Moth to a Flame

6. CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SIX

Regan

“Who was that?” Rosemary’s voice is nearing a scream. “You stormed off after him, he stormed off now, and…Who was he? Is he one of the men from the website? Dad said he’d vet them before they come anywhere near you. Why aren’t we doing that?”

As I stare at my sister, my brain filters out everything she says. Other than her first question.

Who was that?

That’s actually a really good question.

He started out as a stranger. Then he became this man who held me like I wanted to be held.

Today, he gave me my first-ever kiss. An orgasm. Landon subtly asked me for my consent the entire time, and I didn’t freak the fuck out. No brown evil eyes came to mind. No invisible knife pressed to my throat.

When his finger pushed inside me, I didn’t think about a disgusting monster forcing himself on me, then forcing his—

I didn’t think about any of these things. I refuse to think about them anymore.

Landon helped me when I asked him to.

Landon also knew too much. Way too much.

Where I live.

A part of my conversation with Marshall. He asked about my name.

I’m not worried, though, and I won’t tell Rosemary any of it. Landon won’t hurt me, and I crave my independence.

I hope I won’t live to regret it.

“He’s Landon.”

“So you said.” Her hands are on her hips, one of them holding on to Mojo’s leash.

He tried to run after Landon when he left. Again. Another sign that this man who knows things he shouldn’t isn’t dangerous.

“What about the store?” I deflect.

“Fuck the store. I was worried about you.” I start walking, and she blocks me with her arm. “I locked up when you stayed out for too long, before I came up here. Regan…”

Diversion it is. “We should get back, then. I need to fix Willie’s laptop, or he’ll miss out on the video call from his grandkids tonight.”

“This is more important.” She raises an eyebrow at me. “He has his cell phone. We showed him how to use it.”

I lift an eyebrow right back. “He can’t talk for long with the tremors in his hands and he isn’t great with placing it at the right angle.”

“Ugh, fine. We’ll go. But first. Do we send people to spy on Landon? Or…” There she is. My sister. My partner in crime. “Tell me this isn’t a mistake, leaving Dad out of this.”

The side of me that packs a Ruger, who just made a stranger come over her stomach, begs me to keep what I have with him a secret. The other side, Rosemary’s best friend, who’s always been honest with her, says I should tell her.

So I do. About everything but the eyeballs. That’ll really make her go to Dad.

“Fine.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “I get it. Kind of. Promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“If he ever feels unsafe, or if it starts getting serious, we’re running a background check.” Mojo whimpers in agreement. “You’ve been hurt enough for a lifetime, Regan. No more.”

“No more.”

I’m not blowing her off. She’s right, and trust me, the last person who wants a repeat of what happened to me that night is me.

It doesn’t look like Landon has any plans on hurting me in ways I won’t enjoy.

When I subscribed to Moth to a Flame, this is what I wanted. A one-time thing that’ll force the bad memories out of my head.

Now that Landon’s done it, I’ve gotten greedy. I want more of him.

For that to happen, he’ll have to be honest. He’ll also have to find me again.

Only time will tell.

“Thank you, Regan.” Willie hands me over his credit card later that evening. “You’re heaven-sent.”

The elderly man with the white hair and blue eyes is a regular here. His two kids live in Arizona and Florida, so no one’s here to help him with his phone and laptop.

We don’t charge him for the minor repairs, obviously. Or for most of our services, if I’m being honest. We do it gladly.

My eyes skate to the branded white bag with our logo in black, then back to Willie. I think he’s lost more weight since I last saw him. His body disappears beneath his pale blue shirt.

“Can I walk you home?” I ask, hoping he’d let me carry the bag for him.

“No, thank you, dear.”

“You’re sure? I’d love to join you on your walk home. It’s really no trouble.”

“No trouble for me, either.” He’s not upset, even though it’s the fifth time I’ve asked him that this evening.

A different approach might be less offensive. I try that. “I could use stretching my legs.”

“And we’re closing anyway,” Rosemary pitches in. She’s squatting on the oak wood floors, checking the locks on our chargers’ glass display. When she gets up, she smooths over her black cardigan. “Let me join you. I haven’t heard about your new grandson. We have some catching up to do.”

“Another day.” He lifts his chin, picking the bag up from the counter. His tremor isn’t the worst this evening. My heart clenches regardless. “Wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to lift weights.”

He’s joking. He’s also had enough of our meddling, I guess.

“You’re right.” If we keep insisting, we might really hurt his feelings. “Tell the little ones we said hello.”

“Will do.” A wave, and he’s gone.He’s out there where Landon might be too.

The thought of him and the things we did earlier today sparks a fire inside me. My pussy is hot as if his hand is there again. Cupping. Probing.

