CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘I’ VE NEVER SEEN my brother so fixated on a woman.’ Zoe smiled conspiratorially as they watched Lex at the centre of a group of guests, all resplendent in evening dress. ‘I like it. But do take pity on him soon.’
There was so much to unpack in that. Portia liked that Zoe called him her brother rather than half-brother. For Lex’s sake she was glad he really was part of the family.
She couldn’t help enjoying the other woman’s approval. Through the family meal Zoe’s positivity and humour had drawn Portia. All the family had been welcoming but she felt most at ease with his sister.
But as for Lex being fixated on her...
‘You’re mistaken. I’ve never known a man more self-contained.’ If he was focused on anything, it wasn’t her , but getting her to agree to his plan.
That moment yesterday when their gazes meshed in the mirror was long gone. It had lasted only until Portia swung around to face him, silk swirling around her legs.
His heated expression had vanished. He’d complimented her on her dress choice but there’d been nothing effusive in his manner.
Tonight Lex had taken her to the family home. He’d been solicitous, the perfect escort. For all his response she could have been an aged great-aunt, not a woman he’d asked to marry him.
That single sizzling look might never have been.
He’d as good as said he wanted to marry her to atone for his past actions and to protect his child. But Portia didn’t want atonement. Or a protector. She wanted to matter to him, and not because of duty.
At least her disappointment had an upside. It had stirred her pride, feeding a vivacity she hadn’t felt in ages.
Portia hadn’t blinked twice at being with so many billionaires, meeting the guests’ curiosity easily. She refused to feel sorry for herself and refused to let Lex see any trace of hurt. Instead she’d mingled, smiled and enjoyed herself.
‘You can’t see it?’ Zoe leaned closer. ‘But then he doesn’t stare except when you’re not looking.’
‘Stare?’
‘You haven’t noticed? He looks at you like a hungry dog eyeing a juicy bone.’
Despite herself, Portia laughed, rotating the bangle on her wrist. ‘You’ve got some imagination, Zoe.’
Lex had said his sister wanted him to settle down. She was seeing things that weren’t there.
‘If you think I have your brother on a leash, you’re mistaken.’ Half to herself she added, ‘I can’t imagine him dependent on anyone. He’s so self-assured.’
‘If you mean he knows what he wants and goes out to get it, then yes. He does listen to advice, particularly from our father, but even when he first came here, he had confidence in his own decisions.’
‘That sounds like Lex.’
He’d always been that way. When her mother died and her father’s temper became even more erratic, Lex’s reliability and confidence had appealed more than ever. But in those days he’d let her in. He’d loved her.
Or so she’d thought.
Portia’s mouth tightened.
She missed that. There’d been something affirming and wonderful about being the one special person in his life. Believing she mattered to him.
‘You may not see it,’ Zoe murmured. ‘But I can. You’re important to him, Portia. Don’t keep him waiting too long.’
Portia stiffened. ‘What has he said to you?’
He’d promised not to tell anyone about their situation. She didn’t need more pressure to marry and besides, it was too early to tell people about the baby. Especially as she knew that, if the worst happened, there’d be no marriage. Lex had only proposed for the baby’s sake.
Zoe tilted her head, expression thoughtful, looking uncannily familiar. Lex did the same when considering a problem, the angle of his head exactly like that.
‘He’s said nothing. Just that you’re a friend having a break on his island.’
Portia exhaled, relieved.
‘But he’s never taken any woman there. Ever.’ Zoe’s knowing gaze pinioned her. ‘And he’s gone out of his way to specify we shouldn’t pry about your relationship while you’re here.’
‘He asked the whole family? Or just you, Zoe?’
‘ Touché .’ The Greek woman laughed and Portia couldn’t help smiling. ‘It’s true, I’m the nosy one. No one else would dream of asking what’s going on between the pair of you. And I haven’t done that, have I?’
Portia held up her hands in mock surrender. ‘No, you haven’t asked. You’ve just drawn assumptions.’
‘Assumptions? Look to your right, next to the stout man and the woman in red.’
Portia already knew where Lex was. Her internal compass was always attuned to him.
