Mrs. Bingley’s Sister (The Austen Novels)

Chapter 7

Darcy followed his party into the church, and he tried desperately not to focus his attention on Elizabeth, who was just in front of him. Handing her out of the carriage had not been something he was obligated to do, it was something he wanted to do. As much as it was foolish to admit, even to himself, he could not deny his heart was still very much fixed on the lady, despite the abysmal way she refused him. Even if she hated him still, he could not be so sure his heart would ever waver.

Had she read his letter?

They were joined inside by the Bennet family, as Miss Mary was pushed along by Mrs. Bennet, a woman who seemed quite eager to begin the christening.

"Mary, stand there, dear, wait by Lizzy," she could be heard saying as Darcy moved toward the basin of holy water. The vicar smiled at them all and gestured to where everyone should stand.

"The mother and father stand here," the man said, "and the godparents here, holding the babe, on this side."

Miss Mary took up the space nearest the vicar, then Elizabeth followed after taking the baby in her arms, and this left Darcy standing next to her. The vicar then began.

"Hath this child been already baptized, or no?"

Bingley and his wife answered, "No."

"Dearly beloved, forasmuch as all men are conceived and born in sin, and that our savior Christ's faith, none can enter into the Kingdom of Heaven..."

The vicar went on, but Darcy was paying little attention, more preoccupied with how little space there was between Elizabeth and himself. She did not look up at him, of course, as her attention was solely upon her baby niece, whom she was cradling in her arms. Darcy had his head turned, as if giving attention to the vicar, but in reality, he was watching Elizabeth while she held the babe. He truly hadn't seen her in what felt like an eternity before yesterday, when he returned to Netherfield for the first time in nearly over a year.

Bingley had invited him to come back many times, of course, but Darcy had always refused. He was always busy, always had some serious estate matters to attend to, always had some excuse for Bingley—but he had no reason to miss this, the christening ceremony of his soon-to-be goddaughter. Darcy had dreaded seeing Elizabeth again, though, because he still burned in humiliation from her refusal last April.

Then, to have seen what Wickham had done to her family—surely Elizabeth ought to blame Darcy, considering he knew what Wickham was but never bothered to warn the people of Meryton about him. Darcy was ashamed he hadn't thought about anyone else beside his own family last autumn—perhaps, if he had warned the community, Wickham wouldn't have ever found himself in the position to take advantage of a foolish girl like Lydia Bennet—Lydia Wickham, as he should now say. So, surely, he surely had thought Elizabeth might detest him.

But Darcy hadn't detected any true hostility from Elizabeth this morning, which had surprised and relieved and exhilarated him. Things were still very awkward and uncomfortable, however. He still was of the belief that she was less than fond of him, and frankly he didn't know if he even deserved to have her good opinion at all. As Elizabeth quietly cooed at the baby during the ceremony, Darcy couldn't help but observe her with a kind of reverent admiration—this could have easily been Elizabeth with their child, had she accepted him. He suppressed a longing sigh at the painful thought.

Oh, how he wished he had not ruined his chances with her.

The vicar then addressed them, and they answered the liturgical questions about helping the babe grow in her faith and helping the babe to discount all the sinful ways of the world. They were to promise to guide the child as she grew, and this was something Darcy had previously thought very little about until this very moment. He wondered if he would be seeing more of Elizabeth in the future, due to their shared responsibility for the Bingley babe.

The vicar took the infant from Elizabeth's arms and asked them to declare the name of the baby.

"Elizabeth Jane Bingley," Elizabeth answered. Darcy looked at the child after she was named. Of course, her name would be Elizabeth—what other name would suit? He pondered the meaning of this, as Providence had governed it: his goddaughter's name would always be a reminder to Darcy of the woman he had lost forever.

Then the baby was baptized, and soon the christening ceremony was complete. Darcy dared not look at Elizabeth again throughout its conclusion, lest she glance up and see. He kept his eyes ahead and somehow made it through.