Mr. Swoony (The Nest #3)

Chapter 10

Ten

Eloise

I’m staring at myself in the mirror, dressed in my wedding gown. Jade stands behind me, ready to help me with my veil.

“Guess what I found the other day?” I say to her.

“Do I want to know?” She’s careful to put the comb part of the veil on top of my bun, securing all my hair away from my face except for a few wispy pieces.

“My bucket list.” I bend forward to give her better access. She secures it with a few bobby pins.

“Really? I wonder where mine is. God, I feel like a totally different person than when we wrote those.”

I smile in the mirror at my best friend. “You’re engaged and a mama now.”

I’m super happy for Jade. I was worried about her for years, but she returned to Chicago and reconnected with Henry.

“Sometimes I can’t believe I’m here.”

I’m envious of the radiance she has now, as if every day is better than the day before. “You deserve it.”

She positions the tulle from the veil around my bare shoulders. “And so do you.” She looks at me in the mirror over my shoulder. “You’re happy, right, Eloise?”

Jade really is a great friend. Since the day I ran out of the bridal shop when I first tried on a wedding dress, she’s been asking me the same question. The problem is that I haven’t been a good friend because I haven’t been honest with her. Still can’t be honest for some reason. “Yeah.”

She stares at me long and hard. I know she sees it. She knows me too well not to guess that I’m having doubts. Have been having doubts for a while now.

“It’s just this wedding. I mean, look at me.” I pick up the big skirt and drop the stiff layers of tulle.

“You look beautiful, just like Cinderella.” She smiles at me.

I nod. It’s not my style, but Tristan’s mom was pretty firm about what she felt was best. I think it’s because she views her son as a prince.

“So, tell me what was on your list,” Jade asks, leaving me to stare at my reflection. She opens her purse and grabs her lipstick.

“A lot of things I’ve never done. I should have traveled with you.”

“I was running away,” she says before puckering her lips in the mirror.

I wouldn’t mind running away right now.

“You know that you don’t have to do this,” she says. “I’ll get Henry’s keys, and we’ll sneak you out the back door.”

I turn away from the mirror, hoping that gets rid of my nerves. “No, silly, it’s just jitters. Do you mind if I have a moment alone though?”

“Eloise…”

I raise my hand. “I’m okay, Jade. If you could keep Tristan’s mom out of here, I’d appreciate it.” I run my hand down her arm to reassure her.

“Okay, I’ll be your bodyguard outside the door.” She keeps giving me that look that says, “I’m ready to run if you want,” and I appreciate it.

“Thanks.”

She leaves me alone in the bridal suite, moments before the ceremony starts. Standing in front of the mirror again, I gaze at my reflection.

“Do I even know you anymore?” I whisper to myself.

This isn’t the dress I wanted to wear. Last fall, when I first met Kyleigh at the dress fitting, and she insisted I try on a dress she felt was perfect for me, I freaked out because I saw a glimpse of my old self in that mirror. It was the first time I realized I’d morphed into someone I didn’t even recognize. I really wish she had just allowed me to try on what I’m wearing now, the Cinderella dress that everyone expects me to show up in. Then maybe all these mixed feelings inside me wouldn’t be brewing. Perhaps I wouldn’t have found some refuge with Conor.

Turning away from the mirror, I dig out the list from my bag and read over it again.

To fall in love.

When I first found the list, I should have been able to cross that off, but something stopped me from doing so.

A knock sounds on the door, and I fold the list and tuck it back into my bag.

Jade peeks her head in. “It’s your mom.”

“Oh, okay.”

My mom walks in, and Jade shuts the door after her. Mom stands there for a second and takes me in. I’ve been on borrowed time with my mom. She’s been giving me looks for months, but today is the big day, and she’s not one to let things happen without a conversation.

“You look beautiful, but I had no doubt you would.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I just wanted to have a quick word. I know the ceremony is going to start soon.” She takes my hands. “This is what you want, right?”

“Why do people keep asking me that? I’m here, aren’t I? I’m dressed and ready.” I slide my hands from hers, upset with myself for losing my patience.

