Moth to a Flame

20. CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY

Regan

My body breaks out in shivers as soon as Landon slams the driver’s door.

When he looked me dead in the eye, I put on a brave face. Gave him the performance of a lifetime.

This wasn’t be the first time I faked bravery.

After Lester left me to die in Central Park, I finally managed to reach for my phone that’d been discarded somewhere on the grass and called 9-1-1. That’s right. Before I called my family.

I figured they’d have a better shot at tracking me down. Not to mention the idea of my family finding me like this horrified me. I couldn’t do this to them.

Mom, Dad, and Rosemary were called to the hospital by one of the paramedics since I fainted on the way there. I met them after hours of surgery, and I smiled.

Though I hadn’t felt any physical pain, thanks to the painkillers, my heart was a black, gaping hole. Images upon images of Lester and the horrible things he’d done to me kept playing on repeat in my head, and I smiled. For them.

They needed me to fake it.

They never said it or anything. They just cried and broke down anyway and I smiled throughout the whole time. I smiled at the hospital then at home when I was surrounded by them.

I had to.

The tears came at night when I was alone or on my therapist’s couch. Never before them.

For Landon, I tried harder. The person waiting for us could’ve been sent by Lester or Tripp. An assassin. I couldn’t send him out there worrying about me.

My shivers worsen with each step he takes.

Without Landon, I don’t know what would happen to me. I wouldn’t survive this.

This isn’t about being dependent on him as much as it is about my love for him.

I watch him and his proud, confident gait as he heads toward the dark silhouette at the gates. His hold of his gun is firm, his arm is ramrod straight.

I’d dive straight into hell with him if he died.

He lowers the gun, shoving it into the back of his jeans.

“What are you doing, Landon?” I whisper to the empty car.

Then he waves back at me, an it’s okay gesture.

He recognizes the man, and he isn’t a threat.

My relieved exhale comes out loud and fast. So fast that it quickly turns into a cough. Fuck.

Over the last few days, I’ve grown to be this carefree woman I don’t recognize.

I’m nervous about Lester’s parole, but when I’m around Landon the fear isn’t as debilitating as it used to be.

I’ve been too flippant about well, basically life.

Whoever’s out there with Landon serves as a reminder that I shouldn’t have been.

While still waving at me, still comforting me, Landon heads toward the car. He opens the driver’s door and slides into his seat.

“It’s Vince.” His hands are on my cheeks, and he kisses me hard on the lips. “You up for some company? I told him he could come over for dinner if you’re okay with it. Otherwise, it’s a hard no.”

My pulse slows. The sweat on my forehead cools. He’s here. He’s alive.

Mine.

“Regan?” His firm voice laces into my thoughts. My vision sharpens as I’m no longer panicking. “It’s your choice.”

My choice.

Heat spreads through my body, searing me from head to toe. “You don’t have to ask me about having someone over. It’s your home.”

“Our home. Ours. Together.” I don’t think I’ll ever get used to his intensity.

We’ve talked about meeting Vince and Beverly after the parole hearing. But since Vince is already here, I’d be happy to have him join us. Landon has injected himself into many parts of my life. I’m dying to learn more about him.

“Thank you for asking. I’d love to meet him.”

“You’re sure?” His chin dips. “I could tell him to fuck off.”

I laugh, shaking my head. Landon smirks, blinks his lights twice, signaling Vince he can join us, I guess, and we head inside.

At home, after we get the introductions out of the way, we settle in the kitchen.

“I’m not staying long.” Vince fixes his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

He’s exactly everything I thought he would be. Landon showed me his and Beverly’s photos on his phone when I insisted on putting faces to the names. The only two he had saved for their contacts.

Since Landon hadn’t elaborated much on who they are as people, I filled the blanks myself. He called Vince his best friend. Made him his chief financial officer.

It’s why I imagined he had to be tough. Someone who’d be able to withstand the storm that is Landon. The responsibilities of the job.

Vince is exactly it. His answers are clipped. He stands tall. He’s fond of the word motherfucker, especially when directed at Landon.

In some ways, he reminds me of my sister. I think she’d really like him.

Soon, in the near future, they’ll have to meet.

