Moth to a Flame

30. CHAPTER THIRTY

CHAPTER THIRTY

Regan

The drive to Alaska is long. Too long.

It’s because we’re not going in a straight line. Though I’ve never traveled outside New York, I know we’re not.

We’re on the run, after all. It’s only to be expected that we pass through deserted small towns. That for miles and miles, there’ll be no buildings outside the window. Lifting myself to look through it and maybe call for help is damn near impossible with my ankles bound. The most I can do is get up on my knees.

Thankfully, my wrists are still free. My rapist and now kidnapper doesn’t stop for long enough in any convenient store to buy anything more than food and water. He hardly even sleeps, which also works in my favor.

He’ll lose if he does. My photos and his have been spread nationwide.

Of course, he’s blaming me. Of course, he’s punishing me for it.

While I won’t let him violate me, he does take his anger out of me in other ways.

Throughout our trip, I’ve been spat on and slapped for that more than a handful of times. My lip has been bitten too. It bleeds every time he sinks his teeth into it, the motherfucker.

He also kicks me when he’s in the mood.

There’s nothing but gray skies outside the small window. As we drive between states or towns, I realize I can’t complain that much. He can’t repeat what he did to me a decade ago. Not until we get to Alaska, at least.

Could’ve been worse.

He could’ve decided he’s done being on the run. Take his chance at getting caught and torture me until I bled out and died.

But he’s not here, in the back of the van with me. It’s been hours since he stuck his filthy tongue in my mouth or slapped me around.

This is better. This is good. You’re better off this way. Silent.

That thought jolts me back into the present moment.

I’ll lose if I accept my situation. If I stay apathetic.

I can’t afford to do either. Not when I’m in the middle of nowhere. Not where there are less or no cameras at all for Landon can hack.

This numbness will get me killed.

Lester needs to be back here. He needs to be furious enough that he can’t stop himself from removing another one of my nails.

That’s my only way to survive this. Hiding won’t do me any good.

I have to suck it up. Face my fears.

A little pain won’t be that bad. I’ve been to hell and back ten years ago. I’ve got this.

“Hey, dickless,” I shout, my voice cracking when we drive fast past a bump in the road.

“That nickname isn’t getting to me anymore,” he grunts.

Tremors break through my body at his ominous voice.

I would shut up. But I don’t want to die.

Damn it, I won’t let him kill me.

Courage. Landon would’ve demanded that of me. I demand that of me.

“Your pee-hole healed yet, or did you ruin another pair of pants on our last stop?”

Thankfully, I stay in the car while he goes on his bathroom breaks.

I do hear him curse, though.

I did see him change into two different pairs of old Wranglers. Both had stains on them and smelled like spoiled food. He must’ve picked it up from a trash can or something along the road. His ugly dress shirt is still the same one, though. And it reeks.

He growls. Losing his patience.

All I need is one last push. “It’ll take some getting used to. I bet you forget to wipe, too. Maybe you should turn yourself in. Have someone in prison train you to be their little bitch.”

The tires screech so hard that I’m thrown to the other side of the van.

“Ouch,” I mumble as my bruised cheek hits the wall of the inside of the van.

Lester yanks the back doors open. As I suspected, we’re in the middle of nowhere. Tall trees flank the road we’re on. Behind my kidnapper, there’s nothing but miles and miles of more of the same.

It’s a depressing notion, how isolated we are. How no one’s here to help me.

It’s a reassuring one. If no one drives by through here, the chances of my nail being run over are slimmer.

I chose a good spot for us to pull over.

That piece of knowledge is only mildly reassuring.

Because Lester gets into the back of the van with me.un

There’s murder in his eyes. “You motherfucking…”

Without finishing the sentence, he leaps inside the van. Shoves the pliers in my face.

“You’re in luck, you fucking bitch.” The metal shines even in the darkness of the back of the van. “Lucky that I don’t want you to get an infection or bleed out. Otherwise, I would’ve shoved it into your filthy mouth. Pulled on your tongue until it ripped out of your fucking mouth.”

I curse myself inwardly when a sigh of relief bursts past my lips.

“Don’t look so pleased with yourself.” His lips twist in a snarl. “I have a first aid kit waiting for me in the cabin. I’ll keep you alive long after I’ll make you bleed. You better believe that.”

This isn’t an empty threat.

Doesn’t matter.

My fingernails. That’s what I have to focus on. That’s what will save me.

And Landon. Seeing his face at the end of this horrifying road.

The pain. The torture. The humiliation. It’ll all be worth it when I’m in his arms again.

“Look at me, so scared.” Fuck if I let him see the horror that latches onto my bones. He has to attack me. He has to get the third nail out.

“You will be. Soon enough.”

I have this. I have this.

