CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER SEVEN
P ORTIA POURED HOT water over the teabag, carefully putting the tea canister away then getting milk from the fridge. She paused, drawing a slow breath, before grabbing a cloth and wiping down the already clean kitchen bench. Cloth in hand, she looked around for something else to clean.
Stop being a coward. It’s time.
Another slow breath, deeper this time, as she tried to settle the butterflies that felt more like fire-breathing dragons, swooping and diving in her stomach.
Dropping the cloth, she took the three steps needed to reach the end of the bench. To the small plastic item resting there so innocuously.
She didn’t touch it. There was no need. The result was clearly visible.
Positive.
She swallowed and it felt like the hardest thing she’d ever done.
That foolishness made her laugh, the sound somewhere between a giggle and a sob. There’d been much harder things in her life than this.
Before she could stop them, memories seeped through the barrier she’d erected against them. Darkness and pain. Grief and raw despair.
She stiffened, forcing them away, focusing on the present. Riding out the quiver of emotion and shock until her shaky knees strengthened.
She was pregnant. With Lex’s baby.
After all these years, to be carrying his child.
They weren’t even in a relationship! For a brief time they’d come together again, spurred by whispers of the past and a combustible passion that surely stemmed from a sense of matters not resolved between them. But in reality they were strangers now. No matter how amazing their physical compatibility, they both understood their lives no longer intersected.
Lex had taken her at her word. She’d said she didn’t want to see him again and he hadn’t argued. That confirmed what she’d already told herself, that their relationship lacked depth or meaning. He wanted the sex but that was all . The liaison could lead nowhere.
She hadn’t seen or heard from him since. He’d dropped her at the station that day, waiting to ensure she made the connection into the city before driving himself to the airport.
Portia hadn’t kissed him goodbye, too fearful that any physical contact might weaken her resolution.
Because she’d wanted, badly, to see him again. To prolong the affair. But spending more time with him would only make her weak and dangerously needy for a man who could never be hers.
Her gaze strayed again to the test result.
It was as if fate enjoyed throwing them together, making her confront her weakness.
She was tempted to get out the other kit she’d bought. But this was the second positive result. Did she really need a third? In her heart of hearts she’d known the truth. She’d suspected when she’d first noticed her tender breasts. Had been fatalistically unsurprised when her period was late, even though they’d taken precautions.
She couldn’t remember Lex being careless with protection. Which meant theirs had to be one of those few cases that defied probability.
Reaching for her tea, she sank onto a nearby chair. She might have expected the positive result, yet she couldn’t get her head around the enormity of it.
Or maybe you’re too scared to think about what this means. About what the future might hold.
She raised the mug to her lips, sipping and hoping the routine act of drinking tea would restore a sense of normality to a world that had suddenly turned upside down.
Her laugh was strained in the quiet room. She had the feeling her world would never be normal in the way she’d known it again.
But what would it be like, the future? She had some serious thinking to do. She took another sip of tea and found her other hand had slipped down to cover her abdomen.
We need to go our separate ways. Thank you, Lex, and goodbye.
It had been over a month since he’d heard Portia’s voice but her words, her tone, were as clear in his head now as they’d been that weekend when she’d dismissed him.
Dismissed him!
Lex ground his teeth as he remembered her matter-of-fact words. As if she had no regrets, no yearning for more.
Was it true? Had she found it easy to turn her back?
Ego whispered it wasn’t possible. Not when he was still mired in a tangle of frustrated desire.
Or maybe it wasn’t that at all. They lived in separate worlds these days. Perhaps she was just better at accepting that. Maybe her willpower and self-control were stronger than his now.
In recent years he’d grown used to getting his own way. From the little Portia had mentioned about her life after Cropley Hall, there’d been few chances for self-indulgence.
Whatever the reason, it had been a matter of pride that he stay away from her. He refused to pursue a woman who didn’t want to be pursued. Which was why he’d resolved not to come to London for the auction.
Except now business brought him to the UK. The reason he’d been at the auction house in the first place was because he’d been meeting researchers in Britain who sought a manufacturing partner for their breakthrough technology.
He turned into a familiar Mayfair street and stifled a grim smile.
Back in the UK again, his decision not to attend the auction in person had seemed ridiculous. He wasn’t here to see Portia. She’d be working in a back office. Since his trip coincided with the auction, it made sense to attend. It would be ludicrous to stay away.
He wouldn’t seek her out. He’d learnt as an unloved child to accept rejection and move on. If they met, well, they were both adults. She needn’t fear he’d try to weasel his way back into her life.
In fact, it would be good if they did meet. After the frustrating weeks he’d spent recently, there’d be some satisfaction in showing her he’d moved on.
A sarcastic inner voice disagreed but Lex shut it down. He’d attend the auction, secure the pieces he wanted and walk away.
Easy.
And it was. He was made flatteringly welcome and enjoyed a conversation with a collector he’d met previously, an American interested in more modern pieces but with some fascinating insights. The auction held no major surprises and Lex acquired the pieces he wanted.
