15. ~ Jake ~
I am standing in the stable at the ranch, taking care of the horses and getting my morning started.
The air is filled with the comforting and familiar scent of hay and horses, which always helps me find peace amidst the chaos of my busy mind. As I approach the horses, I can see their sturdy forms moving restlessly and their breaths creating a visible rhythm of life in the cool air.
Frank Harlow, a seasoned cowboy with weathered hands, is already tending to one of the more spirited horses. Despite his rough exterior, Frank has a unique way of handling the horses with gentle firmness that never ceases to amaze me. I watch as he expertly guides the horse, his movements precise, practiced, gentle, and reassuring. He has a deep love and respect for these creatures.
I take a moment to appreciate the scene around me. The stable is a place of calm and tranquility, a sanctuary that provides a respite from the stresses of everyday life. The horses seem to know this, too, and they move around contentedly, their large, expressive eyes reflecting a sense of peace and contentment.
As I continue my work, I am grateful for the opportunity to spend time in this beautiful place and to be surrounded by such majestic creatures. Moments like these make me appreciate life”s simple joys and nature”s beauty.
”Morning, Jake,” he greets without turning, focusing on the horse.
”Morning, Frank,” I reply, gently patting the flank of a nearby mare before grabbing a brush. We work in companionable silence for a while, the only sounds being the shuffle of hooves and the occasional snort or whiny.
After a moment, I clear my throat, and the words I”ve been holding onto suddenly feel heavy. ”Frank, you must keep this low, but Mia”s pregnant.”
Frank”s hands pause briefly before he resumes his task, a smile creeping over his features. ”Well, I”ll be. Congratulations, Jake. ”Bout time there was another little one running around your place.”
The warmth in his voice eases some of the tension I didn”t realize I was holding. ”Thanks, Frank. We”re over the moon, honestly. We just haven”t told anyone yet, you know?”
”Your secret”s safe with me.” He looks at me, his gaze sharp but not unkind. “Are you planning on taking some time off, then? Once Mia”s further along or after the baby comes?”
The question catches me off guard, hitting me like a cold splash of water. I hadn”t even begun to think about that. Work and the ranch have been constants in my life for so long. Realizing that I”m utterly unprepared for this aspect of fatherhood sends me a jolt of nervous energy.
”I...I don”t know, Frank. It hadn”t crossed my mind until now.” My laugh sounds hollow, even to my ears. ”I guess there”s a lot I haven”t thought about yet.”
Frank nods, understanding written all over his rugged face. ”It”s a big change, Jake. But you”ll figure it out. You and Mia, you”re good together. You”ll make it work.”
His assurance is a balm, but it doesn”t quite quell my burgeoning nervousness. How could I have not considered taking time off? Mia will need me with two children and a newborn, and here I am, caught up in the day-to-day without a thought for the future.
”I guess we will,” I finally say, forcing a smile as I turn back to the horses, my mind racing. This is just the start of a long road of planning and preparation, one I hadn”t even considered until now. But Frank”s right - Mia and I”ll make it work. Especially since fate gave us a second chance to be together.
I approach the chestnut mare, running my hand along her flank before picking up the stiff-bristled brush from the wooden bench. ”She”s beautiful, isn”t she?” I comment, my voice a bit steadier now, as I begin to work the brush through the mare”s coat. The rhythmic strokes seem to soothe not just the horse but me as well.
”Yeah, she is. He got a good temper, too,” Frank replies, taking a spot beside me, his attention on the young stallion tied next to the mare. He mirrors my actions, and his strokes are confident and practiced. ”You know, grooming them like this is good for their skin and helps increase the blood flow.”
I nod, my movements are more deliberate as I brush away the dirt and loose hair, watching it drift to the ground. ”Mia would love this,” I muse aloud. “She”s always had a way with animals. She says they”re easier to understand than people sometimes.”
Frank chuckles a deep sound that echoes slightly in the quiet stable. ”Might be she”s right. Animals don”t complicate things.”
The conversation turns more serious as I pause, finding a stubborn knot and carefully working it free. ”Frank, how did you manage? After your first was born, juggling work and family with Marie?”
He stops brushing, leaning against the stall door, a thoughtful look on his face. ”Wasn”t easy, Jake. But the secret is you have to be present. When you”re at work, be at work. But when you”re home, really be there. It doesn”t matter if you”re changing diapers or just sitting with them, be all there. And make sure your significant other is your partner in this. That makes it even easier to balance everything out.”
”That makes sense,” I say, the advice sinking in. I resume my grooming more slowly now as I process his words. ”I”ve done well raising Dylan, but that”s just one child. Now I”m having a second, something I never thought would happen.”
”It”s a learning curve for sure,” he continues, picking up his brush again. But you find your rhythm. And hey, you got Mia. You two will figure out what works best for you, especially since this time around, you”ll no longer be a single father.”
I smile, genuinely this time, warmed by the thought of Mia and me tackling this new adventure together. The conversation lulls as we continue brushing the horses. The only sounds in the stable are the soft thuds of hooves and the whisper of bristles through coats.
It’s a simple moment, but it’s grounding. And in that quiet, with Frank’s advice lingering in the air, I see a path forward to balance the ranch, my responsibilities, and my growing family.
