Chapter 13
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
ANNIE
“Have you seen Cameron?” I ask, raising my voice to be heard over the music thumping through the house.
I know the two bartenders are both frat brothers of his, but I can’t remember either of their names. After a while, Cameron’s friends all sort of look the same and blend together to me. I only ever see them at these parties or in passing around campus.
The guys look at each other without responding.
“Is he with a woman?” I ask warily. I know what that look means. He’s somewhere he shouldn’t be doing something I’m not supposed to know about.
“No, no. Nothing like that,” one of them rushes to answer. “I think he’s in the backyard.”
“Thanks,” I tell him flatly. I grit my teeth as I turn away toward the back door. The backyard is for drugs and hookups. If his frat brother is confident he’s not with another woman, the other option isn’t better.
I would rather find him cheating than snorting coke. Cheating would be an easy reason to walk away tonight and never come back.
The coke makes things more complicated. Every time Cameron gets high on cocaine, I wind up worried and taking care of him until he inevitably sobers up and swears he’ll never touch the stuff again. Every time, he manages to reel me back in by admitting he knows he has a problem and wants help.
Except he never gets help and there’s always an excuse.
His dad can’t know. He doesn’t have the time. He doesn’t trust therapists. He doesn’t have a problem and is just dabbling for fun. It’s not that serious. He’s not that bad. I’m overreacting.
Somehow every time we come back to that last one. That I overreacted and things weren’t serious. That I am the problem and not him.
“Shit.” Someone runs into me so hard that I’m knocked sideways several steps.
I feel the cold drenching my arm before I process that an entire cup of a mystery red drink has spilled all over the sleeve of my light grey, long-sleeved shirt. I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep, steadying breath. I am not going to cry at a frat party. That’s too cliché and I am not prepared to be an internet meme if I start crying and someone decides to record me.
When I open my eyes again, the person who ran into me seems to be long gone.
“You okay?” The girl next to me whom I narrowly avoided running into glances at the damage to my shirt. “Yikes. You want me to see if someone has a spare shirt you can borrow?”
I shake my head. “I won’t be here long anyway.”
My resolve suddenly feels made of steel. I don’t want to be at this party. In fact, I never want to come to one of these parties ever again.
Everything in my life has been spiraling out of my control. But this? This is something I can control. There’s only one reason I keep coming to these stupid parties and I have a choice. I don’t have to defend Cameron to my friends or defend myself to Cameron’s father. I can be done.
I am done.
There’s a chill in the air that greets me as I tug open the sliding door and step outside. I cross my arms over my chest with my damp arm buried under my dry one to minimize the cold seeping in. Cameron’s obnoxiously loud laugh greets me the moment I step foot out on the deck.
He’s standing off to one side with his regular group of friends. A couple of them aren’t in the fraternity with him, but they all played soccer together in high school.
I walk a few steps to the edge of the deck and lean on the railing to watch him with his friends. They’re gathered around a bar-height outdoor table, a microeconomics textbook on the surface in front of Cameron. I make sure that I don’t blink or look away even for a second so that I can see with my own two eyes as he leans forward with a rolled-up bill in his hand and snorts a line of white powder off the textbook.
When he stands, there’s no hint of remorse or second-guessing on his face. He wears a wide grin as he offers the dollar in his hand to the next guy.
Cameron and I might have met at nerd camp but this is where he looks most in his element. These are his friends and this is his lifestyle. I’ve let these Friday nights feel normal for too long already. This is not going to become my life.
“Cameron,” I call out to him over the sound of dance music filtering out from the house.
The smile drops from his face as he turns and sees me, but he recovers quickly. “Annie!”
My heart rate picks up as Cameron steps away from the table and his friends all close ranks, shuffling closer to hide the drugs from my view as if it isn’t already too late. I’m not surprised they’re covering for him. That’s how all of these guys operate.
“Hey, baby.” There’s only one step up onto the deck from the yard. Cameron breezes over to me with his nothing is wrong grin and the expectation that I’m going to follow his lead like always.
I press my palm to his chest when he closes in and starts to lean down as if to greet me with a kiss.
“What’s wrong?” he asks instantly, voice breezy like he can’t imagine how there might be a problem.
“You know what’s wrong, Cameron.” I don’t feel anything looking at him. A charming smile and neat fashion sense suddenly don’t feel so powerful in the face of his betrayal.
“Is this about what happened Wednesday? Because I told you that wasn’t a big deal. No one planned a volunteer thing so we had a spur-of-the-moment party instead. I didn’t mention anything because I knew you would need to work. And nothing happened with that girl that was hitting on me.” The tilt of his head is so innocent. His sad eyes are so endearing if only he could get his lies straight.
