22. Chapter 22 If You Don’t Feel That Giddy Excitement at the Beginning, What’s the Point?
Chapter 22: If You Don’t Feel That Giddy Excitement at the Beginning, What’s the Point?
W ADE
Wade checked the time on his phone for the millionth time. Why was today going so freaking slow? A scoff escaped him, which he changed to a cough when people nearby looked at him. Embarrassed, he refocused on the session’s speaker and tried not to squirm as others gave him the side-eye.
Of course, he knew why it felt like all the sessions lasted a million years today. Even though this conference was important to him, it took a Herculean effort to wish Jenny a good day after they shared a quick breakfast.
Never had he wanted to spend all his spare moments—and even the moments that weren’t his to spare—with another person like this. When he wasn’t with her, he thought about her and planned for when he’d see her again.
He texted Kyle.
“Is it normal that I want to spend every minute with Jenny even though we just started dating?” he asked.
“Yeah, that’s what a relationship is supposed to be like. If you don’t feel that giddy excitement at the beginning, what’s the point?”
“I’ve never felt like this, though.”
“Insert snarky joke about all your exes being jerks.”
“Marybeth wasn’t a jerk.”
“It was pretty jerky for her to date you when she knew she was into women.”
“Okay, that’s fair. But it’s not like I was in love with her, either.”
“Are you saying you’re in love with Jenny?”
Wade could almost hear the rising intonation of Kyle’s words even though they were typed. The temptation to taunt his friend was almost overwhelming, but he already trolled Kyle enough about the wedding ring.
“No, I’m not. At least, I don’t think so. How do I know?”
“How the fuck should I know? You’ve dated more than I have. I haven’t even gone on a date in forever. That shit sucks. Hooking up is way less stressful.”
“Yup. Of my two most recent relationships, one was a closet lesbian who dated me because I was the only guy who didn’t give her the ick, and she needed someone to take home to her parents. The other used me to do her job for her.”
Wade tucked his hair behind his ears as he leaned forward to type faster.
“There’s got be a reason I’m still single at thirty-five. I want to be in a relationship.”
“Okay, you’re right. You’re a loser. Dump Jenny before she figures it out for herself. I don’t want her fucking over my paycheck because she’s mad at you.”
“Fuck you.” Wade fought a smile.
“Oh, are you so bad at sex with women that you’re switching teams? Was that the whole problem all along? You’re into dick?”
Someone nearby hissed at him to be quiet when his snort of laughter was louder than intended. The session wasn’t holding his attention, so he should leave before he ruined it for others. He sent a wave of apologies to the presenter and quietly left. When he reached the hallway, he found a bench and sat down to continue his conversation with Kyle.
“You’re the only one for me, baby,” he texted. “Women have always been a smokescreen, but I can have to be true to myself. We can finally be together.”
“Sorry, you’re not my type. I do like a smart mouth, but I’m not attracted to you. It’s nothing personal, though. I hope we can still be friends.”
Wade snickered as his fingers flew over the virtual keyboard on his phone.
“But, baby, I can’t live a lie anymore. You’re the only one who truly understands me. I’m coming back early so we can be together forever.”
A calendar notification popped up on his phone, and he frowned.
“Aren’t you supposed to be having oral surgery right now?”
“I’m in the waiting room. You know how it is; hurry up and wait for hours to be seen. My sister drove me since you abandoned me to my fate to chase a girl.”
“I can’t win with you. I declare my undying devotion, and you rebuff me, but now you’re upset that I’m not there to hold your hand.”
“Gotta keep you on your toes. Aren’t you supposed to be in a session or something?”
“I couldn’t pay attention, and I kept laughing inappropriately and getting dirty looks, so I left before they kicked me out.”
“Why couldn’t you pay attention? Is there something on your mind?”
“Ha, ha. Very funny. I’m a wreck. What if I screw this up?”
“What if you don’t?”
Wade sat back against the bench. What if he didn’t screw it up? That hadn’t occurred to him. His track record with women wasn’t as bad as Kyle’s, but it had been a long while since he was in a healthy, happy relationship, though not for lack of trying.
“Thanks for talking me down again. This session period is wrapping up, so now that I’ve had my freak out, I hope I’ll be able to focus. It helps that I’m more interested in the next topic, but I don’t think anything would have held my attention when I was spiraling like that. Thanks.”
“No problem. Just no declarations of love or proposals of marriage for at least a month, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Wade smirked as he typed. “And good luck with your surgery. Have your sister message me when you’re out so I know you’re okay.”
“Don’t be an idiot. She likes you, and that’s all you need to remember.”
WADE
The last session of the day finally ended. Wade had forced himself to focus on the topic since it related to new technology they wanted to use in the office. Since he would have to present the information to his colleagues, that made it slightly easier to give up his newest obsession for a few minutes.
