Chapter 53 Slipping Under My Bed
Slipping Under My Bed
Ibrace myself as we’re pulled through the gateway under my bed, the transition jarring and disorienting. A maelstrom of color and sound envelops me. My guts lift abruptly like I’m plummeting down a rollercoaster, catching me between exhilaration and terror.
I’m torn apart and reassembled, molecule by molecule.
It goes on for months. Or maybe moments.
When my feet finally hit solid ground, the impact reverberates through my bones, leaving them rattling.
Blinking rapidly, I take in a landscape so alien and nightmarish it defies description.
The sky is a swirl of dark purples and reds, casting everything in a sickly hue.
Lightning slashes through crimson clouds, and though there’s no rain, thunder rumbles deep and ominous, as if the world itself is growling.
Twisted trees rise around us, their branches like serpents writhing in slow motion, while the leaves whisper a sound that’s too close to pleading. It sends a chill through me.
The air is thick, oppressive, each breath an assault. Sweet rot fills my lungs, a scent so foul it makes my throat close up. Every inhale feels like I’m pulling in shards of glass. I drop to my knees, clawing at the black, ashy dirt, gasping for any semblance of normal air in this place.
"Evie," Shadow calls to me, his panic bordering on terror. For me.
If I could breathe, I might laugh at the irony. He still acts like he cares. But the only thing I feel is the weight of the lies between us, crushing me from the inside out.
I can’t answer. My hand presses to my chest as I fight for air.
"Take her back," Shadow snarls at the Guard, his voice vicious. "She’ll die here. Do you want to be responsible for killing the Nexus, you fools?"
"I’m okay," I gasp, nails digging into my sternum. "Don’t take me back." Slowly, painfully, I manage to find a rhythm. My breaths are shallow, but enough. I’ll survive. I always do.
The lichtenberg lines of my birthmark throb with an electric heat down each split path from the side of my neck, and over my collarbone. Compared to what’s happening in my chest, it’s barely a tickle.
Shadow’s low growl of exasperation would send anyone else to their knees, begging for forgiveness. But the only one who should be sorry here is him.
"Let’s go," I direct the Guard, my voice still unsteady but firm. They begin walking, setting a pace I can keep up with.
As we make our way through the hellish landscape, I’m captivated by the grotesque flora and fauna around us.
They are twisted parodies of the life I’m familiar with.
Creatures with too many eyes and limbs skitter away from our procession, their movements jerking and unnatural.
Flowers with almost-human faces turn to watch us pass, their expressions frozen in eternal agony.
Maybe something is wrong with me, because I find beauty in this strange new world.
Is it the part of me that can no longer stomach the human world, desperate for something so different from the misery I’ve always known? A devil I don’t know?
Or am I awed because the monstrous part of me knows this is where something like me belongs. My insides are twisted with a barely restrained violence like this landscape.
A few years ago, I wouldn’t have felt this way. Shadow was right—back then, I claimed to be a monster, but I was only the idea of one. Now, I’ve come into my own power. It’s made me fearless.
Or reckless.
Fearless or reckless, I do feel how small I am here, how vulnerable. I know nothing of this place, and that uncertainty wraps around me like a noose. Yet with this newness comes a fresh start. A clean slate. This time, it’s going to be different.
My insides quiver with discomfort and fear even as I tell myself this new story and take the next step forward.
Shadow’s form hangs limp in the net the Guard carries, but his blazing eyes never leave me.
I know him too well.
He is thinking how he can escape. How to get me out of here.
But I'm not leaving.
A surge of anger replaces any uncertainty or fear in my heart as we plunge deeper into this alien territory.
"Why didn't you tell me?" My voice slices through the oppressive air. It still feels like drawing powdered glass into my lungs, but I do my best not to let the discomfort show.
Shadow’s expression—blurry but undeniable—flickers between a plea and untamed fury. "Evie, I needed to protect you, to keep you away from all of this. From them," he gestures weakly at the Guard, "and from me."
"Protect me? By lying? By keeping me in the dark?" My hands ball into fists.
The only people who’ve ever done that to me were using me. Manipulating me.
"You were never supposed to know," he says quietly.
"Never supposed to know." I repeat these words slowly. "Because you didn’t want me to think I was special? You let me believe... " I choke on the words. I stop walking, and, the Guard halts, waiting for me to set the pace.
The hours, the days, the weeks I spent festering in jealousy over someone who didn’t even exist. He let me think there was someone else. That I wasn’t enough.
Part of me is relieved, but it’s buried beneath the slabs of lies and deceit. I begin to walk again and the Guard resumes leading the trek.
"I was never supposed to contact you, Evie," Shadow says. "Because it was forbidden to do so. My only job was to protect your life, protect the gateway."
"Then why did you? Why didn’t you keep your distance?" I can’t help the sneer that curls my lip.
"Because I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand by and watch what was happening to you and not interfere."
I remember him making Snarp dance, waving the little stuffed bird wing at me from the edge of my bed that first night. A vise squeezes my heart.
"You pitied me," I say, my voice flat, refusing to look at him.
"You are not a creature to be pitied," he growls. "But you needed protection."