“I thought you said the woman was someone’s girlfriend?”
He only pauses a second. “I didn’t want to worry you. Nothing happened.” The way he’s protesting makes me pretty confident that I’m still not getting the real story from him.
“Cameron, this is over.”
He straightens, the charismatic smile falling away. He glances around the yard and steps closer to me, lowering his voice. “Let’s have this conversation tomorrow. Just hang out and enjoy the party tonight; there’s no reason to pick a fight.”
“I’m not staying at this party and I’m not staying with you.” Somehow I thought those words would be harder to say. Instead, they fall off my lips as smooth as butter.
I turn on my heels and speed walk across the deck to get away from him. Cameron seems too caught off guard to follow me right away. I manage to step off the deck and turn into the side yard of the house before he decides to follow, stopping me before I make it out front to an escape route.
Cameron grabs my arm and yanks me back around to face him. “Fine, Annie. We can ruin the vibe of the party and argue things out right here and now. Is that what you want?”
“No! That’s not what I want at all. What I want is to be away from you and all your party favors .” My eyes are starting to burn with unshed tears. I’m not going to start crying right now and let him think I’m upset when really I’m just so freaking angry. “This relationship is over, Cameron. Let me go.”
“Stop being so dramatic.” Cameron’s grip on me tightens. I dig my heels into the grass as best as I can as he tries to drag me closer to him.
“Hey, douchebag!” a voice calls out. I look over my shoulder to see Miles striding toward us with hurried steps and a deep scowl. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that no is a complete sentence?”
Cameron lets go of me as if my skin has suddenly caught fire. “Oh, I see.” He looks between the two of us with wide pupils blown out from the coke. “I looked you up, Miles Morino . Looks like Annie did too, huh? Must have realized you would be an easier mark for such a gold-digging bit?—”
Miles pushes past me and lunges at Cameron, his fist connecting with Cameron’s face with a sickening crunching sound. Blood doesn’t come pouring out of his nose like in the movies but a steady stream does trickle down from one nostril.
“What the fuck?” Cameron wipes his nose with the back of his hand. He’s not the kind of guy to usually back down from a fight, but he seems too caught off guard to react right away.
Miles reels his arm back to swing again, and I stupidly grab for him in a dazed panic. “Don’t. Please don’t. Let’s leave. Please?” I don’t understand what Miles is even doing here. He’s not someone I expect to see at a frat party on a Friday night.
I’m not sure I’m getting through to Miles until he slowly turns his head to look at me with his brown eyes. Eyes that have perfectly normal-sized pupils, thankfully.
“Don’t worry, I don’t want to spend another fucking minute in this hellhole.” Miles relaxes his arm so I release him. He responds by wrapping his arm around my shoulder and turning me away from Cameron. “Come on,” he mumbles close to my hair.
“Annie?” Cameron calls after us as Miles guides me out to the front yard.
“Don’t even bother acknowledging him,” Miles mutters. “Your boyfriend is high as a kite.”
“He’s not my boyfriend anymore.” Announcing that feels so unexpectedly freeing. How did I not realize how much of a toll this relationship has been taking on me? My steps even feel lighter all of a sudden.
Miles chokes on a surprised laugh. “You were serious about that?”
“Yeah.” I glance over at him and catch him studying me curiously. He really must think pretty poorly of me to think I would get involved with a scene like that just for funsies. “As serious as Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream.”
“Oh, super serious then.” His voice is thick with sarcasm.
“Super serious.” I nod solemnly as Miles turns us on the sidewalk, leading me further away from the frat house.
I took a bus here and usually stay the night in Cameron’s room after the parties. I don’t have a way to get home unless I waste the money summoning a car from a rideshare app. Not the best idea probably considering I think I just effectively quit my job along with my relationship.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask Miles since he seems pretty confident about the direction he’s leading me in.
“To my car so I can take you home.” He pulls keys from his pocket and clicks a button that flashes the lights on a sports car just ahead of us.
I plant my feet on the sidewalk to force him to stop propelling me forward. He lets his arm slip away from its protective grip around my shoulders. “What?” He sighs, exasperated with me.
“I don’t want to go home.” The second I show up at home, my mom is going to have all kinds of questions and commentary. And while my mom is my best friend in the entire world, her theatrics are not what I need right now. I need quiet and calm.
“Fine.” Miles walks to the passenger side of his car and flings the door open. He motions me toward the passenger seat. “Just get in, Blue.”