Miranda in Retrograde

5. Virgo Season

VIRGO SEASON

Sit up a little straighter today, darling Gemini. Your planetary ruler, Mercury, stations and turns direct today. While this signals a shift away from the indecisive confusion of past weeks, lingering fog will persist, so don’t make any big decisions. In better news, today’s Sun-Uranus trine will recharge and motivate you. This is a good time to start a home-improvement project, something you haven’t thought of previously that will suddenly feel vital.

A few days after Lillian’s departure, I start my morning the way I have been since the start of the Horoscope Project—with a cup of coffee and the Daphne-recommended Zodiac Zone app. Apparently it’s one of the few astrology apps that doesn’t just ask for your birthday and spit out the “sun sign” that most people think of as their sign. This one requires your birthday, time of birth, and place of birth so it can assess your full natal chat, and thus give you a more accurate reading.

Says Daphne.

I have yet to be convinced, but one thing I can say about its daily predictions? They can be annoying .

I groan aloud in the empty kitchen as I read today’s horoscope: home improvement? Yuck .

I am not exactly what you would call handy . Not with arts and crafts, not with hobbies, and most definitely not with home-improvement projects.

Also, because I haven’t had a chance to crack open any of the astrology books amid settling into Lillian’s, I don’t have a clue what the heck a planetary ruler is.

Maybe I don’t have to listen to it.

I pick up my phone and decide to FaceTime Daphne over breakfast.

“Hello, darling Gemini!” she says the second she picks up.

“You read my horoscope, didn’t you?” I ask.

And since she’s the one who recommended this particular app, I’m betting we read the exact same horoscope.

This is actually one thing that bothers me about astrology. One of the many. That there are hundreds, if not thousands, of horoscope sources out there, none of them identical, many of them not even close. How are you supposed to know which one is the best one?

The right one?

Daphne tells me it’s about faith, so… I’m trying. I’ve decided to stick with just this one app for now, not letting myself get confused by any conflicting sources. Plus, the scientist in me likes the idea of a constant for this little project. The same horoscope source every single day provides that for me.

“Um, of course I read it,” Daphne says, sounding affronted. “Though I did that even before you decided to embrace your spirituality.”

I wrinkle my nose.

“Too soon to throw around spirituality , huh?” she says with a laugh.

“Baby steps. I want to understand this thing on an intellectual level. What is a house ruler, and why is mine Mercury?” I ask before taking a bite of cereal.

“Oooh,” she says, pursing her lips. “That pesky wasteland of a planet. Bet you’re excited to be out of retrograde, huh? Okay, anyway. Um, planet rulers. So… your rising sign is Gemini, right? And Mercury rules Gemini. Ergo, your house ruler. Sort of like the captain of the ship,” she continues. “Your house ruler sort of steers the whole thing.”

“So I can’t ignore it?”

“Not without consequence. Why, not excited by the… what was it? House project?”

“Do you think vacuuming counts?” I ask, brightening. “I have to do that.”

“Vacuuming is a chore, not a project.”

“Damn.” I take another bite of cereal, frowning as I chew. “Why?”

“Why isn’t vacuuming a project?”

“No, why does Mercury rule Gemini?” I say. “Who’s your house ruler? As a Libra.”

“Venus.”

“ Why? ” I say again.

Daphne wrinkles her nose. “Okay, fine. I don’t actually know how the house ruler is determined.”

“Hmm, okay,” I say, relenting. “I’m sure it’s in one of the books I bought.”

“Probably,” she says, looking bemused. “Just remember the point of this whole thing is to get away from books for a little while.”

“But I’m a Virgo sun!” I protest, knowing she’ll appreciate the reference. “This is how we do things.”

“Fair enough.” Daphne smiles. “How’s the settling-in process going?”

“Bumpy,” I admit. “I slammed my finger in the car door so hard I nearly broke it and am now wearing a splint.” I hold up the hand to show her. “And then I got that cold going around. And then Lillian’s hot water heater broke, and the guy who came to replace it got violently sick in the bathroom. That’s all I want to say about that—why are you smiling at my pain?”

“I’m not,” she says with a laugh. “It’s just… this is all so Mercury-retrograde stuff.”

I almost open my mouth to remind her that planets can’t actually move backward, and that it’s merely an optical illusion caused by the planets moving at different speeds from each other, but that’s scientist Miranda talking.

Astrologist Miranda is supposed to believe that Mercury rules all types of communication, and when it’s in retrograde, there is all sorts of turbulence and disruption down here on Earth. Wires getting crossed, a general sense of indecision and mayhem, blah-blah-blah.

I take my empty bowl to the sink, and then let out a frustrated growl when I glance out the window.

“I’ve gotta run,” I tell Daphne. “A chubby bunny is munching contentedly on one of Lillian’s plants again.”

“Oh, cute! Bunnies are my spirit animal! He must know you’re talking to me.”

I end the call before she can see my eye roll.

I hurry to the front door, intentionally making all sorts of noise to scare the little bringer of destruction away. The bunny is cute, I’ll give him that, but he’s wreaking havoc on Lillian’s “babies,” and I haven’t had the heart to tell my aunt that there’s no good place on the patio for her babies to get the right amount of sun and be out of reach of critters.

I’m no botanist, but I’ve been musing all week over a way to regulate the temperature out here and provide some sort of shelter…

“Oh. Okay,” I murmur aloud as inspiration strikes. I need a greenhouse.

I could build a greenhouse. That could be my home project.

I dash back into the house and begin researching.

Several hours later, I’m surprised to find that I’m the most excited and motivated I’ve been in days.

Just like my horoscope said I would be.