23. Cano
Chapter twenty-three
“AGAIN!” I bellow as my feet move me in a circle. I hunch down, readying myself to once again face off with Flynn. No one else will fight me. My new markings, graciously given by my father, mar my flesh—even if he didn’t plan it, it causes everyone even more unease to be around me.
Flynn and Trent are the only Fae who will spar with me, and now I don’t even have Trent. Not with Dax back. Returning to Ravendene after what I did here… It’s hard enough being one of the most hated Fae in the kingdom, but no one will ever hate me as much as I hate myself for what I put Ravendene through. Fucking stupid. After everything my father put me through all my life, I should have been happy in his absence. Instead, I glorified the idea of him.
I crafted an illusion of the man I wished he was.
Flynn wipes his brow with his arm and squeezes his eyes shut to blink out the sweat. “It’s getting late. Don’t you think we should be done for the night?” He asks, his chest rising and falling quickly as he tries to catch his breath.
“We’re done when I fucking say we’re done!” I lunge, bringing my blade up. He pivots, preparing to block my attack, and I twist as though I’m going to arc it wide but spin it at the last minute. I thrust the hilt into his nose in a powerful upward blow. Blood sprays my face and bare chest, and he curses as he grabs at his likely broken bone.
“Fuck, Cano, you need to put a fucking stop to this!” He exclaims, through gritted teeth. He holds his gushing nose with one hand and pushes himself back to his feet with the other. “Fuck this! I’m done for the night.”
“You’re done when I say you’re done!” I growl, spinning my sword and spitting at his feet.
“You aren’t in charge anymore. If you haven’t noticed… You’re lucky that Dax lets you fucking live . Stop acting like a sorry piece of shit and do something productive! Don’t just go around looking for a fight. We get it. You’re fucking mad!” He shakes his head, kicking a blade that was discarded in the fight earlier, sending it skittering across the ground. “Use your anger. You say that you want vengeance on your father? Fucking do something!” Sneering in my general direction, he spits a wad of blood to the ground and watches it land in the dirt. His eyes meet mine again, and he shakes his head, storming out.
“URGAHHHHH!” The painful bellow leaves me just as the door snaps shut behind him. His words cut me down faster than any physical blow he could manage, and I can’t fucking stand it. I can’t stand that he is right. I’m wallowing in my own self-pity, and if I ever thought that I hated myself before, I know I hate myself more now because of it.
Pressing my back against the cool wall, I slide down to land on my ass. Bringing my knees up, I cradle my head in my black-stained hands. The twisted magic they poisoned me with forever stained my skin like webs of darkness. They crawl from my fingertips along my hands, wrists, and forearms like veins. I rip at my overgrown hair, not used to the sensation but relishing in the pain.
“Get a fucking grip, asshole .” I scold myself before lifting my head and letting it fall back against the wall. Flynn is right. I know my father better than anyone, and if there was ever a time to dive into his evil existence, now is it.
I’ve spent too much time laid out in an infirmary bed while they did everything they could to save me. I still don’t understand why they would. Not after everything I’ve done. I’ve never realized what it meant to have people who care more about others than they do themselves. My family was taken from me before I learned to love. Or maybe I did love them at one point, but with all the evil and cruel things I was subjected to from my father, my mind twisted into thinking it was a weakness.
Now I realize that it was him that was weak.
Grinding my teeth, I push from the ground and storm from the training room. Fuck this. I’m not going to spend my days moping around like a pussy. I may have come to the realization that my father is a prick who has ruined my life, but I’m not going to just roll over and take it.
My feet stomp through the dirt as I make my way to the library, where Dax is going over plans for the territory perimeter checks and his claiming of the kingdom. I hear his raised voice as I approach. This has been the new norm for him. Gone with the docile asshole drunk, and in with the raging, wound-tight, prick king. Taking a deep breath, I reach for the handle, but before my fingers graze it, the door rips open.
I’m met with narrowed eyes as he halts his advance to leave. With his lip curling back, he looks me up and down before finally settling on looking me eye to eye.
“What are you doing here?” He demands with vehemence coating his words. He hates that I’m here in Ravendene. I don’t blame him.
“I want to help. I can’t sit around doing nothing anymore.” I say, lifting my chin.
“You don’t think you’ve done enough?” Dax growls, the scowl on his face nearly permanent since he’s been back. My jaw ticks with my rapidly rising pulse. I’m getting sick of that question being thrown in my face. So badly do I want to retaliate for his disrespect, but as I look around the room at the hate-filled eyes of nearly every man here, I know that it’s warranted. My teeth rake over my bottom lip as I reel my temper in.
“I want to help,” I say again, the words heavy on my chest. It’s true. I do want to help. I want to find Raelle, and I want to make myself useful against the monster of a father who created me. My blacked fists ball at my side, and Maki steps forward, his head tilting to the side as he considers me. He places a hand on Dax’s chest to hold him back from lunging at me. The asshole returned to Ravendene when word was sent of Dax’s return.
“Fine.” Dax spits the word, and without turning away from me, Maki calls out for his guard.
“Pascal! Take Cano to the armory. Fit him for gear and strap him with weapons. He will leave with your group in the morning.” Maki’s right hand, Pascal, steps forward, eyeing me from head to toe before grunting and making his way down the hallway. I watch as he shrinks in the distance.
