Chapter 12
Darcy focused on the infant in his arms, yet he could feel Elizabeth's eyes upon him. He wondered with some self-consciousness what she must truly think of him.
Had she read his letter?
There had been but little interaction between them since Hunsford, yet every day Darcy felt the loss of what could have been. And now, as he cradled baby Lizzy in his arms, he felt his loss even more. His eyes locked with the baby's and a smile erupted onto the little one's face. Darcy couldn't help but chuckle at such a pleasant, innocent expression—and he heard a faint, feminine laugh in his ear. He felt that Elizabeth was close, near his shoulder now, gazing at the baby. He turned toward her so she could see the infant more clearly, and he finally glanced down at Elizabeth.
They locked eyes for a moment and held each other's gaze wordlessly until baby Lizzy gurgled once more, drawing their collective attention back to her.
Darcy heard a smile in Elizabeth's voice as she said, "Lizzy seems to not want our attention to be anywhere but on her."
Darcy kept his eyes on the baby as he replied, "Indeed—she seems to perceive more than a baby ought."
Here he paused and dared to glance over at Elizabeth once more, and to his surprise she was already looking at him, too. He watched her face redden as she held his gaze for a moment and opened her mouth. But then she quickly closed her mouth and cast her eyes back down toward the baby, who started to gurgle and make noise.
"Perhaps it is a woman's touch that she needs," Darcy murmured softly.
Elizabeth wordlessly took the baby from his arms—their arms and hands touching for just a brief moment as he passed baby Lizzy to her—and he watched with a small smile as she bounced the baby in her arms. Darcy couldn't pull his eyes away from such a heart-wrenching sight: Elizabeth would make a fine mother.
She glanced up and caught his expression. He looked away, embarrassed, and cleared his throat.
After a silent moment, he finally said, "She seems a very content baby."
"Yes, yes she is," Elizabeth said hurriedly, and then she took a breath and said more slowly, "I mean to say, Lizzy is quite content, if she has been fed and changed, of course. And she is no happier than when she is with Jane."
"I daresay she seems quite happy to be with you," Darcy said softly, stealing a glance and noting a smile on Elizabeth's face. She nodded.
"She knows me, it is true," she said, glancing over at him briefly with a small smile, before looking back at the babe, "I do love her as if she were my very own."
At this, words caught in Darcy's throat. How he knew Elizabeth would make the most wonderful mother to their children—but alas, he could not speak nor say such things.
They seemed to have finally reached a settled peacefulness between them: they were beginning to have a conversation without that exhausting degree of discomfort between them that their interactions at the christening had. Darcy knew there was no way to broach any such intimate subject such as his failed proposal at Hunsford now—that had been over a year before, the moment over and done with. He wouldn't want to be refused a second time, nor put Elizabeth in that position of refusing him again, either. But if he only could hope for another chance—
No, he knew there wasn't any hope left. Elizabeth had no feelings of that sort for him; she was being polite and tolerable of him, only because they were both baby Lizzy's godparents. He let out a faint sigh at the thought.
Yet perhaps his sigh was not very faint at all, for Elizabeth looked at him in alarm and asked, "Are you well, Mr. Darcy?"
His face heated in some embarrassment,
“I am,” he answered slowly and then, after a moment of consideration, he began cautiously, “Or rather, if I were to tell you the truth, Miss Bennet, perhaps I am not—”
But he was cut off; suddenly Bingley appeared, with Mrs. Bingley in tow.
"Ah, Elizabeth and Darcy are caring for the babe! I didn't quite believe it when Jane appeared, and there was no infant in her arms!" Bingley said with a laugh as he clapped Darcy on the back. Darcy smiled quickly at his friend and caught Elizabeth's eye one last time as she relinquished the child back to its mother. She opened her mouth to speak, but Bingley went on:
“Darcy, I hate to cut all this short, but sadly we have to depart—it is a journey back to Hertfordshire from here.”
Darcy looked at Elizabeth, whose mouth had closed, eyes averted—his heart sunk as he realized their moment had come and gone. He tried to catch her eye, but to no avail.
"That is as well,” Darcy finally said, “I need to depart soon also, so I shall give my congratulations to the bride and groom.”
"Do, let us see my sister," Bingley answered enthusiastically, "and I shall introduce you to Mr. Thompson before we depart."
And without being allowed a single glance back at Elizabeth, Darcy made his way across the crowded wedding breakfast to the newlyweds, Bingley chattering away at his side. Had Darcy glanced back, he would have seen Elizabeth was still watching him, her eyes sad and entreating, her lips tightened into a slight frown.
As if she had something she desperately needed to say.