foster care families, I was a meal ticket.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” He cupped her face. “You’re wanted right here. With me. My family. You’re part of us and this community. Don’t you ever forget that.” He kissed her tenderly and with intent. It was beautiful and for the first time in her life, she felt as though she belonged.

As if she had a home.

As if she had something and someone to hold.

But two things needed to be cleared up if she was going to stay. One might put her back in the pool house. But she needed to say it.

However, she’d deal with the other situation first.

“Emmerson, I need to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

She pointed to the bag of money taunting her from the open closet. She found it funny that the master had his and hers and the hers was empty as shit, except the few things he’d hung in there that belonged to her. “I know your mom said I could keep it. And I actually need that money. I have five thousand in the bank that is mine. But I have been dipping into that here and there. Now, it seems so dirty. Like it’s blood money and it makes me sick just to think about it.”

“I can’t say I like having it in my house. However, I’ve learned over the years not to argue with my mom about certain things. That would be one of them.” He arched a brow. “What would you do with it if you didn’t keep it?”

“Donate it to a women’s shelter? Or maybe a drug rehab program,” she said. “Only problem is if I do that, I’m so strapped for cash, renting your?—”

He hushed her with his index finger. “I’m not taking rent from my girlfriend. That feels so icky. And before you go arguing with me, I had decided that while you were asleep in the hospital.” He cocked his head. “You can do whatever you want with that bag of loot and I’m happy to help you donate it to a good cause. I’d love to do that, and I’m happy to help you save up some money.”

“But you can’t let me live here?—”

“I’m not going to flex my muscles often, but this is not negotiable. You’re my girlfriend. I’m not taking your money.”

“I’m not moving in with you.” Even if he did say the words back, it was too soon. Even she understood that.

“I’m not asking you to, but for the next few weeks, you’re not getting out of this bed,” he said. “Now, how about I go make us some breakfast because I’m starving.” He batted her nose and stood.

“Okay.” Telling him how she felt would have to wait.

Emmerson dumped the scrambled eggs onto two separate plates, along with bacon, sausage links, and home fries. He wasn’t the best cook, but he could cook the shit out of breakfast. He snagged the mugs of coffee and put everything on a tray.

He glanced up and scowled. “What the hell are you doing out of bed?”

Rumor held one hand over her midriff and used the other to grip the table and then the sofa as she made her way toward the kitchen. “I’m tired of being on my back.”

Racing to her side, he put her arm around his good shoulder. The other one still hurt like hell, but he was a fast healer and had already started stretching it here and there, even though the doctor had told him to take it easy.

Hell, he didn’t know the meaning of the word, unless a fishing reel was in his hand.

“Why is your arm out of your sling?” she asked.

“Easier to make breakfast.” He tried turning her back toward the bedroom, but she protested.

“I want to eat like a normal person. At the table. Or maybe outside and get a little fresh air.”

“That’s against my better judgment.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not negotiable.” She tilted her head, glaring.

“Fine.” If only he could lift her into his arms.

Once he got her settled, he brought the food out and set it up, settling in next to the woman who rocked his world. One of these days he’d get the courage to tell her how he really felt. He showed her every day, but he knew that wasn’t enough. She needed to hear him say the words.

She pushed her food around the plate.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

She dropped her fork and let out the longest breath ever. “I can’t do this a second longer.” She lifted her gaze. “I have to know how you really feel about me. Not knowing is slowly killing me inside. I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I get it. You have deep wounds. I do too.”

He opened his mouth to interrupt her, but she talked so fast he couldn’t get in a single word.

“I’ve never had these feelings before. I’ve never allowed it. I’ve never stayed in one place long enough for it to happen and besides, I’ve been too afraid of it. I keep trying to say the words, but I’m utterly terrified that if I do, I’ll be banished to the pool house. Which eventually I’ll have to go back there, because even if you do feel the same way I do, we’re not ready for the living together shit. You act like a man who is… is… in… Jesus, I can’t even get there because I don’t even know what this looks like. I’m a grown-ass woman. I’ve been taking care of myself my entire adult life, but I don’t know shit about this one thing.” She dropped her hands in her lap and lowered her head. “I don’t even know how to say it.”

Emmerson pushed his plate across the table and turned his chair while he processed every single word that had come out of her mouth. He totally understood her trepidation. He had the same problem. He’d been holding back as much as she had, only he had no idea that’s what she’d been doing.

They’d both been through a lot in the last few weeks.

And she’d been running and hiding her entire life, never really knowing what true love was all about.

At least he knew what that looked like. He’d felt it. He’d had loving relationships, even if they’d turned to shit.

He shifted her chair and lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Let me get us both there. Say it for both of us.”

“I’m not even sure I made sense.” She kept her gaze anywhere but connecting with his.

“Look at me.”

She blinked.

“I haven’t made this easy for you. I’m moody and I’ve been hurt, leading you to believe that it’s impossible for me to love again. To completely give of myself. Before I met you, I thought that was true. I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel, but honestly, I’ve been afraid.”

“Of what?” More tears.

God, he hated making her cry. That was the last thing he wanted to do. She’d had enough of that in her life.

“That I’d scare you so badly you’d pack your bags and move in the middle of the night. I thought if I told you that I love you, it would?—”

“You what now?” She grabbed his face. “I’m honestly not sure I heard that correctly. And to be fair, no one has ever said those words to me and meant them.”

“Aw, now that just breaks my heart,” he said. “I love you, Rumor. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”

“How I wish we could get saucy between the sheets, because I love you right back.”

“Yeah, it’s going to be a few weeks before we can defile anything else in this house.” He jerked his finger over his shoulder toward the dock. “Or my boat, because it hasn’t been christened yet.”

“I could be down for some ocean sex.” She swiped at her cheeks. “I wish that hadn’t been so hard. For either of us.”

“Sometimes it takes broken souls a little longer. Though we fell in love pretty quickly.” He chuckled. “You want to hear something funny?”

“Sure.”

“I told my mother that I loved you when they were wheeling you out of this house and taking you to the hospital.”

She gasped. “No way.”

“I did. Oddly enough, everyone in my family already knew that. But I don’t say those words to just anyone and I wanted to find the perfect time. I wanted it to be special because you’re so very special to me. I can’t imagine going through life without you in it. I was so scared you were going to die that night.”

“But I didn’t.” She smiled.

“Nope, you didn’t. And I love you and I’m going to keep telling you that. Over and over again. Because it rolls off my tongue like candy.”

“Now you’re being a dork.” She leaned in, wincing a little, then kissing him softly.

“Does this mean you’re going to make Lighthouse Cove your home?”

“I can’t think of any other place I’d rather be.” She smiled. “Or anyone else I’d rather be with.”

And with that, Emmerson not only found his soulmate, but he mended every wound he’d held on to. Rumor was his lighthouse. His light, guiding him home.

His everything.

He’d love her until his last breath.

She was his to hold.