My Ellie (The Perfectly Paired #1)

Chapter 25

Ellie

After spending a couple of hours swimming, snacking and lounging on the sandbank, we decide to head back to the estate. Remi and Sweetie are waiting for us where we left them, having spent the entire time stuffing their mouths with sweet, lush grass.

The ride back along the woodland trails feels lighter, less tense than it did this morning. After the time we spent unwinding at the river, I feel like we’ve both been recharged.

“I think I need to take some more days off.” I muse as we approach the estate.

Colton whips his head in my direction, “Who are you and what have you done with Ellie?” He smiles, sitting up straighter in his saddle, “What’s stopping you—from taking more days off, I mean?”

“Ah, well, the equestrian world is quite cutthroat. If you get caught sleeping on the job , there are twenty other people just waiting to take your spot.” I sigh as the large manor house peeks through the canopy ahead, “Though, I think a better ask would be who is stopping me from taking more days off... my mother was a world class dressage rider, she won a bronze medal at the 2008 Olympics. A few years later, at an event in Copenhagen, her horse spooked on their way into the arena. She says the event organizers let the photographers get too close. She dismounted, in an attempt to calm the horse but... in a freak accident, he reared and lost his footing.” My throat works as I remember the day, replaying it in my mind from the eyes of my eight-year-old self. “He landed on her, shattering her spine and ending her riding career.” The sound she made as the horse flattened her slight body was a truly haunting thing, as was the ringing in my ears as my young brain came to terms with what had just happened.

“You were there.” He says, reading my face as my jaw clenches.

“Yes, I was eight. It was at the start of the winter holidays, so I was home from boarding school. I was always so excited to attend her shows with her. My nannies enjoyed the little trips as well, they loved to get out of the house. This trip went a little differently, though.” The blood curdling scream from the youngest of my nannies sometimes keeps me awake at night, the way she trembled in her seat next to me as staff and onlookers rushed to my mother’s crumpled body. “Mother was hospitalized in Copenhagen for months, they didn’t want to move her while she was recovering from her spinal injury. She had to relearn how to walk again, which she did, but she relies on some heavy pain medication to get her through most days.”

“That’s awful, I’m so sorry your mom had to go through that—so sorry you had to see that, you were so young.” He pauses, “Those heavy pain meds can do a number on you, I don’t like to take the ones they gave me for my knee. Is that... do you think that contributes to her, ah, moods ?”

I think it’s sweet how he chooses his words so carefully. “She’s always been short tempered, but yes, the medication doesn’t help. I don’t even think she realizes how bad she gets sometimes. It’s become normal. I don’t remember a time when she wasn’t at least a little snappy.” It doesn’t feel like a big deal, it never has, really.

Yes, it doesn’t feel great when she calls me a melon in front of other people, she’s called me worse. And yes, I wish our relationship had more of a mother-daughter dynamic, but I’m used to the trainer-student relationship at this point.

“I don’t want to make your life harder, Ellie, but I just don’t think anybody should be talking to you like crap. You don’t deserve that. Just—just think about it, a little bit, will you?”

His features are a little pleading as I turn to look at him. “I’ll think about it.” I say with a small smile as we exit the woodlands.

Charlotte and Philippa are practicing in one of the outside arenas, they both turn to watch us as we ride by on our way to the stables.

“Are we supposed to be sneaking back in?” Colton asks in a whisper. “I know you don’t have the day off, you little liar.” He grins and I scrunch my nose at him.

“We don’t need to,” I assure him before we both dismount behind the stables, “I just took Remi out for a quick ride, per the vet’s orders. You happened to be out with Sweetie.” I shoot him a wink. I’ve never seen a horse grimace before, but I’m almost certain Sweetie does upon hearing her name from my mouth.

“Got it all figured out, don’t you?” He asks with a laugh before we make our way inside. We part ways as we lead our mounts to their stables, taking care of their needs before finding each other in the maze of stalls once more.