She shot a glance to her right. Lex stood with the couple, apparently listening to something the man said. But his gaze was on her and the look in his eyes...
Instantly she felt the heat of it, like petrol poured on a bonfire. She could almost hear the whump of ignition then the sizzle and crackle as flames shot through her bloodstream.
For a second their gazes held then, abruptly, Lex turned his head, speaking to his companions.
Portia rocked back on her heels, equilibrium blasted to smithereens.
Now he was laughing and so were his companions, more guests clustering close. That searing shared moment might never have happened. Except she felt its aftermath in her racing pulse, the febrile heat swamping her, and the tell-tale signs of arousal, her tightening breasts and the melting sensation between her legs.
‘See? It’s not my imagination. My brother’s locked onto you like a heat seeking missile.’
Portia’s nipples budded against her bra. That look had been unmistakable. It wasn’t the stare of a man obsessed with his unborn child. It was the look of a man obsessed with a woman.
‘Lex would say I shouldn’t interfere. But my brother’s been through a lot. I don’t know how much you know about his early life, but it was difficult.’
For the first time Zoe sounded completely serious, subdued even. Portia was about to explain she did know about that period in Lex’s life when the other woman spoke.
‘Let’s just say he doesn’t trust easily. Nor does he wear his heart on his sleeve. It took a long time for him to relax with us and believe he was welcome. Sometimes I wonder if he still feels he has to prove himself.’
Portia’s heart squeezed. That made so much sense. Lex’s early life was filled with rejection, even from his mother who was too self-absorbed to care for her child. More often it had been Lex looking after her.
Zoe hesitated for a moment. ‘With a past like his, there’s a lot for him to move past. Belonging is important to him. Family is important.’
She wasn’t saying anything Portia didn’t already know. She’d witnessed Lex’s curiosity about his unknown father and the shadow it cast over him. Yet hearing Zoe spell it out, Portia felt the weight of that shadow. Did it still haunt Lex? Did he still crave family and belonging?
If so it made his ironclad determination to raise their child together poignant rather than selfish.
‘Lex is a strong man and proud. I know some people find that intimidating, but he has a good heart. I’d hate to see him yearning for someone who doesn’t reciprocate his feelings.’
Portia started. His feelings? For her? She was the one who had feelings. Feelings for Lex that time and the brutal voice of logic couldn’t eradicate. She felt too much for him and he saw her only as the mother of his child.
But did he? The expression on his face moments ago...
It’s just sex. You can’t build castles in the air on that.
And yet... Was there a chance he did feel more? Was it possible that over time their relationship might develop?
Was she willing to take that risk?
Her younger self wouldn’t have hesitated. She’d have jumped in, confident and unafraid.
Portia liked to think she still had courage, but it was of a different sort now. Bravery was more often about endurance, about keeping going through tough times rather than taking a single, bold step.
But Lex’s look just now made her want to be bold again. To take a chance and see where it led.
She rubbed her arm, feeling the comforting weight of her wide bangle.
‘I love that piece. It’s antique isn’t it? It looks very special.’
Portia met Zoe’s bright eyes, then looked down at the wide bangle on her left wrist.
Lex had presented it to her before they left his apartment. Despite every effort to hold back, she’d found herself breathlessly accepting the gift.
She’d assuaged her conscience earlier when she accepted his generosity, telling herself that the trip to Greece was a wise move for her own health and the baby’s. And it made sense to accept the sumptuous dress she wore tonight, rather than stand out in her budget-priced cotton sundress amongst the haute couture.
The solid gold bangle was completely different. Even though he said he’d bought it on a whim because it matched the dress perfectly.
It was studded with deep red rubies that formed a series of flowers embedded in the old gold. The engraved scrollwork around the edges almost perfectly matched the embroidered detail in her dress.
Portia had fallen in love with it instantly and hadn’t found the strength to deny herself this pleasure, though she’d told herself she should.
Zoe’s reaction confirmed her own. This gift wasn’t a meaningless frippery purchased by a man with too much money. Maybe that was why she’d been touching it all evening, as if the contact would confirm that Lex did feel something for her again. Something more than guilt and protectiveness because she carried this baby.
