26 Saturday Afternoon
(Wedding day)
I HALF EXPECT HERnot to be there when I open the door to Nikki’s room.
But there she is, in all her white-gown glory.
“Sybil!” I wrap her in a hug so tight she lets out a small squeak. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, Mama Bear,” she wheezes out, patting me on the back. “You can release me. I’m not going anywhere.”
Those words. I’m not going anywhere. They hit me right in the chest. Because until now, I think I really believed that the reason I was so determined to find Sybil was so she could marry Jamie and have her happily ever after with him. Because that was what was supposed to happen. Because I was in charge of helping make sure that’s what happens. Only now, the obvious truth makes it hard for me not to let tears burst down over my freshly made-up face. It was never about Sybil and Jamie. It was always about Sybil and me.
And now, I know exactly what to say in my maid of honor speech. It’s a love note to the friend who has always come back, who has never left me, not really. Who has, even in her wildest or flightiest moments, shown what loyalty really is.
“I’m so glad to hear that. I love you, babe,” I tell her, willing myself not to cry. I pull back to give her a once-over. Her hair is in a messy braid, and there are dark circles under her eyes peeking through her fabulous makeup job, but she seems at peace. The crackling current that had radiated off her during our failed bachelorette party has been replaced by smooth calm. Nikki and Willow, meanwhile, both look how I feel—exhausted but buoyed by adrenaline.
“Oh, and maybe you want your phone back, too, Sybs,” I add, handing it to her.
“Thanks.” Sybil takes the phone and tucks it into a small beaded bag on the vanity, then crosses the room and perches beside Willow on the bed. “I can’t believe I left it in the back of the car. God, I’m such an airhead.”
“You might have one or two missed calls from us,” I say, coming to join the two of them.
“Or, like, six dozen,” Nikki adds.
This gets a watery chuckle from Sybil. “I’m so sorry I scared you all, going off the grid like that. I just… I needed to figure some things out on my own.”
“And… have you?” Willow asks tentatively.
Sybil gives a nod, reaching out to squeeze Willow’s hand. “Yeah, I think I have.”
Nikki comes to sit beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder and linking her arm through Sybil’s. For a moment we stay like that, the Core Four, reunited once again.
“You know, I think this calls for a toast,” I say, my voice thick with emotion.
Nikki shoots me a grin. “There’s no tequila.”
“I say we give tequila a break for a bit.” Willow rocks to one side and then levers herself off the bed. “Maybe champagne instead.” She heads for the small fridge on the other side of the room and pulls out a dark green bottle. Popping the cork and pouring the fizzy drink into the plastic cups stamped with SYBIL JAMIE that we all got in our welcome bag. I smile at my friends and take a breath as I raise my glass.
“As maid of honor, I want to raise a toast to Sybil.” The girls dutifully raise their glasses to meet mine. I know that, later, at the reception, I’ll be telling the guests about my best friend, Sybil. About our shared childhood, our wilding around Europe, our fourth-floor NYC walk-up. The fun stories. The classic Sybil stories. The times she brought an extra lunch to school when she knew my mom wouldn’t have the time to make me one. The many, many times she was there with open arms when I was at my lowest.
But right now calls for something else. I meet Sybil’s hazel eyes. “Sybs, whatever you’re dealing with, I need you to know that I love you no matter what. And if you don’t want to get married, I support you completely. Same as if you do want to get married.” I gesture to Nikki and Willow. “We all do. We’re here for you. Whatever you need. No conditions.” I raise my cup again. “To Sybil, the bravest woman I know when it comes to love. To the hope that we’re all as fearless when it comes to sharing our hearts.”
Nikki, Willow, and I take a small sip, but Sybil downs her glass, and we all give her a look. “What? Sometimes I need a little help with the fearlessness.” She shrugs. “Okay, time to talk to Jamie.”
Before she heads out the door, Sybil pulls me aside. “Is it true you and Finn went on a wild-goose chase to track me down? As in, the two of you together?”
“Your sources are correct.”
“I never thought I’d see the day.” Sybil shakes her head. “Well, I may have ruined my wedding and destroyed all my future hopes of happiness, but at least I got the two of you to be civil to one another again,” she adds with a sad smile, her Disney princess eyes brimming with tears.
“Oh, Sybs.” I hug her to me.
“Emma, I’ve already apologized to everyone else about a million times since I got back, but I need to tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have bailed without telling anyone. I just got so in my head. I needed to be alone, to get away from… everything.”
