Most Likely to Fear Love (The Yearbook #1)

1. Cassidy

CASSIDY

W hat sort of food do you serve a guy who’s coming by to drop off his jizz, anyway?” My sister, Hannah asked as she grabbed a mini quiche from the plate, shoving it in her mouth before I could stop her.

“Well, I guess mayonnaise is off the list.”

“And yogurt.”

“Also, tzatziki.” I set the plate of sandwich fingers on the table, next to the savory pastries. Stepping back, I frowned, chewing my bottom lip. “Do you think I’ve overdone it?”

“Not at all. It’s perfectly normal to lay out a spread that could feed twenty people, just for one guy who’s probably only going to be here for ten minutes.”

Yeah, I guess I really had gone overboard. My little kitchen table was overloaded with the sandwiches, the mini quiches, crackers, cheese and dip (thankfully no tzatziki), stuffed bell peppers. And that was just the savories. For sweets, I had mini cupcakes, scones, cookies and brownies. On top of all that, there was iced tea and soda in the fridge and the coffee was already on. Fuck. Not like me to overthink everything.

I nodded, acknowledging Hannah’s sarcasm as I ran my fingers through my hair for the third time. My nerves were getting the better of me, and I couldn’t stop fidgeting. I hoped the house looked okay. And why the fuck did that even matter? I was not trying to impress this guy.

Still, I cast a quick glance around. It wasn’t big, just three bedrooms, an open plan living and dining room and tiny entry foyer. It was all creamy tones and minimalist furniture. Everything was in its place, as always. No stray magazines, no clutter on the side tables. Even the throw pillows were perfectly arranged. Neatly tucked away in the valley in Esperance, North Carolina, it was my sanctuary.

I guess Hannah must have caught me making sure everything was in order. “You know, Cass, your place is so tidy it’s almost creepy. Don’t you ever just... live in it?”

I frowned at her. “I do live in it. I just prefer things orderly.”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know you do. Even your bookshelf is color-coded.”

I glanced at the built-in shelves lining one wall of the living room. She wasn’t wrong. The books were arranged in a perfect rainbow, from red to violet. It was soothing to look at, at least for me.

“There’s nothing wrong with liking things neat,” I muttered, more to myself than to her. I didn’t look at Hannah as I moved over to the sink and started scrubbing at a mixing bowl I’d used for the cupcakes.

“Cass…” The scrape of her chair across the polished wooden floor made me wince.

“What?”

“Are you sure about this?”

“About getting baby batter from a guy on Craig’s list and impregnating myself? Sure. What’s to doubt?” I attacked a particularly stubborn bit of dried batter on the mixing bowl before flicking her a look, knowing exactly what I would see in her face. Confusion. Concern. A little dash of fear. I was the older, responsible sister, after all. It was hard to blame her for thinking I was out of my mind.

“Nothing, I guess. If you really are sure.”

“I’m sure.”

Of course, that was a fucking lie. I was riddled with doubts. So many doubts. But I needed this. I deserved it. And it’s not like I hadn’t done my due diligence. The moment I’d put the ad up, I’d been flooded with creeps. Lots of offers to do the deed the “natural way”. Ew. Some dick pics, just in case I needed evidence that they were up to the task. Double ew. I’d just about given up hope. Until Harle.

“Maybe you can take me through how all this works, so I don’t completely lose my mind.”

I huffed out a breath. Hannah was doing that thing she always did when she was nervous or worried. Running her hand through her curly blond hair until it was all over the place.

“We’ve been over it twenty times, Han.”

“Humor me. And sit down while you’re doing it. I’ll make the coffee. Fuck knows I need it.”

Lacking the will to argue, I flopped down in the dining chair, stretching my long legs out and crossing them at the ankles. I hoped I was dressed right for the occasion. Dark blue jeans, new boots and a nice, form-fitting, forest green top.

“So, you put the ad up a month ago…”

“Yes.”

“Got a fuck ton of creepers, which is to be expected.”

“That’s right.”

“Which makes me wonder why you couldn’t go through more official channels. You’re not exactly poor.”

“No, but it’s prohibitively expensive to do it on my own, and it would mean cutting back on my pro bono work, which I’d rather not do.”

Her sigh let me know she wasn’t too happy with my reasoning, but she pushed on. “You’d nearly given up and were just about to take the ad down when this guy messaged you.” Hannah carried the mugs of coffee over to the table, setting one in front of me.