“So you’re not joining us for dinner?” Landon peeks from behind the fridge door.

“No.” Vince sneaks looks at me, assessing me. It’s not unpleasant; it reminds me a lot of a doctor’s inspection.

I turn my gaze to Landon. I’m drawn to him, always, blushing at his heated glare.

“Guess it’ll just be you and me, love. I’ll never complain about that.”

If possible, I blush harder.

“Since you asked, I already grabbed something at the office.” Vince undoes the buttons of his dark green suit and sits on one of the stools around the kitchen island. “Where no one’s seen you for days.”

The vegetables are placed on the counter first. Cucumber, tomatoes, carrots, lettuce.

Landon pulls out nuts and olive oil from the cupboards, then reaches for a large mixing bowl from one of the drawers.

He’s quiet.

Purposefully ignoring Vince.

This silence is awkward. Neither one of them seems like they’re going to do anything about it.

It’s my job, then, to break the ice. I’m grateful for the distraction, for being able to do something nice for Landon. Sure beats the constant, underlying thoughts of a certain parole hearing.

Offering Vince a smile, I ask, “Can I at least get you something to drink?”

Relief washes over him. Strange. “No, Regan, thank you. Actually, you’re one of the reasons why I dropped by.”

“Other than to scold me for skipping school?” Landon chops the cucumber, his head hunched, his tone sardonic. “Sorry, Daddy. I’ll be a good boy next time.”

“Yes, I came to see her.”

“Heard you the first time.” Landon slams both hands on the counter. Oh God, I recognize that voice. The fire bursting from him. “You came over to see my girl.”

I can’t help it. I burst out laughing.

“What?” Both men snap their heads in my direction.

“I’m sorry, I just…” I brush my knuckles under my eyes, swiping at the unshed tears. “First, Joyce. Now your best friend. Please, Landon, tell me you aren’t serious.”

He purses his lips into a thin line.

Then he smiles.

“Anyone care to fill me in?” Vince’s eyes dance between Landon and me.

“He’s jealous.”

“What the actual fuck.” Vince stands up abruptly, walks over to Landon, and stabs a finger at his chest. “You think I, out of all motherfucking people, would make a move on your girlfriend?”

“Fiancée.” Landon’s gaze lands on me while he’s talking to Vince. “And what the actual fuck yourself, treating me like I’m a child.”

“You got engaged?” It’s comical how Vince’s eyes go huge. “Without telling me? Without a ring? The fuck. I’m in the wrong movie. This isn’t you. No offense, Regan.”

“None taken.” If Rosemary dropped weird-ass out-of-character bombs on me, I would’ve reacted exactly the same.

“Also.” He turns to me. “Are you? Okay, I mean. Is this some kind of kidnapping, forced marriage situation?”

“Jesus fuck, man, is that what you take me for?”

Vince whips his head to Landon, leveling him with a are you serious right now? look.

“I’m here of my own free will.” I go over to the fridge, pulling out two bottles of water for Landon and me and one beer bottle for Vince. Poor guy looks like he could use a drink.

“Thanks.” He empties half of it with one gulp.

“You’ll always be okay around me,” Landon growls when I give him the water.

“I know.” I rise to my tiptoes, pecking his cheek. He growls again.

Vince takes his half-full beer bottle and returns to the stool. “Does she know everything, though?”

“That I’ve been stalking her?” Landon returns to chopping the vegetables. He’s done with the cucumbers, starting on the carrots. “Or that I’ve been tracking down the assholes who messaged her? If that’s what you’re asking, then, yes, she knows.”

“I do.” About other things too. Like the eyeballs and the toe we keep in the den.

Oh, right. We can’t have Vince going over there today. Good thing I remembered on time.

Vince is about to ask another question, when Landon begins to spill everything about our relationship, other than the murders he committed.

Then he tells us about himself.

He’s concise when he tells us about his abstinence theory, how he thought he could keep from losing his mind that way. He ends it by clarifying that I’m his and that Vince shouldn’t worry.

“The end,” Landon summarizes his story unceremoniously.

It’s hard to breathe. To think. It’s so much to take in.

