Modern Romance Collection February 2025, #1-4

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

M AUDE SAT IN the sitting room of the manor, sipping the hot chocolate Dominic had made for her. The fire crackled softly in the grate, warming the room.

It had been a week since the wedding and though she’d hoped the new ache in her heart would fade, it hadn’t.

She should have left him in the walled garden the day she’d married him. She should have turned and walked out, but she hadn’t. She’d tried to provoke an argument instead, wanting to use it to poison those roots growing around her heart, but he hadn’t given her one.

He’d told her about his awful childhood and his terrible father and what his father had done to him and listening to his history had somehow made those roots stronger, not weaker.

No child should have had to live through that, and yet he had. He’d survived, even thrived, and in his own stubborn endurance, she’d seen herself.

They were the same. And while their childhoods had left their scars, they’d both come through the fire strong, and if not completely whole, then at least near enough to make no difference.

Then he’d made her show him the forest, listening as she’d talked about it, asking questions and being curious, inviting her passion about the forest to bloom. And it had.

Making love to him on the forest floor, the trees standing sentinel around them, had been one of the most pleasurable and spiritual experiences of her life.

She hadn’t been able to leave him after that.

Learning more about him hadn’t made her any less in love with him, and she didn’t know what to do.

For the first couple of days, she’d looked for excuses to demand a divorce, or just to move away, but he hadn’t given her any. As he’d promised, nothing changed. He came to the cottage at night and then left before she woke up the next day.

He’d mentioned something about a honeymoon, perhaps she might want to go to the Amazon? But she had a feeling that would only make her love him even more and so she’d put him off. He hadn’t pushed.

She’d begun coming into the manor at night, usually to join him for dinner, and they’d spend a good couple of hours there, talking as they ate. He was interesting, had travelled to a lot of interesting places and done some interesting things, and she even found herself fascinated when he talked about some of the new startups he’d been an angel investor in. Plenty of them had been in eco technology, and she’d been surprised when he’d confessed that he wanted to put money into research for new tech that could help the planet and the poorer communities that lived on it.

He wasn’t just some self-absorbed rich man at all. He had a good heart and he cared, and she loved him for it.

It was a problem, that love. She didn’t know what to do about it.

He’d told her love wasn’t a part of their marriage and she hadn’t wanted it to be either, yet that made no difference to the feeling in her heart. She loved him all the same, and a part of her selfishly wanted him to love her in return.

Dominic came into the sitting room and sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms as he did so. He was very physically affectionate; she loved that about him too.

‘You look pensive, nymph. Anything the matter?’

‘No.’

A lie, of course. There was definitely something the matter, but she wasn’t going to tell him what it was. He didn’t need to know and while that selfish part of her wanted more, she had to ignore it. He didn’t want love and she had no right to demand it from him.

You’re being selfish, though. Lying to him because you can’t bear to have that conversation. Because if you do, you’ll lose him. Because you like keeping him tied to you without having to make any compromises yourself.

The thought whispered in her head, doubt eating away at her. It was true, wasn’t it? She was being selfish. She was enjoying this marriage they’d entered into, where she could come and go as she pleased and have no demands placed on her, where she had him as well as all the freedom she wanted.

It was a business deal for him, and that made it okay, because then she wasn’t a millstone around his neck, dragging him down.

Yet there was a small, painful, honest part of her that wasn’t happy. That wanted more. That wanted that last little piece from him, to be loved as she loved him.

Except she could never ask for that, not without revealing how dishonest she’d been since the day she’d married him.

He’ll never love you anyway, not when no one else did.

She shifted again, that knowledge like a barb sticking under her skin.

‘There is something the matter,’ Dominic said, looking down at her. ‘What is it?’

Maude took a breath. She didn’t want to upset the delicate balance they’d found together with the truth.

‘I’m just thinking about the future,’ she lied. ‘And what it’s going to look like.’

