Moth to a Flame

23. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Regan

A tear rolls down my cheek. Then I tell him my safeword, showing him I know what to say if things get too much. “Snake.”

“Little girls shouldn’t be running around naked in the middle of the night,” Landon deadpans, back in character.

He pushes his pants down his muscular thighs, shoving the head of his cock to my lips.

I press them shut, screaming no through them.

“You fucked up.” He’s wet at the tip, smearing it on my lips. When I don’t open up, he pulls on my hair harder, pressing me to his length. Groaning. “Walking out here with your sweet body. Those hips. Those tits. Fucking naked. I bet you thought it’d be late. That no one would be out here to see you like this.”

His yanking of my hair becomes unbearable. I pinch my lips tighter together.

“I did. I stalked you. Baited my time until you’d be completely alone. At my mercy.”

I’m wetter and needier at his words. He says awful things to me. Bone-chilling things. He hurts me. And my thighs clench in response.

I fear him. I need him.

“Unfortunate, really.” The hand in my hair becomes a necklace around my throat. “How you walked into the lion’s den. I’m going to make you my slut tonight. I’m going to fuck you so hard. Going to be ruthless. You think you’re in pain now?”

His laugh is cruel, and he shakes his head while squeezing my throat tighter. I wheeze for air. Only so much can come through my nose.

“Choking you. Shoving my cock in your face. This is nothing. A foreplay.” Jaw ticking. Eyes narrowing. Is he angry, or is he pretending?

Better not to think about it. I don’t want to think at all.

He shoves my face harder on his cock. It’s then that I see his tattoo. My future initials.

My mind is still too lost. Can’t wrap itself around the fact that it’s Landon and not some stranger.

“Suck me off, little one. Get me nice and wet. If not…If you won’t do it…” His tongue runs along the top row of his teeth, and I shiver. “I’ll haul you out of the water. I’ll fuck your ass out there on the sand. No lube. No water. No preparation. You’ll bleed for me, and I’ll love every second of it.”

His voice is so dark and low, and this is it. This is the point where I stop recognizing him altogether.

He’s not the monster from Central Park. He’s someone new. Far more horrible. Far more destructive.

There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll follow through with his threat.

“Please, don’t,” I whisper before gaping my mouth and offering him my tongue.

“Ah. There she is.” One shove and he’s deep inside, down to my throat. “My slut.”

There’s no reprieve for me. Not a moment to adjust to his massive girth. He’s fucking my face. Holding my head still, thrusting his hips until I gag and slobber and choke.

“What’s that?” His thumb swipes at the tear leaking from the corner of my eye. “Pretending you don’t want this? I bet—Ah, fuck.” When I press my teeth around his length, he pulls me by my hair, glowering at me. “I enjoy the pain…up to a point. Try to bite my dick off, and you’ll suffer.”

I don’t like anything about this.

I love all of it.

He pulls on my hair after I growl at him. “Test me. Please. I bet your ass is so tight. So hot. Going in there dry, just like that, though? Fuck, I’d come hard. Mark your insides with my cum and keep fucking you until I’m hard again. You’ll have lube by then, my semen and your blood. But it won’t be fun. Not even then. You have my word.”

It scares me, the promise of this horrible pain that I know will never actually be delivered.

By him. By this man.

It makes me dart my tongue out to wet my dry lips. I want this.

“Was I clear?” He pushes back inside me.

“Yes,” I say around his cock. A fresh wave of tears streams down my cheeks. “Yes.”

He goes back to being merciless as he violates my mouth over and over and over again.

His eyes are on me the entire time, his harsh gaze forcing me into submission.

“Fuck, that’s good. Watching you fighting this. How desperately you wish you could hate me.” Forcefully, he tugs on my hair until he’s no longer in my mouth. My throat is sore. His cock is big and hard and wet. “Enough. Hands and knees. Do it yourself or I’ll make you do it.”

The underlying threat is there. If I do it myself, it’ll hurt .

I’m on my hands and knees at his feet. Most of my hair is in the water. The waves kiss my chin. I’m freezing. I have no other choice.

It’s a lie. The choice is no one’s but mine.

He strokes his cock as he studies me, giving my face and body a cold, distant appraisal. I’m the armchair in his den. The food on his plate. The rug he steps on.

That’s all.

Arousal wets my inner thighs. I do my very best not to try to fuck the water.

“Too late to be obedient.” He lowers to his knees, his thumb stroking my bottom lip. “I’m going to punish you for making me wait.”