I. Have. This.

“You were probably terrified, right?” My laugh sounds as unhinged as I’m slowly turning out to be. “Miserable. Crying to your mommy when they cut your dick off.”

The blow to my cheek has my ears ringing. I bite the inside corner of my mouth, willing myself not to faint. He’s flipping me on my stomach, pulling at one of my hands.

I have to stay awake for this.

I have to make sure he’s throwing it out on the road.

The pliers go under my nail. “Terrified.”

I taste blood from how hard my teeth sink into my flesh.

“Miserable,” he thunders.

I fucking hate the part where he lifts it off the skin. The pain sends tears to my eyes that I have to blink back.

“Crying to my mommy.” He tears it from my finger, and I force myself to hear Landon’s voice in my head.

You’re strong. You’re strong. You’re strong.

My vision clears. I won’t faint. I won’t.

“Bitch.”

This is the part where it gets tricky. This is where, through the agonizing pain, I have to convince him to leave and not torture me some more. To not give my leggings another try.

He has to dispose of the nail outside.

“I’m sorry.” The fuck I am. “I’m sorry. You didn’t cry. You weren’t terrified. I’m sorry.”

“You better be.” It’s a relief when he kicks my ribs. That means he’s standing. That he’s leaving. “I don’t want to hear another peep out of you until we get there. Am I being clear?”

I twist my head as far as it’d go. Then I lie through my teeth.

“Crystal.”

“Hey.” The words are accompanied by a slap to my cheek.

I bite back a whimper.

What a horrible, degrading pain to wake up to.

At least I haven’t had a single nightmare over the last two nights. I’ve been here for five days in total, and yeah, it’s been a reprieve. A small miracle in the big, ugly scheme of things.

Not much else has worked in my favor.

I haven’t eaten anything in two days.

Lester, on the other hand, has had plenty.

We pulled over for a few bathroom breaks. Had one stop in a gas station to buy chips, sandwiches and water.

He ate everything by himself while he drove. Laughed when he forced the water bottle into my mouth. When I puked from drinking too much at once.

I’m tired. My muscles are weak. My vision blurs around the edges from food deprivation.

“I said.” He yanks my hair. “Wake the fuck up.”

It’s a good thing he’s in the mood to hurt me. That he’s not wasting his time fighting me and trying to get to my pussy or ass with the damn pliers.

Because that way he’d go for my nails. My breadcrumbs. Last time I sacrificed another nail was yesterday.

And while my hope of being found is slowly waning, it’s not gone.

Landon is out there. Looking for me.

Through small towns and highways. Through side roads and deserted rest stops.

I feel him. He’ll find me.

I just have to stay alive. To survive this somehow.

“Where are we?” I mumble, opening my eyes. The night has fallen since I fell asleep. I don’t see anything outside.

“None of your business.” He cackles at me like the jackal he is. “Time to eat.”

Hope flashes brighter inside me.

If I play my cards right, I’ll both eat and get a nail pulled out of me tonight. Not to mention, the chances of him throwing my nail outside are higher, since that’s how he disposes of the food leftovers.

Other than being an abusive rapist, Lester is also a fan of littering. He’s grown arrogant too, so sure that no one will connect the shit he leaves on the road.

Landon will.

I squint my eyes in the darkness. Landon will see it, he’ll find my nail and the pack of chips that will be discarded on the side of the road.

He. Will.

“You’re even uglier in the dark, you know that?” I spit out.

He rips open the bag of chips while he growls in anger. A few crumbs land on my face. He shoves the food into my mouth, slamming my jaw shut.

“Eat, bitch.”

I don’t have a choice, since he pinches my nose with his greasy fingers. I’m too weak to slap his hands away. I save my strength for when he’ll try to sodomize me.

“Fucking eat. This isn’t how you die, from starvation. I won’t be this merciful.”

More chips are being stuffed into my face over and over again. The humiliation stings, but I don’t let it show.

I pretend I’m in Landon’s home and he’s cutting me a slice of another delicious Beef Wellington. His eyes darken as he brings it to my lips, and I dart my tongue out, just how he likes it.

I eat for Landon. I chew for Landon. I swallow for Landon.

For him and no one else.

For him.

Landon.

These thoughts only make me want to cry harder.

Instead, I narrow my eyes, snapping myself back to the here and now.

It’s then that Lester pulls on one of my arms.

Fuck. Fuck . I’ll never get used to the blinding pain of having a nail pulled out.

“You won’t die today. But you’ll suffer.” Lester laughs as he goes outside, as he disposes of my nail and the empty bag. “Sweet dreams, bitch. We’re leaving in five hours.”

Five hours that I’ll spend awake.

Just in case he’s lying.

I’m not letting him anywhere near me.