He frowned slightly. ‘Our future, you mean?’

‘Yes. You and I, and the baby. Will I still be in the cottage? Or will we be here? Or...what?’

Dominic shrugged. ‘It’s up to you. I promised you things wouldn’t change and they haven’t.’

‘I know, but...the child is going to find it odd if we’re still in separate places when he gets older.’

‘It’s hardly separate,’ Dominic pointed out. ‘It’s still the same property.’

‘Yes, but you’ve got a foot half in the city.’

‘So? You wanted your own life, Maude.’

This was not the conversation she’d wanted to have, yet now her own lie had taken on a life of its own and she couldn’t let it go. ‘I know and I still want that. But...our child will have the life we give him, and I want to know what kind of life he’ll have.’

Dominic’s dark eyes narrowed. ‘Are you imagining me leaving for months on end like my father did?’

‘No, of course not. But...you’ll still leave.’

‘And then I’ll come back. What’s the problem?’

The problem is that I’ll be here without you.

Except she couldn’t say that. This was about their son and that was all. ‘I... He’ll be lonely here with just me.’

‘But that’s what you wanted initially. Are you saying you want me to take him with me?’

‘No, no.’ She took a little breath, trying not to tangle the little web of untruths she’d woven. ‘It’s just...is this the way it’s going to be for ever? Are we going to live separately for ever? And what about if you meet someone else? What about if you fall in love with—?’

‘I won’t fall in love with anyone,’ he said tightly. ‘I told you that love wasn’t a part of this.’

‘Not with me, sure. But what if you—?’

‘I won’t.’ His voice was terse and there was something glittering in his dark gaze that made her chest constrict.

She didn’t want him to be in love with anyone else. The very thought made her want to cry, and yet now she’d broached the topic, she couldn’t seem to shut herself up. ‘You might want someone else,’ she said. ‘Yet you’re married to me. I told you I didn’t want to be bound by anyone’s rules, but you’re also being bound, aren’t you?’

‘That’s true.’ His gaze abruptly became very focused on her. ‘But when I said I won’t fall in love with anyone else, I meant it. I won’t want anyone else either. There’s only you, Maude.’

She swallowed, a lump in her throat. ‘But...why?’

‘You’re beautiful, fascinating, mysterious. You’re passionate about the things that are important to you and you’re honest. You’re brave.’

The words felt like stones being thrown at her and suddenly she couldn’t bear it. He thought she was all these wonderful things and she wasn’t any of them. She was just a silly little girl left standing by a car while people who didn’t want her argued about who got lumped with her.

Also, she was a liar.

Maude pushed herself out of his arms, unable to bear being so close to him when he didn’t know the truth about her, sliding off the couch and going to stand in front of the fireplace.

‘Maude?’ Dominic asked, his voice full of concern. ‘What is it?’

She wrapped her arms around herself as she stared into the flames. ‘I’m not honest,’ she said bluntly. ‘I’ve been lying to you this whole time.’

There was a silence behind her.

‘About what?’ he asked eventually.

Maude took a breath. If she was really as brave as he thought she was, then she needed to face him. This was too important to tell the fire. He was too important.

Slowly, she turned around.

He hadn’t moved from the couch, his expression unreadable, his dark eyes glittering.

Maude took her courage in both hands and held on. ‘When I said I didn’t love you, I lied.’

He said nothing, still staring at her.

‘I’ve fallen in love with you, badger,’ she said, the words falling into the silence like pebbles in a still pond, creating ripples. ‘I know we said love wasn’t a part of this, but... It’s become part of it for me and I...’ She swallowed, her throat aching. ‘I don’t want to be a millstone around your neck or drag you down. I know you didn’t choose to have this baby or to have me as your wife. In fact, you didn’t want a family at all. And I’m sorry that I put you into this position. I...just want you to know that, if you don’t want any of this, if you want to walk away, I won’t stop you. And I wouldn’t blame you either.’

