Chapter 30
Colton
This past week has been one of the best I’ve ever had. Ellie and I have been almost inseparable, other than my sessions with the boys and her commitments with the team, she’s been attached to my hip.
There’s something so natural about the way it feels when she’s around, like a missing puzzle piece that makes the picture feel complete. Every time I call home, Wyatt and Meemaw ask about her—most times she’s with me and we’ll spend hours on the phone with my family.
We’ve even managed to sync up our past couple of therapy sessions so that we can debrief afterwards, as Ellie calls it. Our conversations are so open and vulnerable, and it’s clear that we understand each other on a far deeper level than I’ve ever experienced before.
She comes to my room every night, and while we’ve both expressed our desires to explore each other further, she usually falls asleep in my arms a few seconds after climbing into bed.
She looks more well-rested, even though she still gets up early for her morning runs and to ready Remi for the day. I’ve taken great pleasure in waking her up most mornings, peppering kisses to her face and neck while my fingers gently rouse her—or would it be arouse? Both work, I guess .
She’s been growing bolder as time passes, taking longer trail rides with me and stealing kisses from me in the stables. She still has her priorities, still practices a whole hell of a lot, but she seems to care a little less about the things that don’t matter as much.
She’s far less tense, her anxiety seems to be affecting her less and I wonder if the time we’ve been spending away from the estate has anything to do with it.
Today, we’ve ridden out to a hillside about forty-five minutes from the estate. The boys aren’t with us, something about getting fitted for some ski-gear for an upcoming trip, but I just know they would’ve loved this spot.
I make a mental note to bring them up here on our next ride.
It’s not a crazy high altitude or anything, just high enough that we have a decent view of the estate and the town beyond. As always, we packed a picnic blanket and some snacks, but I packed a little something extra and I’m a little nervous to give it to her.
She’s sitting between my legs, her back pressed to my chest as we take in the view. It’s a little cloudy today but the sun has been popping out from behind the clouds, and every time it does, its rays seem to find Ellie.
“Can you tell me more about life on the ranch?” Her eyes are closed, breathing soft as she relaxes into me. “What’s your favorite thing about it? ”
“Well,” I pause for a deep, contemplative breath, “My favorite thing about the ranch would have to be the people who live there with me—don’t get me wrong, the wide-open space and the freedom to work the land and the animals is a close second, but without Wyatt and Meemaw, it wouldn’t be home. I like to provide for them, to make sure they’re taken care of and living well.”
“That makes a lot of sense,” She says softly as the sun peeks through the clouds for a handful of seconds, “That must feel so special, to have those close connections and a place where you can all feel safe and supported.” She trails off, her voice much quieter as she continues, “I’ve never... never had a place like that, or people like that, I suppose. Mother’s house has always been home, but it’s never felt like that.” She turns her face so that her cheek is resting on my chest, “I’d love to come and visit one day.” She says quietly, before quickly adding, “I hope that’s not too presumptuous—I know you’ve invited me before, but you were probably just being polite, and I know we’re only friends—I’d only come if you’d like me to, and if Wyatt and Meemaw—”
“Ellie,” I laugh, leaning forward to gently squeeze her against me, “Firstly, Meemaw has been hounding me about you coming to visit, she’d be disappointed if you didn’t come.” I feel her relax into me again, “She’s been trying to get me to give her your number, but I don’t think I’d survive the mountain of embarrassing stories she’d tell you.”
Ellie giggles, her back presses further into me and I realize just how easy it would be for me to turn this sweet, amicable picnic into something debauched and sensual.
I’m borderline ashamed of how easy it is for her to turn me on. “Secondly,” I reposition myself so that the bulge in my jeans isn’t pressing into her lower back, “I don’t know if I would consider you my friend anymore.”
She was my friend before any of this developed, of course, but I always wanted more—always felt like we could be something more than just friends .
She turns her head to look up at me, her full lips part before she says, “I don’t feel this way about any of my friends.” It’s almost a whisper, as if she’s quietly admitting it to herself as well as me.
“I’m glad,” I press a kiss to her forehead, “Because I might have a problem with that.” We both laugh softly, neither of us venturing further into the topic—further into the issue of the limited time we have together and what we might be to each other.