“No.”

Begging time is over before it’s even begun. He shoves my bottom lip down, spitting into my open mouth. I’m so into the scene that I scowl at him, opening my mouth to spit it out.

“Do I look like a merciful man? A forgiving man?” He forces my mouth shut, looming over me. His other hand curls around my throat. His face is a picture of sick satisfaction. “Swallow. Take your punishment like the slut you are, and swallow.”

“I hate you.” I seethe after I’ve gulped down his spit. I pretend to hate that too. That’s a lie. Other than his cum, I’ve never wanted to swallow anything more in my entire life.

“You hate me,” he mocks me. “Doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to fuck your ass.”

“Psycho!” I raise my hand to slap him.

Quick as lightning, he catches my wrist, leaning into me until our faces nearly touch. “Stop lying to yourself. You’re dying to have my fat dick in that tight hole. Such a pretty slut, you’ll come hard on my cock. You’ll cry from coming so hard for this person who violates you. It’s a promise.”

“Never.” Please, do it. Please, if I could come during such a violent rape scene…

That would be the closure I’ve never dared to dream of. Nothing will ever scare me about sex anymore. I’ll fear nothing, period.

“We’ll see about that.” His bite on my bottom lip stings.

He manhandles me in the water, twisting me to face away from him.

Crack .

His hand lands on my ass. The water takes some of the blow. Not all of it. Not nearly half of it or the ten that come later. He counts each spanking. Calls me a whore, a slut.

A filthy temptation.

I cry from the pain. The fear. The release. Silently. Without screaming. He’d get off on that. I won’t give him what he wants.

He has to take it.

But I can’t silence my whimper when he’s pushing my knees to the sides. When he shoves his thumb into my ass. Up to the last knuckle.

“That’s better. Let me hear you.” I bite the inside of my cheek while he drags his thumb in and out past the tight rim. “Let me hear how much you hate me finger-fucking your tight hole. No? Quiet again? No problem.”

He pulls out his thumb only to come back with two fingers. Thrusting, stroking, probing. This man touches me in the most sinister, dirty ways. I do cry out then. I cry out louder when the third finger stretches me impossibly wider.

The water helps them slide in and out of me, but there’s no denying the pain. He put two fingers inside me a few nights ago. Never three.

“No, no. Stop it. I hate it.” I bow my head, breathing in the smell of brine. Water brushes on my lips as I keep begging. “I hate it so bad, stop it. I never told you that you could do this to me.”

A pause. This isn’t a man . The person who’s quiet and doesn’t move is my Landon. Waiting for my safeword.

“No,” I groan the word again, talking to my pretend rapist and my future husband. “No.”

“As much as I get off on hearing you say no.” He removes his fingers, though he won’t let me catch my breath. The head of his cock is wide and throbbing against the hole he’s just abused. “It won’t do you any good.”

If I don’t relax, the next part is going to hurt. I resisted his two fingers the other day, and I remember the burn. Most of it went away when I let him in.

And though I know it’ll hurt, I put one hand forward, then the next. Drag my knees on the sand.

I’m going to fight this. Him. My past.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Two hands grip my hips. His fingers are brutal as they bury into my flesh. “Little one. There’s no running from this. There’s no running from me.”

That’s the last warning he offers before sinking every inch of himself inside me.

The searing sensation. The pain. The decadence. All of it hits me like a freight train and I’m struggling to breathe, to hold myself up.

I don’t have to. This man who ruts into my ass does it for me.

“You think I’m going to stop here?” I have no idea what that means.

What I do know is that I have to escape. As fragile as I am. As rough as he’s being. As much as he holds me like he’ll never let go. I need to try.

He won’t hurt more than I can take. But I’m not going to just let him.

“You think I’m going to settle for fucking your virgin ass, little girl?” he grunts. He groans. He stretches me and pleasures me and it’s so hard to resist him.

I have to.

“There’s more to my fucked-up fantasies. There’s a reason why I lured you out here.”

Again, I claw at the sand. Wriggle in his grip. Kick his thigh with my foot. Anything to move forward. Anything to get away from this.

This blinding pleasure. This humiliation. This desire.

An inch. That’s where my futile attempt gets me.

“Cute.” He still grips my hip when his other hand laces into my hair. Still ruts into me. I’m still moaning. “You, thinking you can escape. There’s no escaping this. Deep breath.”

Instead of inhaling like he said, I scream.

No one hears me.

Not even him.