What did Zoe see? A statement of intent?
‘Yes, I believe it’s antique. I love it.’
The other woman nodded. ‘A gift from Lex?’
Portia straightened her shoulders. ‘It was, as it happens. My budget doesn’t stretch that far.’
She refused to pretend to be someone she wasn’t.
Zoe didn’t even blink. Nor did she narrow her eyes as if wondering whether Portia were a gold-digger, after Lex’s money. ‘Fair enough.’ Then that irrepressible grin appeared. ‘That makes gift choices easy for Lex. Men have such difficulty choosing presents, don’t you think?’
‘Actually, I disagree.’ The weekend escape to a luxurious country house hotel had been perfect. But even in their youth, before he had money, Lex had surprised her with small but thoughtful gifts that had made her feel special. ‘Some of the nicest presents I ever received were from—’
‘From Lex? So you are very old friends?’
Portia hurried to set things straight. ‘Our relationship isn’t what you think. Until recently I hadn’t seen your brother in a very long time.’ Quickly she changed the subject. ‘You’re not afraid your brother’s hanging out with someone who just wants his money?’
The Greek woman huffed out a laugh. ‘I can’t see you in that role and he’s too canny for that.’ Her expression turned serious. ‘I trust his judgement. I trust him . Maybe you should do the same.’
Trust him? But at what cost to herself?
Portia wondered that all the way back to his penthouse.
She was torn, tempted to take a leap of faith and admit Lex’s plan for their child had merit. Yet her instinct for self-preservation held her back. Life was safer when she relied only on herself.
But was it time to stop playing safe?
‘You’re quiet, Portia. Was this evening too much for you?’
‘No, I enjoyed myself.’ She’d been surprised to find herself liking most of the people she’d met. ‘And your family are lovely.’
‘I’m glad you feel that way. They clearly like you too.’
The warm resonance in his voice reminded her of Zoe’s words. How much family and belonging meant to him.
She and Lex had more in common than she’d let herself believe. Sometimes the sense of something vital missing from her life, the sense of loneliness, was incredibly strong. Perhaps he’d struggled with that too.
‘I like your sister.’
‘You do?’ He took his attention off the road for a second to shoot a glance her way. ‘I saw you two with your heads together. I was going to rescue you then you laughed and I assumed everything was okay.’
‘There was no need for rescue. And if there had been I’d have done it myself.’
‘I know. You’ve made that clear.’
She frowned, trying to pinpoint his tone since it was too dark to read his features properly. It wasn’t disapproval she’d heard, but could it be disappointment? Did he want her to turn to him for help?
It wasn’t like Lex to want her vulnerable.
Maybe her rejection of his plan wasn’t just inconvenient. Was it possible he felt hurt ?
The idea lodged hard beneath her ribs, making it difficult to breathe. That would imply a level of emotional engagement she’d thought impossible.
‘Thank you for inviting me to meet them. It was a privilege.’ She paused. ‘It’s good to know our child will have uncles, aunts and a grandfather, even cousins to play with.’
‘Believe me, they’ll be thrilled when they hear our news. That’s something we both missed out on, isn’t it? No siblings growing up. I’m glad our child will have a wider family.’
Portia’s throat closed. That realisation brought peace of mind. Imagine if Lex hadn’t been interested in fatherhood. If he’d turned his back on the baby. If there’d been no one to raise her child if something happened to her.
Her blood ran cold and she curved her palms protectively around her belly.
Somehow he picked up on her distress. A warm hand closed around hers. ‘It will be okay, I promise.’
The knot of emotion in her throat tightened. He couldn’t make such a promise. No one could. But she appreciated the reassurance, found herself clinging to his hand for a fraction longer.
Enough! There was no need to get maudlin.
She relinquished his hand, enjoying the slide of hard fingers against her skin far too much. ‘Both hands on the wheel, please.’
‘Yes, ma’am!’
He laughed and just like that, everything changed. Her careful control splintered, leaving her wide open.
His laugh was like sunshine and rich velvet. Like joy after grief. Like hot chocolate on a cold night.