“Hey,” A familiar, friendly voice has us both turning our attention towards the storage room. Sanya closes the door behind her before making her way towards us, “How’s that explosive diarrhea?” She asks with a smirk before shooting a pointed look in Colton’s direction.

“It’s fantastic.” I say cheerfully. “I wish it would ail me more often.”

She shakes her head with a laugh before we all turn and make our way out of the building. I ask her about how her day has gone, both Colton and I congratulate her when she tells us she and Gordy jumped flawlessly in front of the Olympic scout.

“Oh, your mum’s at the coach house, by the way. Where have you two been?”

“Ellie took me to the river.” Colton pats the bags of wet towels, “But I wasn’t aware of her, uh, stomach distress...” I shoot him an exasperated look and he shuts up, not before choking on a laugh.

“How long’s she been at the coach house?” I try to sound lighthearted, as if I’m not already dreading this interaction, but I’m not sure I pull it off.

“No longer than an hour, I think Peter’s mum’s been keeping her occupied a bit more than normal.” A small mercy, at least.

Sanya mutters her goodbyes and heads towards the lower entrance of the manor before we make it to the coach house.

Colton reaches to open the door, pausing and turning to me before opening it, “Remember to think about what I said.” He smiles, and it’s not a bright, dimpled one, but it’s warm and full of heart.

I place a hand on his arm in answer as we walk through the door. The only people in the common room are assistants and cross-country riders, no sign of my mother. He gives me a little salute as I make my way up the stairs, “You know where to find me,” He calls, quietly, before I hear him make his way towards the kitchen.

The dread within me grows with every step I take towards my door—like a living beast within me, feasting on my fear.

I’ve barely stepped into the room when her sharp voice sounds from within, “And just where have you been? It’s almost three o’clock, I came to check on you an hour ago.” I turn from the door to find her sitting in the armchair near my armoire. Her legs and arms are crossed, reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose .

Books litter the small table beside her and I cringe inwardly at the large stack by her feet—no doubt my required reading for the night.

“I just left to exercise Remi quickly, mother. I felt a brief reprieve from the stomachache and took my chance. We must have just missed each other.” I place a hand on my lower stomach.

“Hmm,” She tilts her head up to inspect me through her glasses, “I’ve just had a late lunch with Peter and his mother, he says he hasn’t seen a lot of you this summer. I was hoping you might reconcile your differences.” I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

We’ve had this conversation more than once before. She dismisses me every time I’ve tried to bring up the fact that Peter was anything but a gentleman for most of our relationship.

I open my mouth to respond, but she beats me to it, “He’s a good boy, Eleanor. I do hope you’re not playing games with him, giving him the run around. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Something in me snaps at her tone, the way she talks about him like he’s a wounded animal.

She shouldn’t speak to you like that . Colton’s words echo in my mind as I retort, “And just what is it that I deserve, mother?”

She blinks at me, visibly digesting the unexpected question. I’m almost glad for the silence that threatens to swallow me whole .

She slowly removes the glasses from the tip of her nose. “Well, you deserve what you desire most, Eleanor. An Olympic gold medal.” She pauses, leaning forward in her chair, “And you will stop at nothing to achieve it. We cannot afford any distractions—perhaps putting things on hold with Peter for a while was a good idea.” Not praise, not really. “There will be time for children and marriage later in life.” I don’t miss the way her lip curls slightly. She places her hands on the arms of her chair before standing gingerly.

“Well, now that you’re feeling better ,” She snatches the remote from where it sits next to the television, “There’s several weeks’ worth of tape I’d like you to go through, from your very first training session at camp to your most recent one. I asked the video girl to compile all your routine segments.”

I was wrong about the reading requirements, I’ll be watching tape for the rest of the day—tape I’ve already analyzed three times over.

I plaster a thin-lipped smile to my lips as I make my way over to my bed. I reach for a notepad and pen just before she presses play on the first tape.