“Uh huh.”

“Read the message to me again.”

“For the fifth time?”

“You’re humoring me, remember?”

Biting back a sigh, I pulled my phone from my back pocket.

“Hi Cassidy, I saw your ad and just wanted to reach out. I’m interested in helping if you think I’d be a good fit. I completely understand that this is a big decision, so if you’d like, I’m more than happy to answer any questions about me and my background. No pressure. I’m just here to help if I can. Let me know what would make you most comfortable going forward. Harle.”

“Very good, very good. And you replied…”

“Hi, Harle. Thanks for reaching out. If you’re comfortable, maybe we could start with a bit about you? Just the basics. Background, health, anything else you think might be relevant. I’d like to make sure we’re on the same page before going further. Thanks again for being open about this. It means a lot.”

“I like it. You’re keeping your cards close to your chest. Not giving anything away.”

“Thanks.”

“And then?”

“We texted back and forth a few more times after that. He seemed really genuine, you know? Not pushy at all, just understanding.”

Hannah raised an eyebrow. “And you didn’t think that was too good to be true?”

As if I haven’t asked myself that question a thousand times. “Honestly? At first, I did. But the more we talked, the more I got a really good vibe from him. He responded to my messages really quickly, hasn’t pushed me to meet up or shit like that. I don’t know, it just feels right.”

“Okay then. Now take me through your safety precautions, coz you fucking well know that’s what’s freaking me out the most.”

“Yeah, I get that.” I set my mug down, tracing the rim with my finger. “Having you here, for starters. Thank you for that. And thank you for keeping it to yourself.” The last thing I needed was everyone else getting up in my business.

“No problem. What else?”

“I told him outright that if we were going to move forward, I’d need him to get tested for STIs and send me the results.”

“And how did he react to that?”

“He was totally cool with it, said he completely understood and that he’d get it done right away. Even offered to pay for it himself.”

“Wow, that’s actually pretty impressive.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“And you’re sure he doesn’t want to be in the baby’s life?”

“Since I’ve never met him, I can’t be a hundred percent sure. But I’ve got the contract all drawn up. If he doesn’t sign it, I won’t be going ahead with it.”

“Anyone would think you were a lawyer.”

“Har har.” Extra funny because I was, in fact, a lawyer. Sure, an environmental lawyer, but I knew my way around a contract.

“What if the child wants to reach out to him later?”

“There’s provision for that. He’s already said he’s okay with it, but that he won’t make contact himself. That would be an absolute deal breaker for me. The last thing I need is a man pushing himself into my life again.”

Hannah opened her mouth to say something, but snapped it shut. I knew what she was going to say, or ask. More questions about Brian. What went wrong. Why I won’t talk about it. Followed up by suggesting I get therapy. I’d got much tougher about shutting that down recently and it seemed she was finally getting the message. Thank fuck.

The sound of a truck engine rumbled outside, breaking the tense silence that had fallen between Hannah and me. My heart leapt into my throat. He was here. Harle was actually here. I pushed to my feet, but somehow couldn’t convince my body to move.

Hannah bolted from her chair, nearly knocking it over in her haste. She darted through the living room to the lounge window, yanking back the curtain.

“Nice truck.”

“What does it matter what kind of truck he drives?”

“Well, I’m a car mechanic. I’m gonna notice these things, aren’t I?” She leaned forward, her nose practically pressing against the glass as the sound of the truck door closing filtered through the air. “Holy fuck!” Her voice was a mix of awe and disbelief. “You never said your baby daddy looked like Ragnar Lothbrok.”

I blinked, still frozen in place. “What?”

“Get over here and look at this guy!”

My legs felt like lead as I forced myself to stand and join Hannah at the window. I peered out, my breath catching in my throat as I caught sight of him. He was tall, easily over six feet, with broad shoulders that strained against his tight black t-shirt. Long, dirty blond hair was pulled back into a top knot, and a neatly trimmed beard framed a jaw that could cut glass.

My stomach did a slow roll that had nothing to do with nerves and everything to do with the way his t-shirt stretched across those shoulders. This was NOT part of the plan. The plan involved a nice, safe, boring guy. The kind you wouldn’t look twice at in a grocery store. Not... this. Not arms that looked like they could lift a car, or a jaw that belonged in a museum.

As he turned towards the house, I caught a glimpse of bright blue eyes and the small, leather satchel slung across his shoulder. The sight of it made my cheeks heat. I knew what was inside it.