I am standing outside the community hall, waiting for Mia to finish her nature craft class, which she has enjoyed since they moved back here. As I waited, I felt restless and couldn’t stop replaying my conversation with Frank.
His advice is meant to ease my worries but only adds more weight to them. My boots scuff the dirt, causing dust to rise and settle in the still air.
Finally, Mia emerges, her face lit up with the joy of teaching something she loves. She spots me, and her smile widens. I push off the wall, trying to shake off my unease and match her happiness.
“Hey, cowboy,” she greets me, her voice as warm as the afternoon sun. Are you waiting for someone special?”
I chuckle, drawing her in for a quick kiss. “Just for my favorite artist. I thought you might like a walk around the ranch. There’s something on my mind.”
She nods, looping her arm through mine. “I’d love that.”
We fall into a leisurely pace, the familiar landscape of the ranch a comforting presence around us. But my head is far from peaceful, and the stress of this morning’s conversation with Frank makes it tight with worry.
After a silence, I clear my throat, trying to find the right words. “Mia, I’ve been thinking. After our talk about the baby and how we will manage everything... What if I took off work at the end of your second trimester and stayed home until the newborn was about three months old?”
Mia’s steps falter slightly before she regains her pace, and she looks up at me with a frown. “Jake, that’s... That’s a long time to be away from work. I know you want to help, but I think I’ll be fine taking care of the newborn. We don’t need you to put your life on hold for that long.”
Her words hit me harder than I expected. I’ve been wrestling with the decision, knowing it would mean stepping away from the ranch, my life’s work, during one of its busiest times.
However, hearing Mia’s concerns and understanding her fear of me being out of work for too long makes me question my readiness to make such a shift.
“I just want to be there for you. And for the baby,” I say quietly, watching the horizon swallow the sun. ”I missed so much of Dylan”s early years. I don”t want to make the same mistake again.”
Mia stops, pulling me to a halt. She looks up at me, her eyes soft but serious. ”Jake, I love that you want to be involved. I do. But we need to think practically. You being at work doesn”t mean you”re not involved. We”ll find a balance, I promise.”
Her assurance is like a balm, easing some of the tightness in my chest. We stand there momentarily, lost in each other”s eyes, the world around us fading to a mere backdrop.
I can”t help but push the concern further, feeling a sting of frustration beneath my worry. ”Mia, think about it. Dylan and Emily will be in school when the baby arrives. Who”s going to pick them up? You can”t possibly manage that while caring for a newborn.”
She crosses her arms, an edge of defiance in her voice. ”I can handle it, Jake. I”ll find a way. Maybe I can ask my mom to help, or we can look into carpooling options with other parents.”
”But why add that stress on yourself?” I argue, unable to mask the exasperation in my voice. ”It just makes sense for me to be the one to take the kids to school and pick them up. It”s not like I plan to be off work forever—just a few months to help.”
Mia shakes her head, frustration mirroring mine. ”Jake, I don”t want you sacrificing so much time from the ranch. You love that work. I”ll manage. The kids are at an age where they”re getting more independent anyway.”
Her insistence ignites something in me—an unsettling mix of admiration and irritation. ”Mia, why are you acting like you”re a single parent? We”re in this together.” The moment the words leave my mouth, I regret their harshness, but they hang between us, charged and heavy.
Her expression hardens, and she steps back, her hurt unmistakable. ”Acting like a single parent? Jake, I”m just trying to be realistic. I don”t want you to look back and regret missing important moments on the ranch because you were stuck doing school runs.”
I take a deep breath, trying to rein in my frustration, but the words spill out, edged with a conviction I can”t hold back.
”Mia, listen, I”ve spent years on that ranch, day in and day out. Missing a few months won”t hurt. And it”s not just about the ranch or the kids—it”s about us, our new family, and this baby. I thought you”d want us to cherish this time together, to build something solid from the very start.”
Mia”s response is quick, her voice laced with a plea that tugs at me.
”Jake, I get where you”re coming from. I do. But think about taking off for so long. It”s a big change. The ranch needs you, and it”s not just about now. What about the long-term effects? You”re a pillar there. They rely on you. Can”t we find a middle ground? Maybe you can reduce your hours instead of taking full leave.”
Her suggestion makes sense, too much sense, but I can”t shake the feeling of being pulled in two directions. The pull of my responsibilities battles with the lure of new beginnings with Mia, our children, and the baby on the way.
”I just... I thought this would be a good thing for all of us. I didn”t expect you to push back so much,” I admit, the frustration simmering into something more akin to disappointment.
Mia”s eyes softened, and I could tell she was torn, but her following words didn”t come. Instead, we stand there, swallowed by a thick silence with unspoken words and mixed feelings.
Finally, I break the silence, my voice flat, ”We should get you back. You”ve got your next class waiting.” The walk back to the front of the ranch is quiet, each step heavy with the weight of our unfinished conversation.
As we part ways, a tension-filled silence hangs in the air, quite different from the easy camaraderie we usually share. I can”t help but wonder if I”ve asked for too much too soon and pushed too hard.
While trying to be present for the new baby and our blended family, I worry that I may have overlooked understanding Mia”s fears and her view of our future together. This feeling lingers with me and makes me concerned that I need to make sure I am also taking Mia”s feelings into account.
But on the other hand, I don”t understand why she feels she has to shoulder all this as if I”m not a part of this growing family, her partner, or that we”re not a team.