Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
Jackson: You around? Haven’t heard from you.
Three more days passed. I felt terrible about ignoring Jackson, but I felt weird about stuff. Matt had planted some serious doubts in my mind, and it felt like someone had ripped the blinders from my eyes. What if Jackson had only slept with me to mess with Matt? Matt said that he just dated tall blondes. I had a vision of the hostess from the other night at the restaurant, and the jealousy that washed over me almost made me physically sick.
Matt hadn’t lied about the fact that he hadn’t ever brought up Jackson’s name. He had kept Jackson carefully hidden. It was only when he had gotten sick that he had been wild and reckless enough to invite Jackson into our lives.
Still, I couldn’t reconcile Matt’s version of Jackson with my own. Jackson seemed to be a man of great honor and character. It didn’t jive with Matt’s rendition of a heartless, emotionless man whose only goal was to harm and manipulate. But then again, I was a terrible judge of character these days. I didn’t trust myself.
The doctor walked into the examination room and looked at me, “How are you feeling?”
I lay back on the table. “Good.”
“Looks like you're about 13 weeks pregnant?”
I blinked. Had that much time passed already? “Yes.”
“Any nausea?
“Almost none.”
“Have you felt any contractions or heavy cramping?”
“No.”
She took my blood pressure. “Your numbers are good. Have you been walking?”
“Swimming and walking.”
“Baby loves it when mom does light exercise.”
I wanted to look over my shoulder and see who she was talking about. It was a surreal experience to be referenced as the mom in this situation.
“So do you have any questions for me before I do your ultrasound?”
“Are you sure I’m pregnant?”
She smiled. “I’m sure you’re pregnant. Why do you ask?”
I looked down at my hands. “I don’t know. I don’t feel anything. About the baby yet. I feel tired, and I have to pee more, but I don’t feel anything. Shouldn’t I feel some emotions or something?”
She put my chart down. “You know there's a reason why pregnancy is nine months. Biologically, it’s so that the baby can grow enough to sustain life outside of you, but it’s also a time that you and dad can get used to the idea. What you are feeling is very common among a lot of women.”
“It is? ”
She reached out and squeezed my hand. “It is. Now, why don’t we do the ultrasound? Sometimes seeing your baby can help. And we can take a nice photo to give to dad. Sorry that he couldn’t be here today.”
“He’s away for work right now.”
She pressed the wand against my stomach. She turned the monitor towards me. “Look mom. There is your baby.”
At first, I couldn’t see anything, and it just looked like a grey smeared abstract painting on the screen. And then I could see it. It looked alien with a big head and a little body. Two arms and legs. Kicking and jerking in a weird slow motion.
I stared in stunned amazement at the screen. “That’s my baby?”
“That’s your baby,” she smiled.
“Inside of me? That baby is inside of me?” I sounded like a complete idiot, but I couldn’t quite wrap my head around this. I watched as the little alien kicked and stretched its legs out. I looked down at my still mostly flat stomach. “I can’t believe that’s in me.”
She typed on the computer. “So baby is just over three inches long. It’s roughly the length of a pea pod. And it weighs about an ounce. Have you been reading any baby books?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“There are a few books that we recommend.” She smiled again. “Reading about your pregnancy might also help you feel a bit more connected.”
Tears blurred my eyes. “I never really processed that there’s a baby inside of me.”
She pressed a button, and then the machine whirled. We watched as the photo came out of the machine and she handed it to me. “Give that to dad. That might make it a bit more real for him too.”
The photo was clear. You could see the side of the baby’s head, an eye, a tiny nose. One small hand waving. Legs up, one tiny foot visible. I nodded, my heart in my throat .
I looked at the doctor, realization dawning on me. “I’m having a baby.”
She beamed at me. “You’re having a baby.”