He was considering accepting the American’s suggestion that they go for a drink when he felt his nape prickle and his pulse quicken.
Lex inhaled sharply and let his gaze rove the people still clustered, chatting.
Portia wore another skirt and jacket, this time in a deep colour somewhere between blue and purple.
Instantly every sense went on alert. There was a buzz in his ears and a quickening deep in his belly.
How did she do it? Look so alluring and at the same time so buttoned up? Was he the only one aware of her incredible sensual draw? It seemed impossible.
His gaze ate her up. The sweet curves and shapely legs. The way the deep colour of her clothes complemented her blonde hair and dark eyes. The contrast with her porcelain skin, her cheeks blush warm and—
Lex frowned, reading tiredness around eyes that looked bruised.
He didn’t owe her sympathy after she’d pushed him away. He’d had his own share of sleepless nights, because of her.
But his chagrin and frustration melted as he really took her in, her body taut as she searched the crowd. She looked...fragile.
Then her gaze met his and he felt that familiar wallop of sensation, like a fist to the chest.
Like homecoming.
Rubbish. They’d once known each other well, that was all. She was, he realised abruptly, the person who’d known him longest. His mother and her uncle were dead and he wasn’t in contact with anyone else from childhood. That was all this was. The familiarity of a shared past.
Yet a warning bell jangled in his ears. He turned away, determined to accept the American’s invitation to a drink.
Except he heard himself say, ‘I’d enjoy that, but another time. I’ve just seen someone I need to talk with. Perhaps we’ll meet at the Copenhagen auction?’ He barely registered her response. ‘If you’ll excuse me?’
Portia wasn’t needed in the auction room. She’d come specifically to see him. Yet as he approached she stepped back, half turning as if to leave before halting, eyes fixed on her clasped hands.
Concern scraped his breastbone. ‘You wanted to see me, Portia?’
She looked up, her expression veiled. But he’d been right about the tiredness. There were dark shadows beneath her eyes. ‘I do. If you’re free.’
Portia looked past him, her mouth pursing. Turning, he saw the American looking their way before picking up her bag and leaving. The woman was eye-catching and glamorously chic with her tumble of flame-red hair, slender frame and flamboyant clothes.
But, he realised, he’d only been interested in her knowledge of art, not in her as a woman.
Lex surveyed Portia’s expression and felt a fillip of satisfaction. Could that be jealousy she tried to hide?
It shouldn’t matter. But concern overrode logic. ‘I have a little time.’
For a long moment she was silent. Regretting the impulse that had brought her to him? When she spoke her tone was hard to read. ‘Thank you. But we can’t talk here. Shall we walk?’
Which is how he found himself, ten minutes later, strolling through a Mayfair park. The sky was pale blue and drifts of daffodils brightened the scene but the air was chilly, a contrast to the warmer weather he’d left in Athens.
Beside him, Portia walked with her arms crossed, yet something about her posture told him it wasn’t from cold. That flash of concern he’d felt for her was back.
‘What is it, Portia?’
His first thought, when she looked so fragile, was that she’d had bad news. But perhaps it was something different. Perhaps she’d struggled these past weeks too. Maybe she wanted to extend their liaison but wasn’t sure how he’d react to the suggestion.
She looked around as if making sure they couldn’t be overheard, then nodded towards a nearby seat. ‘Let’s sit.’
Intrigued, Lex sat beside her on the park bench.
‘There’s something I need to tell you.’
He waited, but there was no admission that she’d changed her mind. No suggestion that they get back together. Her words seemed to have dried up and with them, his sanguine hope that she wanted to pick up where they’d left off.
Despite the brisk breeze, her cheeks were pale and in the sunlight, the shadows under her eyes darker than he’d thought.
Premonition curdled his belly. Something was wrong. Something major, otherwise she wouldn’t have contacted him. Was she ill? His mind rebelled at the thought.
Unable to sit still, he shrugged out of his winter coat and rose to drape it around her shoulders.
Startled eyes met his. ‘What’s that for?’ As if she hadn’t even noticed the cold.
Lex lifted his hand from the coat collar, letting the back of his fingers brush her cheek. It was chilled.
But that didn’t stop heat igniting when he touched her. His fingers tingled with it and he saw warm colour rise in her face as if that fleeting contact affected her the same way.
It was still there, the attraction, the bond.
He shook his head and sank onto the seat beside her, closer this time.
‘You’ll be cold. You’re not used to this wintry weather.’ Yet she didn’t take the jacket off.
‘You forget the years I spent mucking out stables at dawn, come rain, hail or snow.’ Not to mention the fact that a Greek winter could be cold, especially in the mountains. He’d even learnt to ski there. ‘I’m listening, Portia.’
She nodded, twisting on the seat to face him. ‘I had some news recently. Unexpected news.’
Lex’s heart dived. She looked so sombre. All he could think of was some catastrophic health condition.