Once the session ended, his escape plan was blocked by various friends and colleagues who wanted to chat. At other conferences, he would have been thrilled. Getting drinks or snacks with fellow nerds and talking shop was one of the best parts of going to a conference. Today, though, he just wanted to be with Jenny.
But he didn’t want to seem needy, even though he was, or that he didn’t trust her. It was the other guys at the conference he didn’t trust. But she was an adult who’d navigated more difficult terrain than an accounting conference. Eager for a distraction, he allowed himself to be carried along with a group headed to the bar.
“Where’s your gal?” Brian asked as he set his beer down and joined Wade.
“She’s at an accounting workshop right now, but we’re meeting up soon for a drink before the off-site event.”
“Cool, cool. Which off-site event are you doing? My team is going to play pool.”
“We signed up for the escape room.”
“That sounded fun, but my team lead thought it was lame. He claims to be great at pool, but he’s the boss’s nephew. It’s very different working for someone who got their job due to genetics than skill.”
Brian spoke with his usual deadpan, but the strain was evident in his voice. He took a long drink and closed his eyes. Wade looked more closely and saw that his old friend and mentor looked to have aged considerably in the last year. His salt-and-pepper hair was grayer than it used to be, and his face bore more grooves.
“Ugh, that sucks. Sorry, man. Is there anything I can do?”
“Let me know if In-Tech is ever hiring. I never should have left. Turns out I had to put my mom into a home anyway for round-the-clock care, and she doesn’t even recognize me anymore. I fucking hate my job. My boss is a joke who’s threatened by my skills, but I’m too old to start somewhere else because people automatically assume I’m a dinosaur who can’t learn anything new because I’m Gen X.”
Wade had never heard Brian say so much at once. It also put his insecurities into perspective, so he was glad to give his old friend some positive news.
“We’ll likely have an opening coming up soon. Howard is thinking of retiring and moving to be closer to his grandkids. I’ll let Elizabeth know you’re interested. She’d be thrilled to have you back.”
Brian perked up before his expression smoothed out again.
“That’s cool. Here.” He dug around for a business card and scribbled his personal email address on it. “You can contact me away from the office.”
Wade pocketed it.
“What time is she out?” Brian asked in an abrupt change of topic.
“Who are you talking about?”
Brian rolled his eyes and scoffed.
“You’ve looked at your phone five times. I assume her workshop ends soon.”
A sheepish expression crossed his face, and Wade laughed at himself.
“Busted. Yeah, it’s supposed to finish in about ten minutes.”
“Why don’t you head over there early?” Brian asked with a casual shrug. “I need to make a phone call before pool, so I need to run anyway. It was good seeing you, but I’m late.”
Brian tossed back the last few swallows of his beer before he stood. He threw a few dollar bills down and walked off without another word.
Wade shrugged. His old friend wasn’t an easy man to know, but he was loyal and brilliant. He entered Brian’s contact information into his phone and then messaged Elizabeth with the good news. Maybe knowing that Brian was available to step up would help Howard make the decision they all knew he’d make.
He didn’t worry that he’d overstepped or misrepresented his boss’s thoughts. At their weekly staff meeting, Elizabeth had confided that she dreaded hiring someone to replace Howard since their team worked so well together.
When faced with the closed doors to the workshop room, Wade hesitated. Perhaps he should sit on one of the benches that lined the hallway. He didn’t want to advertise his insecurities. On the other hand, he was done pretending his focus was on anything besides Jenny. He turned to walk towards one of the benches.
As he dithered, the noise in the room rose, and he whipped his head around. The sound of scraping chairs and chatter exploded as someone pushed the door open. In the few seconds before the door closed again, he saw groups of people clumped together around various tables.
He stepped into the room and sought Jenny. Her laughter carried to him, and he smiled. She stood chatting with a group of people. Wade could watch her talk all day because she glowed with excitement. One guy hovered a little closer than he liked, but he tamped down the insecurity that rose in him.
When the group broke up, the guy didn’t leave. Wade maintained his easy smile as he moved towards them. His jealousy reared its ugly head as he came within a few feet of them.
“—I was thinking maybe we could grab a drink and talk about it further,” the guy said as Wade drew alongside them.
“Wade, you’re here.”
Jenny ignored the guy and wrapped her arms around Wade’s waist.
“I missed you today,” she whispered as she leaned into him.
The feeling of her body pressing into his chased away all his lingering insecurities. Her smile lit up his whole world.
“Me, too, baby. You ready to go? We have a few minutes to drop our stuff off in the room before we need to head out.”
“Sure. Oh, wait. Carl, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you. If you email me with your question, I’m happy to look into it further. It was nice to meet you, but I’ve got to run.”