“I’ll watch the first few with you but then I must go,” She perches on the side of the bed, angling herself away from me, “I do hope whatever you had isn’t contagious.” She reaches for the collar of her vest and pulls it over her lower face before shooting her eyes back towards the television .

I jot down everything she says over the next twenty minutes, every pointer, every nitpick. She’s going off on a tirade about my lateral movements when I spot something in the background of the video.

I lean forward, forgetting the notepad in my hands as I squint at the screen. Colton sits atop Sweetie at the far side of the arena, but with the way the camera is angled, he’s just about visible.

“I never had this issue when I was riding,” Mother continues as I keep my attention on the cowboy in the corner of the screen. He’s clearly watching me, face turned towards where I ride across the diamond. His head bobs along in time with the music, occasionally he looks towards where the boys are performing some kind of task, but then he’s looking right back at me.

The tape cuts to a different practice session and mother launches into another rant about something, but I’m not listening. Colton’s in the background of this video too, and I notice the way he lifts his hands whenever I give Remi a cue for a different movement. He looks like he wants to clap whenever we complete a transition, but he busies his hands with gripping the back of his neck or rubbing his chin.

The next practice session cuts just as he silently punches a fist into the air, I can just about make out the beaming smile on his face .

“Have you been taking notes?” Mother’s voice cuts through my daze and I blindly scramble for the discarded notepad and pen.

“Yes—yes, sorry I was just trying to get a better look.” At the cowboy who has been paying close attention to all my practice sessions and looks as if he might know my routine by heart.

“Can I trust you to watch the rest on your own or do you require a babysitter ?” Likely in the form of a poor, unsuspecting assistant.

“I can manage.” I say quietly.

She regards me for a moment longer before standing and striding for the door. “I’ll see you in the arena tomorrow, no excuses. We’ll find you some adult nappies if you’re still feeling under the weather.” I hear the door close behind her and I’m instantly reaching for the remote.

I flick to the next practice session, letting out a shaky breath and smiling to myself as I spot him in the back of the arena.

For the next thirty minutes, I watch him silently cheer me on.

You know where to find me.

He alternates between silent fist pumps, enthusiastically patting Sweetie and taking his hat off to run his hand through his hair a couple of times. All the while, his eyes are glued to me.

I think Ellie is beautiful.

There isn’t one video where he isn’t somewhere in the clip, supporting me when I didn’t even know he was there, celebrating my wins in silence.

You can come to me, if you ever need to .

It’s hard to catch my breath as the precarious walls I built around my heart come crumbling down.

I spend the next few hours pacing my room, restlessly rolling around my bed as I come to terms with the feelings I’ve been pushing to the side for the past few weeks.

I can’t lie and tell myself that I haven’t been attracted to him from the moment I saw him. He’s objectively the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life.

But he’s so much more than that.

He’s the man that makes breakfast for us because it’s the only time of day that I’m free, he’s the man who talked me down from a breakdown in front of my peers and Coach, he’s the man that makes me question if I’m getting exactly what I want from this life.

I was happy being his friend— am happy being his friend, but I never let myself consider the fact that I might be very happy with being more than just his friend.

Now I’m confronted with the idea of something happening between us—at the very least, I need to tell him how I feel. Don’t I? Would he even want that?

There’s a tight, fluttering sensation in my chest and abdomen... Maybe I do have a stomach bug after all.

My phone pings from my bedside table, the same spot I left it in this morning. I roll over my crumpled bed sheets and reach for it.

Colton: You missed dinner, everything alright?

I smile like an idiot as I read the text for a second, and then a third time. There’s a thrilling feeling in my chest now, my heart races but in a way that makes me want to run laps around my room. I compose myself enough to type out a response.

Ellie: All good, see you at breakfast?

Colton: Yes ma’am. I’m thinking pancakes, see you in the morning.

I lay my phone on my chest and splay my arms out at my sides as I stare up at the ceiling.

The television continues to play the recordings of my routines, but all I can focus on are thoughts of the handsome cowboy with a heart of gold.