Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
Jackson left me a note that he had gone for a run. I sat up in bed feeling confused and scared. Last night my heart had been blown to smithereens when I had found out about Harper. Now I felt confused about my complicated and secretive husband. I had to keep mentally re-writing who I thought he was. Every time I thought I knew him, something else would be revealed that would bewilder me.
What if he still loved her, but now he was saddled with me?
I flushed as I remembered how he had woken me up. The way our bodies came together. The intensity of it all. Was it always like that? For everyone? I didn't have enough experience to know if that was normal. He was so good at that, and I was so inexperienced.
I dropped my face into my hands.
“Hi,” Jackson said from the doorway of the bedroom. His hair was thoroughly wet from his run. My heart jolted at the sight of him. The man, in all his athletic grace, was the epitome of everything a man should be. Strong, masculine, sexy. Had this man’s face been between my legs?
“Hi,” I crossed and uncrossed my arms.
“What are you thinking? ”
I felt heat hit my cheeks. “Nothing.”
His look was speculative. “You sure?”
Heat seared my neck. “Yep.”
“I’m just going to shower and then do you want to go get some groceries? I should probably show you the commissary store.”
Wordlessly, I nodded.
I watched, with a dry mouth, as he stripped off his wet shirt and walked into the bathroom. I fell back on the bed groaning, my hands covering my face. Why was I so awkward?
“Em,” his voice broke through my thoughts.
Mortified, I lifted my head. He was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, an amused look on his face. Kill me now.
“Do you want to make a grocery list?”
I nodded again.
“Thanks,” he said, turning. I watched as he dropped his towel, giving me the most sublime view of his taunt naked ass. He glanced over his shoulder, busting me checking him out.
He laughed as I shot off the bed, eyes glued to the floor as I hastened out of the bedroom.
The military grocery store was a medium-sized store. Jackson grabbed a cart, and together we started walking the aisles. It was bizarrely domestic to be shopping with him. Yesterday it felt like we were strangers. Today we felt way more like ourselves. I felt as if I could breathe just a bit easier.
I stood in the cereal aisle letting Jackson push on ahead. I noticed a brand of cereal that I hadn’t eaten since I was a kid. Of course, it was on the top shelf. If I stood on my tippy toes, my fingertips could almost grasp the box. Suddenly I felt him behind me, his hard body against my back.
“Need some help there?” his voice was husky in my ear, as he reached up easily to the top shelf and pulled down a box .
“Thank you,” I said breathlessly.
He didn’t move away. Instead, his body boxed me in, his warmth spreading through my t-shirt. He held the box in front of me.
“Quisp?”
“Don’t judge,” I said primly. “It’s a request of Alien.”
His mouth was on my hair. “You know this is just pure sugar.”
“I know,” I said sadly. “I should probably get some Cheerios instead.”
He stepped back, and he dropped the box into the cart. “I’ll make you a deal. You can have your cereal but no comment when I put frozen cookie dough ice cream in the cart.”
“Cookie dough ice cream?”
His smile teased. “I thought I said no comment.”
This was the man I had fallen for in New York. I couldn’t stop the goofy smile that crossed my face.
He turned around, and his entire body jerked to a stop. At the end of the aisle stood a tall, beautiful woman. She wore a pair of fatigue pants and a sweatshirt that said “US NAVY” on the front. Her wheat blonde hair was up in a ponytail. She stared back at Jackson.
“Is it true?” she asked loudly.
“Fuck,” Jackson said beneath his breath.
“Harper,” his tone was neutral.
She started to walk towards us. The closer she got, the more beautiful her features became. A delicate nose. Porcelain skin. High cheekbones.
Gorgeous brown eyes filled with tears. Her lips trembled. “Tell me it isn’t true.”
“How did you find out?” Jackson sounded resigned.
“Someone from housing…I don’t know. The whole base knows. Do you know what it felt like to have 20 different people ask me about it today?”
“I only got back from training yesterday. I was going to tell you. ”
Her chest rose and fell with emotion. “I don’t get it. I can’t wrap my mind around this.”