I want to know where she went, what she’s been doing for the past two days, what sent her running in the first place. But I swallow my questions. I need to give Sybil space to breathe. To figure things out on her own.
But the thing about having a best friend for the better part of two decades is that sometimes, they can see right through you.
“I know you’re dying to ask where I’ve been.”
“Who, me?” I say with feigned innocence. “I’m not dying to ask anything. I actually suffer from a clinical lack of curiosity, so—”
“I’m not ready to talk about it just yet,” Sybil says, cutting me off, “but I promise, as soon as I am, you’re my first call.” She pulls away and clasps my hands to hers. “I still can’t believe you drove halfway across the country to find me.”
Now it’s my turn to tear up. “Sybs, you’re my family. I knew you needed me, and I will always be there when you need me.” I give her hands a squeeze and brush away a tear. “That said, I can admit, I was a bit… single-minded in trying to track you down. But I’m turning over a new leaf where I don’t spend all my energy trying to control the people I love. So, honestly, if you want to take off again right now, that’s cool. I’ll even drive you this time.”
Sybil laughs, but then her expression turns serious. “I need to tell you about what happened the day of prom.” She looks away, like she doesn’t want to make eye contact with me, but then she squares her shoulders and looks me straight in the face. “What really happened with Liam. I’ve always felt like this secret is the reason why you and Finn were never able to get things figured out. There was never anything romantic between us—Finn and me—you know that, right?”
“I do.”
“Okay, good.” She takes a deep breath then says, “The day of prom something… happened to me, like… medically.” I can tell she’s struggling to get the words out, so I nod encouragingly even though I’m not quite following. It seems like she’s still not ready to give me all the details, and I’m trying to respect that. “Anyway,” Sybil continues, “it was bad, and I couldn’t go to Liam about it, or my parents. So I went to get some professional help, and Finn was there. He was so supportive, like the big brother I never had, like… a knight in shining cargo shorts.” This gets a chuckle from me. “He found out I had no ride home, so he let me take his car since he was there with his parents. I made him swear not to tell anyone about seeing me at the hospital.”
“But why?” The words tumble from my mouth before I can stop them. “Why couldn’t you tell me, Sybs?” I ask in a small voice.
“Emma,” Sybil says. “You’ve always been so on top of everything. You’re so confident and capable. You never let boy drama get to you. If I had told you how fucked-up things really were with Liam… I just knew you’d be disappointed in me.”
“I wouldn’t have!” I protest.
“Well, you definitely would have run through walls trying to fix it.” She nails me with a hard stare, and I have to nod. She’s right. “You’ve always looked out for me, Emma. Always kept me in line. And I’m so grateful for it, but maybe…” Sybil takes another deep breath. “Maybe I need to learn to keep myself in line. To handle my own shit for once, you know?”
I nod again. I wouldn’t trade my friendship with Sybil for the world, but I think we’ve both realized this weekend that some of our dynamics haven’t been the healthiest. It still hurts a little to loosen my grip, to let Sybil fend for herself and not swoop in to save the day. But it’s only natural for friendships to grow and change with time. And I know our friendship is strong enough to take it.
“Well, if I’m not going to be dealing with your shit anymore”—I roll my eyes playfully—“then I guess I’ll have some more time to deal with my own. Like, you know, my budding romance with one Finn Hughes.”
“Your what?!” Sybil lights up.
“I’ll tell you about it later. I think somewhere around here there’s a groom missing his bride. I love you so much, Sybs. No matter what.”
“I love you, too, Em.” She squeezes my arm and walks down the path toward Jamie’s bungalow.
I don’t know what Sybil is going to say—or what Jamie will say back to her. I don’t know if thirty minutes from now will see me walking down the aisle and holding Sybil’s bouquet during the vows, or if we’ll end up back on the road with a true runaway bride. And I remind myself it’s okay that she doesn’t know what she’s about to do, that none of us knows what will come next. All we can do is step bravely into our lives, and trust that we’ll be okay—even if we make mistakes. I don’t know if my dad will text me—if we’ll repair our relationship or build a new one. I don’t know how my review at work will go, either, but I have a pretty good idea that something major needs to change. It’s time I finally admit what it is that I want. Even if it means breaking out on my own.
As for Finn? I don’t know if things with him will last, but I’m willing to give forever a shot. And for the first time in a while, I really like our chances.
After all, we always did make a great team.
I watch as Sybil reaches Jamie’s door, and the last of the setting sun lights up around her in a halo. She takes a deep breath, then gives two soft knocks. There’s a pause, and then the creak of a door opening. Sybil moves through the doorway into her future, whatever it holds.