Rubbing.

“Hey, Dad.” Rosemary’s voice snaps me back into reality. “Wait, wait. Slow down. What?”

She’s moved to stand in front of me on the other side of the counter, her brow furrowed.

“You can’t be serious.” She lifts her hand, pressing the knuckles to her mouth. Her eyes snap shut.

This can’t be good.

“Rosemary?”

My sister opens her eyes to look at me. She’s quick to fix her expression into a more casual one. Into one that doesn’t look horrified.

“They can’t do that.”

The smile on her face. It’s so fake. So awful. I don’t think whatever Dad’s telling her is bad anymore. I know it is.

I round the counter, pressing myself to her side to listen in. She nudges at my shoulder, pushing me away.

Trying to, at least. I stay put.

“…the hit attempt on her happened years ago.” Even without having the phone pressed to my ear, I hear Dad’s grave tone. “I’m sorry, honey. The assistant DA called to give us the heads-up. There’s nothing I can do. We need to have a family meeting to tell her. Can we come over?”

“Tell me what?” My pitch is higher than I intend it to be. “Impossible. No. They’re not letting him…” I remember Landon’s words, how I won’t be silenced. So I say the monster’s name. “They’re not letting Lester out. He’s only served a third of his sentence. He can’t walk.”

“I’m sorry, Sis.” Rosemary sighs, her shoulders sagging as she puts the phone on speaker.

“Regan, sweetie. They’re not letting him out just yet,” Mom comes on the line, her voice as high as mine. “It’s only a parole hearing. If they have an ounce of common sense, they’ll throw him back to the cell where he belongs. The ADA will be there to make his case.”

“Yeah.” On a reflex, I reach for Jigsaw, pull it out and aim it at the floor. “They’ll have to.”

“There’s another thing.” Dad clears his throat.

It’s so quiet over there. Usually, my parents have at least one of their writer friends hanging around the apartment in Manhattan in the evening. They eat, drink, and talk literature and murder mysteries well into the night, almost every night.

They don’t have anyone over today.

Complete silence.

“Yes, Dad?” All the confidence I had before with Landon has drained out of me. Nonexistent. My lungs are too big for my body, and they push and push and it hurts. I can’t stand it.

“The prosecutor said…” My strong, big father’s voice cracks at the end. I hear him sucking in a breath. Releasing it. “He said you could attend the hearing. Convince them this monster should never be let out.”

“No,” Rosemary says, her tone sharp and swift. “She’s not going anywhere near him. She’s not—God.” Her big brown eyes turn to me, brimming with tears. Two of them slip out. “No. There has to be something else we can do.”

Wetness runs down my cheeks. I’m crying too. I can’t talk. My hand hurts as I grip Jigsaw tighter.

In an alternate universe, Mojo is pushing his snout into my ankle. A woman who doesn’t have the stench of grass and rotten apples and blood in her nose, she feels Mojo’s snout. She’s comforted by it.

In this universe, on this planet, I only feel debilitating terror.

“Regan.” Mom’s gentle, careful, as she says my name. Like she’s about to cry herself. “You don’t have to, honey. What he’s done to you…I don’t believe anyone will ever let him out. Forget we said anything.”

“Your mother is right.” I wipe tears from Rosemary’s cheeks while Dad talks. I have to do something, or I’ll just collapse into myself.

You will never be silenced again.

I won’t. But it doesn’t mean that I want to get within a hundred miles of that rapist piece of shit.

Taking care of my sister, that brings me peace.

That, and the knowledge that Landon’s out there. That he’d kill him for me.

“I’m not going.”

It’s Rosemary’s turn to tug on her sleeve and swipe at my tears.

“He won’t get out.” I wrap my fingers around her wrist to lower it. “He won’t.”

“Okay,” Dad clips, then starts asking about the horror book club Rosemary and I go to, as if this entire conversation never happened.

That’d been our coping mechanism for years after I was assaulted.

We talk about The Necro and His Girl . About how Rosemary has already finished reading the book. How I think the big twist is that Brawn, the necrophiliac main male character, gives Frida too much of the drug that makes her look dead and ends up killing her.

My sister gives me nothing.

I pretend to be hurt by her tight-lipped attitude.

I pretend to be okay.

On the inside, I’m anything but.

Hearing Lester has the slightest chance of getting out was a slap in the face. A rude awakening.

I’m not safe.

I will never be safe.

Even from a man that feels like he is.

Men are liars.

A man will have a job. Be a functioning member of society. He’ll have friends who’ll testify that he would never do the horrible things he’s being accused of.

A man will do the worst kind of things.

A strange man, that is.

Which is exactly what Landon is.

A stranger.

I. Am. Not. Safe.