A couple of women with their carts stopped at the end of the aisle and watched with interest.
Jackson glanced at me. His expression blank.
“When you came back from New York for your arbitration review you told me that we were going to sit down and talk about our future. You told me that we were going to have a fresh start.”
The day after I had found out I was pregnant, Jackson had come back to Virginia. Everything was different when he got back from that trip. He came back different. He had told me to marry Matt after making it clear that he didn’t want the same things as I did. He had been resolute about ending things with me. Now I know why.
She was standing in front of me.
I had ruined his plans by telling him that I was pregnant. I instinctively put my hand on my stomach and stepped back. Poor Alien. Such a traumatic, unwelcome start to this world.
Jackson’s eyes narrowed, and I felt his fingers wrap around my arm, holding me in place. Her eyes went wide as she observed his possessive action.
She took a step towards me. “That should be me wearing that fucking ring.”
“Harper. Come on.” Jackson’s voice sounded terse.
Her voice escalated five notches. “You married her? That should be me. You know it should be. You said that it'd happen if I were patient with you. You told me that you needed time and so I gave you time. I was patient. I was so fucking patient.”
“Do you want to talk about this here?”
She yelled. “Three fucking years. I gave you three years of my life, and she comes along, and you marry her in three months? How does that even happen? She stole you from me. She stole my life. She has everything to do with this.”
“Leave her out of this,” Jackson’s voice cut through her tears with force .
Brown eyes turned to me, a mixture of hatred and pain. “Fuck you.”
Then she turned around and walked down the aisle and disappeared. I looked up at Jackson. He was radiating energy, but I couldn’t read what he was thinking. He felt like a coiled spring, all wound up and tight.
Avoiding my eyes, he rolled his shoulders. “Come on. Let’s shop.”
I could feel how hot my face was. I wanted to walk out of this store. I wanted to walk out of this marriage, walk out of this life and never look back. This was a nightmare of epic proportions.
We started to shop again, this time in silence. All the playful teasing and joy had disappeared. I tried to get a feel for what Jackson was thinking or feeling after that exchange, but he was completely closed off. Stoic. In control. I was no longer grocery shopping with Jackson. I was grocery shopping with a Navy SEAL who was focused on getting the job done. I didn’t even care what we were putting in the cart. I just trailed after him, lost in my thoughts.
Harper. Despite her tears and emotions, she had been incredibly beautiful. Tall and blonde. Athletic. Exactly the kind of woman Matt told me he preferred. I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that Jackson had dated her for three years.
I stopped in my tracks remembering her words. The week that Jackson had returned to Virginia he had told her he wanted to discuss a fresh start. Could this get any worse? What was I doing here?
He looked over his shoulder at me. Assessing me. Something close to frustration flashed in his eyes. His annoyance probably stemmed from the fact that he would rather be with her and instead, he had me meekly trailing after him. I dropped my eyes, not wanting him to see how destroyed I felt at this moment.
Without saying anything, he pushed the cart to the checkout and started unloading the groceries onto the conveyor belt.
“Oh my God, how young is she?”
“He left Harper so he could marry her?”
I could hear the whispers around me. My face was on fire .
“Can I help?” I asked Jackson in a small voice.
He glanced at me and ignored my question while he continued to unload the cart. I watched as he started to bag the groceries. When the clerk rang up the total, I fumbled in my purse for my wallet.
He scowled at me. “Don’t.”
My face burned hot while he took out his card and paid.
He loaded up the truck and then we just sat there in the truck, neither of us moving. If I didn’t have Jackson’s child growing inside of me, I would already be on my way back to New York. Instead, I felt vaguely trapped and unsure of my next steps.
“Jackson,” I started, unsure what to say or how to say it.
He glanced over at me, something dangerous in his gaze. “Not right now.”
I shrank back in my seat. His words deflated me. Defeated me. I hadn’t realized just how much I had needed to hear him tell me that it was going to be okay. To comfort me. His reaction made me feel lost and more alone than before.
I nodded wordlessly and watched as he started the truck. Tears blurred my eyes as we drove back to our house.