Chapter 16
T he tears had dried on my cheeks when I reached Soren's house, and I had managed to slow my heart's racing. I hadn't told him about the lucenition with a warlock beforehand. I wasn't sure how he would feel about me pursuing engagements with other enchanters. But I couldn't deny Adora, so I had simply avoided saying anything about it at all.
Soren answered the door wearing pants and an open kaftan, exposing his bare chest and stomach. On any other day, I would've been excited to have an opportunity to take that in, but today, I felt nothing but the guilty nausea that twisted my stomach since I sat with Herve Chaunter.
“You’re early.” Soren hurried to close his kaftan and cinch it with a belt.
“I’m sorry. I haven’t kept good track of time. I’ll leave and come back.” I started to turn around, and he put his hand on my arm to stop me.
“No, that was just me apologizing for my attire by way of explanation.” He stepped back and opened the front door wider. “Come in.”
“Are you certain?” I asked.
“I have never been more certain of anything in my life, Izzy. Please, come into my house,” he replied with a wry smile.
I tried to force a smile back, but it didn't feel right, so I slid past him and went inside. I wondered if I should've gone home. I feared how Adora would react if she saw me returning as anything other than absolutely elated, so I needed a place to recoup. Which meant that I hadn't quite recouped yet.
“Is something the matter? Did something happen?” he asked.
I shook my head and walked deeper into the house, and I tried to keep my back to him so he couldn’t see the truth written on my face. “No. Everything is fine.”
He rounded me slowly, and I didn't move away this time. I let him look me over with his dark, worried eyes. "Then where has your light gone?"
“I had a lucenition. Adora set it up for me, and I had to go,” I explained.
“What happened?” he asked.
“He…” My cheeks burned, and I couldn’t meet Soren’s eyes anymore. A strange mixture of shame and revulsion felt like a painful weight in my chest, crushing down on my heart and lungs, so my breath came out harder. “It didn’t go well. My performance was lackluster, so he… needed to draw out my magik.”
Soren’s voice was low and horrified when he asked, “He took your magik?”
"It was my fault because I wasn't focused enough on my conduction," I explained hurriedly. "And he needed to see what I had to offer."
“Was it Herve Chaunter?” Soren asked.
I lifted my head and looked up at him. “What? How did you know?”
“Because that man is perverse,” he said in a frustrated growl. “No one ever needs to take your magik from you, Isadore, and they never should. I have had lucenitions with dozens of muses over a number of years, and not once have I ever siphoned their magik."
"Well, it does not matter." I shook my head as if I could shake away the memories of today and make them gone. "It is over, it is done, I am fine. We should get into practice."
Soren looked at me in dismay. “Izzy, we can’t practice. You need to recover and replenish. How much did he take from you?”
“Not much. I stopped him before he got his fill,” I admitted.
"Good for you, Izzy," he said oddly proud. "Come, sit. I'll make you tea."
He led me to the sliding pocket doors off of the main room, and when he opened them, he revealed a true enchanter’s library. All of the walls were lined with shelves, and in between the gaps were tall windows that let in the warm sunlight and offered views of the surrounding yard.
Each shelf was lined with books of all colors and sizes. Some were bound in dark leather, others with patterned fabric. As I walked past and glanced across the spines, the titles implied a wide range of topics, from ancient incantations to histories of long-forgotten kingdoms.
In the center of the room was a sofa made with plump red velvet cushions, and on either side were two small end tables. Soren led me over to the sofa as if I were infirmed. I considered protesting, but his hand on my small back was comforting.
“Lay back and have a rest,” he directed me as I sat down. “I will be back in a few moments with some tea.”
While he went off to fetch it, I lounged back on his plush sofa as he instructed me. It was deliciously comfortable, especially compared to what I had at home. Adora made all her purchases based on style, not on comfort.
The books on the shelf were so tantalizing. I wanted to read them all, but without Soren's explicit permission, it felt invasive. There was something so intimate about inspecting another person's bookshelves.
“And here we are,” Soren said as he returned with two teacups swirling with a pale lavender liquid.
When I sat up to take it from him, I realized how weakened I truly felt. Herve may have extracted more from me than I originally realized.
I sat with my back against the arm and had my legs spread out across the remainder of the sofa. Since this was the only place to sit in this room, I started to move them for Soren, but he stopped me.
“You’re fine. No need to move.” He held his teacup in one hand, and with the other, he lifted up my legs slightly. Then he sat down and set them across his lap.
I breathed in the tea before I took a sip, and it smelled floral and sweet. “What is it?”
“This is my personal blend of herbs and potions that I call a Muse’s Elixir. It will heal all that ails you,” he assured me before drinking it himself.
I cautiously sipped it, and it was delicate and delightful. The taste was sweet and earthy, drawing from blooming lavender fields and rich soil. As it went through my body, I could feel it mending fragments of my weary soul, stitching together the frayed threads of inspiration and magik. Almost immediately, I felt more alert.
“Better?” Soren asked with a crooked smile as he watched me gulp it down.
“Yes, sorry, that was not very ladylike. But it was wonderful. Thank you.”
“I think gulping down a cup of tea is a sign of respect in some cultures,” he said, and I set my empty cup aside on the end table. “So I will take it as a compliment.”
"I am truly feeling better now if you still want to practice."
He shook his head. “A restful afternoon won’t hurt you, will it?” Then cocked his head at me. “Or do you even know? How many restful afternoons have you had in your life?”
“Do picnics in the park count as restful?”
“I’ll allow it.”
“Then yes. I often have picnics with my friends.”
To help us relax, Soren picked out a few books for us to read. Once we were comfortable, my legs still spread across his lap, both of us with a book open, I looked over at him in gratitude. “Soren, thank you.”
He gave a shrug of his shoulders. “A book and some tea are no problem, truly.”
"That is all very nice, but I really meant thank you for not being upset with me."
“Why on earth would I be upset with you?” he asked in disbelief.
"For sneaking behind your back with my lucenition with Herve and wasting my magik with him," I explained, even though it seemed apparent.
Soren closed his book and turned to face me, putting a gentle hand on my leg as he did. "First off, I never considered what you've done 'sneaking around.' You are a muse, and you are allowed to have a lucenition with whomever you wish. Just because you and I are working together does not mean I own you, and I certainly don't own your magik. Only you do.
"Secondly, you didn't waste your magik," he went on, his voice soft but emphatic. "It was taken from you. That is not your fault, and you have done nothing wrong. The only bad actor in this whole situation is that deviant Herve Chaunter. He abused his position as the Warlock to the Queen to steal from you because he wanted to, and it felt good to him."
His eyes held mine as he asked me clearly, “You do understand that you have done nothing wrong?”
"If I haven't done anything wrong, why do I feel so guilty?" I asked him honestly, and I hated the way my voice trembled when I did.
“I wish I could answer that for you, but humans are complicated things, with emotions that sometimes behave in ways that seem illogical to our minds. That is especially true for muses, who feel things so very deeply.”