He nodded encouragingly though he knew he didn’t want to hear this.
Portia looked at the seat between them. Following her gaze he realised he’d reached out to hold her hand. He hadn’t even realised he’d done it.
‘I’m pregnant, Lex. Pregnant with your child.’
There was no mistaking the words. The sound of them still echoed in his ears. But it was so unexpected he had trouble processing it.
He frowned, trying to make sense of it when he’d expected to hear something quite different. ‘Pregnant? But we took precautions, every time.’
He’d left nothing to chance and Portia had always been just as cautious as he, making it clear she didn’t want an unplanned pregnancy.
‘We did, but nevertheless...’ Dark eyes surveyed him seriously. ‘It’s a lot to take in, I know. But I’m sure. I’ve seen a doctor who confirmed it. There’s no doubt at all.’
‘Pregnant!’
Lex looked as stunned as she’d felt when she got the positive test result.
So that’s one thing you’ve got in common. Apart from sex.
Portia squashed the sarcastic voice. This was hard enough without the reminder of how little they really shared.
As if to confirm that, Lex moved away. The comforting warmth of his encompassing fingers lifted from her hand as he shot to his feet and strode a couple of paces away to pause, one hand raking his scalp, leaving his hair tousled. His other hand shoved deep in his pocket, pulling his trousers tight to mould the curve of his buttocks.
Her mouth dried. Not this time with nerves but with awareness. For a second she squeezed her eyes shut. When, she wondered, would that be over? When would she be able to look at Lex and not want him?
What if it’s never? whispered that voice in her head. But she refused to heed it. She couldn’t allow that to be possible.
He swung around and she read the harsh lines furrowing his brow and clamping his mouth. He didn’t look happy.
She told herself it would be unfair to judge his response when he was obviously in shock. She hadn’t smiled at the news either, too overcome by surprise and the weight of worry for the future. If they’d been in a loving relationship, or if she’d decided she wanted to be a single mother, things would be different.
Portia was excited. Even though she knew it was early days.
Life had taught her that while joy could be found, just as often there were obstacles and challenges. Like what a millionaire father-to-be would expect.
She studied Lex’s stern profile. Would he want to be a hands-off father, only providing financial support? She couldn’t imagine he’d wash his hands of the baby totally, though who knew how a baby would fit his plans. Maybe he had some sophisticated Greek woman in mind for when he decided to settle down. Another woman’s baby wouldn’t be welcome then.
Or maybe when the news sank in he’d be thrilled. Would he want to spend time with his child? Visiting the UK regularly?
He turned, denim-blue eyes meeting hers. ‘Pregnant with my child.’
It sounded like a statement rather than a question but Portia sat straighter. ‘It’s definitely yours. I haven’t been with anyone else.’
She bit her lip before she said anymore. Better to let him think she meant there’d been no one else since he came to the auction house. There was no need for him to know she’d never had another lover.
At first she’d been too heartbroken and too busy working long hours to support herself to think about a boyfriend. And somehow over time it had become natural to keep her distance.
Life was easier alone. Better to think that than let herself admit she’d never met another man who tempted her the way Lex did.
His eyes narrowed, his gaze boring into her as if trying to read her very soul and every secret she possessed. It took everything to sit there and meet that penetrating stare.
‘I wasn’t questioning it, Portia. I was just...coming to terms. Are you keeping it?’
She stiffened. ‘Yes.’
He nodded. Did that signify acceptance or pleasure? But what did it matter? Either way, she was committed to this pregnancy. And glad she didn’t have to argue about paternity with him. One of the benefits, she supposed, of their shared past. He knew she was truthful.
‘Thank you,’ he murmured.
Portia blinked. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected but it wasn’t thanks for not wanting to terminate the pregnancy. Some of the tension bled from her shoulders and spine. She felt herself slump lower on the seat.
‘Have you thought about where you want to have it?’
Again he surprised her. ‘A hospital in London, I suppose. I hadn’t got that far.’
It was still a long way away.
She remembered her mother saying she hadn’t wanted to buy a pram until just before Portia was born, superstitiously fearing to tempt fate. Portia understood that fear. There were too many things that could go wrong in a pregnancy.
‘Why do you ask?’
‘You could have excellent medical care in Athens.’
Her gaze shot to his. ‘Athens?’
Too many half-formed thoughts shot through her brain. Did he want his child born there to get Greek citizenship? Did he want to raise it there without her? Her heart hammered. It was a crazy idea. Lex would never try to do such a thing.
But he wasn’t the boy she’d once known, was he? For all their shared memories and passion, he was Lex Tomaras now, a rich man living and working in a foreign land with phenomenal resources at his disposal. A virtual stranger, except in bed.
‘Why would I have the baby in Athens?’
He spread his hands and lifted his straight shoulders in a gesture that seemed at once totally Mediterranean and surprisingly enticing.
‘It would make sense. If you married me.’