Like a hand stroking her sex, making her hum with need.
All night she’d been attuned to him, body primed as if expecting far more than conversation.
Because you want more from Lex than conversation and consideration.
You want him. You never stopped wanting him.
Instead of celibacy allowing her space to gather her thoughts, it had the opposite effect. It was driving her to distraction.
Now, with just a laugh—a sexy, irresistible laugh—he undid her, leaving her prey to raw desire.
Portia shifted, trying to ease the ache between her legs. But the slide of skin on skin, and silk on skin, made her more aware of her arousal.
The dark intimacy of the luxury car felt claustrophobic. All her senses were centred on Lex, the breadth of his shoulders, the length of his legs, the easy way he controlled the car, his hand so close to her thigh when he changed gears. That fresh beach and man scent, making her nostrils quiver. How it had felt when his hand covered hers.
She drew a shuddery breath as they turned off the street into the secure basement car park. Soon the evening would be over and she’d be safe in her own room.
She didn’t want to be safe.
Minutes later he ushered her into his private lift. That’s when she saw it again, reflected in the mirrored wall before her. That ardent, dark-as-night stare that shot fire to her pelvis and drew a line of silken heat from her breasts to her clitoris.
Portia spun around.
She’d almost missed it. Lex was already composing his features into an expressionless mask.
Her breath tightened in her chest. ‘You want me,’ she accused, relief surging.
His eyes widened, as if in surprise at being caught out. Then his chin came up.
‘Why make it sound like news? You know I do. But—’ he shifted back from her ‘—don’t worry. I gave my word to keep my distance. I always keep my word.’
All this time she’d fretted that he found celibacy easy! Lex had just been good at hiding his feelings.
It was unreasonable to feel angry, but she felt such a fool. She’d worried that he didn’t want her anymore, worried about her own unrequited desire. Letting it distract her from the serious issue of deciding her child’s future.
Because you’re scared you already know the most sensible solution?
Because you don’t want to take that step without love?
The doors slid open, straight into the foyer of Lex’s apartment, but Lex didn’t move. He stared down at her, black eyebrows furrowing. ‘After all this, you still don’t trust me, Portia?’
She drew a deep breath.
Once upon a time she’d trusted him more than anyone. She’d believed in him. But he hadn’t believed in her and his desertion had broken her heart. Her world had shattered and the injury to her confidence and optimism had taken a long time to heal. His recent, heartfelt apology had helped.
Now she was recovered, happy with who she was. But his appearance in her life had scared her. She didn’t want to be that dependent person again, vulnerable to heartbreak. She refused to be that vulnerable person.
But it was too late to corral her feelings for Lex into some tiny, safe box. They were too big. Too real.
There was a hiss as the doors closed. He ignored the movement as if nothing mattered but her answer. Gradually hurt replaced his expression of challenge.
Immediately she reached out, her hand settling on his pristine shirt, between the lapels of his formal jacket. Heat saturated her palm and she detected the heavy thud of his heart.
Her own heart tripped then settled to the same beat.
‘I do trust you, Lex. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.’
His eyes held hers. ‘And?’
She trembled. He wanted her complete capitulation.
Yet even now, ensnared by this enormous truth, marriage was a step too far. The shadows of doubt and fear still hovered. Instead she admitted the easy truth.
‘I trust you, Lex, and I want you. I want to share your bed again. Can we—?’
His mouth cut off her words.
Not with a gentle kiss but with the deep passion that shot them both to the edge of desperation. Lex knew her body, her desires. He knew how to kiss her till she was mindless with pleasure and frantic for him.
She felt that same passion resonate through him. His hold was firm, yet a tremor of arousal coursed through his strong body.
When he lifted his head enough to look into her eyes, Portia was amazed she could still stand. Surely her bones had liquefied. But of course he supported her, strong arms wrapped around her. They pressed together from breast to thigh, her body moulding to his.
Their breaths came in short gasps and her pulse thrummed out of control.
‘You really doubted that I wanted you?’
With his erection solid against her, that seemed laughable. ‘I did. I thought you’d lost interest in me as a woman.’
