Moderating Love (Queer Ways to Fall in Love #1)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

DEVIN

This love story is one for the ages.

I met my husband during a power outage at Trader Joe’s.

We were the only two people who didn’t immediately leave when the lights went out.

I was determined to get my frozen dumplings, he was protecting his cart full of Everything Bagel Seasoning (twelve bottles—not exaggerating).

We ended up using our phone flashlights to help each other shop in the dark for twenty minutes.

When we got to the parking lot and realized we’d grabbed each other’s identical tote bags by mistake, he said it was fate.

We’ve been together for eight years now and got married last spring.

I can’t help swooning when I read the story.

It’s been submitted on ShareYourGlow, the social platform where I moderate the lightbeam called QueerWaystoFallinLove. Over one hundred readers have pressed the star icon next to the post, so it’s now glowing brightly.

The only problem with a post that brightens so quickly is that it’s guaranteed to attract the attention of TruthGuardian, one of my fellow moderators.

TruthGuardian and I have had our fair share of disagreements over the two years we’ve been moderators on the forum.

TruthGuardian is a love skeptic, while I’m more of a romantic optimist who tends to naturally believe everyone’s meet-cute story, even the one about the guy who claims he met his soulmate during his colonoscopy.

ShareYourGlow is a forum with the tagline: Where stories light the way. It’s a place for people to share stories of hope and goodness, built around one simple idea: every person has a light worth sharing, and you can only fully glow by making others shine brighter too.

But part of the forum’s legitimacy is that the stories shared on it must be accurate.

It’s about inspiring others with true stories, not promoting false stories, stealing glow from real stories, and leaving people feeling betrayed.

That’s where the moderators come in, to help separate authentic sparks from artificial flames.

I understand the need to verify stories that seem too good to be true, but TruthGuardian’s cynicism could drain the romance from a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon. The man treats every love story like it’s a crime scene that needs investigating.

I take a sip of my oat-milk latte as I reread the post. I’m at my favorite coffee shop, a cozy place in San Francisco’s Castro district where they know my order so well they start making it when they see me through the window.

My job as a graphic designer means I get to work from home three days a week, and I invariably end up here either working or moderating the forum.

I’ve still got twenty minutes before I’m officially on the clock, so I’m ready to defend true love from the cynicism patrol.

Sure enough, TruthGuardian immediately pops up in the moderator chat. His avatar is a little gray cloud icon, because of course it is.

TruthGuardian

The Trader Joe’s story is fabricated.

SunshineGuy

Well, hello to you too!

TruthGuardian

Trader Joe’s has backup generators. Power outages last maybe 30 seconds before emergency lighting kicks in.

SunshineGuy

Maybe it was a really bad outage? Sometimes backup systems fail.

TruthGuardian

They stayed for 20 MINUTES in a dark store? That’s a liability nightmare.

SunshineGuy

Have you met Trader Joe’s employees? They’re like the golden retrievers of retail. Super chill.

TruthGuardian

Twelve bottles of Everything Bagel Seasoning? That’s $23.88 worth of seasoning. No one hoards that much.

I nearly choke on my mouthful of coffee.

SunshineGuy

You…calculated the exact cost?

TruthGuardian

$1.99 per bottle. Basic math.

Math isn’t my strong suit, but it definitely is TruthGuardian’s. He tends to cite weird statistics the way normal people quote song lyrics.

SunshineGuy

Maybe he was shopping for a restaurant? Or meal prepping? Or just REALLY loves seasoning?

TruthGuardian

Then why didn’t the story mention that? Convenient omission.

SunshineGuy

Because it’s a cute love story, not a grocery receipt?

TruthGuardian

Also, “identical tote bags?” People notice their own bags. Different wear patterns, different feel. You don’t accidentally grab the wrong one.

SunshineGuy

In the dark? After meeting someone cute? Your brain isn’t exactly firing on all cylinders.

TruthGuardian

The story says they used phone flashlights. So it wasn’t even that dark.

I stare at my screen. TruthGuardian’s commitment to debunking joy is almost impressive. If cynicism were an Olympic sport, this man would be on a Wheaties box.

SunshineGuy

Has anyone ever told you that you’re exhausting?

TruthGuardian

I think you have mentioned that occasionally over the last few years. Has anyone told you that you’re gullible?

I can’t help smiling. This is such a familiar exchange between us that I could almost write the rest of the script.

SunshineGuy

It’s called having faith in humanity.

TruthGuardian

It’s called ignoring obvious plot holes. I’m checking power outage records for all Trader Joe’s locations from eight years ago.

SunshineGuy

There are like 500 stores!

TruthGuardian

608, actually. I’ll start with major metropolitan areas.

SunshineGuy

This is insane. It’s a GROCERY STORE MEET-CUTE.

TruthGuardian

Exactly. The most generic, uninspired setting possible. Classic fabrication territory.

Now I’m actually offended on behalf of all people who’ve met at grocery stores everywhere.

SunshineGuy

Grocery stores are perfect for meeting someone! You can tell a lot about a person by their cart contents.