“If I am going to trust you with this mission, I want it to be clear… If you cross me, Cano, I will kill you the moment I have the opportunity. Your life will be forfeited for making the decision. I may let you live now because the others seem to think you worthy of life, but I will not risk the lives of my people any more than I already have.” Dax growls, stepping in close to me. Pushing his chest to mine. We stand inches apart, his eyes glowing like lava as his Raven pushes for the shift with his anger.
We stand like that, a silent conversation passing between our eyes for a moment. Both of us brimming with hostile energy. Both of us on the verge of combusting while I think of my next words.
“The only Fae who needs to worry about where my alliance stands is my father and anyone who stands in my way of getting to the bastard. So as long as that’s not you, we have an understanding.” I growl just as firmly.
“Good. Follow Pascal and prepare.” He leaves no room for more words. Turning on his heel, he closes the door between us.
“Don’t take all day. I had enough to do until I was stuck with babysitting duty.” The guard, Pascal, clips with a click of his tongue. My stride is casual as I make my way to the burly guard. When I reach him, I look down my nose at him. Nearly a foot taller than he is, I crane my neck to the side as I eye him.
“Let’s say I let you keep your fucking tongue this time… use it against me again, I will rip it. The fuck. Out.” Narrowing my eyes, I allow him to see how serious I am. He swallows audibly and I shake my head. They are all the same. All bark until the bigger dog shows their teeth. There is a pregnant pause as we both stand firm in our glares, but he finally breaks and spins on his heel.
“Let’s get on with it then.” The corner of my mouth flicks up into a smirk as I follow him to get fitted for the mission.
The door slams shut behind me after I walk into the armory. Pascal left me to fit myself. I’m no stranger to preparing for a mission, so I just get to work. It’s the same room I’ve been in for many years, rallying the regime as they prepare. Though it’s empty this time. It smells of sweat and iron from the many weapons and bodies it usually holds. It’s a large space separated by shelves, walls lined with blades, tables with hammers, axes, and anything else you can think to use to kill a man.
Pulling my shirt off, I walk the far wall, eyeing my usual choice of daggers and short swords… but as my fingers trail the weapons on the table, I get an idea. Picking up one of the black battle axes, I test the weight in my grip, smiling as I spin it. It feels good . A new weapon of choice for the new man I plan to become. The axe is good for close combat and even at a distance with a strong arm. My tongue rolls out over my lip as I torque my body fast, throwing the axe with precision. It quickly moves end over end, then right before it meets its mark, Kait steps forward, nearly taking the blade to the face.
“Motherfucker!” She spits, turning toward me with narrowed eyes. “ You !”
“I didn’t know you were there!” I throw up my hands.
“Right, like you didn’t know what your men were doing to me when I was held captive by you and your regime?” She counters, and I grit my teeth. She’s wrong to an extent. I knew that they were going to bust her up a bit, but she’s Fae. She heals. I didn’t know they were going to cut into her so many times that even her Fae healing couldn’t save her from scars, and I didn’t know that it was her face being carved. But back then, I played into it because she was still my prisoner and they were still in the way of what I thought I wanted. Even though my guards who did it were already dead… As soon as I saw what they did... I heard them boasting about the crafty carving they delivered her, and I fucking lost it. My rage went wild that night, and I took every last ounce of frustration out on them tenfold.
“You just wanted someone to know what it felt like to be scarred. Just like you, right, Cano?” Kait growls, stepping closer to me. I see the glint of a blade in her hand.
“Did you follow me in here, Kait?” I ask, my brows pulled low. If I have to die, at least it will be honorable. Kait will get redemption.
“They are wrong about you. You shouldn’t be allowed to live.” She grinds the words between her teeth.
“So you will defy your king?” I ask, subtlety taking a step closer.
“He was my best friend before he was my king. You should know how that feels just as much as me. How could you do everything that you’ve done? After all that we’ve been through? Just… for what? A title? Was Lord really not enough?” The hurt in her voice causes my hands to tremble. It’s a new feeling. All of this… caring. It makes me fucking sick.
“You would never know, would you? You didn’t have a parent who knocked you down every time you stood up. Beat you for showing any kind of compassion because it is weak?” I yell, my fucking emotions rising with every word.
“You’re right. How could I know what that feels like? I don’t even know what it feels like to have a fucking parent!” She yells even louder, coming closer. “But I had friends I thought I could count on! Now? I have nothing. ” She lunges for me. Catching her wrist, I twist her around in my grip, her back to my front, bringing her hand that holds the blade up to her own throat. Something stirs within me that I can’t place, but I ignore it. Leaning down, I whisper in her ear.
“If you aim to kill me, you need to come at my back, Kait. I will not be killed if I see the blow coming. That is a promise I can keep.” My breath makes the hair at her neck flutter. Her breathing quickens with her pulse, and I look down, realizing my lips are hovering just above the scars on her face. With the hand not holding her wrist with the blade, I bring my inky fingers up and caress the jagged scars. Words beginning to form on my tongue that I’ve never spoken to a female before.
“I’m—”
“What the fuck is this?” Trent says as he bursts through the door and interrupts me. Kait rips herself from my grip.
“It’s nothing.” She grunts, pushing past him and slamming the door behind her, but the feeling raging inside of me…begs me to follow her. Instead, my eyes slowly drift to meet a pissed-off Ravendene, pursing his lips and shaking his head like a disappointed father figure who just broke up a fight.