“That’s why you’ve been so invested in Moth to a Flame?” Vince sounds surprised. “You knew you didn’t want to be in a relationship, that you’d be miserable and lonely, and the dating app would be a constant reminder of how miserable you are?”

“Yes.” That’s all Landon has to offer us. A yes .

While Vince is surprised, I’m heartbroken. How painful it must’ve been for him. To condemn himself to a life of solitude while forcing himself to watch other people pairing up. Living their best kinky or love-filled life.

The jealous side of me does a little happy dance on the inside. As selfish as it is, I’m grateful that he hasn’t been searching for anyone else. That I was his first and only one from Moth to a Flame.

It’s as if he’s been waiting for me.

The selfless side of me aches for him.

Had Landon chosen another path, he probably would’ve married someone years ago. He’d have had a family. He wouldn’t have forced himself into suffering or solitude or avoiding anything he might love.

He’s been missing out on so much.

Fourteen years of happiness.

The sins of the father—in his case, the mother—shouldn’t be visited upon the child.

He deserves better.

I’ll give him better for the rest of his life.

I’ll do everything to give this man the absolute best.

“It all makes sense now,” Vince mumbles while Landon watches over our Beef Wellingtons in the oven. “Why you shut down the idea of going to the stock market with Moth to a Flame. Of course, you’d hate the SEC and investors breathing down your neck.”

The smile on my lips dies. “Stock market?”

Landon’s shoulders square. “Yes. That’s in the past.”

“Past?” I tilt my head, blurting the second question faster than he can answer the first one. “Are you doing this so you could spend more time with me? If that’s the case, don’t.”

“Regan…” Landon warns.

Thinking about it hurts, even though Vince is convinced it has nothing to do with me. Even though Landon said it was for a whole other reason.

“You love me, I know. But I’m not that important.”

“The fuck you are.” I’m in his arms and pressed to his hard body. Anger reverberates through his chest. “Out, Vince. Get the fuck out of our house.”

“Regan,” Vince ignores him, though I don’t think he’s coming any closer. “Nothing is your fault. No one blames you. It’s been settled a few days ago. It’s done. No one’s upset about it. I was just wondering what’s changed and if you’re okay. That’s all.”

Vince shouldn’t feel guilty. I should. I do. “I’m fine.”

“Not fine.” Landon, as always, sees through me, sensing my overwhelming guilt. “Vince, I won’t repeat myself. Get the fuck out. I’ll call you later.”

“Yeah, okay. I’m sorry.” Footsteps echo on the marble floor. The door closes.

“Little lamb.” His large hands are on my jaw, in my hair. His fingers thread through the thick strands, massaging my scalp. “My decision about the stock market is one of the best ones I’ve ever made.”

“Don’t lie to me.” I ball my hands into fists against his chest. “Don’t spare my feelings. Don’t treat me like I’m made of glass. Did your decision have anything to do with me?”

“Everything I told you and Vince was the truth. Before you came along, my main goal was to suffer. To snuff out anything that might spark my obsessive tendencies. I even hated this house.” His laugh is mirthless. “Then there was you. Loving you isn’t a crushing, devastating thing that’d take down everyone and everything I care for. It’s the air I breathe. Clean and pure. You made me choose happiness. You mend the broken, flawed pieces inside me. I’m done being afraid of my own self. I’m done doing things that make me suffer. And it’s all thanks to you.”

His thumbs brush my cheeks. It takes me a moment to realize he’s wiping my tears.

“You’ve shown me that I’ve got this, Regan. I’ve got this as long as I have you.”

“I feel the same.” I sniffle. “I’m strong, but I’m stronger, thanks to you. I’m glad I didn’t mess anything up for you.”

“You could never.”

So much intensity. There’s no way he’s lying.

There’s something else that’s bothering me. “Please, don’t be angry at Vince. He was really nice.”

“Will you eat now?”

The sharp change of subject gives me a whiplash. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Simple question, love.” The corners of his eyes crinkle. Barely. “Will. You. Eat? Because if he’s ruined your appetite, so help me, I’ll finish what I started at the gates.”

“No.” A watery laugh escapes me. “No need to murder Vince. Let’s eat. I’m starving.”

“That’s my girl.”