“Oh shit,” I whispered, my mouth suddenly dry. This was not what I had expected at all.

“Why did I picture a sweet, nerdy looking guy? Like an accountant or something?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. He said he was a handyman, but still…” For some dumb reason, I’d had something completely different in mind. Not this muscle-bound Viking, walking up my porch steps in his heavy boots and tight jeans.

I froze as the doorbell rang, my heart pounding so hard it hurt. Sudden doubt crashed over me. What the hell was I thinking? This was insane. I couldn’t possibly go through with it.

“I can’t do this.” I backed away from the door. “This was a mistake. I’ll just... I’ll text him and cancel.”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “Oh no you don’t.” She grabbed my arm and shoved me towards the door. “No way I’m missing out on seeing this god face to face.”

I dug my heels in, resisting her push. “Han, seriously. I’m not ready for this.”

“Bullshit. You’ve been planning this for weeks. You’re just freaking out because he’s hot.”

“That’s not?—”

The doorbell rang again, more insistent this time.

“Answer it,” Hannah hissed, giving me another shove.

My hand trembled as I reached for the doorknob. I inhaled slowly, trying to steady my nerves. This was it. No turning back now.

I dragged the door open, coming face to face with the Viking god Hannah had described. Up close, he was even more impressive. Those blue eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

“Hi. I’m Harle. You must be Cassidy?”

I nodded, not trusting my voice. Was that really necessary? That deep, rumbling voice that slid over my skin like hot molasses?

He smiled, and I swear my knees went weak. “It’s nice to meet you in person.”

“You too,” I managed to squeak out.

Oh god, now he was holding his hand out for me to shake and my palms were sweaty. Should I wipe them on my jeans or just go all in? Hoping I was being discreet, I wiped my palms on the back of my thigh and slipped my hand in his. Strong. Warm. Callused. Literally everything about this man was perfect.

“Please, come in.”

As Harle stepped inside, I caught a whiff of his cologne - something woodsy and masculine that made my head spin.

“This is my sister, Hannah.” Who was gawking shamelessly.

“Nice to meet you, Hannah,”

Harle extended his hand and Hannah shook it, her blue/green eyes wide. “Likewise.” Jesus Christ, was that drool?

“We’re, um, we’re just through here.” I gestured to the kitchen, waiting for Hannah to stop holding tight to Harle’s hand, eyeing him as though she wanted to lick him like a popsicle.

An awkward silence fell over us when Hannah finally let go and stepped back. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, suddenly feeling underdressed and overwhelmed. I looked at Hannah, silently pleading for help.

She gave me a tiny, reassuring nod. “Ahem. Would you like something to eat or drink, Harle? We’ve got a shit ton of food.”

“Lead the way.”

In the kitchen, I busied myself with emptying our mugs and putting fresh coffee on. He hadn’t said he wanted any, but I really needed something to do. The scrape of chairs across the floor let me know they were sitting down. I thought there was going to be another awkward silence, until Hannah spoke up.

“So, what happens if it doesn’t work the first time?”

That was Hannah. Straight to the point, with zero embarrassment. Me, on the other hand? My face was beet red.

“Plenty more where that came from.” I could almost hear the shrug in his voice.

Then Hannah, “If you need any help with the extraction, you just lemme know.”

I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see Harle wink at Hannah. “Thank you, darlin’. I’ll keep that in mind.”

I felt an irrational flare of jealousy at their exchange. What the hell was wrong with me? This wasn’t a date. This was a transaction. A very important, life-changing transaction, but still. I had no claim on this man. No right to feel possessive.

Get it together.

I cleared my throat, drawing their attention back to me. “How do you take your coffee, Harle?”

The moment his eyes met mine, a jolt of electricity ran through me.

“Black, please. No sugar.”

Of course he did. Probably drank whiskey neat, too.

I took my time making the coffee, grateful for the distraction. When I turned back, mug in hand, I found Harle studying me intently. It made me feel exposed, like he could see right through me.

“Here you go.” Our fingers brushed when I handed him the mug, and I jerked my hand back as if burned.

“Thank you, Cassidy.” The way he said my name, low and rumbling, sent a shiver down my spine.

I needed to focus. This was about getting pregnant, not getting laid. Though looking at him now, sitting in my kitchen like some kind of fertility god come to life, I was starting to wonder if the universe was laughing at my carefully laid plans.