"I'm not some fragile little thing, Shadow. I'm a part of this now, whether you like it or not." I walk faster.
The Guard marches along, indifferent to our exchange. Their eerie silence is a stark contrast to the turmoil swirling within me.
Shadow's gaze, fiery yet filled with an unspeakable depth, locks onto mine.
"Evie, you’re right about attracting the darkness.
" His voice lowers. "Your life is plagued with monstrosities because of what you are. But for me, it’s always been more. No matter how I tried to resist, I couldn’t stay away.
You are more than the Nexus to me. More than a job. "
His words send a shiver down my spine, a blend of fear and an unnamable thrill. Dammit, if I still don’t want him to want me. But the longer we walk, the harder the hammer drives in the nail of distrust.
What else did he lie about?
"I’ve luxuriated in being your silent sentinel. When those bullies tormented you, I instilled in them a terror they'll never forget. It was... " a twisted smile flickers, breaking through his amorphous features, "intoxicating, the power to inflict fear on your behalf."
I can’t forget the intense relief I felt when the harassment stopped so suddenly.
"And the night I broke the covenant. The night I ripped your abuser limb from limb, will be a night I forever treasure.
" Shadow’s voice deepens with wicked satisfaction.
"I relished every moment of his pain. Even as I endured endless torture in the Pit for years on end, I clung to his screams, his fear, playing the symphony over in my mind. "
I may not trust him, but he did kill for me. It changes things. It binds us.
Just as my killing for him has.
"For you," Shadow confirms, his eyes burning with a fierce intensity, "I became obsessed, addicted to your very essence. Every time I resolved to stay away, the more I found myself drawn to you, unable to resist the pull of your suffering, your resilience."
His form shifts under the net, a restless energy emanating from him.
"And when I broke free, when I came back to you, you were the same, yet so.
.. different." His eyes scan me up and down. "You’ve become the most forbidden of fruits, bloomed from darkness and violence. Born of the blackest, most fertile dirt of the graves where so much hope and love has perished, you’ve become a woman who will draw blood for blood.
You could easily tear down worlds, yet bright hot sparks still ignite in your heart.
" The words come out like gravel being crushed and I recognize the arousal in his voice.
"You must believe I tried to resist, but the urge to be near you, to protect you, is overwhelming.
I-I want…" My monster actually stutters.
"I want to be more for you. I sparked in here for you.
" He shifts to touch his chest. "I’ll do anything to keep it. To keep you."
His gaze softens, but there's a smoldering undercurrent to his words. "The Guard, they don't understand. They don't see what you need. But I do, Evie. I've always known."
The implication of his words hangs in the air, a tantalizing promise laced with danger. "What I need?" I ask, my heart racing with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity.
Shadow's voice drops to a whisper, a husky tone that sends waves of heat through me. "You need someone who sees you, who understands the darkness within you. Someone who keeps that spark alive even in the blackest, most dead of nights."
His eyes roam over me, a predator assessing its prey. "I've felt your desires, Evie. Your hunger for something more, something... primal. I can be that for you. I can give you what you've always craved."
The landscape around us fades into the background, his words painting a picture of a connection that goes beyond the physical, a bond forged in darkness and desire.
"You lied," I whisper, but it's hard to keep hold of my anger with every word he speaks.
"I did," he agrees. "And I'll do it again. I’d do anything to protect you just as I’d break the rules, endure any torment, just to be near you.
" His claws flex. "But what I won’t do is watch you die.
You may live in the worse of our two worlds, but I would rather you live in hell than die here in the Nightmare Realm. "
"You’re just trying to control me again." I break our gaze, reminding myself I have to take care of myself now. "I’ll leave before anything bad happens."
"This world will kill you, Evie." Shadow's words come out a tormented snarl. "You don't belong here. I must return you before it's too late."
His desperation only hardens my resolve. "No, Shadow. I'm staying. I'll speak to whoever you answer to. I'll plead your case. You’ve saved me many times, it’s time I return the favor."
Yes. That’s what this is. That’s all this is, I try to convince myself.
"Evie, you don't understand the danger, the power these beings wield. You can't just—"
"I can, and I will," I interject firmly. "For once, I will save you."
Shadow may have shattered my heart and my trust, but that doesn’t mean I don’t owe him a debt.
We pass through a clearing where the sky seems to press down on us, the colors more vivid and menacing.
The Guard continue their steady pace, their eyes fixed on the path ahead. I follow the natural progression of their trek up a steep winding trail that terminates at an unexpected sight.
Thin spires and turrets rise from a structure that appears to be made from some black tar substance. A castle. There is no sheen of glass, but it looks like there are plenty of window holes.
"You’ve helped feed me the hearts of man, Evie. You have saved me." Shadow’s words come faster now, urgent. "You ignited humanity and passion in me. Believe me, Evangeline." I try not to shudder at his use of my full name. "You have saved me enough."
I roll my shoulders back, trying to catch my breath, which has been difficult with the walking and talking. "You wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for me. You killed Mark for me." My voice softens. "And I won’t leave you to pay for it."
I don't know who or what I’ll find up at that nightmarish castle. I don’t know the rules of this world, but I know one thing for certain: I won't abandon Shadow to his fate.