“Because you don’t look happy. Listen, sweetie, I know your dad wanted?—”

“This isn’t about dad,” I argue, knowing there’s more untruth in that comment than truth.

“Fine, if you say so, but I want you to know one more thing. And then I’ll go sit in my pew and be quiet. Your dad wanted you in this world, his world. He wanted you to want for nothing in life. And Tristan can offer that to you. No one can deny that fact.” She places her hand on my cheek. “But he’d also want you to be happy. And believe it or not, your dad wasn’t always happy in his world. I think he chose to forget that in his later years, but sometimes he felt caught up in it, as if he was on the hamster wheel and couldn’t get off. I’m not sure. Before I leave you here, I want you to know that you can walk away. You have the option not to marry Tristan, and it’s okay. Yes, people will be upset, and yes, people will be nasty, but it’s okay. You’re not a monster for changing your mind.”

Her hand drops, but I take it before she can walk away. My eyes fill with tears, but I swallow them down, not wanting to ruin my makeup. Is it a mother’s gift to have some sense of what their children need to hear at the exact right moment? “Thanks, Mom.”

She squeezes my hand. “You’re welcome. I know there are a lot of big and powerful people in that church, but you have an army behind you too, Eloise. An army of people on your side.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Her gaze remains on me until she nods and leaves the room.

I wait for the door to shut to blow out the breath I’ve been holding. I head to the window and stare at the street, watching a few late guests arrive. I wonder where Conor is right now. Was our connection real, or was it infatuation? Was it just my subconscious looking for an out?

Jade peeks her head in again. “Eloise, it’s time.”

I turn away from the window and pick up my bouquet off the stand the florist left it on. Jade holds the door open, and I walk over to the main doors that lead into where the ceremony will be held. The wedding planner who did Tristan’s sister’s wedding is at the doors, organizing everyone to walk down the aisle.

Jade keeps glancing over her shoulder at me, checking that I’m okay. I wish I had put my foot down and had Sam walking me down the aisle, but my grandma said she couldn’t bear to see a man other than my father escorting me. It would make her so sad on what should be a happy day, so I obliged and said I’d walk by myself. But I feel like Sam would give me great words of encouragement right now.

Then again, he might feel the same as my mom. She’s always hated this world. She never liked it when I went with my dad for a weekend. I overheard her once talking to Sam after the engagement party, telling him how horrible they all were to her, treating her as if she was less than them when she was pregnant with me.

The music starts, and the doors open. My chest tightens as the first bridesmaid gets into position.

“Hey, Jade,” I whisper and wave for her to come closer, away from the other bridesmaids and the flower girl.

“What’s up?” she asks, giving me that same expression she’s had all day, probably ready to call Henry out of his pew.

I shouldn’t ask her, especially now, but I have to know before I do this. “Conor Nilsen? He plays for the Falcons, right?”

She draws back, questions lingering in her eyes. “Um… yeah. Why?”

I bite my lip but release it, not wanting to ruin my lipstick. “Does Henry know him? I mean, I know they play on the same team and stuff, but…”

“You’ve met him?” she asks, eyes wide.

“I never met him.” I shake my head. “I mean, I did, but not with you.”

She looks around and leans in closer. “Eloise, why are we talking about Conor Nilsen right before you walk down the aisle to marry Tristan?”

“I just wondered what kind of guy he is. Like a Henry kind of hockey player or like a real hockey player?” The second bridesmaid begins her march down the aisle. “You know, like a playboy or the settle-down type?”

“Eloise…” I see the confusion on her face. I’m sure this is all coming out of left field.

“Just answer me.”

She looks over her shoulder and sees most of the bridesmaids have already started their walk. “He’s a good guy. Not really a good dart player though.”

I huff and roll my eyes, wishing she’d be straight with me. She probably would be if I told her what happened last Saturday and how Conor has been the only thing on my mind this week whenever I’m alone.

“Jade,” the wedding planner whispers.

“Playboy or not?” I ask, eyes wide. I need this answer before I walk down the aisle.

Jade’s eyes lock with mine as if I’m a puzzle she’s trying to figure out. Or maybe she doesn’t want to answer.

