15. Pearl
FIFTEEN
Pearl
I t’s been one long miserable two weeks. I’ve done nothing but cry in bed, walk to the kitchen to eat a pint of ice cream, cry in the shower, in the tub and in my car right now at The Place.
I pull down the viser and flip open the mirror, patting beneath my eyes to dry the tears and wipe away any smudged mascara. I take a few deep breaths and close my eyes willing myself to get it together before I go inside to meet Jade.
“Heeeey!” I say with the fakest amount of happiness I can muster. I give her a hug before taking a seat on the stool next to her.
“So, how are you doing?” She gives me that head tilt...the damn head tilt everyone always does when they see you as a fragile mess. In her defense, she isn’t wrong.
“I’m actually really good.” I can hear how high my voice is and I know she’s going to call me on my bullshit. “I...okay not great. Jade, I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh sweetie, I wish I knew what to say. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, the interview went so well in Chicago and they called yesterday and offered me the job. It’s amazing pay, the office is gorgeous and they’d pay to relocate me.”
“But?” She knows me too well.
“Chicago is beautiful but my god it’s so big. I missed it here when I was there. I had a great time catching up with Trevor and meeting his fiancee, they worked things out and are doing great. He and I went out for a drink and I explained it all to him. He wasn’t much help.” I say thanking Will for my beer and taking a long drink.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he basically told me I’m in love with him and that’s the problem.”
“Are you?”
I can feel the tears spring up, “Yes.” I say as I let my head hang and the tears start to flow.
“Oh Pearl, why are you sad about it?” She asks rubbing my back.
“Because I ruined it Jade! You should have heard how mean I was to him! He hates me now.” I wipe away the snot from my nose, I know I must look like one helluva hot mess.
“I can pretty much guarandamntee you that that man is up in Montana feeling the same way you are right now. I bet you anything he feels hurt and broken and confused. Imagine the look on his face if you showed up there?”
I snap my head up, “What? Go to Montana? That doesn’t solve the issue though Jade. I—I don’t know how to make it work.”
“Do you want the job in Chicago?” She asks.
“Yes, but I want to be here and with Blake. I did consider...Well, I asked them for a few days to think things over and what if I counter offer? What if I tell them if they let me work remotely here in Colorado it will save them the relocation money and I can fly back to Chicago once a quarter!” I jump off my stool at my brilliant idea.
“It can’t hurt babe, I say go for it.” She replies raising her beer.
I pack throw my bag in my car and turn around to give my mom a hug. “Am I making a huge mistake?” I ask her.
“You know that boy loves you, I’ve never seen a man get so worked up over a woman. You have to follow your heart sweetie, you don’t want a life of regrets.” She pulls me in for a hug before turning around and heading for the porch. “Call me when you get there Pearl, I love you.” She stands on the porch and waves me off as I head off toward Montana.
Before I left I reached out to Blake’s mom to get the info on where he was living in Bozeman. Adele was more than happy to give me the address where Blake is staying. She told me she’d keep it quiet and was beyond giddy that I finally admitted that I was in love with him. She pulled me into a hug and cried for a solid three minutes.
It’s not a quick trip, eleven long hours of me doubting myself, my feelings and this entire situation. He could very well turn me away, I was a complete miserable asshole to him. I lied to his face about my feelings and let him believe I was in love with his brother. My stomach starts to turn as I realize more and more how horrible me behavior has been.
Since I left Colorado early and drove as fast as I could with barely any stops it’s nearing eight thirty by the time I arrive in Bozeman. I feel so nervous, I pull into the local hotel where Blake is staying. I touch up my makeup, put on a fresh spray of deodorant and slick on my lipgloss. “Here goes nothing,” I say as I make my way toward the hotel lobby.
I have no idea if he’ll even be here, oh god what if he has another woman with him? My body goes a little flush at the thought of a repeat of the Tracey situation. I make my way to the elevator and press the floor his room is on. I look at the numbers as I walk down the hall, stopping when I find his door. I take in a shaky breath and raise my hand to knock when the door swings open.
Blake blinks rapidly, he looks as if he’s trying to understand if I’m really standing in front of him. I’m frozen, I don’t know what to say. The shock in his face melts when I start to cry uncontrollably. Without a word he pulls me into the room and into a hug.
“Why are you being nice to me?” I say muffled against his chest. So much for the makeup I touched up which I’m sure is smeared all over my face and his shirt. Neither of say anything for another moment before I slowly pull away.
“I love you,” his eyes never leave mine but he doesn’t say anything. “I’m sorry. I can’t express how sorry I am. I was so cruel to you and you didn’t deserve it at all. I was cold and mean and someone I don’t want to be.” He opens his mouth but I hold up my hand, “Just let me get this all out please.”
“I am not in love with Trevor, at all. I am sorry I wasn’t honest with you or myself about my feelings for you. I was scared...I am scared, terrified really. I thought running away would make me forget about it but it made it worse. These last two weeks have been hell Blake. All I wanted to do was come home to you every night and...and you weren’t there.” I can’t hold back the tears any longer, I hiccup as the sobs take over. “You have every right to hate me.”
He pulls me into another hug, “Oh Pearl I don’t hate you. We both really messed this up.” I can feel his throaty chuckle in his chest. I’ve missed his smell, fresh and woodsy. His hair is still lightly wet I’m guessing from a shower. He puts two fingers under my chin and lifts my face so that I’m looking at him. Without a word he leans in and presses his lips to mine softly. I try to deepen the kiss but he steps back.
“Pearl we need to talk first.” My stomach drops a little. “I am beyond excited to see you and I’m not angry with you, I was an asshole. I love you Pearl, I love you more than I thought was possible. But, I don’t want you waiting around Grand Lake for me...alone.”
“I have a solution!” I say interrupting him. “I got the job in Chicago and they said I can work remotely. I just need to fly to Chicago four times a year.” I reach out and grab his hand.
He smiles and reaches his hand out to run it down my cheek. “Sweetheart, that’s amazing! I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I had no idea if you’d be willing to speak to me again but if you did I was going to tell you that I want to move my business to only Colorado. That’s where I started out, I only started taking out of state jobs as often once things with Tracey went south. I was running away.”
“I don’t want you turning down business for me Blake.”
“I don’t think it will be an issue. I already turn down a lot of work locally in Colorado to take these long distance jobs. Maybe I’ll take one or two larger out of state jobs a year and we can travel together?”
My heart feels like it’s going to explode, a huge grin breaks out on my face and I leap into his arms. “Are we doing this Blake Winthrop?”
“Hell yes we’re doing this.” He says pulling me back for another kiss. This time he doesn’t stop. We’re all hands and lips and tongues, stripping our clothes off one another till we fall onto the bed.
Blake stops once we’re both on the bed, he’s propped up on one arm looking down at me, both of us breathing heavy from our make-out session. He runs his finger lightly down my chest and stomach, stopping right before he gets to my clit.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Too cliche?” He asks leaning down to plant a soft kiss on each of my breasts.
“Tell me more,” I say.
“You have no idea how nervous I was that day I came in to The Place and told you my mom wanted to talk to you. I’ve been so nervous and distracted by your beauty and confidence for so many years.”
“You’re lying!” I say with a giggle.
“Sweetheart, you are everything I could want. You’re kind and passionate about what you believe in, you are loving and sincere and the only person I want to spend my life with.”
I couldn’t feel happier than I do in this moment. It makes me realize that it doesn’t matter where we are, as long as we’re together that’s what home is to me. It’s not a place, it’s a person...a feeling of love and happiness and contentment.