I think we both know that long distance relationships can work for some people, but we are probably not those people. Ellie has a lot of responsibilities and commitments with her dressage riding—she’s about to be selected for the damn Olympics, for crying out loud .
I have other priorities as well, like making a success out of the ranch and making sure Wyatt and Meemaw are provided for.
Neither Ellie nor I have the time to be flying around the world on a regular basis, though I can’t say I wouldn’t be content just speaking to her through the phone every day.
Of course I’d love to date her, to put a label on our relationship and proudly proclaim that the sweetest, most beautiful woman in the world is my girlfriend. But reality is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow.
We sit quietly for the next couple of minutes, soaking in the view as a breeze ruffles the grass around us. The landscape below reminds me of one of the framed pieces of artwork in my room, and I remember the gift I’ve yet to give to the woman who’s no longer just my friend.
“I’ve, uh, got you something,” I whisper into Ellie’s ear, and she turns her head to look at me, “It’s nothing too special, and I wanted to get it for you before we started—before that morning in the kitchen, so I hope it’s not weird—”
“Colton,” She says gently, raising a hand to my chest as she smiles up at me, “It’s not weird—I think you’re over thinking it.”
“I think you’re right...” I smile before pressing a kiss to her full lips.
“Unless it’s lingerie or something, in which case it might have been weird before but now it’s just very hot.” She smiles, her mouth barely an inch from mine .
Dammit, I should have searched for a panty store in town.
“Not lingerie,” I shake my head, keeping my eyes fixed on her lips, “But that’s absolutely noted for the future.” It takes me a second to scoot out from behind her, like a magnet that doesn’t want to be removed from its pair.
I approach Sweetie where she stands, filling her gut with tall, wispy grass. She side-eyes me as I approach, and I raise my palms, “You’ve got plenty more time to eat, relax. I’m just grabbing something from the saddlebag.” As if she understands every word, she grunts before going back to snacking on the grass right next to Remi.
I return to the picnic blanket, keeping the gift behind my back as I sit opposite Ellie. She’s got her legs crossed beneath her and a curious smile on her face.
“I just thought that maybe you could put these to good use,” I say as I place the stack of art supplies on the blanket between us.
Her curious smile disappears, and she stares blankly at the collection of sketch pads and art tools for what feels like an eternity. My mouth goes dry, and I begin to wonder if I’ve made a mistake, if I’ve crossed a boundary that I wasn’t sure existed.
I’m about to open my mouth to tell her that I can return everything, right after I throw myself off the side of this hill, when she speaks.
“Art supplies.” She breathes, her lips turning up at the corners. She reaches a tentative hand towards the light blue ribbon atop the stack. “I—this is so...” She trails off as she removes the bow and slowly makes her way through the gifts.
She turns the pencils over in her hands, as if she’s missed the feeling of them between her fingers. She reaches for the watercolors, then the paintbrushes, running her thumb over the bristles of each one. A laugh escapes her mouth when she spots the American flag pencil sharpener, and something swells in my chest as she picks it up and places it straight into her pocket.
Finally, she picks her way through the small collection of sketch pads, running her hands over the pages of the smaller ones and flicking back the cover of the large one.
She pauses on the first page, reading the small message I scribbled there the day I got home from the art store.
“ Make time for the things you love.” She whispers before her green eyes rise to meet mine.
“Don’t feel pressured to use them, or anything,” I start to blather, “I just wanted you to maybe have an outlet if you felt like getting back into art.”
“This was really thoughtful, Colton.” She leans forward, positioning herself over her gifts as she presses a kiss to my cheek. She rocks backwards, resting on her knees as she surveys all the supplies, she looks like a kid in a candy store.
“I wasn’t sure what your preferred medium was, so I covered most all of the bases.” I laugh as she finally selects a pencil and the smaller sized sketchpad.
“I see that,” She echoes my laugh before pressing the pencil to the paper. “I’ll have to draw you a portrait of Sweetie, and maybe a few landscapes of the estate—so you can remember this summer.” If I wasn’t watching her so intensely, I’d have missed the way her breath seems to catch in her throat.
“I’d love that,” I smile as she raises her eyes to mine once more, “But I don’t think I’ll ever forget this summer.”