“Playboy,” she says, and my heart sinks to the depths of my stomach.

Was I completely wrong about him? Are my instincts that off? Trusting him felt so natural and easy. But was it all just an act for him? A game?

“It’s your turn.” The wedding planner touches Jade’s shoulder.

“Eloise…” Jade’s tone is the same one she’s used all day with me. She knows me the best, so I’m not stupid enough to think she doesn’t see what’s happening with me.

I shoo my hand at her. “I’ll see you down there.” I plaster on my smile for the day.

Jade doesn’t turn around.

The wedding planner taps Jade again, and her voice has more urgency. “Go.”

With a sigh, Jade leaves. Then Abby, Tristan’s niece, walks down the aisle, sprinkling flowers along the runner.

The music shifts to the bridal march, but I don’t move. I can’t. I’m frozen solid.

How many times have I dreamed of this moment? Marrying the man I love and who loves me. All the times I imagined this day, I never thought I’d have this doubt inside me.

“Darling, it’s time,” the wedding planner says.

“Sorry, just a minute.” I stare at the door leading out of the church then back at the doors leading toward Tristan.

“It’s becoming awkward now…” the wedding planner says through gritted teeth.

I nod and step into the doorway, my grip on my bouquet tight enough to crush the stems.

The movement of everyone shifting in their seats, ready to watch me walk down the aisle, makes my heart beat faster. My eyes seek out Tristan as if he’s my life preserver in the middle of the ocean.

He is my future.

But he’s joking around with Merrick, his attention not on me, and for the first time today, I can’t mask my disappointment under a fake smile.

“Darling, go,” the wedding planner whispers in my ear.

I scan the pews. Tristan’s mom’s lips are stern and unwelcoming. Already, I can hear her judgment about my makeup or hair, although it’s what she wanted. I’m like a doll she’s dressed up.

My mom’s smile is forced and probably looks like mine.

The wedding planner nudges the small of my back, and I step forward. I can’t even hear the wedding march over the sound of my heartbeat thrumming in my ears. My breaths are shallow, and a cold sweat breaks out on the back of my neck.

Halfway down the aisle, Tristan finally looks at me. His lips part in a big smile. I’m sure he has some love for me, but I doubt it’s enough to ever put me first. Sometimes I think he likes the idea of me and the fact that I make things easy for him most of all.

Fight for the relationship you want, Eloise. Expect more and leave him if he can’t put you first.

Conor’s words from that fateful night run through my head again.

I look straight ahead as I walk the rest of the way down the aisle, my panic growing with every step until I feel as if it might burst out of me.

On autopilot, I hand Jade my bouquet. She whispers something to me, but I can’t make it out over the thoughts running a mile a minute through my head, so I turn to face Tristan.

The officiant has everyone sit down and starts the ceremony. We go through all the typical wedding steps. Tristan cracks jokes and his side of the congregation laughs, with Merrick laughing louder than anyone else.

He’s paid more attention to Merrick than to me during this ceremony. And that’s the way my entire marriage will be.

I can’t do this.

My eyes shift to his mom again. She’s sitting next to his grandma. All prim and proper, back straight, ankles crossed and tucked under the chair, her hands clasped in her lap. Was she once a vibrant woman who was pushed down by her husband’s mother? Is that going to be me in twenty-five years?

I need to say something.

Say something.

But there’s been so much money spent.

So much time arranging everything.

Important people have taken time out of their busy schedules to be here.

They’ve bought presents.

There’s been an engagement party, a wedding shower, a bachelorette party.

It will be so embarrassing for everyone involved if I put a stop to this.

Everyone’s expectations weigh down on my shoulders until I feel as though I want to scream.

The officiant asks whether anyone objects to this union, and I open my mouth to put an end to this, but the church doors burst open. Everyone turns in the direction of light pouring in at the end of the aisle.

Conor.

He bends over and heaves for breath before raising his hand.

He searches me out, and when our eyes lock, a smile creeps up his lips, wrapping around his face as though I’m his sunshine after a destructive storm. “I object!”