My scream gets swallowed in the ocean, where he dunks my head. I’m too shocked to fight. I’m stunned and shrieking.

My ass is getting railed while he grabs me by my hair and his thumb strokes my nape. While I look at the darkness and water swirls around me.

This is sick. I never believed I could be into anything like this. I shouldn’t be. Forced and degraded and drowned.

Except I am. I grow hotter and needier from his power. From the air deprivation. My thighs clench.

“Oh, fuck.” The sounds of his pleasure are clearer now that he’s yanked my head out of the water.

I suck air into my lungs. I blink away the water dripping from my eyelashes.

“Have I made myself clear?” The lust is gone from his voice. He’s harsh and punishing, sounding cruel. “There’s no escaping this. You’re going to take this. Going to be my slut. Again.”

My inhale is more of a gasp. Very little air comes in.

He pushes my head under the water anyway. I snap my eyes shut to keep the salt out of them.

In this abyss, in this black place I’m in, I feel him.

He thrusts his cock into me, smooth and thick. Pounds me. His cock hits me in all the right places. Filling me so completely that I don’t ever want it to go away.

Air. I can breathe again. He’s tugged on my hair, letting me out of my watery cage.

“Do you understand?”

Salt burns my throat despite how hard I closed my mouth, and I spit it out. My back arches, the way he’s holding me. My head is tipped up toward the skies.

He leans in so I can see a part of his face. The depravity and cruelty. The feral need.

Then he angles my hips. Shifts his grip. He’s going deeper.

I love him. I’m also somewhere else, not fully me.

“I hate you. Stalker. Monster. Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I can.” He can, and he does.

“Stop. I—Stop it. Fuck you.”

“Oh, I am.” He lets out a derisive laugh. “That’s exactly what I’m doing. Breathe.”

My cheeks are full with air. Nothing makes it easier. Being held down by my hair. Drowned. Fucked from behind by this big, ruthless man.

It hurts, and yet my stomach winds tight. My pussy is hot, desperate to have him there.

I’m so close to coming that it scares me. More than him. More than the fake rape.

My sickness scares me.

Then again, he isn’t a stranger. He’s my Landon.

Everything’s okay.

“Say it,” he says as soon as he pulls my head up. “Admit it feels good.”

“It’ll never feel good,” I lie. Screaming and spitting sea water soothes me. It heals me, this anger I let out. It’s as intoxicating as what he’s doing to me. “I don’t even hate you! You’re nothing to me.”

“Good. Fucking good, little one.” Landon stays in character, barely.

“Fuck. You.” I use this gift he’s giving me, shouting as he’s railing into me. I’m shouting at him through the burn in my lungs and my throat. “Motherfucker. You can never take anything from me ever again. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck. You.”

“That’s it. That’s why I’ve been stalking you.” Water sloshes around us with every shove, with every groan and tear that come out of me. “It was worth the wait. Fucking you like that. Taking your ass like that. You cry so pretty for me. I’d have waited a million years for you. A million lifetimes.”

His voice isn’t as harsh. I’m not crying as hard. We’ve crossed the line from the fantasy into the real world.

I’ve come out stronger on the other end. We both have.

“You want my cum in your ass?” Landon goes in deeper. Harsher.

“Yes.”

“You’ll have it. Not before…” His arm wraps around me, his fingers spreading my lips and pressing to my clit. He tucks my hair to the side, brushing his lips to my ear. “I thought I’d make you beg. But I can’t hold back.”

I’m high and partly delirious. I have no idea what he’s talking about. The only thing I know is that I have to have more of him. I rock my hips against his, silently begging for his fingers to rub me where I need him the most.

“M-hmm.” I’m no longer crying. I’m riding his cock. His fingers. Letting him be ruthless. Letting him pleasure me in the most delicious ways.

“You’re so good.” His harsh words and sharp voice change, the tiniest bit. I recognize it. This is my Landon. “Such a good girl. You could’ve stopped me at any time, and it would’ve been okay. It would’ve been perfect. But you took it. You took me . I’m going to—”

He bites my shoulder, his teeth sinking until he’s drawing blood. The pain sends a bolt of electricity down to my toes and I stop breathing, thinking, or living.

I come. My body spasms. My heart expands in a million directions.

I’m trembling and shaking while Landon carries me through this orgasm and into a second one.

“Fuck, Regan. Baby.” His thrusts are less controlled, yet every bit as harsh and deep. “I’m going to come inside you. Going to mark you everywhere.”