Bewilderment showed in his darkened gaze for a moment, then a laugh exploded from his lips. A glorious laugh that made her mouth curl.
‘Lost interest? Lost interest! Chrysi mou , how could you think for a moment...?’
‘Okay. Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly. Maybe pregnancy temporarily addled my brain.’ And worry and her own distracting desire.
His arms wrapped more firmly around her so she stood between his thighs, her neck arched and his face tilted down to hers. Slowly his amusement drained.
‘I can’t imagine a world in which I don’t want you.’
The words went straight to Portia’s heart. She had to remind herself they were talking about physical desire, not love. But the way he looked at her, and the way she felt, that was enough for now.
‘Show me.’
‘With pleasure.’
His hand on the button made the doors swish open then he was drawing her into the apartment, across the white marble of the foyer and into the first reception room. Another swipe of his hand and a couple of lamps illuminated.
Long fingers around hers, Lex guided her deeper into the apartment. But her need was too great, the distance to the bedrooms too far.
She halted. ‘I don’t want to wait.’
Portia saw something flit across his face, edging his taut features with a hint of wildness. Her heart beat faster as he smiled. It was the look of a hungry man sighting a banquet.
She shivered and even that, the slight friction of silk against skin, aroused her further.
Without a word, Lex led her to a long sofa upholstered in soft, pale suede.
‘I don’t want to wait either.’
Still holding her hand, he sat in the middle of the sofa, his hand going to his belt, drawing it open. She watched, her chest rising on a stymied breath, as he undid the fastening of his trousers, then moved to the zip.
Interior muscles clenched while other parts of her loosened and liquefied. She wanted Lex so badly.
The taste of him was in her mouth and she needed him in her body, as if it had been years since they’d been together instead of weeks.
This, her need for him, had never altered.
‘Portia.’
The invitation was half command, half plea. She lifted her gaze to his and what she saw there planted a kernel of hope in her breast.
Whatever happened between them, they were equally bound by this.
Holding his eyes, she gathered the fragile fabric of her skirt, bunching it up to reach beneath and drag down the damp scrap of lace and silk that she wore beneath it.
Lex’s hissed breath was loud even over the thrumming in her ears. His expression exalted her. She felt invincible under that heated, mesmerised stare.
Still holding her skirt up, she moved closer, putting one knee on the seat beside him. Automatically he steadied her until she found her balance, straddling his lap.
His breath cocooned her, the heat of his long limbs and the lambent glow of anticipation in his desire-hooded eyes.
‘Portia,’ he said again.
Just that, but in a voice so hoarse and deep, it touched her heart.
She shuffled closer, holding herself above his lap as he positioned himself beneath her. She couldn’t wait, the tension inside was wound to breaking point.
Portia sank a little and felt the hard velvet head of his erection. A shiver erupted, running from her core, along her limbs and up her spine. Her dress fell as she reached to clutch his shoulders, offering her lips as she lowered herself, finally coming to rest as they locked together.
This kiss was ineffably tender. It seemed to hold a whole world of promise and recognition. As if all that had gone before were merely a prelude.
Lex’s hands swept her back, stroked her bare nape, then slipped beneath her dress to her hips.
Urgency reignited, that stunning moment of stillness obliterated by mutual need.
Portia rose, friction stoking the fire between them. When she sank again Lex lifted to meet her, his hands tugging her down. There was no faltering, just a smooth, urgent synergy that bordered on the miraculous.
Surely such pleasure was a miracle. Not just the building physical bliss, the urgency rushing through her towards inevitable climax, but what she saw in Lex’s eyes. What she felt deep, deep inside as she looked back and gave herself to him.
Her doubts fled as rapture rose.
She couldn’t think. All that mattered was this, him and her together, greater than anything that had gone before. She opened her mouth to gasp his name as the tide of climax engulfed her. But her whisper was drowned by his honey and whisky voice.
‘Now, Chrysi mou . Now!’
Ecstasy took her, piercing pleasure, the myriad sensations and purest joy. Portia surrendered to the inevitable. She was Lex’s and he was hers. That was her last thought before the world exploded in shards of gold.