Dominic stared at Maude, standing with her back to the flames, her arms still wrapped around herself as if she were cold. She was in leggings and one of his sweatshirts, the dark green one, and it was giant on her, the hem extending down to her mid-thigh. Her hair was loose the way he liked it to be, in a wild golden storm down her back, and her face was flushed. She looked so beautiful, but what he didn’t like was the anguish in her brown eyes.

Nor did he like the flood of words that had just come out of her mouth.

In fact, they’d shocked him.

Firstly, love. What the hell did she mean that she’d fallen in love with him? How? Why? He’d told her specifically that love wasn’t a part of their marriage and yet that was exactly what she’d done.

Secondly, why the bloody hell would she assume that he’d happily walk away from their child and her if given the option? And now? After he’d married her?

He stared at her silently, his temper pulling at the leash.

The past week being married to her had been the happiest he’d ever known, and he’d indulged himself shamelessly. Going to her cottage every night and holding her in his arms. Then for the first time, a couple of days after their wedding, she’d turned up at the manor, apparently looking for him.

He’d allowed the fierce burst of satisfaction that had brought him, inviting her in for dinner, and then the same the next night, and the one after that. He was hoping to entice her eventually into sleeping with him, in his room, and he’d thought tonight she might actually allow it, and now... This.

She’d ruined it. She’d turned this magical little affair they were having into something it shouldn’t be and all because of that hateful four-letter word. Love.

Love demanded and demanded. Love was a rigged game that couldn’t be won no matter how hard you tried. Love locked you outside and left you terrified in the dark. Love called you weak and laughed at your pain.

Love was a canker that had to be cut out, a weakness, a vulnerability.

He didn’t want it. He didn’t need it. Not any more.

And as for the assumption that he’d walk away from his child...

‘If you think,’ he said finally, acidly, ‘that I would walk away from my son now, after moving to Darkfell and insisting on marriage to you, then you have another think coming.’

She’d gone very pale. ‘It’s a business deal. That’s what you said.’

‘Yes, it was. So why are you now talking about love?’ He was suddenly furious with her. ‘You wanted your freedom, Maude, so I gave it to you. And I never insisted you be anyone other than who you were. You had the life you wanted, so why the hell would you want to change it?’

There were tears in her eyes, he could see them glittering in the light from the fire. ‘I know,’ she said thickly. ‘I know I wanted all those things, and, yes, you gave them to me. But...that’s why I fell in love with you. You’re caring and you listen, and you’ve always accepted me. You’ve never wanted me to be someone I’m not. And when you make me promises you never break them.’

A tear ran down her cheek, sparkling in the light, and for some reason the sight of it felt like a knife in his heart. ‘You’re not really the man you seem to be on the outside. You’re someone else deep down, someone who’s as passionate as I am and cares as much as I do, and who feels like my soul mate. That’s why I love you, Dominic. You gave me everything I wanted. Except then I realised that what I really wanted was you.’

Dominic closed his eyes, not wanting to see her face or her tears.

He’d gone about this all wrong. He’d made a grievous mistake. He’d thought he could have his cake and eat it too, the way he always did. The way he’d done successfully for years. Business and pleasure, yes, he could have both and did, frequently.

But marriage without love, a family without ties, was apparently not something he could have. Which meant he’d have to give something up, and that something would have to be her. There was no other option.

She loved him and he couldn’t allow that. Wouldn’t allow that. It would hurt her, and the thought of hurting her made him ache, but he’d been a fool to think that none of this would come without consequences.

He’d hoped that making this marriage a purely business proposition would keep love and all its ensuing pain out of it, yet apparently not.

What else could he do, though? Keeping her, as that deep, essential part of him kept growling, was not an option, not when he couldn’t give her what she truly wanted: his heart.

It was frozen, that heart of his, and it wouldn’t ever thaw. He didn’t want it to. It was far better to keep it on ice, keep it out of other people’s hands, because, after the way his father had treated him, he would never give anyone that kind of power over him again.

