Mr. Perfectly Mine

Chapter Forty-Six

“I’ve never felt so helpless. I knew she was lying there in excruciating pain and there was nothing I could do. Nothing.” I hear Archer’s voice coming very quietly through the door. I can tell he’s trying his best to keep his voice down so that he doesn’t wake me, but he’s struggling with all the emotion behind it.

I slowly crawl to the end of the bed and prop myself up on my knees, hoping to hear better.

“Okay. But I . . .” he pauses for a second. I push my head closer to the door. “Wil, I can’t do that again.”

My heart sinks into my stomach. I drop down from my knees and just lay there staring at the door.

He can’t do it again.

I hear him start to shuffle in the other room. It sounds like he’s walking towards me. I quickly slide back to the top of the bed and lay down. I can’t face him right now. Not after what I just heard.

I lay there with my eyes closed and wait. Eventually, I hear him moving away from the door and then I hear the sound of the bathroom door closing. I can’t hear his voice anymore, so I just lay here in silence for a few more minutes, keeping my eyes glued shut.

I can’t do this again.I can’t do this again.

His words just keep playing over and over again in my head. I knew I was too much for him. All of this is too much for him. The fame and constantly being in the public eye is a lot but then add Lupus. An illness that constantly tries to knock me down and comes out of nowhere like this and completely takes me out. I was an idiot for putting him through any of this. It was so unfair to him. I should’ve known better and stopped this before it started.

Not to mention after everything he went through with his mom. This probably put him right back to that moment when he lost her. That’s not fair of me to expect him to live that over and over again every time this happens to me. This is all my fault. I should’ve stopped it. I should’ve said no.

I finally open my eyes and turn on my back, staring at the ceiling. I try to hold back tears but they’re threatening to flow over and once they start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop them. I should’ve seen this coming. Should’ve known this was going to happen. Why did I let this happen? I could’ve stopped the pain for both of us.

I think back to last night and how he was there for me. How he comforted me. How I’d never felt safer than I did last night. And the words he said to me right before I fell asleep. Now I’m not even sure that he actually did say them. Maybe it was all just part of my hazy pain induced sleep.

I hear the bathroom door creak open and then Archer’s padded footsteps on the carpet. I turn to my side and close my eyes again. I listen as the door opens and he sneaks back in. He drops to the bed very gently, trying not to jostle me as little as possible. I remain still trying to decide what to do.

I can tell by the way that he’s moving he’s trying, so hard not to wake me so I decide to put him out of his misery.

“Hey,” I whisper, my voice coming out rough from sleep.

“Did I wake you?” he asks, worry in his voice.

“No, I was up. Where were you?”

“Oh, uh, I was just checking my phone. Willow was worried so I wanted to let her know that you were okay.”

“Thanks,” I respond and shift my weight a bit.

I’m fighting the urge to be closer to him. I want nothing more than to curl into him and lay there now that the pain has subsided quite a bit. But I can’t.

“How are you feeling?” his voice sounds a bit hopeful.

“Quite a bit better actually. The pain has really gone down. Thanks for being here last night.”

“Of course. Nowhere else I’d rather be.” That sends a pang of guilt through me. I’m sure there were a lot of places he would’ve rather been than here listening to me moan and groan all night.

He lightly drapes his arm around my waist. I flinch a little bit.

“Sorry, am I hurting you?” He starts to pull his hand away.

“No, not at all.” I grab onto his hand and lay it back across me to show that he’s fine. I know I’m going to regret these stolen moments with him later. I know they’re going to make everything worse, but I can’t help it.

He kisses the back of my head and I completely melt into him. He wraps his arm tighter around me and slides me towards him until my back is against his chest. I’m back in that safe cocoon that I’ve grown to love. That makes the next few words I’m about to say even harder. Silent tears start to roll down my cheeks.

“Archer,” my voice cracks. His arm tightens around me.

“What is it? What’s wrong? Are you in pain again?”

“No, I’m fine. I just . . .” I shift my weight and turn towards him. He keeps his arm around me the entire time. “I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah, sure. Is it about something I said last night?” he asks, his face tight with nerves.

Is he talking about when he said that he loved me? So that wasn’t a dream? I don’t even want to bring it up now though. Not with what I’m about to say.

“I don’t know how to say this but . . .” I’m interrupted by a knock at the door. Archer quickly sits up.

“Willow said she ordered breakfast delivery. That’s probably it.”

I reach for his arm. “Archer, wait.”

“I’ll be right back,” he says as he jumps off the bed.

I let out a groan. The longer this gets put off, the harder it’s going to be.

“Alison!” I hear Willow’s voice shout from the other room. Crap.