Mrs. Bingley’s Sister (The Austen Novels)

Chapter 17

Try as she might, Elizabeth couldn't hide her growing anxiety from her maid, Sarah.

"Miss, you seem rather agitated this evening," Sarah ventured to say, in a cautious tone.

Sarah had come to the Bingley household just a year before, when Jane desired for Elizabeth to have her own maid to help her dress and do her hair.

"I hardly need a maid," Elizabeth had protested, but Jane had insisted. They could certainly afford it, so why not? Elizabeth took a liking to her almost immediately; they really seemed to understand each other.

But Elizabeth had never told her about Darcy.

"Oh Sarah, I am well," Elizabeth said hurriedly, "I just want to look nice for dinner."

"I saw the new guest," Sarah said with a slight smile, "and he's quite handsome."

Elizabeth smiled but didn't say much. It was a misstep in being silent, however; Sarah never knew Elizabeth to be silent.

"Miss, if you don't mind me asking, are you and the gentleman already acquainted?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Indeed. He stayed here with Mr. Bingley in the autumn of 1811, when he and Jane met, you see."

"Ah, and then they became husband and wife soon after?"

"Yes, they did. Mr. Bingley hosted a wonderful ball that November, and he opened the ball with her. Everyone in the neighborhood knew he was paying Jane special attention. And why shouldn't he have? Jane is still the most beautiful lady in the neighborhood."

"Ah, but you are quite a beauty yourself, Miss,” Sarah said, “I had asked about the prior acquaintance with the handsome guest because he seemed to only have eyes for you upon his arrival."

Elizabeth colored and turned to face Sarah directly. "And how would you even know of such a thing? I do not recall seeing you downstairs this afternoon when Mr. Darcy arrived."

Sarah laughed a little and shook her head. "You are too right, Miss, I wasn't down there. Philip mentioned it to me. He said the man looked at you like he never saw anything so precious."

Philip was a footman; footmen were always around. Elizabeth turned back around and looked pensively in the mirror, a small smile on her face at the thought. She had often hoped Darcy looked at her in admiration, but she considered the idea absurd, for why would a man who has every reason to disdain her look upon her favorably again?

But what was even more absurd: why would a footman even notice such a thing? She asked Sarah as much, who laughed and said, "Oh, Philip would notice that sort of thing. I believe he fancies you."

Elizabeth started and then laughed. "You jest!"

"I do not. He is a young lad, and you are a fine lady, he knows his place and all, of course, but I know it doesn't stop him from watching out for you."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows and laughed. Philip was still a young man, little more than a boy. This idea was quite amusing. But it also quelled the brief moment of growing happiness at hearing how Darcy looked at her—if Philip the footman fancied Elizabeth, he likely might imagine every other man to fancy her, too. So, no, it meant very little. She sighed.

Sarah noticed.

"I am determined to find that you are not being yourself," she said.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Sarah, I am merely tired, is all."

Sarah raised an eyebrow but said little after that. She soon departed, and Elizabeth had the privacy to speak aloud her worries:

"Oh, what a right fool I have already been, and he has not yet been with us a single day."

She stood up and paced around the room.

"Why am I so drawn to this man, this handsome gentleman whose proposal I once most adamantly refused?"

She sat wearily on the end of the bed for just a moment.

"Why am I in love with him?"

She covered her mouth for saying such words, words she might have secretly kept hidden away in the recesses of her mind, words never consciously thought, words which she certainly never dared to utter aloud before.

Was this truly how she felt?

She let out an absurd laugh at the thought: she loved a man four years too late. Her chance with Darcy came once and would never come again.

She stood up and readied herself to descend for dinner. Whatever may come, she had no choice but to endure it.