Landon finishes, filling me with so much of his cum that I feel it spilling out of me.

Strange emptiness comes over me after that.

Why?

I got what I was asking for and I got to experience it with the person I love. A person I trust with my body and soul.

No one knows me better than him.

So why does the hole in my chest hurt so badly?

Why am I struggling to breathe? Why is it impossible to stay upright?

You know.

“You witnessed my rape.” I don’t mean it like in the park. Like he could see into my soul. All the damaged parts. All the broken pieces. Where no one’s ever been before. “You…”

I try to finish the sentence, but my tongue is too heavy in my mouth.

“Regan?” There’s a sound of wet fabric moving on skin. His sweatpants? Maybe. I’m being hauled in the air the next moment, hugged into a broad, firm chest. “Talk to me, Regan.”

The beach disappears in a blur. Landon walks fast. I stare at his face, my eyes wide and brimming with tears.

“Do I disgust you?”

“The fuck?” His eyebrows are so high, they’re about to reach his hairline. “No. No, love. You were strong then. You were just as strong now.”

Thump, thump, thump .

We’re over the deck and inside the house. The door slams shut. I can’t stop the tears.

“I let you do what you wanted, just like…Just like…”

Landon puts me down in the shower, turning the hot water on. Steam billows around us and I’m not shivering as hard as before. Not from the cold, anyway.

Now my body shakes from the inside.

“You did what you had to. You survived.” I’m being held up with one of his arms around me. The other hand, he uses to squirt shampoo on my hair and massage it into my head down to the strands. “I admire you more for it. Love you more for what and who you are. I don’t know how that’s possible, since I’ve been crazy about you since day one. Don’t care. You’re so special. So beautiful. Mine.”

I close my eyes and tilt my head up, then remove his arm from around me. I move both his hands to my hair. Down my body. Maybe it’ll change the way I feel. Maybe if he’s everywhere, I won’t panic that he might run away.

Without a single word, he understands. He helps me shower. Shampoo, conditioner, soap. Landon doesn’t miss a thing.

When I’m all cleaned up, he lets me wash his body while he does his hair.

“How are you?” We’re done cleaning him up. I can only communicate how overwhelmed and lost I feel through my eyes. “Okay. Okay. I’m going to do something and you’re going to have to trust me.”

“I always trust you,” I breathe out.

He traces the line of my jaw with his knuckles. His lungs expand. “On your knees.”

I don’t even blink. I drop to the floor, squinting at him through the water pouring down on us. His hand is in my hair and his eyes are warm. Compassionate.

Demanding. “Open your mouth.”

I do.

“Good girl.” He shoves himself inside me. “Suck.”

He holds still, thickening in my mouth the tighter my lips wrap around him. It’s a weird sense of comfort, having him there.

His calming presence. My full mouth.

“You can use me. Fuck, that’s good. Fuck. No. Ignore me. Use me, Regan.”

I groan at how nice it is to have his fingers massaging my scalp. How soothing it is to have his thumbs tracing circles around my temples.

“Do whatever you want with my cock. Let me help you. Let me bring you peace.”

I let him. Let myself relax into him. My eyes are glued to him while I allow myself to just be. To enjoy the safety of being Landon’s without fearing he’s going to leave me. I treat his cock like a pacifier. Cling to his strong thighs while I either leave his dick in my mouth or suck on it. Both actions are so calming that I moan.

“That’s it. Make yourself feel good.” His voice is strained. A salty drop trickles into my mouth. “Use me, love. I’ll stay here for days. Just come back to me.”

His hard cock with the hot water and his hands in my hair and holy, his words —it’s like I’m being delivered to my one true home. Like I’ve been away for an eternity and I’m only now finding my way back.

I’m Regan the survivor and I’m Regan from before. I’m both of them while still being me.

As shame, guilt and every other ugly emotion leave my body, I suck Landon harder. At first, I just press my lips until he jumps in my mouth. Then I take all of him in.

His groans grow louder, more feral. His gaze darkens. His lips are pulled into a firm line.

“Anything you need. It’s yours.”

He curses. Tells me I’m a good girl. That nothing will ever make him stop loving me.

When I’m all better, I still stay there. I take him, licking and tasting him over and over again. I wrap my fingers around the base, right where my initials are tattooed on his skin.

“What are you doing?”

I offer him what I hope is a meaningful, heated stare.

And suck him.

“Oh. Oh, fuck. I’m not going to last.”

He doesn’t.

I thank him by swallowing him.

Every. Single. Drop.