He had to let her go. It was the only way. Wasn’t that old saying ‘if you love something set it free’? Trite and ridiculous, but that was the only way out of this.

So you’ll actually do what she asked and walk away? From her? From your child?

The primitive part of him snarled in protest at the thought, but he crushed it. He couldn’t walk away from his son, no, but he could walk away from Maude. He’d have to. Because that same primitive, possessive part of him was urging him to lie to her, to tell her that he loved her, then take her away to the city and keep her near him, and for always.

But he couldn’t do that, either. He wouldn’t be like her grandparents, taking her away from everything she loved, everything that was important to her, and surrounding her with concrete and metal. He would never take his wood nymph away from her trees.

As for his son...well, the child would be better living with Maude than with him. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything better for his little boy than to grow up close to the natural world with Maude as his mother. She would love him, care for him. He’d never be lonely with her.

Dominic’s chest ached at that thought, the pain of it lancing deep inside him, but he forced it away.

‘Dominic? Say something, please.’ She was still standing in front of the fire, tear tracks shining on her cheeks, her brown eyes full of anguish.

An anguish he was going to make worse, and he hated himself for it. But it was the only way.

He met her gaze. ‘Say something?’ he repeated. ‘Say what?’

‘I don’t know. Anything.’

‘Fine.’ Slowly he rose from the couch. ‘Then how about this? I won’t take you away from your trees. But you’re right, I didn’t choose this life and I didn’t choose you. So maybe it is time for me to walk away.’

Her eyes darkened with pain. ‘I... Yes, okay. And...our son?’

It was the first time she’d said ‘our son’ and that hurt too, but, again, he ignored it. ‘He can stay here with you.’ He had to force out the words, even as the snarling beast inside him ripped at the bars of the cage he’d trapped it in. ‘I would never take him away from you and I’d...like him to be taught to care for the forest.’

‘You can stay,’ she said abruptly. ‘It’s not fair that you should have to leave, because of me. It’s your house. I can go, I don’t have to—’

‘No,’ he interrupted immediately, his tone fierce. ‘I’m not forcing you to leave your forest. It’s yours.’

Her brown eyes were full of tears, the gold drowned beneath them. ‘It’s not mine. It’s your home.’

It was and yet he’d never felt at home here. Not until she’d come.

And while she’s here, you can never stay.

Of course, he couldn’t. This house and its grounds would be off-limits for him for ever. The temptation she presented would be too great, and he’d manipulate her, use her for his own ends, and end up hurting her worse than he was doing now. And he just couldn’t allow that.

‘It was yours more than it ever was mine,’ he said and when she opened her mouth to protest, he added, ‘I’m not arguing, Maude. It will be my legacy to my son. Keep it. For him.’

She nodded, standing rigidly in front of the fire as another tear slid down her cheek. And he wanted to close the distance, wipe that tear away then pull her into his arms and make her forget all about love and how it could hurt, but he didn’t.

Instead he said, ‘I’ll leave tonight. No point in drawing this out any longer than it needs to be.’

She looked so fragile standing there in his sweatshirt, holding herself so stiffly it was as if she was afraid one touch would shatter her.

His lovely nymph.

‘I would keep you if I could,’ he said finally, unable to stay silent in this last terrible moment. ‘I don’t want to let you go. But if anyone deserves to be loved, Maude, it’s you, and if I can’t, you need to find someone else who will.’

Another tear slid slowly down her cheek. ‘I won’t,’ she said, and he could hear all the force of her strong, stubborn will behind the words. ‘There won’t be anyone else but you, badger.’

He’d had no idea this would hurt so much or even why it did, but there was no other option. Walking away was all he could do.

His heart felt as if it were burning away, leaving nothing but ash as, without another word, he turned and strode from the room.

Yet he didn’t hesitate.

And she didn’t call him back.