TruthGuardian

So what secrets do your cart contents tell about you?

I pause. Because this is what has been happening over the past few months.

For the first year or so we communicated, it was pretty much nothing but terse exchanges about the factual basis of the stories and insults about his cynicism and my gullibility.

But when you spend up to ten hours a week messaging someone about the factual reality of love stories, sometimes personal stuff creeps in because you inevitably draw on your own life as evidence.

Therefore, I know he has a brother who once signed him up for speed dating without telling him, that his Netflix algorithm is ninety percent true-crime documentaries, and that he genuinely enjoys reading Terms of Service agreements.

And he knows I have a concerning collection of novelty socks organized by mood, that I unironically believe in astrology when it tells me good things about my love life and dismiss it completely when it doesn’t, and I have a roommate called Angel who dresses in all black and steals my emergency stash of peanut butter cups.

SunshineGuy

My cart is 80% snacks I’m hiding from my roommate, 15% ingredients for meals I’ll convince myself I’m going to cook, and 5% impulse purchases from the checkout aisle because I have zero willpower.

Also, there’s always at least one item I’ve grabbed because the packaging looked cheerful. I’m a simple man.

TruthGuardian

Yes, your approach to factually verifying stories definitely demonstrates that you are a simple man.

I grin. You can always trust TruthGuardian to slip in a veiled insult whenever possible.

SunshineGuy

Anyway, back to the post. It has 189 glow stars now. People love this story.

TruthGuardian

People love fiction. That’s why romance novels exist. But we’re supposed to be moderating for the truth, remember?

SunshineGuy

So you’re going to message them and ask for their grocery receipts from eight years ago? I’m sure that’s totally normal behavior.

TruthGuardian

I’ll ask for the date and location and check it against power outage records.

SunshineGuy

What are the stakes? Loser admits the other was right in the forum announcements?

TruthGuardian

Pass. I’m still recovering from having to write “SunshineGuy’s optimism was justified” after the porta-potty proposal turned out to be real.

SunshineGuy

That was beautiful, and you know it.

TruthGuardian

It was unhygienic and statistically improbable.

SunshineGuy

But REAL. Which is why I’m winning 36-28 in our verification battles.

TruthGuardian

Yes, but your failures tend to be spectacular. Let’s not forget that you were so adamant that the “met while watching the solar eclipse in Seattle” story was real until I pointed out Seattle had complete cloud cover that day. Basic meteorology.

SunshineGuy

I guess we’re about to find out whether this is a porta-potty or a solar eclipse story. And those are words I never thought I’d type…

TruthGuardian

Yet, somehow, that’s only the third weirdest thing you’ve typed this month. Remember, “love is valid even in airport security lines?”

I laugh out loud.

This is the thing about my conversations with TruthGuardian. They are always entertaining.

Personally, I love the idea that you could meet your life partner at a standard location like a grocery store, that life could be trundling along normally one day, and then be completely transformed.

My mom has a cushion with an embroidered saying: Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life…love comes along and brings you a fairy tale.

Maybe that’s why I like reading all the stories on the QueerWaystoFallinLove forum. It constantly reminds me that I could be one moment away from meeting the love of my life.

Talking about potentially meeting someone special, I glance up from my screen and nearly choke on air.

Cute Coffee Shop Guy is here again today. That makes five times in the last two weeks that I’ve seen him. He’s set up in a far corner, laptop open, completely absorbed in whatever he’s working on.

I watch him as he types. He really looks like someone ordered tall, dark, and handsome from a catalog and they accidentally sent the deluxe version.

Unfortunately, despite the fact that I’ve scrutinized him closely every time I’ve seen him, my gaydar doesn’t register a blip from him.

It’s completely silent, like when you’re trying to get a radio signal in a bunker.

He could be straight, he could be gay, he could be a beautiful alien sent to earth to torment other coffee shop patrons… Who knows?

I angle my laptop toward him because it has an assortment of stickers on the back, including Error 404: Straight Not Found and Powered by Plants. It’s a cunning way to let him know that I’m both gay and a vegetarian, just in case those are two of the traits he looks for in a partner.

Yes, I’m aware this is a deeply unhinged communication strategy. No, I will not be taking questions at this time.

And despite the absolute lack of any evidence that he bats for my team, I can’t help phrasing a potential post on ShareYourGlow.

I met my husband at my favorite coffee shop.

It took me a few weeks to work up the courage to talk to him.

Finally, I “accidentally” spilled coffee near his table (not ON him.

I’m not a monster). He helped me clean up and said, “If you wanted my attention, you could have just said hi.” I died of embarrassment.

Then lived again when he asked if I wanted to share his table.

That was four years ago. We got married in that coffee shop.

But despite sending out strong psychic-connection vibes, Cute Coffee Shop Guy doesn’t raise his gaze from his laptop.

I turn my attention back to the forum, looking at the next post that is glowing up. As I read about two guys who were both stood up by dates at the same restaurant and then decided to have dinner together, the question arises.

When is my happily-ever-after story going to come along?